In the Grasp Of the Enemy W/Icystorm

Eddie nodded, she understood hating by pity. The few times her and her siblings would be put in foster care the social worker always acted all sympathetic and such, but you could she didn't actually care. In Eddie's mind pity didn't do anything and actually made things worse sometimes.

"Kids are easier to deal with cause they actually say what they mean at least when they're young. Not the nicest things sometime, but at least they're honest and not fake." Eddie stated. She twirled her spaghetti as she listened to his question. How do you explain prayer to someone?

"I'm praying. It's when I thank God for the food, for good things that have happened in the day...stuff like that. I mean I pray more then just at the table, but it's one of the times I pray." she explained quietly, "I don't read the Bible as much as I should I rarely go to service, but praying helps me..." she paused thinking of what to say, "I dunno keep grounded I guess." she ended. Prayer and faith were very personal for Eddie. She didn't share about it a lot though she did have a strong faith. It was just something that was there for her, but she didn't talk about a lot.
 
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Seth gave a small smile. Yes, honesty may not be the nicest at time, but it was far preferable to anything else. Respect was what he most preferred, but that might not be something he would get often anymore, so he would settle for honesty. If someone didn't like something about him, he would rather know than have them put up with him because they felt they had to. He hoped that would not happen if he got a job.

"I see." He was having trouble taking in what Eddie was telling him about prayer. While he could understand about being thankful for what you have, he did not understand much else. He had tried to believe that there was someone good up above watching everyone, but any bit of faith he had vanished after the death of his friend. After that, it became too hard to believe. He could still imagine that there was a higher being watching people, but not that the higher being was good.

Pushing the food around the plate with his fork, he tried to think of how to put his thoughts into words, or even what his thoughts were. "Do you really believe there is a god?" The question was not meant to be rude, and the last few words came out cracked, so he had to clear his throat to get control over himself before speaking more. "I've wanted to believe, but after everything that has happened I'm not finding it possible to. There are some things that have happened where no good has come from it, so I can't see why a loving gpd would let those things happen." He wasn't out to make Eddie uncomfortable, but he hoped that maybe she could provide some sort of satisfactory answers.
 
Eddie ate her pasta slowly as she thought how to answer his question. She wasn't a religion expert and found answering questions difficult.

"I'm not an expert or anything and when I was little and we were really struggling especially after Ma died I had the same questions." she started taking a sip milk and another bite of pasta.

"I figure God is always with us, but at the same time He wants us to make our desicions. He didn't make us robots for a reason cause he wants us to choose. He lets us make bad desicions or those around us make bad ones so we can learn." she explained. She hoped it didn't sound confusing she'd never actually talked about this before. She tried to think of how to continue. How did you explain God to someone,

"God is always willing to help if you ask and sometimes He'll sometimes try to steer you in the right way, but in the end He allows life to be up to you...I dunno if this makes any sense....yes I believe their is a God despite all the stuff that happens I believe He is loving and caring..." she finished and ate more pasta. She hoped she hadn't made things worse for Seth or more confusing.
 
Seth decided to eat some of his pasta while Eddie spoke or else he was not going to eat any of his food at the rate he was going. The food was good according to his standards, but he had very low standards. He just didn't get to enjoy it since he was too absorbed in what Eddie was saying.

A few bites of the pasta was all he managed before he set the fork down, realization striking him. If what she said was true then he had been looking at things the wrong way. He had thought that bad things kept getting thrown his way, that when he asked for help he had instead been given the worst situation imaginable. But that had been his help, and he had been to one to make the wrong decision. In his past, he always made the wrong decision, all the pain and sadness had been because he couldn't figure out what was the right decision or was too cowardly to do what was right. And even when he though he was doing the right thing, he now saw that it had also been the wrong decision.

Taking in a deep breath, he let it out, only for it to come out shaky. When he looked to the edge of his table where his hands were resting, he saw that they too were shaking. His heart felt like it was being torn open. "I need to go." His voice broke as he spoke, and he refused to look at her for fear that more than his voice would break.
 
