I'm so depressed...

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Quinn

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I actually don't want to live anymore, but I would never want to be suicidal and I would never kill myself. It's one of those things where I just want a lightning bolt to strike me down. I have nightmares every night and I do schoolwork all day. I can't take it. I'm just done... Please don't hate me.
 
Nobody is going to hate you but I really suggest therapy. They can help you. Depression is a bitch to deal with but you can get through it.
 
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Quinn said:
I actually don't want to live anymore, but I would never want to be suicidal and I would never kill myself. It's one of those things where I just want a lightning bolt to strike me down. I have nightmares every night and I do schoolwork all day. I can't take it. I'm just done... Please don't hate me.
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Aw, Quinn D: ! *hugs super hard* I know exactly how you feel. I got through phases were I just feel nothing can get better and every seems to collapse in on itself. However, there will always be bad days, but with them, there's always good days to come and make sure you're happy. I'm always here if you need support, a shoulder to lean on, cry on, or a person to vent your frustrations at :)
 
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I'm afraid of therapy. I'm afraid of therapists as well, and I've always been ashamed of my mood swings. But I might have to resort to therapy at this rate, @LogicfromLogic.

*Hugs Arcadia* Thank you, @Arcadia-Sama
 
@Quinn I went through a similar, if not the same, thing. I felt like my problems and concerns weren't important enough to need the help of a professional and if I spoke up, people would think I was being dramatic and hate me. Please don't ever think this of yourself because it's just not true. <3 I also felt like a therapist couldn't help me. This just isn't true either. It took a LOT of convincing from my friends, a lot of me crying and "but"s before I finally decided to see a therapist. And in the end, it helped a great deal.

I'm by no means a professional on these matters, but from my personal experience with feeling that level of apathy, I'm going to suggest two things:

1) See a licenced therapist. It seems scary as hell right now but if you give the therapist a chance and work with them, they can do their job better and help you. It's not a magical cure-all, because you're still going to have bad days, but things will get better and you'll learn how to recognize when you're starting to feel bad and you'll know how to curb it.

2) Talk to your doctor. This could all be stemming from a lack of nutrients and easily fixed with the right diet. Your doctor might also test you for a gluten allergy. Some people actually have a crappy gluten tolerance which causes heavy moodswings and feelings of apathy, along with other medical issues, especially for women.
 
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@Dawn, thank you for your advice! My mom has a gluten allergy, but my blood work says I don't. However, I do think I need to see a therapist and start reading those "how to be a teenager" books. I've had a hard life, as I'm sure many other people have, and I have a bit of trauma that seems to be causing my issues.
 
When I was going through my major school exams I lost my father suddenly in a work-accident where he was electrocuted to death. The funny thing was it never affected me as hard as it did everyone else. They all looked at me and asked if I even cared but all I cared about was being strong for them. I buried my feelings and two years later after getting with my ex-girlfriend those feelings of responsibility surfaced again and I suffered from a mental breakdown. I had similar symptoms to you... everyday just felt like a grind... I was scared of the night and wanted it all to be over. A lot of people recommended therapy and I'd have to do the same to you. I've seen so many people it's helped immensely. Alas, when I tried for it the NHS took too long and I wasn't seen for a good 5 months (this was 3 years after initially being put on their books). I'd found ways to cope myself and I was recently discharged under the grounds that I "have developed amicable coping strategies and can stand on my own two feet".

If therapy is indeed too scary for you, it might only make you worse. In which case, the best thing you can do is try and find the things that make you happy, the things that keep your brain engaged, the things that take your brain away from all of the stress for a while. This website is already a great start, roleplaying pretty much lifted me out of a serious depressive phase. Everyone responds differently though. For me, writing was my saving grace and helped me cope as did playing video games. For you, it could be anything. It's just finding out what those coping strategies are.

Depression is so hard to lift yourself out of and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody having suffered with it myself. If there's anything I can do, let me know. You'll be in my thoughts ^^
 
Quinn,

I know we joke and I can be heavily sarcastic in chats, but I'm putting that all aside for this response.

I've been where you are. Sometimes it seems like others may say I'm there now, though life lessons have taught me more or less to push through no matter what. Others' opinions be damned. Depression is a hell of a thing and, as some have said before me, it can be very hard to climb out of. In these times, it's important to surround yourself with people who care. I do not know you well, nor do we interact often, but I care. Always remember that you can contact me whenever you may need, If only just to rant and have someone listen.

I have to agree with all of the suggestions made before. A therapist or a doctor would be excellent starting places. Reach out, no matter how hard it is, and I promise you: If you make the effort, you will get through this.

Muna <3
 
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