In the crowd of nothingness

W

Winterwings

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Original poster
Violet sat in room where she worked, looking at some papers. Soon she was going to meet her new client, a person she had never met before. Well, she had spoken to her real quick now and then, but this was the first time for them to talk for real. Getting to know each other, or something like that. Violet had been looking a bit at the papers about her, just to get a little bit of background story. She knew what she was getting herself into, but of course it was nervous talking to Amelia for the first time. Of course, that was the case with everyone whom she hadn't spoken to that much before, but she felt like there was something special about Amelia. What it was she couldn't really say, but she felt like this wasn't going to be like every other day. Of course every day was different though... Violet sighed, she had to focus.

She looked at the clock. Only a few minutes before their session was going to start. She smiled a bit as the door opened. Probably one of the secretaries had brought Amelia there, since Violet didn't leave her room that often. "Welcome, Amelia. Please have a seat", she said and looked at the young woman with a bit of curiosity, although she tried to hide it. Amelia looked tiny in the baggy clothes that she wore, and the bangs in front of her eyes made it seem like she would disappear all of sudden, Violet thought.
 
Even as she opened the door, Amelia tried to sink into herself---she tried to hide as much as possible even though she was in such a wide-open space. She knew that her attempt was futile, but she couldn't help it. She had always been this way. In her normal state of mind she liked to stay hidden...she liked to have her own space, she liked to be alone with her own thoughts, and she knew that when others got involved that life just became difficult. Truthfully, she just did not want to deal with it.

She looked around the room...she found it bright, but rather plain. She tried not to lift her gaze too much because it made her uncomfortable. In fact, ALL doctor's offices made her uncomfortable, even if it was just a therapist's office. She had been in several places like this before, anymore, they all seemed to look the same to her. Even as she was welcomed by the woman with a kind voice, still, all she did was give a nod and shuffle her way over to one of the chairs where she had a seat. Pulling her legs together tightly and then pressing up on her toes, she slowly held out a hand which shook ever so slightly and she mumbled under her breath,"Pleasure to meet you..."
 
Amelia looked a bit scared, or maybe just very careful, as she made her way to the chair and sat down, Violet thought. It was understandable though, if Violet was nervous, she couldn't imagine what Amelia must feel like. After all, Violet didn't know what was going on in Amelia's head at the moment. Violet couldn't help but to pay attention to Amelia's body language, and how she tightly pulled her legs together and pressed toes up before holding out her hand. Violet wasn't late to carefully hold it and shook it just as carefully as Amelia did, she didn't want to make the impression if being any stronger or dangerous than Amelia, since she didn't know how Amelia would react to it. She decided to be careful, although she knew she had to say something, and couldn't be as drawn back as Amelia herself was. She had to show that she was strong in herself and that she knew what she was doing. "It's a pleasure to meet you as well", she replied and smiled a little, after hearing Amelia saying those words. It seemed like she was well mannered.

"I'm Violet", she said and leaned against the chair, looking at Amelia now and then. "I was actually pretty nervous meeting you", she said and put a notebook and a pen in her lap, ready to take notes. "If you want to, you can tell me some about yourself. But first, if you don't mind, I can tell you something about me", she said, thoughtful. She thought that maybe Amelia wanted to know a little about her before she asked her about herself. "I like to go for walks. I read and write pretty much. I have a dog, Terry, that I play with now and then. I like ice cream", she said, and thought of what more to tell Amelia about her. "As you can see because of my choose of work, I like humans. I like to help people", she said. "Now, Amelia, if you want to, you can tell me something about yourself. And if there's nothing you want to share right now, you can do that later, too. It's up to you, whenever you feel like you're ready", she said and put a paper and some pens in different colors on the table between herself and Amelia. "Those are for you", she said and leaned against her chair again. "If you want to, you can use it, and draw or write about yourself, how you feel, or whatever you like", she said. She was hoping that she didn't give Amelia too many options, too many options could be hard. Violet was hoping that the paper could help Amelia to express herself, if she found it hard with words, or the other way around. She wanted to give Amelia a choice that was comfortable to her.
 
Amelia eyed the paper...and as she did so, her shy expression changed. Her eyes dulled a bit, she pushed the hair from her face revealing her cold, blue eyes. Still, she grinned slightly...more or less a smirk that began on the right side of her mouth, revealing one of her canines as she muttered,"You sure get started right away. Straight-to-the-point. I like that."
While her words were truthful, still, one might have been able to pick up some sarcasm from it. Finally, Amelia slowly made for the paper and then writing utensil, she brought the pen up to her lips, tapped it against her mouth a few times before she began to draw.