"Seth are you OK?" Eddie asked. Inwardly she was yelling at herself. She'd screwed up and hurt his feelings. What had she said? She desperately tried to remember so she found explain herself better. She hadn't meant to be mean, she hadn't thought she was being mean. This was why she didn't talk about religion! It never came out right! She wasn't good at explaining things like this...

"What'd I say? I'm sorry..." she apologized backing her chair away from the table so she could manuever better. She watched Seth worried and moved her chair around so she was next to him. Reaching out she awkwardly put her hand on his shoulder,

"I'm sorry..." she repeated unsure what else to say. She felt terrible. Seth was visibly shaking he was so upset and she didn't know why or what she'd done to screw everything up. She rubbed his back gently watching him with concern as she watched him quietly.
 
Seth gripped the edge of the table tightly and took a few slow, deep breath. It was all he could do to stop himself from fleeing. Running away now would only be another mistake to add to the list. It would do nothing but worry Eddie, and then she would spend the rest of the day and night mentally beating herself up and wondering what she did wrong when the answer to that was nothing.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You said everything right." His voice didn't sound much better, but at least it did not crack. "I'll be fine. I just need some time alone." He needed to think things through and to be away from people to cry over his mistakes and wonder what might of been if things had gone differently.

"Do you want me to walk you back to your room first?" By now he had managed to stop shaking and was able to look at her. He hoped it was enough to show her that he was ok, even if he really wasn't. Why had he went and asked questions about religion? All he had done was ruin a good moment.
 
Eddie still felt awful She'd obviously upset Seth a lot and didn't know how to fix it. She rolled back in her chair and sighed,

"No no, you can go. I'll can get back on my own." she said softly, "Just um call my room if you need anything...." she added. She wished she'd just not answered the question or had been better at explaining. Everything was ruined now. Eddie wanted to say something to fix whatever she'd broken, but didn't know how or what even was wrong muchless how to.

Eddie mumbled an unintelligable goodbye and turning her chair around she rolled off to the elevator. Getting in and went up to her floor and into her room. She was angry at herself, but didn't know how to make anything better. When she had both her legs she would go fro a run or go to the gym now she couldn't do that. Therapy exhausted her to the point where she couldn't even go lift weights if she wanted to. She sat in her chair and ran her hands through her hair tugging at it angrily. Nothing was working out! Nothing!

Eddie pressed her elbows into her knees and gripped her hair trying to breath slower calm down. She was upset and anxious, it was too loud! It felt like every sound made in the hall was amped up. The squeaking wheels on the carts sounded more like shrieking, foot steps sounded like pounding. Eddie rolled over to the bedroom door and slammed it shut. Her roommate had been released today so it was just her in the room. She went and closed the blinds on the window and then just sat in the dark trying to calm herself down.
 
Seth sat there for a few minutes after Eddie had left, his thoughts surprising blank. It was as if his brain was having a hard time choosing what to torture him with first, so for the time being it settled with nothing so it could sort itself out. No thoughts would normally be welcoming, but now he felt alone, and it chilled him.

Frowning and with a heavy heart, he pushed his chair away from he table and stood up. Grabbing both trays, he put them away before making his way out of the building, staring through any person he saw while hoping to see Eddie because now he didn't want to be alone. What good would being alone do? The only reason he had wanted that was to go and cry and hate on himself for the things he had done, the things he had let happen. That was something he could have done in front of Eddie, she could have helped him and given him advice. If he had taken would have been another question entirely, but at least by telling someone he may have been free of some of the weight that pressed down on him.

His feet had taken him quickly towards the place he had been staying, and now that he was 'home', he realized his mind had no longer been blank. He had been thinking about what he wanted at that moment in time, and now he would think about what he wished he could have back. Pushing past the broken door, he passed a few room until he reached the one with a recliner, collapsing into it and curling up. Tomorrow he would go back to the only piece of heaven he currently had, but for now he would live in the hell that was his mistakes, regrets, and hopeless wishes.
 
It was 4:30 AM and Eddie was sitting in her room and waiting for Seth and her father to arrive. Her father was picking them both up and driving down to her oldest brother's house for Thanksgiving. Eddie wasn't actually looking forward to it, she felt bad for not wanting to be with family, but the idea just stressed her out.

