I Want to Face...

Everything happened so fast that Wyn barely had enough time to interject. He looked from one twin to the next as he tried to figure out which one was causing the bigger problem. While Octavia wasn't invited to the conversation, she wasn't exactly doing anything wrong. Oliver seemed to think otherwise and began to berate her. Oliver slipped into another language and Octavia replied in English allowing Wyn to keep with the argument. It appeared that Oliver and Octavia weren't that close. She was pretty upset about Oliver kicking her out. Wyn wondered if this was how siblings usually interacted or if it was just twins. Being in a circus setting, Wyn could understand needing space, especially since you live and travel with usually the same core group of people for a few months or years.

"Nothing much. She just wanted to talk to me. I guess since I've been spending time in your house," Wyn replied as he turned to face Oliver. "She just inquired about me and I returned the question. It seems that she's very athletic. You came in before we could ask each other a lot of questions." Wyn tilted his head slightly to the left, unconsciously, as he thought about his relationship with Oliver. Wyn was really happy whenever he was spending time with Oliver and it seemed the same could be said about Oliver. The two had really grown close in a short amount of time.

"Should we finish the project?' Wyn asked with a smile as he turned back towards the desk and his laptop. He had a few articles opened on the screen that he was looking at to help Oliver finish up the journal entry. They would give Oliver a little more detail to play around with while staying historically accurate.
 
Oliver felt seriously bad that he had reacted so harshly is his sister literally had just been talking to Wyn. He knew that she had done it to annoy him though, so he had a right to be angry. But he felt kind of embarrassed too, and hoped Wyn seeing him flip out on his sister over nothing would push him away. But he just suggested they'd continue with the projects. And he smiled, which made Oliver feel a little better, because as he was getting to know Wyn he had found that he had a really nice smile.

"Yeah, let's finish it,"

And so they did. Finally. Their journal entry ended up a good chunk longer than the minimum length, but not over maximum, meaning it was at a length that probably would get them a good grade. The only reason Oliver cared about that was that he hoped it would make Wyn happy. And honestly, he felt like they deserved a good grade, because they had put a lot of work into and it was probably the first thing that kind of could be considered art that Oliver had created in a long time.

Oliver let Wyn hang around a little longer still, just to hang out, which was pretty nice to do not at the gym and without having a project due. Hopefully, Wyn would want to come over even if they didn't have a project to work on in the future, though Oliver was really terrified he wouldn't want to hang out with him any more no that the project was gone. He just didn't like the idea of people leaving him, even if it wasn't as permanent as it could be.

Eventually, Wyn had to leave, just to avoid another awkward dinner. And the moment Wyn left everything was back to normal. Or possibly worse. Once their parents were home they could, of course, detect the animosity between their two children and them asking about what was going on led to another big fight. At first, they had been mad at Octavia for making things harder for Oliver because Oliver 'needed friends right now' which honestly made Oliver feel bad in itself, but at least they were on his side for once. But then Octavia managed to turn it around by admitting how tired she was of all the fighting and how it was affecting her too and she blamed it all on Oliver refusing to get help and refusing to take his medication. And their parents' solution to that? They pushed for group again.

Apparently, they had been in contact with Oliver's regular therapist, who he currently just didn't go see, and she had recommended group therapy. His parents were telling him that it was apparent that they couldn't help him as much as he wanted and in group, he wouldn't even have to talk much, as long as he went to listen to the others it might help. Oliver refused the idea. and stomped up to his room.

The next day he decided to not go to school at all, he felt bad for Wyn, they usually had lunch together now so he felt like he was ditching him. But he just didn't want to go to group, he didn't want to think about Alex, which made him think about Alex. Which made him feel like next to nothing mattered again, which made him wonder if his parents wanted him to go to group to process thing about Alex or because they were afraid he would follow suit. Either way, his plan to just stay in bed all day and avoid group that was backfired when his parents came home basically told him he had to go, which ended with his father practically dragging him by the arm to the car while Oliver yelled about not needing to go and that it was stupid. Once in the car, he just gave up and just sat in the backseat and cried the entire way there because he was so fucking tired of everything.

They arrived at Group early. It was held in a church basement which Oliver absolutely hated, but at least he didn't look completely like some little old church lady would even be afraid of or scowl at, since he had practically come straight from bed he was wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. His mother had grabbed a sweater for him since it was cold out but he opted not to put it on as he walked into the building with his parents. If he was there because he was fucked up he might as well show off the burn scars and the cuts.

