"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
―
Kahlil Gibran
I glanced up at the clock with a weary gaze, its image burning itself into my eyes like a bad dream. It was 15 till one and the restaurant I found myself in would be closing soon. My food had long since gone cold but I couldn't bring myself to eat. I felt physically sick, as if I had sucked down a vial of some unholy poison that consumed me from inside. My hands trembled and I tapped nervously against the tablecloth before me. Occasionally my eyes shifted and caught the look of a waiter as he passed by with a tray of dishes. I'm sure they wondered what I was doing here still after all this time. To be honest, I did too. The busker that watched over my section had long since stopped coming by me to ask if I needed anything and to be honest I was glad of it. It hurt every time I had to stomach the words that I was still waiting. Each time the words escaped my lips I could feel my body writhe from beneath a truth I knew all too well.
She wasn't going to show.
I finally picked myself up from the table as somber sounds of motion echoed through the almost empty establishment. I had already paid the bill hours ago, and no one would be sorry to see me leave. The eyes of the doorman caught mine as I passed him. "Have a good evening," he said to me, smiling from behind an oak podium. The kind used to store menus in a classy fashion. I managed a nod and stepped through the doorway, the sound of evening rain parting the transition between the dinner and the outside world.
I took in a breath as drops seeped down my face. My eyes closed and I took a moment to just stand there. The smell was intoxicating, and reminded me of just how much I missed the storms of home. My thoughts drifted back to days long past and nostalgia seemed to collaborate with the downpour. "The smell," She used to say, "That smell you get? The fresh rain against dry earth in the midday sun? That's Aether, the stuff that fills the between points of the universe separating earth and heaven."
The hole in my chest felt that much deeper as I recalled the memory. Slowly I began to walk. I knew roughly where my hotel was and if I didn't get started back, I'd likely find company in pneumonia. As my feet pressed through the puddles of the city, my mind continued to drift. Thoughts resting on the memories of the desert of which I had come from. A place where it never rained and the allowance that fell from the sky came in the form of ordinance left behind from the soviets of yesteryear.
A place I'd be going back to far too soon