I'm moving to Canada

[Esmeray]

So I've been planning on moving in with my boyfriend, who lives in Canada, for about a year now. Originally I was supposed to move back in June or August, but it ended up getting pushed back until this month. September 15th to be exact. My family has known about my desire to move since my graduation back in may of this year, however now that the official date is coming closer they have all switched their moods about the subject. My grandmother has been guilt tripping me about moving since she found out, which is fine I suppose because she was just sad. My mother has kept quiet about it, trying to encourage me in her own way but when I finally made the announcement on facebook she left a negative comment about it.

"Well that's a nice thing for your mom to find out on facebook. Thanks for the FYI."

yet she's known about this since may. Originally I wanted to move in august, but she asked me to push it back until after labor day because she needed me to dog sit for that whole week. Just a few weeks ago I told my step dad's side of the family that I was planning on moving on the 15th, and she was there for that. My point is that she's known for a long time now, so why is she acting like she didn't?

My grandmother has gone from guilt tripping me to making outlandish accusations that my boyfriend is trying to keep me dependent on him and is showing all the indicators of being an abuser. The reasoning behind these accusations being that I told them that my boyfriend did not want me to bring my car with me to Canada. He also didn't want me to get a phone plan either, which I admit does sound like he's trying to isolate me. When I expressed my concerns about not having a phone for emergency situations, he changed his mind on the matter. His primary concern about both was simply because money is going to be tight and he can't afford car insurance for my vehicle. We compromised on the phone plan because I'm going to be working as well to afford that.

Anyways, I just need some advice on how to handle my side of the family being negative about the situation.

 

[Space Cowboy]

Do not give up your car.

You realize very quickly how badly you need one when you don't have one, with or without the money to afford the insurance. So much of living on your own relies on whole independence, and without a car? You're... Sacrificing a lot of that independence. You limit yourself on what kind of work you can do, when you can do grocery runs, when or where you can hang with friends. And then you have to start over the entire process of owning a car: finding a reputable place, a good vehicle in working order, saving up enough for a solid down payment...

Keep your car, sweetheart. Of course, this is coming from someone that hasn't crossed borders with one to live, so I don't know if there are any surcharges or anything involved. The "international" part aside tho?

Keep. The. Car.

 

[Astaroth]

I'm going to jump on the DO NOT FUCKING GIVE UP YOUR CAR bandwagon, because holy fuck that is a bad plan.

I understand the financial logic, but you are putting your entire life in the hands of your boyfriend, who may not be an abusive asshole and may be a good guy but is still a person with his own agendas and needs which will probably come first even if he loves you. It's just human nature. Even beyond the restrictions it will put on you and your independence, you will possibly RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP if he can't always drive you around. He will resent it if he does, and you will resent it when he doesn't. Trust me.

Then there's the doomsday scenario, which you have to think about even if you trust it's not going to come to a breakup. If the two of you break up, not having a car will make your life so much harder. You will be stuck in a foreign country with no friends (because you can't get out and about without his help) and no transportation. You will have a hell of a time getting somewhere other than in your living quarters with your now ex-boyfriend. And that will be awful.

Keep the car or don't move. If you can't afford both cars, you aren't ready to move.

 

[Poe Dameron]

Understand that I don't have all the facts to probably better advise on this but:

If something as relatively miniscule as the cost of a phone bill might make or break your collective budget, I recommend seriously rethinking the relocating and moving in (among other things).

 

[Vars]

I realize this isn't the advice you're really looking for but I have to go with the others here: this doesn't sound like a good idea.

Additionally, what about citizenship and your visa? Maybe that's one of the reasons you've had to push back, but if you haven't thought about this before then you need to think this move through a bit more.

As for dealing with your family, I would've called my mom back out on it. "You were there when I mentioned this since [date]." But otherwise, maybe they're right about your boyfriend. Even if they aren't, all family is going to give you grief for moving so far away from them. That's just how it goes. They love you and they'll miss having you around. You can't really deal with it other than say you can visit every so often.