Because he had given up easier than his parents had thought he would they were there a little early, his parents had walked him in and given him a hug and left, but Oliver knew there was no point leaving because they'd be waiting in the car outside until they knew the session started. So, for now, he stood leaned against a wall, looking miserable with puffy eyes and a sour expression, waiting to just get this over with so he could prove that it was pointless.
 
Wyn arrived at Group a little late. He had to walk from the bus stop since Lauren was caught up at the office. Wyn reassured her that he'd get there. While Wyn considered ditching, he knew that it was good for him. To be honest though, Wyn felt better after going. Whether it was because he was able to get some things off his chest or just listen to others and know that he wasn't alone. Being quiet, Wyn focused on quickly sneaking in without causing much of a disruption. Keeping his eyes fixed on the empty chair, Wyn didn't even notice Oliver until he sat down and looked around the group. Wyn's eyes locked with Oliver's for the first time in their entire friendship. He was shocked and terrified all at the same time. Wyn's mouth hung open slightly as his brain registered Oliver's face. There was no way Oliver was in Group...yet there he was.

"Hello," Lucy, the coordinator, said with a smile as she looked to Wyn, "we have a new guest today, who normally doesn't come, so would you like to introduce yourself?" She knew Wyn from previous sessions and knew that he was a bit shy, but opened up in the last few sessions. Everyone in Group was pretty comfortable with each other, which made Lucy hopeful that the conversation for today would be enlightening. Lucy was a smaller Asian woman who was dressed pretty casually in a pair of jeans and a long sleeved solid blue t-shirt. She had a warm welcoming persona and a nice smile.

Wyn let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Um," Wyn said softly as he turned away, "not today." Wyn pulled back into himself as he dragged his eyes away form Oliver. He couldn't look up now. Wyn felt ashamed now. There was no way he could explain this to Oliver. This was the first nail in the coffin that Wyn started building the moment he lied about his history.

Lucy heard and nodded as she redirected the conversation. "Today's topic is grief. Loosing someone close to you changes things permanently. We've all dealt with the pain and sadness and the loneliness that's left behind. If anyone wants to share feel free to now. When the person is finished sharing we'll open the floor for people to offer comfort and share their own experiences. The goal of this group is to create a support system for everyone present, so people know that they aren't alone and everyone feels things. It's not shameful or wrong to feel emotions and no emotion is bad. We're not here to judge or criticize, only to offer support and share. Now I open the floor."

Wyn wasn't really listening to what was happening as he kept his eyes focused on anything but Oliver. Despite his best efforts, Wyn stole glances at Oliver throughout the session. Several people shared about their pasts and what they were going through; one lost a parent while another lost a childhood friend. Some of the discussion focused on feeling survivor's guilt and shame for moving on. Wyn couldn't focus on the conversation. Every now and then, Wyn would catch the tail end of someone's comment or story. Whenever he tuned in he felt a tightness in his chest.
 
Oliver, who wasn't paying attention to what was going on when the session started, turned his gaze to the door when someone came in late. Who he saw was a total surprise. Wyn. Wyn was there in Group. Oliver stared at him with wide eyes as he sat down and after a moment their gazes met. Oliver then tore his eyes from his friend and looked down on his feet. This was weird. Wyn wasn't supposed to be in Group. Oliver didn't want him in Group because that meant that in one way or another he felt bad. Oliver didn't like that.

He wouldn't do anything about it though. So he just glanced while he tried to ignore the people who talked. He didn't like hearing things he could relate to. He didn't know why really. Maybe just because it was a reminder of what he was feeling. He would have felt better if he didn't have to be reminded, because then he wouldn't have had to think about it. But then again he thought about it most of the time anyway. The only times he found himself forgetting was when he was with Wyn.

Wyn wasn't sharing anything, just sitting quietly. Even if Oliver would have wanted to share anything he was quiet as well. Glancing over at Wyn. He couldn't really talk about anything that had happened, or anything that was going on now without revealing too much for Wyn to hear. So he spent most of the session just thinking about what to say to him when it was over. Because they had made eye contact. They both knew the other was there and this was too big not to mention. Plus Oliver was curious. He probably wouldn't ask directly, but he kind of wanted to know why he was there. He must have lost someone, right? He knew there were a handful of people there because they were dealing with recovering from their own attempts, while some were there for similar reasons to Oliver's. It had been a while since he was last there so some faces were new, some were people he recognized from before and vaguely remembered the stories of.

