I Want to Face...

Wyn listened to Oliver as he talked about worrying about him. It reminded him of how his mother got when Wyn stayed out too late in town or went over to someone's trailer without telling her. While she was a bit of a worry wart, it was nice to know that someone was thinking of him. "I'm fine," Wyn replied as he took a bite of his salad. That was a bit of a lie since he freaked out yesterday. "I was just...I wasn't prepared for your parents to barge in on us like that." Wyn turned away because he felt bad about the whole incident. It was hard to admit how insecure he was about everything, but it was something that would make Oliver feel better.

After taking a few bites of his salad and a sip of iced tea, Wyn took a deep breath. He'd prepared a little speech on the way over, but now he was blanking a bit. "I haven't been entirely truthful with you." Wyn started off as he nervously rubbed his hands together under the table. "My, um...I'm...fuck." Wyn takes a deep breath and continues before Oliver can object, "My father isn't on a business trip. He's not a businessman. He wasn't a businessman. I didn't tell anyone because it's none of their business anyways and I don't want people prying. We moved here because...things got hard." Wyn couldn't continue. He was practically shaking now and his mind refused to calm down enough to form coherent sentences. Originally, Wyn was going to tell Oliver that he was living with his aunt and both of his parents were dead, but now Wyn couldn't form the words to express what he wanted to say. While he felt comfortable with Oliver, coming clean was much harder than he thought it would be.

Turning away from Oliver, Wyn took a nervous gulp from his iced tea as he breathed a bit. "I've been going to therapy too to deal with depression and that shit. My therapist thought it'd be best if I went to Group to get to know others who were going through similar things..." Wyn's heart was beating out of his chest as he forced a smile. "So I guess we're both fucked up," Wyn finished as he looked up towards Oliver. There was a lot more Wyn wanted to tell Oliver, but not right now. At this moment, Wyn was done sharing about his life. Hopefully, it was enough for Oliver and would explain a few things. If he could open up slowly to Oliver, Wyn might eventually tell him everything, but not now.
 
Oliver listened to every single word Wyn said closely. It was scary to see how visibly upset he got, the shaking and the aversion of his eyes. But he was telling him about at least some of the things. Clearly, as much as he felt comfortable about. He had lied about his dad, but Oliver didn't blame him. If this was how he reacted when talking about him that made a lot of sense. Obviously, he wouldn't want to talk about it more than he had to.

While some other theories now popped up into Oliver's head, like maybe Wyn's dad wasn't dead but he had been abusive or something, he still felt like his theory that Wyn's dad had killed himself made the most sense. Because that would be why he had been to group. Unless Wyn had been there because he had been the one to try to do it, but Oliver really didn't want to consider that an option.

"I don't think you're fucked up, you've just been through stuff," Oliver said when Wyn seemed done speaking, "Or well, I guess it was the kind of stuff that fucks someone up, but still you get it... I don't think anyone would blame you for feeling... depressed,"

As he talked he gently reached over the table and found Wyn's hand, just like the day before it was weirdly comforting, and he realised he hadn't really felt this way when touching someone in a long time. It was a scary feeling, and he wasn't sure what to do with it. But he was sure that he wanted Wyn to be okay, he wished he didn't have to be depressed or to have been through stuff. There was nothing he could do about that though, so maybe holding his hand would be fine.

"I can't really say I've been completely honest to you either, or well, I haven't lied but I have consciously been keeping things from you," Oliver admitted, he still wasn't going to tell him everything, but some things, because he was realising now that he was really needed someone to talk to at least a little, "So there's the cyclothymia, obviously. I don't normally not let people know about that, but I guess it's also because a lot of people just know there's something up with me when they've known me long enough. It was just nice to have a friendship with someone that was like a blank slate or something... And the main thing is with my friends. I feel like I've kind of implied that I don't have any, but you've met Daníel and Tess, so you know that isn't true. And like, it isn't true to the point where I've been friends with them for years and we're actually really close... It's just that after... After the thing that put me in group happened, I just haven't been able to hang out with them. So I'm sorry I did that, but it kind of makes us even in the end, so that's maybe kind of good?"
 
"Sounds good," Wyn replied as he glanced down at his hands intertwined with Oliver. He wouldn't say anything, but he really liked the feeling of Oliver's hands holding his own. It was a simple gesture that seemed to mean more. As he thought about Oliver's words. It was nice to hear someone acknowledge him as well as his problems. They were still keeping things from each other, which made Wyn feel a bit better about his situation. He didn't like that he kept so much from Oliver, but knowing that Oliver kept things from him made the situation easier. "Maybe we can hang out with them more then. I'd like to know more about them and spend more time with you," Wyn admitted as he blushed slightly.