Have your boyfriend and you met in person before for long periods of time (more than a couple of days)? You are going to do what you want, I'm sure. But from the little information given it seems like you shouldn't go.

Do you have enough money to make it back in case something goes wrong? It is very easy to become homeless. Even if you think your bf is awesome, there's no telling what might happen-- maybe you don't like living in Canada, maybe you just can't find a job, etc. You need a back up plan.

It seems like you don't have anything holding you down and you don't own a lot of stuff, so it's very easy to just get up and go some place. And I'm not saying you shouldn't go out there and experience life. But what I am saying is make sure you have something planned because nothing ever runs perfectly. You should be going over there with money in your pockets to get you started, not empty-handed and fully dependent on someone else-- even if they are amazing and the love of your life, that is not a very smart thing to do.

 

[Esmeray]

Thank you. I decided that I will keep my car. I thought it over and realized that if the immigration stuff falls through and I am forced to leave the country, then I am going to need a car to do so. If the relationship does not work out then I will need a car to leave.

 

[Space Cowboy]

I don't know any of the extra circumstances of your moving out, employment plans, work visa, passport stuff, etc., etc., but I cannot stress to you the importance of having a modestly deep pool of cash that's, literally, there just for the sake of shit hitting the fan. This is not money you use unless absolutely necessary! And it's for the sake of covering "We're about to lose the apartment" scenarios, or "I'm literally starving halp pls." Not trying to be cute, but... Well, take it from me. I've been there.

I do hope you the best of luck, I really do! Just really think over every angle before you put your best foot forward, because this isn't as simple as finding an apartment and a new job at the same time (which is a joke: that's stupid-levels of hard these days). Again: Good Luck, and godspeed!

 

[Esmeray]

I don't know any of the extra circumstances of your moving out, employment plans, work visa, passport stuff, etc., etc., but I cannot stress to you the importance of having a modestly deep pool of cash that's, literally, there just for the sake of shit hitting the fan. This is not money you use unless absolutely necessary! And it's for the sake of covering "We're about to lose the apartment" scenarios, or "I'm literally starving halp pls." Not trying to be cute, but... Well, take it from me. I've been there.

I do hope you the best of luck, I really do! Just really think over every angle before you put your best foot forward, because this isn't as simple as finding an apartment and a new job at the same time (which is a joke: that's stupid-levels of hard these days). Again: Good Luck, and godspeed!

So far I've only managed to save up 1,200 dollars. I can uhaul everything I own for around 200, dollars (though it'll probably end up being closer to 300-400 in regards to gas maybe.) I can afford to register my car, but I am not sure about insuring. I can afford to start a cell phone plan, but I am not sure if I'll be able to keep up the payments. My boyfriend found me a job where I can work (it'll be illegally for the first four months) and our friend Denise says she'll give me a job with her dispensary. So I will have work until I get my work permit (which will be four months after I apply for the immigration paper work). I'm sure if I end up in a crisis situation my family would pull me out, but I'm hoping that won't be necessary.

I am not eligible for any visa's....

 

[Space Cowboy]

Yikes. A lot of your plan relies on ... Well, not to be mean, but a good deal of it is pretty comparable to a box held together with used duct tape. Illegally working?! Uhauling your belongings across the border?! I'm not sure how the Border Cops in Canada are, but I think they might look down on seeing a young woman with a Uhaul trying to cross the border without a work visa. Y'know?

Again, I don't know the specifics because I haven't done the exact research on my own to see how it all lines out, but you might be better applying for the work permit/immigration paper work now, save up more money over the next four months, and then crossing the border with your immigration stuff on file and a job ready to go!

At least, that's how I see it working out better... Much better.

