I'm Just The Sky

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Tuxedo Mask, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. She is as far from me as the sea is wide
    So it seems anyways
    Clownfish and anemone, our past
    Now I feel as if this masquerade that we all play
    Is no longer a game
    And the pieces have been set

    The Death of a Moth
    My cage
    The window pane
    Where is the light?
    She was here, no longer
    Greener pastures
    Her wake, crumbs of brilliance
    Only fools neglect
    Or rather fools have the last laugh
    Oh the irony

    We are so close we don't touch
    This suspense is killing me
    I hope it lasts
    As I talk in a 2nd person
    But don't know what to say

    She frolics with the moon
    As if Eros struck her
    And then broke his bow in two

    She no longer loves the sky
    And I ask why?
    Because time is nigh

    Elope into the galaxy
    And take the world
    After all I'm just the sky
    Who am I?

    I do not decide
    If the sun becomes the moons bride
    Brushed aside
    As I blacken I've died inside
  2. I'm copying Asmupuu's critique style

    :) Your stanzas are short, but your feelings are strong.
    The poem may not be as emotional or powerful, but I can distinctly see that you've thought it out well and made some nice connections/metaphors to the romance.
    I especially like "If the sun becomes the moon's bride, brushed aside." & the "masquerade...checkmate"
    A well crafted poem
    :D You're a great poet :D