Hey! I believe that this part of the forum is used for rants and advice on multiple things? Maybe this isn't the right group of people to be asking about this, but I don't really have someone to talk to with this, and I'd really appreciate the help. I'm in a constant cycle of not doing anything. I'll say that I'll do something, or get things done, and I'll always succumb to gaming and food. I used to be a hard worker during my time in highschool, but now I find myself slacking on things I used to be proud of. I've gained a lot of weight, I don't fulfill the promises I make to myself ("I'm gonna get XXX done today!" , "Tomorrow will be the day I start!"), and really, I've lost all self-discipline I had. I don't feel like anything's worth it anymore, and the dreams that I once had so much confidence in, I'm starting to lose motivation and pride in my work. I need to start off by stating my problems: I struggle socially, and I'm very anxious about things I shouldn't be. I attended a charter school with kids that also struggled in this same way. I am always making assumptions about what my family and friends think of me all the time. I believe this is because I have a history of rejection where I'm left in the dark about things. I have dreams in story-writing and art; I want to tell a story that I believe is very good, in whatever form of visual media I can pursue (Animation, Video Games, Movies). I am starting college next semester, full-time, which I think will be very good for improving on my drawing and writing. Personality wise, I believe myself to a very honest, very good person. I always try to do the right thing, and when I slip up or fail to do so, I become very critical about myself. Small things, like forgetting to do something for someone, failing a test, having someone speak to me with a slight attitude, will send me in a paralysis of self-depreciation. My biggest problem is that I look too much into the small things, and I always end up somehow blowing it up into something bigger. In my mind. I don't like, meltdown in front of people often. The biggest problem that comes out of this, is that I usually end up putting myself down, all the time, and I think it's really destroyed a lot of my confidence. I think one of the things that have hurt me the most is roleplaying itself. I love roleplaying! I love writing with other people! I've been writing on roleplaying websites for six years, and while it's been a great way to explore my interests in story-telling, it has also conditioned me in a strange way. I do a lot of 1x1 roleplaying (I'm not a big fan of group roleplaying anymore), and because of that, there's this gigantic atmosphere of rejection that comes from it. I make the joke with people when describing it: "It's either your partner isn't that good, or you're not good enough for your partner." I think 90% percent of the roleplaying community, not specifically here, have a terrible habit of just ignoring someone when they don't want to roleplay anymore. There are so many cases where I'll start a 1x1 with someone, get a few posts in, and then they'll stop replying. I'll ask them if we're still continuing it, and they'll never answer. I think three years of this happening consistently has hurt me a lot. I've always tried my hardest with the posts, reading through them aloud, taking a lot of time to plan out a response, and I'm still rejected because they didn't like it. Now, I can only look at my work in a negative way. Even worse, whenever someone does compliment me on my work (writing and drawing), I can only see it as patronizing. I can't say that I try very hard to improve my skills, but I am very self aware as to what I need to work on, and I do try to get better. I'm also rejected a lot in real life. Both with friends and people I've had crushes on. I feel like people give me the silent treatment all the time. Most of the time I don't know what I do wrong; like I've stated before, I'm always being too self aware. I always review my responses, how to say it, when to say it, and for most of the time I think what I'm saying is perfectly fine. However, I don't know what I say or do wrong, but people will get quickly turned off by me, and when I sense this, I dwell on it, trying to find out what I did wrong and feel terrible for a long time. Why I say all of this, is because I think it contributes to this cycle I'm in. My friends don't show any interest in my ideas, and as of late, I don't think they care for me very much. We've been a strong group of five for years now, but now as time has past, and we've all branched out to meet new people, the closest friends I have don't care for me as much as they did before. Because we just graduated, the only way we really talk is through games like League of Legends. When we would play, the call would be nothing but jokes like "memes" and not really funny things. When things did seem like a normal conversation, during small arguements I always felt like my closer friends were siding with different people against me. I felt lower than them. This went over the course of two years, starting during my senior year, and I don't think it was healthy for the relationships between me and my friends. Recently, because I felt especially bad about a call, I uninstalled the games we used to play, and I stopped talking with my friends. I didn't expect any of them to approach me about this to see if I was alright, and a month later none of them have. I think I'm in this cycle of not doing anything because I don't feel like my friends care about me very much, both with my dreams and as a person. And when I don't get any feedback from any of my friends about my work for years, I feel especially alone. I already know what I sound like, I really don't want to come off that way. I don't want this to seem like one gigantic whine. One of my problems could be that I expect too much from my friends. I'm very sensitive towards situations like this, and maybe I am just being a big baby. Anyone could easily tell me to "just shut up and work", and that could just be the solution to my problems. I'm thinking about leaving the roleplaying world so I could get some confidence back in my work. I'm thinking of going cold turkey with gaming so that I can get stuff done (which is the most reasonable out of them all). And I'm especially thinking about distancing myself, or even ending relationships with my friends so that I could get some confidence in myself again. I'm so confused right now with what I should be doing to make myself happier. Is it a problem with people I'm around, or am I blaming a lazy behavior on my friends?