Wyn felt his heartbeat spike as he focused on Oliver's hand touching his own. This was the first time Wyn felt this way with someone. He was never in a relationship and sometimes wondered if he was asexual since he rarely thought about sex. But with Oliver, Wyn was questioning his emotions. At times Wyn wanted to be closer to Oliver and spend more time with him. Other times, Wyn imaged the two of them together alone. It was embarrassing for Wyn. At times he wondered if it would be best to tell Oliver about these feelings, but he couldn't be sure that Oliver felt the same. He didn't want to ruin what they had.

Wyn wondered what the incident was that drove Oliver from his friends, but knew that in time if Oliver wanted Wyn to know he'd tell him. The same was true for his own background. Wyn might tell Oliver about his past about his parent's death and the life he was torn from. The fact that Wyn was planning on rejoining the circus after high school might end up with Wyn never telling Oliver. If Wyn graduated and disappeared, like he planned, he'd probably never tell Oliver. Maybe it was the best that they keep things from each other. They both seemed pretty fucked up from their past and it was probably best if they just kept their secrets. Besides, Wyn felt like they were never meant to meet. If his life was turned upside down, he'd still be in the circus and he'd never set foot in a public school.

All of these thoughts ran through his head while he held Oliver's hand. There was so much on his mind that thoughts randomly bounced from one end of his skull to another and he couldn't control what surfaced and what didn't. Wyn looked up and saw Oliver's face and wondered what he was thinking of...what thoughts pulled and pushed through his mind.
 
"I kind of want to spend more time with you too, so I guess that'd be an idea," Oliver said, he wasn't sure about hanging out with his old friends, but he wasn't thinking so much about that as he was thinking about how happy it made him that Wyn wanted to spend more time with him. And how cute the blush on his face was, especially when he looked up and actually properly looked at him. That was such a rarity with Wyn. He didn't just look people in the eye.

He leaned in, almost hesitantly but in actuality, it was quite an impulsive action. He wasn't really thinking as he looked into Wyn's eyes. He wasn't doing it in the stubborn way he had done when they first met, but in a soft 'i just want to look at you' kind of way. Then he closed the distance between them and let their lips touch.

The kiss wasn't long or deep. It was just a quick chaste one, a small moment where things were completely okay and nice. Then almost instantly Oliver's entire being was filled with regret. He pulled back rather quickly and let go of Wyn's hand, placing a hand over his own mouth in surprise as if Wyn was the one to have randomly kissed him and not the other way around.

Slowly he realised what he had done without thinking. He had kissed Wyn. The problem wasn't that it was Wyn though, the problem was that it was someone who wasn't Alex, and that he had wanted to kiss someone who wasn't Alex. He was pretty sure he liked Wyn and he didn't think he had ever felt so guilty before, because it felt like cheating, even though he technically wasn't dating anyone anymore.

"Fuck, Wyn, I'm really sorry I don't know why I did that, I didn't mean to I just--" his eyes filled with tears, he hated that he was in a mood that was all emotional, "Shit I--" he stubbornly rubbed his eyes, "It's not that I don't like you or whatever, but I can't even date someone right now, not that I'm saying you want to. I'm just..." he trailed off a little and tried to collect himself, normally getting into a high was pretty pleasant for him, it meant more productivity and motivation and since he never reached full-blown mania it could be pretty okay, but he didn't like these parts when things became a mess because of it and he barely even knew what he was doing himself, "Can we just ignore that happened, I'm sorry for doing it without your permission, but like, I don't want it to ruin anything, I like being friends with you,"
 
Wyn wasn't expecting a kiss. He wasn't really expecting anything. As Oliver leaned in, Wyn felt somewhat nervous and uncomfortable. He didn't like being stared at from a close distance, but there was something about this stare that made things seem okay. Looking at Oliver was something Wyn didn't do too often. The closeness of their faces forced Wyn to focus a bit more on Oliver's face than he normally did. This made Wyn realize just how attractive Oliver was. Beyond the harsh look Oliver normally wore was a really attractive young man. His skin was so soft looking while his cheekbones defined his face. To be honest, Oliver was somewhat stunning.