Eddie ran her hand through her hair, she'd had it cut last week so it was back to it's normal length. She looked at the clock, both guys should be here any minute now so it was too late to say she wasn't feeling well and cancel. Miroslav's house was going to be so loud though with everyone there.

Eddie hadn't told anyone she'd been dealing with flashbacks, anxiety, depression, or anything even remotely like that. She didn't want anyone to know. If the doctors found out they'd make her stay here long and Eddie just wanted to get out of here. She hated the therapies, not being able to decide what she wanted to do during the day, and being cooped up.

Grabbing her small bag that had anything she might need today in it and grabbing her crutches Eddie rolled out into the hall so Seth and her dad didn't wake her new roommate up. Her brother's house wasn't very wheelchair friendly so while she hated them she was bringing her crutches for in his house and her chair for if they went out or anything.

Eddie tugged at the collar of her shirt, her claustrophobia had gotten to the point where she could only shirts with buttons and the top two buttons undone or v-necks. Anything else made her feel like she was being choked. Today she was wearing a red plaid flannel and her normal pair of ratty jeans. She heard someone walking down the hall and looked to see if it was one of the guys.
 
Seth had wallowed in his misery for that one night, and after that he was better. While he apologized to Eddie, he didn't speak about what had been bothering him like he told himself he would do. If it came up again, then he would talk about it, but there was no use ruining the mood until then.

It was now Thanksgiving, some holiday he had not heard of until he had Eddie tell him about it, and the holiday was more like rubbing salt into open wounds. The basics he could understand, spend time with family and eat food, was not something he was great at. Even now he didn't care to spend time with his family, and here he was going to spend it with Eddie's, something he would have preferred not to do. He didn't want to be around all those people.

At least there was one good thing that happened. He had heard back from the daycare, and while they would not hire him for the position he applied for, the owner said she would hire him as a groundskeeper. Fixing up the property and keeping everything safe for the children sounded like something he could do easily enough, so he accepted and would start after the holiday.

Stepping into the building, Seth quickly made his way towards Eddie's room, giving a small, forced smile when he saw her in the hall. Now that he was here he could not run away and skip the whole celebration, which was too bad because he was feeling extremely nervous. It was still hard to tell what her family, father especially, really thought of him.

"Hey. Need me to carry anything for you?" He noticed she had her crutches and a bag, so holding everything and trying to roll the chair could not be easy. He also wanted to hold onto something to hopefully help hide his nerves.
 
Eddie looked up when Seth came over. She wasn't surprised he was here first he had a much shorter distance to go. She smiled at him, though if you knew what to look for you could see she was tired and stressed instead of excited and happy like you'd think she'd be.

Reaching over she gripped his hand in greeting,
"Good morning." she greeted softly before handing him her crutches. She liked to keep her bag and things with her, but due to the size of the crutches it would be easier if someone carried the instead of laying them across the arms of her chair. Eddie had started to feel impatient when she saw her father walking quickly down the hall.

"Sorry for being late, baby girl." Miroslav greeted leaning down kissing his daughter's cheek while giving her a hug, "The van battery was dead this morning." he explained. Eddie nodded and smiled at her dad too, not wanting to let him know how she was really doing. She didn't want to worry him more,

"It's OK, Pa." she reassured him,

"Morning, Seth, nice to see you again." Miroslav greeted shaking Seth's hand before turning to leave. Eddie started to roll her chair after her father and they made their way to the old large passenger van that Eddie had lived out of as a child Opening the back door Eddie put her bag in the seat and standing up she awkwardly got into the car through a lot of fumbling and pulling herself up. Her dad folded her chair up and put it in the back leaving the trunk open for Seth to put the crutches in.
 
Feeling a warm touch, Seth looked down to see that Eddie had gripped his hand, but a few seconds later the warmth was replaced by the coldness of her crutches, which he quickly shifted to his other hand. "Good morning." His voice was soft than when he spoke a minute ago, growing lost in his own thoughts.

He finally looked away from his hand to instead look at Eddie. There were certain things he never thought about, because life was hard enough without dwelling on what one has already went through. Not thinking about those things is how he shrugged everything off and was able to get through each day. Yet sometimes those thoughts came anyway, now being one of those times.