 

[Esmeray]

Yikes. A lot of your plan relies on ... Well, not to be mean, but a good deal of it is pretty comparable to a box held together with used duct tape. Illegally working?! Uhauling your belongings across the border?! I'm not sure how the Border Cops in Canada are, but I think they might look down on seeing a young woman with a Uhaul trying to cross the border without a work visa. Y'know?

Again, I don't know the specifics because I haven't done the exact research on my own to see how it all lines out, but you might be better applying for the work permit/immigration paper work now, save up more money over the next four months, and then crossing the border with your immigration stuff on file and a job ready to go!

At least, that's how I see it working out better... Much better.

Dude, do you know how great duck tape is? LOL

In all seriousness though, I realize that. That's why I am calling them tomorrow and asking them about it. The immigration paper work that I am applying for requires me to be IN the country though. I don't qualify for a work visa, so I can't get a work permit. I have to do the immigration paper work first THEN get the work permit. I'm doing a spousal immigration thing. My boyfriend and I are getting married after I cross the border (we've been dating for three years now, and it's been long distance. We've visited each other several times, sometimes for up to a month) and then I am applying for the paper work. This paper work requires me to remain in the country for two years, and after four months I can apply for government aids and work permits/etc.

This is how he explained it to me though. Once I call the immigration agency I am going to double check on that.

 

[Touch of Insanity]

I live in Canada and from what I've learned about moving here from the states it IS going to take a LOT longer then four months. You wont be able to leave the country for a long time either. Getting a working visa takes even longer, where they may actually tell you to move out before you can move back in. . . . putting off the visa stuff till now wasn't the best idea from what I know of a family friend moving his gf into Canada.

I can tell you right now this is going to be very hard. Moving countries is a long exhausting, piles of paper world deal.

Having a car in Canada is expensive. Depending on where you live. Insurance alone is usually around 150-200 if you don't have anything on your record. Gas is also hella expensive. Depending on where your moving you may also have to pay for parking almost everywhere (I live in a huge city so I pay to park at my apartment!) If your not in a big city a car is a must because busing can be hell in a smaller town.

These are just some of the things I'm starting to notice =/ I don't wanna be a downer, but I've moved three hours away home for school, moved in with my boyfriend, struggled through 5 months of no job, begging for money to pay bills and having no car for almost four and a half years. It was not easy, it was rough. (and this was with me being in the same country as my family and only three hours away).

Life is an asshole and will throw everything it possible can at you. But these are just my thoughts. I can be totally and utterly wrong and I hope I am. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything turn out for the best! :)

 

[Esmeray]

I live in Canada and from what I've learned about moving here from the states it IS going to take a LOT longer then four months. You wont be able to leave the country for a long time either. Getting a working visa takes even longer, where they may actually tell you to move out before you can move back in. . . . putting off the visa stuff till now wasn't the best idea from what I know of a family friend moving his gf into Canada.

I never said it was only going to take four months. I said the process time is two years, but after four months I can start working. You can read about it here: Application for Permanent Residence From Within Canada – Spouse or Common-Law Partner in Canada Class (IMM 5289)
Not really sure what you mean about not being able to leave the country as it says nothing about that here, but I am going to call the agency tomorrow anyways. I was going to do it today, but my dad told me to go to the bank when I got home from work. That final hour between four and five was when i was going to call but, shit happens.

I can tell you right now this is going to be very hard. Moving countries is a long exhausting, piles of paper world deal.

You're not the first person to tell me this. I didn't expect it to be easy.

Having a car in Canada is expensive. Depending on where you live. Insurance alone is usually around 150-200 if you don't have anything on your record. Gas is also hella expensive. Depending on where your moving you may also have to pay for parking almost everywhere (I live in a huge city so I pay to park at my apartment!) If your not in a big city a car is a must because busing can be hell in a smaller town.