The first piece she set down was merely an array of fantasy creatures...dragons and demons, that's sort of thing,"I like to draw." she said simply,"...and I like to read fantasy novels."
Now she picked up another piece of paper and began to draw again. Sketches never took long for her, not even 3-5 minutes per one. She began setting down more and more drawings,"I like the rain..." she muttered as she drew a girl being blown harshly by a storm,"I like music..." she set down another drawing of a girl that looked much like herself, curled up in bed with CD's and a large pair of headphones.
"I like the moon..." and there was a picture of another chibi Amelia sporting a telescope and looking at the stars, before finally,"...and...I like my friends..."

---only this drawing was odd. It had the same Chibi Amelia as before, only this time, she was not the only person. In the center was a serpentine woman, sporting a more manly-fashion. A suit to fit her slender form, slits for eyes, pixie cut hair, and a Cheshire grin. To the left of her was Amelia, to the right of the odd woman was another stranger, and in the back, a dark shadow loomed over all of them.

After this drawing was set down, Amelia let out a sigh and then shrugged,"I'm not really good at these exercises. Why don't you just tell me what you would like to know?" again, that air of shyness seemed to have been swept away the minute the two women joined hands for that brief handshake and Amelia had seen the paper. Now the air about her was rather...bold and empowered.
 
Violet watched Amelia as she drawed, and quickly took some notes now and then. She looked at the picture of Amelia's friends and smiled a little when she spoke, and she looked at her. "I thought that maybe drawing would be easier for you", she said and looked at the drawing of her and her friends again. She wondered what kind of friends they were. Were they those kind of friends that you meet up going to the mall, or those kind that isn't really real? She wasn't sure how to ask, and what made her wonder was the shadow. Was this also one of Amelia's friends, or was it just a shadow? Violet looked at Amelia again and leaned towards her chair again, picking her notes up, ready to take notes again.

"What about your friends", she said, sounding pretty interested, "do they like you?" she asked and glanced at the drawing. "I can't help but wonder if that's just a shadow, or if that's also one of your friends", she said and meant the shadow on Amelia's drawing. "I guess I'll get to know them as time passes, don't you think?" she said and smiled a bit at Amelia. Violet felt a change in the way Amelia behaved, a pretty big change since she stepped inside. Now she seemed to be more open, less shy and less scared. Just because it looked that way didn't mean it necessarily was that way, Violet thought and tilted her head just a little as she thought.

"You like drawing, yes, I can really see that", she said and glanced at all of the drawing Amelia had made as they had been sitting in the room. It hadn't taken long and they were all pretty well done, after all. "Since this is the first time I'm seeing you, I thought that we could just get to know each other a bit. I thought that maybe you'd like drawing, and it looks like I was right. There isn't really anything in particular I'd like to know, my goal is to make you feel better. But of course, in order for that to happen, we should know each other a bit more. Talking to a stranger like me can't be easy", she said and thought of how Amelia felt about all of this. Had she been to a lot of Ts? Was she used to telling her story over and over again, and each time in the end get the answer that the T wasn't good enough to help her? Violet hadn't really found anything about that in Amelia's papers as she had read about her before. Other therapists that Amelia had had in her past wasn't her bussines though, she thought.

"Well, since you're asking me what I'd like to know, we'll get straight to the talk then, if that's OK with you. I'm not sure how comfortable you're about getting into those deep talks, if we'll have any of those. I thought that now in the beginning maybe it would be a good idea to get to know each other, and when we trust each other we could..." she sighed and stopped talking. What was she doing? She shook her head and smiled a bit. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just rambling. Never mind what I thought. Tell me about your friends. What kind of friends are they? Are they friends like you and another person that you meet for a shopping in the mall, or is it other kind of friends?" she asked, not really sure how to describe the 'insiders' that she thought Amelia was referring to as her friends.
 
When asked about her friends, whether they were real friends or merely ones inside of her head...Amelia's body shook. Her face depicted that she did not truly understand the question, and even if she did know what Violet was talking about, she did not like it. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she sat there and fought with herself how best to answer the question...and while she pondered over that. she began pointing to the people in her picture and describing them as best that she could.

She started with the stranger in the corner. The girl farthest from Amelia with only a side of her face showing and a rather sorrowful look on her face: "That is Kaitlin." Amelia whispered as her eyes almost grew sorrowful just looking down at the other person,"She is very lonely...she never thinks that anything will get any better. We try to help her, but, she is lost in her only little world I guess." and then she tried to smile, though it was a bit force.
That was, until she moved to the serpentine woman. Then Amelia's eyes widened and she grinned mischievously: "This is Miya." she almost laughed,"She is something else." and that's all she said for a good 30 seconds before continuing,"Miya does what she wants when she wants to do it...that's the only way it can be." and she shrugged,"She has this invincible personality and knows that you only live once. She really is crazy...but we love her anyways, even though she can be rather scary."

