I'm Not Cut Out For This

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Laggy Lagiacrus, Nov 4, 2012.

  1. I just don't know what to do any more.
    I used to be so proud of possessing an above-average intellect.
    I was, by no means, a genius. Never have been, never will be. But I knew black holes from the Black Death.
    Now, it's all coming down on my head.

    I've got all this work, all these tests, and everyone's expecting me to ace them all. Everyone's expecting me to be among the best - but I'm not one of them! I'm just some kid with sleeping problems and a mild Napoleon complex.
    I don't want people to expect anything of me. I'm always disappointing people. They tell me it's not so bad, but I can see the disappointment in their eyes. They expected more of me. The teachers that thought I held so much promise. The colleagues that expected a rival. The friends that expected someone to turn to when they needed answers.
    I'm just not who you think I am.
    I don't know how I got this far, but believe me, it wasn't hard work and determination.

    I just don't know what to do with myself any more.
    Everything's caving in - I'm collapsing under the weight of the burden I never should have accepted.
    Come the time when my exam results are handed to me in the brown envelope, I know I'm going to be disappointed with what's in there.
    All the places in higher education will likely be taken by people who have actual potential, and have the determination and spirit to work hard and keep at something.

    Honestly, I've just dealt with my bullying problem, and I thought I was managing to get my life back on track.
    And now... Well, you've just read it.

    I look at myself in the mirror, and the eyes that stare back are so old. I don't see a young man, ready to take on the world. I see someone whose mind aged quicker than his body, who just wants someone to accept that he's not all everyone makes him out to be. That he never will be, no matter how hard he tries.

    I honestly have no idea what to do with myself. I'm a wreck - a sleep deprived, haggard wreck, who obviously isn't ready for the world of work and responsibilities.
  2. Well Sarge, I can't say I understand all of your position, I'm guessing you're in high school though, or about to go into college.

    Either way, you need to look deep and find out whether the trouble with the tests is going to disappoint everyone else or yourself.

    From what you said, I'm guessing that you're not the best physically from your comment of the 'napoleon complex' and so have come to view you intelligence as your defining point. If you've done that, maybe you should look up some of the psychological definitions of intelligence, specifically the Theory of Multiple Intelligences.

    More than anything, the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, force yourself to find a spark in your eyes, something that hasn't been affected by everything going on. Not saying it'll be easy, if I've read between the lines right, but if you can do that, you'll find what it is you're doing for yourself, and that's all that matters.

    As for the sleeping trouble, largely all I can tell you is take a look at your sleeping habits, but it's hard to sleep when you're dealing with depression.

    The most important thing you can do at this point, is change your perception, change how you think about the situation. Take a deep breath and take a step back.

    “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.” -Albert Einstein