Blue eyes moved away from Eddies face down to her missing leg, and he brought a hand up to trail his fingertips across his face. It would have been better to think about how they escaped and survived, but instead his mind had to wander to what was done to them during their time in the cell. How the water chilled him right down to the bone, how the pain of every wound grew when the salt entered the wounds. The choice of who died first and the horrible things that would happen to the one who did not die first. He could almost feel himself being cut to pieces.

Breathing hard, Seth's head snapped up at the sound of approaching footsteps, and a few seconds later it was as if those horrible memories had never crossed his mind. They were back where they belonged, locked away in his head.

"Morning, sir." Making sure he had a good grip on the crutches, he followed them out to the van and put the crutches in the trunk then closed it. He got into the van after Eddie, making sure to sit close to her. Except for that one time his emotions got to him while they were eating together, he always made sure to stay near her, as if she still needed protection.
 
"There are blankets and a couple pillows on one of the seats if you're cold or need to sleep. I'll be stopping for breakfast before we get to Mir's so anytime you're hungry just speak up." Miroslav explained as he started up the van. Eddie wondered how many supplies her dad kept in the van. Did he still keep it so if needed he and the boys could live in it and move around in a hurry? She guessed that he had supplies under all the seats as well as in the back, her dad always liked to be prepared. With the older kids off now living in the van, if needed, would be easier than with all of them.

Eddie shivered, ever since her infection she'd been getting cold easier and she hated being cold. Before her capture Eddie hadn't minded the cold, living out of a van had taught her to deal with a lot of things. Now being cold was horrible for her it would seep to her bones and make her shake horribly. There were a lot of things that had changed since she got back her ills mood, hating the cold, claustrophobia, and hating showers and baths were just to name a few.

Reaching over Seth's lap Eddie found the blankets and pulled a heavy gray and navy blue quilt over covering both her and Seth. Seth could take it off if he wanted, but Eddie put it on him too just in case plus it gave her the advantage of having his body heat radiating to her more.

Leaning back in her chair so her head was on the head rest Eddie stared outside at the city lights. She hadn't actually been outside of base since she got here and had only had short excursions to the little gardens near the hospital. She missed being outside the hospital made her feel trapped and irritable. Eddie rubbed her stump under the blanket, the cold made it ache. Her fingers traced the surgical scars as her mind wandered.
 
Seth had been watching Miroslav, trying to figure out what the older male might be thinking, but reading others was not his strong suit. His pondering was getting him nowhere, not to mention that the staring was rude, so when Eddie reached over him it served as the perfect opportunity to look away and focus on something that would not eat away at his thoughts and frustrate him with little to no answers.

He looked down at the blanket that was suddenly pulled across his lap. The only cold that ever got to him was internal chills, the kind that struck a person to the bone and farther still. The kind that he found to be much worse than any breeze or fall in the snow might cause. He wasn't cold now, but he let the blanket stay where it was, not for himself but for Eddie. He had noticed that she was shivering so it was the least he could to help her, although he hoped to help more than that.

Forcing himself not to glance towards Eddie's father, Seth scooted closer and lightly pressed up against her so his body heat could help warm her faster. It wasn't the first time they had been this close, it was the only way to stay warm some of the nights after their escape. Even so, he was worried about what her father might think. So much for not focusing on something that would eat at his thoughts.

Trying to push those worries away, he would deal with them if Miroslav decided to say something, he instead closed his eyes and focused on the movement of the vehicle. In the past year he had been in more type of transportation than he had during the previous years of his life. And to think Eddie had grew up in a van. That would have been strange. He couldn't imagine having to move around, because even now he missed the place he used to live.
 
The ride was long, cold, and bumpy. At about 6:30 Miroslav did a drive thru at a Dunkin' Doughnuts for breakfast. Eddie had just gotten a tall hot coffee with a touch of cream. It helped warm her hands and insides a bit for a good amount of time. Eddie ha dtried to sleep, but even when resting on Seth's shoulder hadn't been able to make herself sleep she finally gave up and just leaned back and asked her dad for updates on the family. Not being much of a phone talker she didn't really know what was going on since everyone had left after her first few weeks at Bethesda.