Insurance is around 100-300 here in the states as well, so it won't be any different. I will be talking to my grandparents about having them help pay for my insurance until I am able to work. Gas isn't expensive for me, but I'm not sure about the prices there. Here it ranges from 1.80 to 2.00 dollars a gallon. An empty tank is usually around 40 american bucks. I only get gas at least once a month. We wont be living in the city. He lives in a neighborhood.

As for the rest of your comment. Thanks for the insight and best wishes. I am going to work through it.

 

[Greenie]

Not really sure what you mean about not being able to leave the country as it says nothing about that here, but I am going to call the agency tomorrow anyways.

I'm not too sure myself about Immigrating to Canada from USA, but my husband was a foreigner (from South Asia) when he came here. We were married a good ten years before applying for immigration for him (we lived out of country for eight years but returned to Canada, him with a visitor's visa). Once we applied for his immigration, he had to stay in Canada the entire time. Any work he did was only voluntary because legally he couldn't work until he received a working visa, which actually didn't take too long. Even after becoming a PR, however, he has to live here six months consecutively for at least four years before he can be a citizen.

 

[Kitti]

Residence permits and I are old friends enemies.

I personally feel like working illegally is not worth the risk - to yourself and to Denise. Sure, you probably won't get caught. But if you do, you can be kicked out of the country and Denise will be in a world of trouble. Canadian Newcomer Magazine - Jobs: Consequences of Illegal Work

For the other stuff about spouse sponsorship, I have a link: http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/family-class-sponsorship-b5.0/

You'll be wanting Inland for your scenario here, which I've heard does mean you can't leave the country.

 

[Touch of Insanity]

So after looking at the app I'm a little confused myself. It says that you can only apply for this WITHIN the country. If you are not currently there, you can not use it. It also discusses how you are either a spouse or a commonlaw in order to use it. From my understand your not married, but commonlaw is a state of a relationship where two people have been living together for a set number of years (In Ontario where I live it's only one, so my boyfriend and I are considered commonlaw as we've been living together for four years). Correct me if I'm wrong on that though o.o


Edit: I had to google it and found commonlaw information here Linky.

I hope I'm being helpful. I want this to work for you :)

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

The others already tackled most of my concerns better than I could, but I'll echo them just to help clarify how serious they can be.

You NEED a reserve of cash on hand. It's your plan for the unexpected, which no matter how careful a planner you are does happen. If anything think of it as an investment, cause the last thing you want is to throw money at a house and then lose it immediately, this safety net of cash lets you hold onto it for longer while making your position more stable. And I wouldn't say 1,200$ would be enough, ideally you want it to cover you at least 4-6 months without work cause you can very easily get into such a prolonged period of not finding anything. And if stuff like a cell plan has you guys concerned about finance? That doesn't speak well for your relative level of security.

The Car I'm not as strongly against as the others, cause transit is a thing. However, transit in Canada is pretty poor. Really the idea of a car or not is usually just a balance of "Do I value the time saved? Or do I value the money saved?". However, you've got the extra layer of complexity of not going to say College but another country. If something goes wrong, it's not as easy as just getting a ride from a friend or relative to solve, you need a reliable way across the border. So basically, don't ditch the car. By all means leave it sitting in the Garage and save money by using transit, but at least have it on stand-by.

My boyfriend and I are getting married after I cross the border (we've been dating for three years now, and it's been long distance. We've visited each other several times, sometimes for up to a month)

This though I haven't seen anyone touch on yet, and I really feel it should be.

People tend to behave completely differently once you're living with them and/or dealing with economic trouble alongside them. Even assuming your relationship is healthy, happy and all of your boyfriends intentions are clear, your experience of living together is going to be vastly different from online interaction, or several week visits. Hell, you could have known each other IRL for the entire time but this would still pose to be a danger.

Seriously, for something this risky try co-habitation at first. It will mean if something falls apart either on the relationship or economic side it's a lot easier to simply move back home and wait for a better chance later. And it also gives you a way to see how you two interact when under the same roof for several months.