I'm Getting Irritated

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Clyde, Apr 24, 2016.

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  1. And my patients is slowly wearing thin as well.

    Am I being the asshole in this situation or is the other? And what should I do about it?

    I'm really frustrated right now. So a bit of background, I don't know how much this means to anyone because at this point there's so many people in America who tells those with invisible mental disorders to get over it. Would you tell that to a man with a limp and a cane he's not trying hard enough to run? Beyond that point, because I digress that's not the topic.

    Anyway, I am considered legally disabled. Long story short I have had 9 jobs in the last past 3 years and lived in 9 different houses in the last past 3 years. I'm technically considered homeless, all I have is my laptop and a suitcase of clothes. Everything meaningful to me or anything important was either lost, or destroyed by selfish people.

    I'm currently living with a couple. A husband and a wife. The wife is 23 and the husband is 35. And I majoringly deal with the wife on a daily basis.

    I am beginning to get frustrated because anything the Wife does is Kindness with a Condition. She gives me rides to work or something if I miss the bus or even offers because she doesn't want me walking in the dark. A very nice thing to do. But wait! The next day or even the same day. She'll then use it against me to guilt me into doing something. "I gave you a ride, so you have to it"

    Everything she does, she expects I pay her back. And it isn't like I am not doing anything. I do the household chores when I can. But she's extremely picky and she has to have everything done right, Her way. So it takes a lot of the effort of me trying to do something.

    I buy them groceries every first week of the month. 100+ and I give her gas money, as much as I can out of the weak amount I get from my job. Which is a guaranteed 20+ whatever tips I get. Yet, I feel like it's not good enough.

    I am the type of personality, who when I feel I owe someone. I will do what I can to pay them back, when I can, as best as I can. There's no need to expect it of me, because I will always eventually pay someone back. And all I ever ask for is not that someone pays me back, but the next time they feel I am not doing enough. Acknowledge what I have done in the past.

    "Hey he brought me groceries, maybe I am being too harsh"

    "He did pay for my gas,"

    Instead. Everything they do for me is met with an expectation. Every time.

    "Can you take care of this adopted kitten we just brought home?" mind you they didn't even talk to me beforehand about taking care of the kitten at all. They didn't even tell me they were bringing home a kitten and then expected me to be just cool with taking care of the kitten. And the very next day they decide they are going to a shooting range to leave me alone with the kitten.

    "I mean this wasn't part of the agreement and I really don't want to be responsible for other people's pets," because in the past everyone has taken advantage of me to take care of their pets. And some of them didn't even live in the house. One of my former flatmates left me alone for 2 weeks with her three children alone and she adopted a chihuaha. That I told her I was afraid the responsibility would befall on me. She told me she wouldn't. It did. It fell completely on me.

    So Wife in my new home, told me, "You live under my house. I gave you somewhere to live. You can either take care of the kitten or you can leave. It's my house you do what I say."

    "We didn't even talk about it no one told me about this,"

    "That doesn't matter, it's my house,"

    "But I honestly don't want to be responsible for,"

    "I bought you Subway when I didn't have to,"

    It's like, okay wow I thought the sandwich was just you doing something nice. Not you expecting me to do something for you afterward. That I owed you. And I already was planning to do something nice for her for the sandwich. Buy her a sandwich next time. Maybe buy her a treat. But then she just expects it. She uses it against me like a weapon.

    And when I try to bring up these points, she uses other things against my head. Like rides or giving me shelter.

    All I ask is to appreciate what I try to do to pay them back. That's all I ask. That's all I want and I feel like I am not getting and I'm always always always expected to pay them back right away or anything done for me that sounds like an offer ends up I have to pay them back.

    It's driving me insane. And I am not sure what to do any more.
     
    #1 Clyde, Apr 24, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2016
  2. Hm. You make some pretty valid points from what you've said here. Of course, I only know your side of the story but going on just that alone I'd say if it were me I would have a conversation with her AND the husband which would probably end in me moving out of that situation. However I have a few points.

    1. I know it's hard moving and it's not fun especially when you've lived in 9 different houses in the past 3 years. I'm not saying it isnt.

    2. Before I had said conversation I would make sure I had all my ducks in a row first. So I'd Bute my tongue and stick it out and do what they want till I secured a place elsewhere to stay.

    3. I say it's important to talk to the husband with the wife because he may not know how you feel or upon hearing your points may feel differently.

    4. When having this conversation I would remain calm and not get defensive, argumentative, or accusatory. I'd make these points:
    • I appreciate very much when you give me rides from work when I miss the bus, so please don't take what I'm about to say as ungrateful. However, I do pay you for gas every week as much as I can. Therefore, I do not want the responsibility of watching your pets under a conditionof said ride. If that is going to be the stipulation I will no longer be needing a ride from you as I will make sure I do not miss the bus. That being said, I also do not need any sandwiches or food offered if there are going to be conditions along with them. Again, I am not ungrateful, but I do not have animals because I do not want nor do I have the time for that responsibility. If you want animals you need to take care of them. If this is going to be an issue I can find other living arrangements but will give you a 30 day notice.
    Be as polite and professional as you can. If they get rude or defensive that's in them and they will have to live with that. Again, I'm not saying it's easy, but if you're in a bad situation it is up to you alone to change that. Nobody else will do it for you.
     
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