They finally got to Mir's house and Miroslav got out of the van after parking. He went and grabbed Eddie's crutches and handed them to her as he opened the door. Eddie put her backpack on and then slowly and cautiously got out leaning the crutches. She was still bad at the crutches and her balance was awkward. She struggled as she hobbled her way to the house. Her eldest brother swung the door open,

"Eddie!" He greeted warmly hugging her and nearly knocking her off balance,

"Hi Mir." Eddie responded softly.

Eddie entered the house which smelled warm and inviting but was also very loud with all the kids running around. Eddie looked around for a place to sit.
 
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Seth hadn't been hungry, but not wanting to be rude he had ordered a blueberry muffin and a bottle of water. He tried not to make a mess while eating the muffin, and the water helped wash it down. He had taken a nap after that since he was skilled at falling asleep anywhere, but when Eddie and her father started talking he woke up, he just did not open his eyes for awhile. It wasn't that he wanted to feel like he was spying in on their conversation, he was just tired and didn't want to move.

Eyes finally opening, he stretched out his neck, then stretched out his legs the best he could. For the last little bit of the ride he stayed silent, taking an occasional sip of the water. When they reached the house, he hopped out and hovered near the door of the vehicle in case Eddie needed help. The last thing he wanted was for her to lose her balance and fall, but thankfully she made it out ok and he closed the door to the van as she made her way to the house.

Turning, bottle of water in one of the lower pockets on his jeans, he approached the house and stepped inside, staying near the door since he wasn't sure what to do. His dark blue eyes looked around at his surroundings before dropping to the ground. The little kids he would be able to deal with, but he wasn't sure how well he was going to get along with anyone else. Did anyone of them know how he really met Eddie?
 
Eddie sat down on an overstuffed beat up leather chair next to the gas fireplace. The chair was large almost a chair and a half in its size and it looked like it swallowed her.

"E-ed-Eddie!" A quiet boy's voice stuttered. Looking to her left Eddie saw her brother Mickey. His skin was lighter than hers, but his shaggy brown hair was the same as hers. He had soft brown eyes rimmed with thick glasses. Mickey has cerebral palsy from being shaken and didn't walk very well. When in peoples houses he normally chose to crawl around so right now he was lying on the ground on his stomach. He was smaller and skinnier than most boys too which made him appear even younger.

"Hey lil' buddy, I see your coloring." Eddie greeted looking at the crayons and books around him. Despite being 11 Mickey functioned at a much lower level mentally the doctors said he was between 4 and 6. Eddie slid off the chair and sat next to him.

"May I join you?" she asked. Mickey nodded,

"Yah!" he exclaimed happily. Looking around Eddie saw Seth just standing there and waved him over.

"Hey Mickey, this is Seth." she interoduced him. The other boys were either helping or running around playing something else. They yelled a greeting to Eddie as they ran by.

"Boys! No rough housing in the house go out back!" Mir boomed. The boys obeyed and went outside to play even though it was cold out they didn't seem to mind. Eddie relaxed a bit more once the yelling ragamuffins were gone. It was still loud between the cooking and conversations, but easier for her to handle.
 
Seth felt a bit of amusement course through him when the wild kids were told to go outside. It was nice seeing kids being kids and not little terrors like he had been. He wished he could go back in time. While he would not want to change too much of his past -in all the pain and sadness, he had experienced what it was like to love so that was not something he would ever want to give up- he would like to go back and have spent a few minutes of his childhood having the type of fun these kids were having.

Seeing Eddie motion him over, he walked over to where she was sitting on the floor next to a young boy and gave a friendly smile as he sat down. He could tell that there was something wrong with the boy, but he could not even begin to guess what. By the looks of it, though, the boy was happy and that was all that mattered.

"Hey." He tried to make himself appear even friendlier, worried about scaring the young boy, but he didn't think it was possible to make himself look too friendly. Children were always more understanding of looks than adults were at least. His eyes moved over to Eddie, trying to ignore the loud noises in the house. "Busy place." His voice lowered to a whisper so hopefully on she could hear, concern in his blue gaze. "You doing ok?"
 