Oliver leaned in and kissed Wyn which made him freeze. It was a simple pleasant kiss that Wyn knew well, but something felt more personal about Oliver's. The kiss made Wyn's mind go blank. He stared back at Oliver in disbelief as he tried to comprehend what was happening. His mind was blank and he was staring back at the young man who just kissed him. It felt so right, yet wrong at the same time. There was genuine emotion in the kiss and Wyn wanted to say something.

Before he could say anything Oliver started crying and getting emotional. Something inside of Wyn broke when he saw how the kiss affected Oliver. It seemed that his entire being just broke and he regretted his decision. Wyn was speechless as Oliver fumbled over his words. He couldn't understand why Oliver was trying to deny what happened and erase it from existence. If this was a normal situation, Wyn would've probably replied with, 'Sure no problem', but nothing about this situation was normal.

"That was my first kiss," Wyn stated softly as he touched his lips. They were still trembling from the kiss and he couldn't imagine forgetting it. Oliver was the first person to kiss him like that, like someone more than a friend. There was no way Oliver was denying Wyn his first kiss. Wyn was staring at Oliver as if to ask, 'what's happening'. He watched the tears fill Oliver's eyes and felt bad. Collecting himself, Wyn took a deep breath and corrected himself. Putting on a brave face, Wyn replied, "I like being friends with you too." There was a small choke in his voice as he thought about what he just said. He was acknowledging that they forget about the kiss and that killed Wyn inside. He didn't want to forget. He didn't want to deny the kiss happened. He wanted to do it again. Despite all of this, Wyn needed Oliver and he couldn't lose him over a dumb kiss. "Yeah, sure. We can forget about it." There was a sadness in Wyn's voice that was undeniable.
 
The moment Wyn opened his mouth Oliver felt even guiltier. Now it wasn't just guilt for Alex but for Wyn. It was Wyn's first kiss. Oliver hadn't even thought about that. He just assumed most people their age had dated someone at least once, but Wyn was super shy so it made sense that he hadn't. So just the act of kissing him without asking first was horribly selfish. Just like kissing him in the first place wasn't fair on Alex. Then Wyn just willingly accepted that they'd forget and move on from it, and he sounded so incredibly sad. And that made Oliver, if possible feel even worse. Who was he to deny him the right to talk about his first kiss. It was such a horrible thing to do. He should have just asked him if he wanted to it in the first place. But if he had had the sense to ask Wyn first it would have meant he had actually thought things through. He hadn't, and his impulsivity hadn't just hurt Wyn but himself as well.

"I'm sorry... I just... yeah I'm sorry," Oliver wanted to just take everything back. He wanted to take back the kiss, but he also wanted to take back taking it back. And he wanted to take back his request to take back the kiss as well. But he couldn't. If they acknowledged the kiss they would have to talk about it and Oliver would have to tell Wyn why he regretted it and he would have to tell him about Alex. And he just couldn't. Even if he had wanted to talk about Alex in the first place he couldn't do it now because he was sure he'd just break down crying. He really had messed this whole thing up. All he could hope for was that Wyn would forgive him and really still want to be friends with him.

He decided to try to compensate for it though. That was the least he could do. He didn't want to talk about what had just happened, and he didn't want to talk about whether or not he liked Wyn as something more than a friend, or if Wyn liked him that way. Probably not... He sure hoped not. But maybe they could open the subject up just a little, it didn't have to be completely off limits. He cleared his throat a little and sniffled to will the tears away. He took a bite of his brownie as if nothing had happened and said, "Does that mean you haven't dated anyone before then?" he was asking it carefully, in case it was too private for Wyn to disclose, he just wanted to give him the chance to went if he needed it.
 
Wyn composed himself and tried to keep a brave face. It was difficult due to the emotions running rampant in his mind. There was so much happening in his mind, yet he had to dial it down because that kiss wasn't supposed to happen. It was a spur of the moment thing and Oliver regretted it, so it should't count...right? Wyn was confused and upset and about a million other different emotions as well. It was hard for him to think that Oliver was upset about kissing him. It was hard to think that their friendship was going to break down. Nevertheless, Wyn agreed to forget about the kiss and move on.

"I traveled a lot, so I didn't get the chance to really get to know anyone. Besides, dating wasn't on the top of my list of things to do," Wyn stated as he regulated his voice. A part of him wanted to cry while another wanted to stay and continue the conversation. He wasn't thinking much about his words due to his mind running at 1000 mph causing him to slip up a bit. "It's a bit hard to date someone who isn't on the road with you and even then it's hard because of schedules and what needs to be done."