He didn't say anything throughout the session and soon enough it was over. Had Wyn not been there it would have been a relief but now they would have to talk. Talking to Wyn was great normally. Today, it made him nervous. Once everything was wrapped up and people stood to either leave or exchange a word or two with the people they had gotten to know over the sessions Oliver carefully got up from his seat and walked up to Wyn. He briefly placed a hand on his shoulder to say he wanted to stop and talk.

"hey, Wyn," his voice was careful, his face lacked the usual grin and he had long since dropped the nickname 'new kid' and definitely wouldn't be saying it now. He didn't really know what else to say though.
 
Wyn was ready to book it the moment Group let out, but Oliver stopped him from doing that. He felt the hand on his shoulder and immediately knew that Oliver was standing behind him. Turning slowly, Wyn looked back towards Oliver. He couldn't make eye contact normally, but now it was even worse. Wyn felt ashamed for being spotted by Oliver. There was so much he wanted to say, yet he couldn't find the words. Wyn turned his head as he stared just past Oliver's shoulder. "Please not here," Wyn said softly as he thought about where they could talk. Wyn wasn't comfortable with talking where everyone could see. Also, there were things Wyn wanted to say behind closed doors.

Since this was the church Lauren frequented weekly, Wyn had the chance to scope it out a bit. "There's a storage room around the corner. Follow me, but don't make it too obvious," Wyn stated as he turned and left the room. Technically, they weren't allowed to roam the church halls, but no one monitored them. The direction Wyn went created the illusion that he was leaving through a second exit. Since Wyn sometimes walked to Group, it was known that he'd use this exit to avoid the busy street in the front of the church. Wyn didn't glance behind him for Oliver. He knew the other boy was following. Turning a corner, Wyn slipped into the storage room, leaving the door slightly adjar for Oliver.

The room was pretty big since it held the various statues used at different times during the year. There was a nativity set, various drapes, and a plethora of religious objects. Wyn waited in the room making sure he was turned so that Oliver wouldn't be able to see his eyes. There were a million thoughts running through his head and all of them were negative in some respect. Wyn wondered how he was going to explain his being there. He wondered why Oliver was there. He wondered if this was a sort of punishment by supernatural powers. The tightness in his chest from Group had been replaced by a swarm of bees in his stomach.

Wyn heard the door open and close. The space was rather dark, but illuminated slightly by the light peering through the space between the door and the frame. The dim light made Wyn feel a little better since he couldn't properly see Oliver's expression. Wyn faced Oliver and stuttered a bit, "Oliver, I...um...there's a lot to explain...."
 
Oliver dutifully followed Wyn through the church. He always just went straight to the basement and up again when he had to go to Group, preferring to spend as little time as possible in a religious building so the way Wyn just seemed to know his way around made him wonder if he visited the church outside of group. And if so, was it he who was religious or his family? It wasn't surprising to find religious people where they lived. It was honestly the norm, even if it was to varying degrees. But it was a part of Wyn he hadn't really considered.

But that wasn't important right now. Soon Oliver found himself in a dark storage room. He made sure the door was closed behind them because he wanted other people to hear them just as little as Wyn.

"Yeah," he practically breathed at Wyn's statement, "I guess there is," for both of them. But then again Oliver wasn't sure he wanted to explain all of it. But he felt like he owed it to explain some of it at least. They were friends and there were certain things Wyn should know as his friend.

"Okay, you know what?" he said, trying to sound a little more like normal even though it was hard not to feel uncertain at a moment like this. He grabbed Wyn's hand and gently pulled him with him as he sat down. So now they were sitting on the floor, across from each other surrounded by all the random stored away religious items. It really was kind of a weird situation, "let's treat it like Group. But it's just us. We don't have to share anything we're not comfortable with, but it's a safe space, or whatever. I'll start,"

It wasn't until then he let go of Wyn's hand. He was finding that it was kind of weirdly comforting to touch him, but he wasn't sure how Wyn felt about it at a time like this. And for now Oliver crossed his still very much bare and scarred arms, he wasn't sure if he was glad the dark hid them or not, usually he didn't make an effort to hide them but he realised Wyn hadn't really seen them, over his chest and leaned against a couple of stacked chairs.

