I'm a nub! Please help?

ShiroKiyoshi

Neko Smasher of Iwaku's Walls
Original poster
LURKER MEMBER
FOLKLORE MEMBER
Invitation Status
Posting Speed
  1. One post per day
Online Availability
Florida Time: 5:00 PM
Writing Levels
  1. Give-No-Fucks
  2. Intermediate
  3. Adept
  4. Advanced
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Male
  2. Primarily Prefer Male
Genres
Anime, Fantasy, Post-Apocalyptic, Action/Adventure, and Dark. Sometimes I like to do Edgy things, but it has to be played out right to work for me.
So, I am writing a story which can be found by clicking this: this. However, I was reading some posts in the refining writing section (still am) to try and improve what I wrote. It'd be awesome if others could help me out as well. I mean I'm doing it on my own as well, but I still get a little confused whenever I enter that "Refining Writing" section. It's a little intimidating for me. So, for those with shotgun shells of roasts or sprinkles of love, who would like to share their opinions on my writing I made this. I didn't want to litter the other thread with comments, but I did want feedback. I hope this is alright.