Wyn really liked Oliver and knew that Oliver felt similarly, yet there was a boundary. The more Wyn got to know Oliver the more he wondered about the incident that screwed him up...for lack of a better phrase. Wyn knew that whatever happened was enough to push Oliver over the edge, similarly to how Wyn was driven to extremes. Recalling his suicide attempt, Wyn closed his eyes for a moment as shame and guilt flooded his mind. Wyn took a deep breath and opened his eyes and focused on Oliver. Bringing himself back to the real world, Wyn wondered why Oliver regretted kissing him.
 
"I'm sorry," Oliver said again, clearly not for Wyn's lack of a past dating life, but because he lacked a past dating life and now Oliver had come and messed with things and made them complicated before he had even had a real relationship. Under all the guilt though, he couldn't help but wonder about all that Wyn had just said. He knew he had travelled, but the way he was saying it, it just sounded different that Oliver had imagined. He had imagined Wyn being homeschooled as he had to fly to random places around the US or elsewhere with his dad or something. But now he said things like on the road, and indicated that there maybe were people his age with them.

Now wasn't the time to mention it though, "I guess that's the perk of being in the same place all your life, you get to know people. But I suppose it's also kind of shitty because people get to know you and then you're stuck with that image until you leave," he let out a sigh, as much as he liked to pretend that he didn't care that a majority of the school thought he was kind of weird and would rather keep their distant, or that he for the past months probably was known as 'that guy who was dating the guy who killed himself' he kind of did deep down. Which was way Wyn had been such a relief, and now he was just praying he wouldn't lose Wyn because of this one really stupid mistake.

"Do you miss travelling?" Oliver asked softly, he wasn't sure where Wyn draw the line when it came to talking about his past, but Oliver didn't really need any details and somehow he felt like he knew the answer was yes.
 
Wyn was lost in Oliver's words that he didn't realize he was telling the truth. His mind was still caught up on the kiss and Oliver's rejection. "Yeah, it's very different being in one place for a long time." While some might not consider a few months a long time to Wyn it felt like a lifetime. He wondered how people could deal with the monotonous daily grind. Wyn grew up with a different schedule every day. Some days he was moving equipment and setting up for a show and another he was training or cross training. In between the work was play and school. A set schedule was never something he really had. The closest thing he had to a set schedule were show days. Even then, he had a ton of free time scattered throughout the day. Being forced to sit at a desk, confined to a single building for the majority of the day was tiring.

"So you've lived here your entire life?" Wyn asked trying to keep his mind off of what happened before. Talking about more mundane things made Wyn forget momentarily about the kiss. He really wanted to know more about Oliver and a 'typical childhood' that he saw many times in movies and TV shows. Going to the same school every day, doing the same things every day...it seemed pretty boring and somewhat pointless. Wyn wondered what it would be like to grow up in one spot where everyone knew you. There were so many questions Wyn had for Oliver that he didn't really know where to start.
 
"yeah, so like, mom's technically an immigrant, but she's been here since college, so Octavia and I were born here," Oliver said, to him it was weird to not have been born in one place and then grown up there, which was just Wyn's normal, "The most we do when leaving is going to Sweden every couple of years to visit relatives, but other than that we're just kind of here all the time,"

Oliver just kind of kept talking, he still felt like shit over what he had done, and he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was both the guilt he was thinking about, and just how nice Wyn's lips had felt, which in turn made him feel even more guilty. The worst part definitely was how much he had liked it, and how much he wanted to not take it back, because he wasn't supposed to feel that way.

"I get that it probably sounds boring to someone like you who has travelled as much as you, but I think I kind of need something static," With his mood going back and forth from week to week it was nice to have some kind of routine, sure he broke it frequently and ditched classes and all that, but he always knew he had something to fall back on, "Don't get me wrong, if I graduate high school I definitely wanna get out of here, but probably to settle somewhere else. Probably somewhere more progressive, it's not like I'm getting severely harrassed here or anything, but I'd still like to live somewhere med at least slightly more tolerant people, yanno?"
 
"When I graduate, I'm leaving," Wyn replied as he thought about the many places he's been. The idea of settling down wasn't something he had in mind, but maybe he would...with the right person. "New York is a great place to go," Wyn stated with a new enthusiasm. "There's so much to do there, you'd never get bored. You should see the different parades and events! It's really awesome." Wyn was getting a bit excited. The last time he was in NYC was about 3 years ago. It was almost like a fantasy. There were lights and the city literally never slept. Realizing that he was getting a bit excited, Wyn took a step backwards. "I think you'd like it," Wyn added before pulling back more.