"So, I'm Oliver and I suffer from cyclothymia, which basically is mild bipolar disorder. I've been in therapy for a couple of years now, but mostly private sessions," He started, his voice was serious for once, even if he had tried to turn it all into a game of sorts, "I don't even normally go to Group, it's just... There have been some things happening the past half a year or so, and I don't think my therapist or my parents think I'm not getting better so... yeah, here I am... Again, you don't need to say anything you don't want to, believe me, I get it,"
 
Wyn sat down with Oliver. He felt his heart flutter as Oliver grabbed his hand. He wondered if Oliver could feel his heart rate increase because Wyn could hear the blood pumping through his ears. The bees in his belly seemed to dissipate the longer Oliver held his hand. It felt nice to have someone touch him so gently, but without pity. Wyn didn't want to let Oliver go, but did so to not make things awkward.

Wyn sat silently in the darkened room as he listened to Oliver. So bipolar...that explains some things. To be honest, Wyn hadn't noticed much. When people were weird, Wyn chalked it up to personality since many people in the circus had their unusual quirks that separated them from the general public. Following Oliver's lead, Wyn introduced himself, "I'm Wyn. I just moved here about three months ago. We moved because of an incident which..." Wyn paused trying to find the right words to explain his situation, "brings me to Group. I've had private sessions with a therapist, but was recently recommended to participate in Group to get to know others who shared a similar background."

Wyn wondered if Oliver attempted suicide like he did. That would explain some things, but at the same time Wyn knew that not everyone at Group were suicide survivors. As he sat silently in the darkness, Wyn felt his heart rate slow. There was something comforting about knowing that he wasn't alone in his problems. While he'd never wish his situation on anyone, he liked the idea of being able to share with someone close.

Despite being open with Oliver, Wyn had a nagging voice in the back of his head. He still had lies he had to protect and a facade to maintain. There was no way he could let Oliver know everything. There was no way he'd tell Oliver everything. Wyn had to protect his past if only for himself. The pain of losing his parents, the shame of abandoning his family, the despair of attempted suicide, those were things he couldn't share with Oliver...or anyone. Those were the truths that he was protecting and refusing to acknowledge.
 
Oliver frowned. He hoped Wyn couldn't see but he did. Obviously, Wyn was here for a reason, but to hear that he had been through something that made him feel bad enough to have to move and go to therapy and stuff made him feel kind of bad. He also wondered what had happened, Wyn was clearly dancing around the subject just as much as him. There were essentially two options, he had either tried to kill himself or he knew someone who had. If it was the first one Oliver didn't know what to do, but it just really couldn't be. It made more sense that he knew someone who had done it, he shared some feelings with Oliver, right? Like the whole thing with feeling distant from his friends, Oliver felt that way too.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling good. I know it doesn't change anything but... I guess I know how it feels and I wouldn't want you to feel like that," he said with a small sigh and glanced off to the side, which didn't matter much because it was dark and eye contact wasn't really happening in the dark, not that they normally made it anyway, "For what it's worth it's at least nice to know we can kind of relate, or something. Like I've felt scared to be completely open about some things because I've been afraid you'd maybe treat me differently, but I guess I can share more things now,"

That didn't mean he would share anything. In reality, the thing he had been afraid to share things about was Alexander, not really himself. But in not sharing things about Alexander he had not been able to share things about himself. And he decided to take the opportunity now. They had given themselves a moment to share what they wanted and needed, but the window to do so might close after they left the room, since clearly, they both had a lot of things they did not want to share.

