I'm Just The Sky

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T

Tuxedo Mask

Guest
#1
She is as far from me as the sea is wide
So it seems anyways
Clownfish and anemone, our past
Now I feel as if this masquerade that we all play
Is no longer a game
And the pieces have been set
Checkmate

The Death of a Moth
My cage
The window pane
Where is the light?
She was here, no longer
Greener pastures
Her wake, crumbs of brilliance
Only fools neglect
Or rather fools have the last laugh
Oh the irony

We are so close we don't touch
This suspense is killing me
I hope it lasts
As I talk in a 2nd person
But don't know what to say

She frolics with the moon
As if Eros struck her
And then broke his bow in two

She no longer loves the sky
And I ask why?
Because time is nigh

Elope into the galaxy
And take the world
After all I'm just the sky
Who am I?

I do not decide
If the sun becomes the moons bride
Brushed aside
As I blacken I've died inside
 

Sakura

Official Iwaku Little Sister
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
One Post a Day, A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week
My Usual Online Time
After 5PM EST weekdays
Writing Levels
Elementary, Intermediate, Adept, Advanced
Genders You Prefer Playing
Female, Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
Instinctively passive unless the story needs a push. I adapt as needed.
Favorite Genres
SciFi, Fantasy, Modern, Twist Genres.
Genre You DON'T Like
Mature, Horror (with rare exceptions)
#2
I'm copying Asmupuu's critique style
/snickergiggle/

She is as far from me as the sea is wide
So it seems anyways
Clownfish and anemone, our past
Now I feel as if this masquerade [that]we all play
Is no longer a game
[And ] the pieces have been set
Checkmate
......
I do not decide
If the sun becomes the moons bride
Brushed aside
As I blacken ,
I've died inside
:) Your stanzas are short, but your feelings are strong.
The poem may not be as emotional or powerful, but I can distinctly see that you've thought it out well and made some nice connections/metaphors to the romance.
I especially like "If the sun becomes the moon's bride, brushed aside." & the "masquerade...checkmate"
A well crafted poem
:D You're a great poet :D