He felt a bit embarrassed about the outburst and remembered how excited he was when he went with his parents. The city was so magical and yet there was something edgy about it. Wyn also had some friends in NYC who ran circus schools and similar establishments. If he had to settle down somewhere it'd be either NYC or LA. Either city he had friends and felt comfortable in. Still, he wasn't sure if he would ever settle down. His upbringing set him up for travel. Wyn didn't have many possessions or attachments. After the last year, he saw himself living on the road again...maybe getting a van or something like that.

The best thing about this conversation though was that it was diverging away from their families. Wyn didn't want to talk about his parents nor his past. He didn't want Oliver to think of him differently or be upset because he lied. If they could talk about their futures, Wyn would be happy. There was so much he wanted to do once he was able to control his own life. At the moment, he wasn't considered an adult and his choices were limited, but the future looked brighter. While he would always be indebted to Lauren, he needed to leave and get back to what he knew.
 
"It must be nice to feel that comfortable with just going places," Oliver said thoughtfully, going back to eating his brownie, it was weird, kind of like the kiss hadn't happened, which was what he had requested but it still didn't feel entirely natural to just ignore it, "Like, I'd love to go somewhere like New York. And I want to get out of here at some point, but where is the security in that you know?"

He wished he could be that guy who didn't care and just let go of everything and left. He was honestly always trying to portray himself like that and sometimes when he and Alex would talk about the future he'd make claims about how they'd go somewhere different after high school and it would be okay because they had each other and all that. But in reality, he wouldn't have any idea what he was doing if he did something like that. With Alex, he always had to pretend he did though, or else his anxiety would act up in one way or another, with Wyn he actually felt like he could kind of say that he was unsure of the future. Because they wouldn't have a future together, clearly. Oliver had taken the kiss back and Wyn had his own life that he was planning on continuing as soon as he had the chance.

"I guess growing up in the same has kind of made me feel like a need that comfort. But just travelling and not caring must be really nice," He reasoned"I dunno, my parents are probably going to want me to go to college right away though, I used to want to go, but I'm not sure anymore, I guess you need college to get a job and all that, but I suppose a stable job isn't the main priority if you're just travelling?"
 
Wyn never really considered college. He knew about it and there were adults he knew who went, but most agreed that in their profession college wasn't essential. Knowing what he wanted at a young age, Wyn decided to just get his GED and continue performing. "A stable job and income is always important," Wyn stated somewhat confused by Oliver's statement. He wondered if Oliver had any experience supporting himself or living in less than stellar situations. "Traveling is nice, but you have to care and plan. It's not just about moving around. You have to make sure you have money and supplies and an idea of where you want to go and why," Wyn started to explain. His mind got side tracked as he remembered what his father told him.

Michael was a circus performer for most of his life and performed on his own for many years as well. Often, Michel would go off about how to survive when not in a company and what to do if you're traveling alone. Wyn was pretty confident in his ability to travel and survive on the road. Having to only care for one person was easy. It was caring for a family that made things harder. Wyn's father always told him to find someone who could share the life with him if he wanted to continue to be on the road. Wyn agreed. The only way to perform and travel with someone would be to find a person who would do the same...this probably would exclude Oliver.

As he thought, Wyn wondered if there was a way to live with Oliver. There was so much he wanted to do with his life, but now he wanted to do stuff with Oliver. Wyn wanted to be with Oliver and share more than a year with him. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if Oliver felt the same. They both shared that they wanted to be friends, but what did that mean exactly.
 
"Yeah, I guess nothing's ever as easy as just getting up and leave, and that's not even easy to begin with," it was kind of clear that Oliver didn't know much at all about the topic at hand, and he kind of had to admit he didn't, he was raised in the same place, by parents who loved each other and who were way off, he was privileged and the way he took a lot of things in his life for granted was pretty arrogant.

But it wasn't like he was living a perfect life because of it. Even before Alex had left him to fend for himself he had been struggling with shit, and he was just tired of it. Especially now that he didn't have Alex. In part he had Wyn now. It wasn't quite the same as Alex, it wasn't years of friendship and knowing each other on a deeper and more personal level than everyone else (though clearly still not well enough or he would have done something to stop things from turning out of they had). But Wyn, it seemed, would leave one day too. Not in the same way, but he sure wasn't staying here and Oliver could talk all he wanted, but he doubted that he'd actually manage to leave this place in ages.