"Hi!" Mickey greeted doing a sort of wave before returning to coloring. He gripped the crayon with his whole fist and scribbled blue on the picture of puppies rolling in the mud. Eddie gave the little boy a small smile and then glanced at Seth when he asked her if she was doing OK.

She looked back at her little brother while she thought about the answer. She still felt tight and anxious and would jump slightly if a door slammed or someone talked especially loudly Honestly she still wasn't sure she wanted to be here. Sighing Eddie finally just nodded,

"I'm doing fine." she mumbled. Seeing her family felt good at least.

"B-Boo!" Mickey said dropping his dark blue crayon and looking around,

"You have blue right there, buddy." Eddie said pointing to the crayon he just dropped.

"N-no...new-ew boo!" he explained looking at Eddie seriously. Eddie looked around the crayon strewn mess and started to collect all the blue crayons she could find.

"Seth, can you collect any blue or blue-ish crayons please?" she requested seeing some had rolled near him.

"Hey, little sister." A booming voice said as someone leaned over the little group. Eddie looked up to see a tall boy with darker hair and the same skin as her. He had twinkling blue eyes and stubble on his cheeks.

"Hey, Tom!" she greeted her twin brother. He'd been cooking with Mir so he hadn't greeted them immiedetly. Tom leaned over and lifted his sister up in ahug making her drop all the crayons she'd gathered and they scattered,

"H-Hey!" Mickey cried out in surprise rubbing his head where a crayon had bopped it, "Ow..." he mumbled. mostly out of surprise instead of pain.

Eddie felt her chest tight as her twin hugged her tightly and a panicky feeling rise up in her throat. Tom was hugging tighter than her dad and Mir had, they'd just loosely put an arm around her her twinw as going full bear hug mode.

"Put me down, ya big oaf!" she commanded her twin trying not to let the panic in her voice show. She was very close to Tomislav, but still didn't want her family to know how messed up in the head she felt or how bad her panic attacks and fears were getting. Tom laughed and set his sister back down gently grinning at her stupidly.

"Missed ya, sis." he told her squatting down. Mickey had gone back to grabbing at blue crayons, "Hey big guy, in 5 minutes Pa's gonna take you to wash your hands, kay?" he warned the young boy punching his shoulder lightly.

"Yah." the younger boy responded.

Tom turned to Seth and looked him up and down, the family still was not done sizing up the Russian that Eddie brought back.

"Hello, Seth." He greeted noticeably stiffer than when he was saying hi to his sister or talking with his little brother. Eddie listened to how the interaction was going as she helped Mickey collect blue crayons so he could pick his favorite. In the background you could hear Roman yelling to the brothers outside they had 5 minutes.
 
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Seth waited with growing worry for Eddie to answer his question. He didn't like that it was taking her this long to answer, and when she finally did he was unsure whether he believed her or not. If anything, he would keep an eye on her and see if she got better as she got used to being around everyone again.

It didn't take long for him to solidify the thought that there was something wrong with Mickey, much more so than he first thought. The kid wasn't acting like someone his age should, it was as if he had never been able to mentally grow up past or certain age. Or he was just much slower than everyone else. It was something he could only guess at since he knew nothing about..well, much of anything really.

"Yeah, no problem." Looking at the crayons scattered around him, he began to gather up any that had a blue appearance. Once he found all that he could, he set them in a pile next to the boy. It was then that he heard a new voice, and not long after all the crayons Eddie had found ended up scattered around them. All that work for nothing.

The first thing he did was give a quick glance to the newcomer, Tom, and then he helped Mickey with grabbing some of the scattered blues. He didn't get them all, but he didn't have the chance since Tom spoke to him and he ended up looking back up at the guy who he could easily tell was Eddie's brother. Hadn't she told him something about having a twin brother? This must be him, because they looked to be the same age.

"Hi Tom." Even though there was a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes, he kept his eyes locked with tom's. Most of the time he would avoid looking people in the eye for too long, but he was growing tired of not knowing what her family thought of him, even as individuals. So while he was worried, his eyes also begged for Tom to say something to give him some sort of closure, good or bad. If it had been just the two of them, he might have spoken up and just asked what he wanted to know, but with Eddie next to him, he could not bring himself to. He'd rather not force answers with her around in case someone didn't want him around.
 
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