Sh did not bother to describe herself, thus she skipped over the Amelia character entirely. But, when she came to the shadow behind them all, her voice dropped as if someone were listening in on her conversation. Again, her knees came up to her, her balance was on the tips of her toes---her voice caught a few times before she was finally able to mutter,"I don't know who this is..." and she shook her head,"I don't know who this is or what they want, but they follow me in my nightmares."

And finally she sighed,"That's why I'm here...to get rid of this person." and then she tapped the shadow a few times with her finger for emphasis before muttering,"That should have answered your other question about my...friends..."
And that was that they were not real...and while the shadow may only lurk in nightmares, one could tell that the others were something much more than just dreams to Amelia.
 
Violet noticed that Amelia used 'we' when talking about some of her friends. That 'they' helped her. Violet then assumed that all of the friends that Amelia had drew on the paper was inside of her, although it didn't make them less real - maybe even more real. She nodded slightly as Amelia moved on to the shadow. "The shadow doesn't seem like a nice friend", she said, and looked at the drawing. "Or if they're more than one", she said and looked at Amelia, thinking about the fact that she had said they they were following her in her nightmares, instead of he or she. On the other hand, she thought, Amelia had also said that she was there to get rid of this person - which meant one, not many. Violet smiled just a little, realizing that she was almost lost in her own thoughts. She had to stop thinking about everything that Amelia said, and how she said it. She leaned backwards in her chair again and wrote something in her notes. She glanced out the window, seeing that the sun was high on the sky, and although it was rather windy, the sun was lighting it all up a bit. "Do you spend time with them, I mean, when? Where?" she asked, thinking about the fact that they were all on the inside of Amelia.

"Do you think that they all think it's good that you came here today, to see me? You think it's OK for them that you're here, or have they told you something else?" she asked. She would like to know if there were any of Amelia's insiders who didn't like the idea of Amelia coming. She thought that if there were, maybe it could be a problem. She didn't know much about Amelia though - whoever didn't like this, if there even was someone who didn't, maybe wouldn't be a problem, after all. "The reason why I'm asking is because I'd like it to be OK for everyone of you. It's important that we're not forcing anyone to come here", she said, thoughtful.
 
"Miya is a fighter...she wasn't too thrilled about my coming here to confront the one in my nightmares." Amelia sighed as she thought about it,"Kaitlin on the other hand urged me to come. She said she fears the one made of shadow and called her something like the 'Endbringer'---but I'm not sure, I did not hear her too well because she mumbles a lot." when talking of Kaitlin, Amelia herself seemed to grumble, almost as if she were talking about her little sister. Whereas she obviously looked up to Miya despite their differing opinions, she faced Kaitlin as more bothersome and something of an annoyance, but she kept her around anyways and would sometimes take into her advice if she felt it was worth something. "I guess I'm here to calm Kaitlin's nerves...because bad things always seem to happen when she makes herself sick with worrying."
 
Violet nodded slightly every now and then as Amelia spoke. She seemed to be caring about her insiders, which was a good thing, Violet thought. She looked at her, thoughtful, and opened her mouth. "Well, maybe Kaitlin has a good reason to worry this time, don't you think?" she said, and tilted her head just a little. "The 'Endbringer' sounds rather scary to me", she said, and made a quick note on her paper. "So, what do you think, Amelia? Do you think this shadow is something to worry about? Would you like it to leave, or do you come here just to, as you say, calm Kaitlin's nerves?" she said, still as thoughtful as before. She wasn't sure of what to think. She glanced at the watch on the wall, and then she looked at Amelia. "Maybe you could have a meeting with your friends? You know, so that you can all sit together and discuss this shadow, or 'Endbringer'? Oh, I know", she said and got another blanc piece of paper from her desk, and then sat down again. She put the paper in front of Amelia, as well as a pen. "Before you leave, maybe you and I could think of some rules for the meeting? It's just a suggestion though - if you don't feel like discussing the shadow, you don't have to. I'm just thinking that it'll be a good oppurtunity for everyone to vent about what they feel about it. So, I thought, a couple of rules would be good. For example," she said, and got another blanc paper and started writing on it, "no interuppting, respecting everyones' opinions, raising your hand...?" she said, and then looked at Amelia with a bit of a smile. "I'm just rambling, ain't I? And you, Amelia, could be the one who decides at the meeting. Who gets to speak etc. Since you're the host, I mean", she said, and then looked thoughtful, again, "...you're the host if I'm not mistaken, right?"
 
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