"I dunno... I guess I sometimes just wanna leave and like lay down and waste away and not have to bother with anything and just not exist," As the words left his mouth he realised things turned darker than the joking way he had intended to say them. He had tried to comment on the fact that maybe it wasn't the going away he wanted and more the not giving having to give a shit about anything anymore, he had just neglected to think about the fact that you'd still have responsibilities on the road, they were just different from the ones at home, and he hadn't realised that because he hadn't ever experienced it like Wyn had.

"You know, like no responsibilities," he tried to save it but he knew he shouldn't have really added the not existing part, even though it seemed better a lot of the times now.
 
Just when Wyn thought everything was good and the world was stitching itself back together something happened. When Oliver spoke about not existing, Wyn was sucked backwards about 5 months ago. He remembered the days of just lying in bed doing nothing hoping that the world would end...at least, his world would end. He remembered going through the motions of life for Lauren and holding on if only for her. The longer this went on the more of a burden he became until he finally decided to take things into his own hands. The helplessness, the loneliness, the pain, it all came rushing back in a flood. Wyn let his hands slip beneath the table as he dug his nails into his skin. For some reason, the sensation of pain was the only thing that pushed through the numbing effect of the memories.

"Yeah, life can be hard," Wyn replied softly as his eyes turned away from Oliver. He glanced at his phone and noticed that they'd been sitting at the table for well over an hour and Wyn had eaten only half of his salad. "Hey, Lauren's probably waiting for me at home, so I'm going. I'll see you later," Wyn stated more for himself than for Oliver. With that he stood to leave the cafe. Grabbing his bag, Wyn left Oliver in the booth.

He rounded the corner of the cafe, just out of sight, and leaned heavily against the brick facade. He slid down the wall until he was sitting in fetal position on the ground, his head in his knees. Taking deep breaths, Wyn calmed himself down just enough to pull himself together. After a few minutes of breathing, Wyn stood up and walked back home.
 
Wyn left kind of hastily, he had an excuse that probably was valid but Oliver couldn't help but feel it was something he said. He supposed all people didn't like to have existential crises thrown in their faces. Or maybe it was just the fact that Oliver had acted completely stupid and kissed him and then taken it back and then randomly started to talk about their futures and then kind of half confessed to sometimes not really wanting to live. When he thought about it that sounded pretty offputting.

Oliver waited a moment or two before going home, but when he did he took his time and lit a cigarette while he walked. With Wyn being gone again he got more room to think about what had just happened and god did he hate himself at that moment. He felt like he had betrayed both Wyn and Alex in the worst possible way and he felt like shit, but not the same kind of shit as he had a couple of days ago, when he just kind of wanted to curl up in bed and do nothing, but he felt angry and frustrated with himself and kind of wanted to punch or kick something or just kind of scream.

Before he got home he managed to get some of his frustrations out by rolling p his jacket sleeve and pushing the cigarette bud against his skin to put it out. It hurt and he was happy no one was around where he had stopped to do it because he couldn't stop himself from letting out a small whimper as he did. It had been a while since he did something like that, but the pain of the future scar to match some of the others on his arms, was kind of a good distraction and it felt fair to punish himself after fucking up so bad.

When he came home Octavia was on him the moment he got upstairs and told him he smelled like smoke. Their parents were strictly against both smoking and underage drinking. Octavia kept to the first rule and Oliver thought she was a total hypocrite by drinking but also giving him shit about smoking. He told her that and she retorted by saying that smoking would kill him. She shut up when Oliver's response to that was an angry 'good.' At that point she didn't push the smoking thing anymore and she followed Oliver into his room, Oliver let her and they sat down on his bed where Oliver started to cry and just kind of told her about what had just happened.

Oliver really couldn't stand Octavi sometimes, but as she listened to him cry about how he had kissed Wyn and how it felt like betraying Alex, and how he was scared of Wyn leaving one day because he'd want to travel again, he appreciated having her. They had been really close when they were younger, and this was kind of a trace of that. They were still siblings and twins no matter how much they got on each other's nerves sometimes.