"So I'm on medication, like mood stabilizers and junk, normally. But I haven't been taking them, and my mood has kind of dropped into a low lately. Like, I felt like shit before I stopped taking them anyways, so it doesn't really matter but I've been fighting a lot with my parents because of it... They are afraid I'm going to do something bad because I don't take them, but I don't think that really affects it," Oliver continued to explain. At times he was a bit of an over sharer but at this time it was just nice to have someone to talk to. Someone who would maybe, just maybe at least understand parts of how he felt or at least not blame him for it. He hadn't had someone like that since Alexander. Wyn couldn't replace him, and he wasn't looking for someone to replace him either, Wyn was different, but he missed having someone who understood. "You've kind of been making things better though, it's nice o just have someone to hang out with without really thinking about this kind of stuff,"
 
Wyn wasn't sure what to make of the admission. Oliver seemed like a pretty normal guy, but now Wyn started reflecting back on various moments. When he really thought about it, there was something different about Oliver that may have pointed to some issues. Nevertheless, that didn't change Wyn's perception of Oliver. "It is nice to have someone to talk to," Wyn admitted as he realized that he was still keeping so much from Oliver. The more Oliver talked the more it seemed like he was willing to reveal. Wyn wondered if there was something else that Oliver was hiding, something bigger. Oliver was sharing a lot and Wyn wasn't sure how much he should share.

Wyn stayed quiet as he thought about what to say to Oliver. That was until Oliver said that Wyn was making things better. Wyn looked up towards Oliver and thought the same thing. That's when he realized he wanted to tell Oliver more. Oliver made him so happy and yet Wyn was lying to Oliver about everything. Part of Wyn wanted to blurt out, I've been lying to you, but knew that would end terribly. Not only would Oliver probably be angry with Wyn but he played with the possibility of Oliver hating him completely. Wyn moved slightly as he struggled to find the right words.

"I'm on medication too," Wyn admitted as he tried to mimic Oliver's statement. "It keeps me stable and helps when things get difficult. I don't really fight with Lau... Mom much. At this point there's not much reason to fight with her and I'm really grateful to her for a lot of stuff, so I try not to make her life too difficult. I feel really bad when she has to do things for me because it's like I make things harder when she could have a much easier life." Wyn never really talked about his home life. It was strange to talk about Lauren so much, yet it felt good to. The more he spoke, the more he realized that she meant so much to him. As he talked to Oliver he made a mental note to tell Lauren thank you.

"You make things easier. I really like being around you and spending time with you. I can forget about the shitty world and just live," Wyn aditted as he glanced to the side. Revealing his feeling about Oliver was a bit strange for Wyn. He never had strong feelings for someone, especially someone he'd only met a little over a month ago.
 
Because Oliver was paying so close attention to what Wyn was saying he noticed the small slip up. He noticed that he had almost called his mom by her first name. It made it seem as if they weren't on as good terms as he was saying. But then again, he had also said he used to live with his dad and had just recently moved to be closer to her, though now he knew it was also in part because of some other reason. It dawned on him that maybe it was Wyn's dad who had died and that is why he was here now. That wouldn't be too far-fetched of an assumption.

He also wondered why he was on medication, his guess was that it either was because he was feeling terrible if his dad had died or even someone else close to him, maybe depression. Or maybe he was like Alex and had problems with anxiety, since he avoided eye contact in the way he had. Either way, it terrified him. He hadn't known Wyn for long but the idea of him having problems that could end with Oliver losing him was scary. He couldn't lose another person like that. And especially now that he had found that it was someone he maybe could be a little more open to.

Because of the sudden fear of that, and because he was sad, and because Wyn knew more things about him now and he felt kind of closer to him, he did something he wasn't sure if Wyn would like. But he felt like maybe they both needed it. He shuffled around a little on the ground so he came closer and then wrapped Wyn into a hug. Not a super tight one, he could push him away if he wanted to, but to Oliver it was nice, it was like when he had grabbed him by the hand a moment ago, kind of comforting and nice.

"Even if the project is over we'll hang out, right?" he asked, uncharacteristically softly, "Because I really like to forget about the shitty things, and I really like hanging out with you, and having a friend that understands seems nice"
 
Wyn didn't expect Oliver to hug him. When the other boy pulled him into an embrace, Wyn stiffened a bit at first but melted into Oliver's arms. It felt nice to be hugged again. Wyn avoided a lot of physical contact with Lauren unintentionally, so being hugged felt almost foreign to him. There was something so soft about Oliver at the moment and Wyn couldn't help but wonder what happened to Oliver. They were in Group together and Oliver was obviously going through a lot. Wyn didn't want to think about the bad things at the moment though. As he melted into Oliver's chest, Wyn moved his arms to return the hug. He allowed his head to rest gently on Oliver's shoulder as his own arms wrapped around Oliver.