When school started the next week Oliver almost expected Wyn to avoid him but he didn't and they were soon getting back into some kind of routine of sitting next to each other in world history and having lunches together. They ignored the kiss completely for now and instead Oliver would talk about things he enjoyed now that he was in a productive mood, so he'd chat about poetry and art and music, and he'd ask Wyn question too, never anything personal, just things about his Sudoku puzzles, and hat music he liked and he'd even in hushed tones ask some stuff about the gym and the aerial stuff as it seemed to be what Wyn was the most passionate about.

One thing that was different though was Davíd and Tess coming by sometimes, not to eat with them but to say hi, and since Wyn kind of knew more about them now Oliver wasn't as opposed to it and he was starting to realise how much he missed them. So when they asked if he, and also Wyn wanted to go out for pizza that Saturday Olive gave in and said yes. He wanted Wyn there though, if Oliver went by himself it'd feel like someone was missing. Wyn couldn't fill that hole but he could make the situation something completely different. So he had convinced him to come.

So after a fairly pleasant week, Oliver found himself at a small local pizza place with Davíd, waiting for both Tess, who was running a little late, and Wyn to arrive
 
Wyn got home and immediately collapsed on his bed. So much happened in the day that he was trying to process everything. The first thing he was processing was the kiss. Touching his lips gently, Wyn shuddered at the memory of Oliver's lips. They were so soft and wanting. Wyn wondered what they'd been through. His mother always told him about relationships and safe sex. One thing she always said was, 'when you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone they ever had sex with.' Wyn wondered if that applied to kissing too. He wondered how many people Oliver kissed before him and remembered that Oliver had more dating experience than him. Despite this, Wyn couldn't stop thinking about Oliver. The gentleness of his kiss and the face he made after it. Wyn felt bad about the kiss. For some reason he felt it was his fault for making Oliver so sad.

After lying in bed for an hour or so, Wyn heard Lauren in the living room. She was doing some work and tidying up around the house. He did a few chores in the morning, but Lauren still had some boxes to unpack and figure out where things belonged in their new home. Most of the things were hers or gifts from friends. Out of the many boxes they had for moving, Wyn only laid claim to three and one wasn't even full. Deciding to get his mind off Oliver, Wyn went to the gym. Lauren seemed pretty happy to see Wyn doing stuff. She took it as a sign that he was getting better...that he was getting over everything. What she didn't know was that going to the gym only helped Wyn forget about the stuff instead of confronting it.

Wyn stayed for about 3 hours before heading back home. While at the gym he had time to forget about the stress of life and focus on some new tricks and conditioning. Wyn was starting to make a new routine so he started listening to a lot of new music for ideas. He also decided that he'd stay quiet about the kiss and his feelings for Oliver. Once at home, life continued as usual.

Wyn settled back into the groove of life and kept things friendly with Oliver, getting to know him better. He learned quite a bit about Oliver and his friends Tess and David. It seemed that Oliver really liked the two of them, despite avoiding them so much. They both started really learning more about each other; mostly their hobbies, likes, dislikes, and overall personality. Wyn learned that Oliver was much more of a softy than he led others to believe. It was nice to just hang out with Oliver. Nevertheless, Wyn always felt a slight flutter in his chest whenever Oliver got close. Over the week, they spent a lot of time together both at school, Oliver's house, and the gym. Wyn was content with this new normal for them.

"Shit," Wyn stated as he checked his phone for the time. He was running late. This was the first time he was late for a meet up with Oliver. Today they were having lunch with David and Tess and Wyn was mentally kicking himself for oversleeping the night before. Yesterday he got carried away with the creative process and stayed late at the gym, so late that Joe had to kick him out.

"Hey," Wyn called out as he came upon the local pizza place. His backpack was held close to his back so it didn't bounce around too much. His signature over-sized pull over was a turquoise green with a lion design. He paired it with a pair of simple jeans and sneakers. His hair was getting long and he needed a haircut, but hadn't gotten around to doing it yet. "Hi, sorry I'm late. I stayed up late last night," Wyn explained as he caught his breath. "Where's Tess?"
 
The tension between Oliver and Davíd as they waited for the other two to arrive was kind of thick. Even though they had been talking more lately it was weird to be back hanging out like this outside of school. Oliver felt nervous even if he always wanted to paint himself as confident. Davíd seemed to be feeling a little awkward, though he was trying to make conversation. Though it was the basic stuff, asking how Oliver had been, "fine," and how his and Wyn's project ended up, "good, I guess," and telling him how Wyn seemed nice, "Yeah, he really is,"

When Wyn finally arrived Oliver spotted him instantly, because he had kept his eyes on the door waiting for either him or Tess to arrive. Wyn looked cute that day, hair getting a little while and cheeks flushed from hurrying and the cold weather. As soon as Oliver thought that though he felt guilty, both on Alex's and Wyn's account. He had decided he couldn't think of Wyn like that, it just wasn't fair on anyone and would just make him miserable.

"She's running late," Oliver said and pulled out the chair next to him so he could keep Wyn close to him. His excuse was that he knew Wyn got kinda nervous sometimes, but subconsciously it was most likely because he wanted to sit next to him.

"She just texted though, says she'll be here any minute," Davíd filled in and just as he said that the door opened again to reveal a slightly dishevelled Tess. She hurried up to them, her hair up in a bun that probably had been neat at one point and dressed in a blouse and skirt that didn't really fit with the establishment, she always looked kind of proper. Oliver probably fit in well in the not all that fancy pizza place, wearing a band tee and distressed jeans as normal, he had shrugged his jacket of somewhere along the line because inside the restaurant it was pretty warm.

"Sorry I'm late, did you order without me?" She asked, sounding genuinely sorry.
"Nah, Wyn was late too," Oliver filled her in, "We'll all go order something now,"
And so he stood and the little group went up to go order their food.

"Have you eaten here before?" Tess asked Wyn, "It's great, they totally have the best pizzas ever, we used to go here all the time a while back..." She trailed off, glanced at Oliver for a moment and Davíd looked kind of sad, she still powered on though, "the mushroom pizza is great, Oliver always takes a Hawaiian though, cus he's a weirdo,"
 
Wyn smiled as Tess appeared behind him. She was also a bit of a mess. Taking a seat next to Oliver, Wyn glanced over the menu and wondered what he was going to get. "No, I don't usually eat pizza, so this is a treat," Wyn replied. It wasn't that he didn't like pizza, rather it was that his parents didn't. Besides, he wasn't really a big pizza person, but every now and then he enjoyed a slice or two. "I'm going to get two slices with garlic," Wyn stated as he looked around to David and Tess. The two were obviously familiar with the establishment and had their favorites already picked out.

The conversation was a bit weird. It seemed like everyone was happy to be there, but tiptoeing around something. Wyn wondered what separated the group in the first place and why Oliver seemed to distance himself the most. Something major definitely happened and it tore the group apart...at least it drove Oliver away. Nevertheless, it wasn't his place to pry. Wyn was just happy to spend time with Oliver and his friends and make the most out of being a kid.

Wyn got lost in his thoughts as he ate his slices. The rest of the group started talking to each other and Wyn listened. As his mind drifted though, he couldn't help but steal glances at Oliver. He seemed like he was having a good time and that made Wyn relax a bit. His muscles were unusually relaxed and his tension pretty much gone. The stress of interacting with others seemed to be gone and that made him feel safe. His attention returned when someone directed a question at him. "Yeah, sorry. What did you say?" He felt a bit embarrassed about asking again, but he really didn't know what they said.
 
It shouldn't really have been surprising to Oliver that he was having a nice time. He was hanging out with two people who had been his friends for ages and the one person who had provided friendship when he didn't have anything else, even if Wyn was a little quiet. They were just making normal conversation, mostly talking about school and silly things their teachers were doing, carefully tiptoeing around the best, both to not push Wyn out of the group and for other obvious reasons.

Still as much as Oliver felt like Wyn being there helped make it less obvious that someone wasn't there it was hard to forget completely when you were in a setting thas so reminiscent of the past. It was weird that Alex wasn't ext to him, chuckling softly at Davíd's animated story about how their English teacher had tried to imitate a windmill to illustrate something in class. Instead, there was Wyn there, seemingly a little in his own world as he munched on his pizza slices.

"but you know, windmills aside, she's a good teacher so," Davíd wrapped his story up.
"Oh yeah totally," Tess agreed.
"nerd," Oliver joked, Tess pulled an offended face.
"Oh like you're one to talk Mr. Poetry McGee, I don't know how --" she suddenly stopped herself, Oliver had no idea what she had wanted to say but he had an inkling she would have been about to mention Alex, hence why she stopped herself, "never mind. Anyways, Wyn, how do you like the school and stuff, since you're new and all, we've all just always gone here, it's kinda weird to think that you would have gone another school and stuff,"

Wyn's response wasn't an answer though, but a request for Tess to repeat. It clearly had her a little flustered but she repeated it a little more short and concise, "I was asking how you like the school so far, in comparison to your old one,"
 
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