The embrace felt nice and natural. He didn't want the embrace to end. The sound of the door opening made Wyn flinch, but when it swung wide open Wyn froze. He was staring up at Oliver's parents as they stood in the doorway. Logic disappeared in his mind and everything started to get jumbled. In his head voices were screaming. The color in Wyn's face melted away, leaving behind a ghost. His mouth was dry and his eyes locked on the faces of Oliver's parents.

Oliver's parents said a few things in a not so friendly tone, but Wyn couldn't hear them. There was a faint ringing in his ears that seemed to grow and grow. Wyn wanted to run away, but he couldn't feel his legs. There was a fear that filled him...correction, terror. Wyn felt like he'd been found out. He knew that Oliver wouldn't tell his family about seeing Wyn at Group, but now they knew. Now Oliver's parents knew there was something wrong with him and there was no guarantee they'd keep things quiet.

More words were exchanged and he was directly addressed, but Wyn couldn't hear nor respond. Instead, Wyn stood with a slight tremble throughout his body and pushed through the opening, pushing Oliver's father aside. He didn't realize it, but he knocked Oliver's father to the ground as he fled. Wyn ran and ran. He didn't stop for anything and wouldn't. He ran for almost 25 minutes and by the time he stopped his heart was pounding, his breath short, and sweat dripping down his back. Wyn looked up and had no idea where he was. He was in a part of town that he'd never been in before. Pulling out his phone, Wyn hastily tried to pull up Google Maps™.
 
Oliver was glad to feel Wyn lean into the hug because it meant it wasn't the wrong decision. Oliver wouldn't even have let go when the door opened, because he literally didn't care, unless it was for the fact that he very much felt Wyn flinch in in his arms. Se he let go and turned only to see his own parents. They looked mad, but with that worried kind of anger, they had been displaying for the past months. Oliver stood with a bored expression, he knew what was waiting and he was used to it. Selfishly though, he didn't really realise that Wyn wasn't.

His parents told them how worried they had been in raised voices and that they had no idea where he had taken off to and that if he had stayed to talk to someone he could have just called so they knew he was okay and nothing had happened. It was essentially the usual. They were angry at him, but it was okay and justified because it came from a place of worry.

After a little while they calmed down a little and it was at that point they realised just who Oliver was with and suddenly all attention was on Wyn. Including Oliver's and it was then he realised how terrified Wyn looked. There were like a million reasons why he could be scared, for one a lot of guys wouldn't want to be caught hugging another guy in secret even if it was friendly. Oliver also knew how Wyn clearly was doing his best to keep some things from people, like his aerial stuff, and clearly group. Now two more people knew of group. He also had gotten nervous about just having normal conversation with them, and now Oliver's parents had basically just stood there and yelled.

"Wyn, are you okay?" Oliver's mother started, clearly referring to his pale face and scared expression.
"We're not angry at you we're just--" Oliver's father started but was interrupted by Wyn pushing him out of the way, causing him to stumble over. Probably because no one would expect how strong Wyn really was.

He was gone in the seconds Oliver went to help his father up again, and Oliver stared in absolute horror after him. Malin inquired if Wyn was okay and Oliver told her "no clearly not," and tried to push away to run after but his mother grabbed his arm to stop him. Oliver just let out a very pleading "please," she sighed, let him go and Oliver was quick out to try to follow his friend. He lost him after turning a second corner, and by that point, he was too out of breath to really continue anyway.

He felt absolutely panicked. Now that he knew that Wyn wasn't completely okay not knowing where he was or what was going on was scary. He kept thinking what if. And he was afraid that if he didn't do something he'd regret it. So he started to call, they had exchanged numbers earlier that week so they could communicate about the assignment better, but Oliver had yet to properly call him once. Now he did it repeatedly as he walked back to the church where his parents were waiting. They started to bombard him with questions but Oliver ignored them and just kept trying to call. Eventually, his parents forced him to at least sit down in the car and he managed to get out that he was trying to get a hold of Wyn, tears very clearly threatening behind his voice. Oliver asked them to please just wait here with him in case he picked up and needed a ride, or if he came back. They gave him half an hour So Oliver sat in the back seat as he called hoping to get some kind of response.
 
By the time Wyn checked his phone he noticed tons of missed calls from Oliver. There was no way Wyn was talking to Oliver after what just happened so he decided to text him instead.

I can't talk. I'm going home. I'll talk to you later.
​
Wyn felt bad about leaving Oliver there, but there was no turning back now. He couldn't go back and try to explain things and calling Oliver was an equally bad idea. Too much was happening and Wyn needed to figure things out in his head for a moment or day. It was Friday which meant he'd have time to just relax and maybe sleep. After the encounter at the church, Wyn was about ready to keel over. His emotions took a toll on his body and mind. After setting his phone to go straight to voicemail, Wyn checked his phone for directions home. He was about an hour walk away since he ran in the exact opposite direction. With a heavy sigh, he pulled out his wallet and checked to see if he had enough money for a bus fare.

As he shuffled to the nearest bus stop, Wyn leaned against the sign. The bus came and Wyn hopped on. He was on the bus for about 15 minutes before getting off and walking the rest of the way. On the way home Wyn was able to collect himself. He couldn't be a wreck for Lauren and he didn't want to be. When he got back to the house he acted like everything was normal and had a short conversation with Lauren about Group. Then he went to his room to literally slam his head into his pillow several times. By the 8th time, Wyn was exhausted and fell asleep.

Wyn woke up the next morning feeling much better. He immediately took his medication and headed to the kitchen to fix himself breakfast. The shades were all pulled down and the house was still dark. Wyn decided to do some house work to take his mind off things. By the time Lauren woke up, Wyn washed the dishes, vacuumed, did the laundry, and cleaned the kitchen. Lauren woke slowly. She loved Saturdays because it was her day to sleep in. When she mustered up the courage to face the day, she found Wyn finishing the laundry. "Wow, look at you. Aren't you just the busy bee?" She stated with a smile and a hand on her hip.

"There's coffee waiting for you," Wyn replied as he turned to face Lauren. She was really impressed with Wyn for doing chores. The more she looked at him, the better she felt. It was nice to see him up early doing something. Too often Wyn was doing nothing and his depression was taking hold, but lately he's been doing really good.

"Awesome thanks." Lauren went into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. She took a sip of it and felt the warm liquid wake her body up. She heard Wyn come into the kitchen and figured he was going to fix himself something to eat, but instead she felt his arms wrap around her. He was a few inches taller than her, yet his head was resting on her shoulder. He hugged her tightly for a moment as she asked, "is something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me, Aunt Lauren," Wyn replied as he let her go. Lauren was a bit surprised, especially since Wyn hadn't called her 'Aunt Lauren' since he was a child. It was strange, but nice to hear Wyn in such a good mood.

"You're my only nephew. I'd do anything for you. I'm just happy I can be a part of your life. Watching you grow and become an adult is thanks enough."
 
The text was what finally made Oliver's tears well over. He wasn't sure that it was a relief over the fact that it at least was a sign of life or sadness over not getting to talk to him. But he told his parents Wyn was alright and asked them to drive home as he tried to wipe awayt the tears.

When they got home Oliver went to his room to sulk. But his mother was persistent and after only ten or some minutes she came up to talk. Talk not argue. She spoke softly and asked what was going on with Wyn. Oliver said he didn't know. Because he didn't, but he also felt like he was betraying Wyn by telling her what he had told him. So he didn't. He just said he was in group too, but that he didn't want people to know and maybe that was why he had freaked out.

Then she inquired about why Oliver had freaked out about Wyn running off. That was harder to reply to. But after some coaxing, he ended up admitting he was just scared that something would happen and it would be his fault again. Then he cried and let his mom hold him like a little kid while she told him it wasn't his fault at all, that he couldn't have known Alex was feeling the way he did if he hadn't been told about it, and that nothing like that would happen with Wyn now.

It was almost weird to feel so emotional again, because for a while now he had felt the almost apathetic kind of low where he just didn't feel like really doing anything, and at those times he usually didn't cry as much, at least not in the way he was now, which was a blubbering sobbing mess. Once he was a little calmer and his mother left him to his own devices to go make dinner he actually spent some time thinking about it and realised that maybe he actually was getting out of his slump. Not the Alex slump, but the cyclothymic slump which meant his mood was probably about to change, it didn't really happen with the flip of a switch and sometimes he didn't even register the change until it was obvious, but with everything that was going on lately he was just reflecting a lot over his own emotions so at least he was aware of the transition.

Dinner that day was calm and quiet. Oliver suspected his parents asked Octavia to take it easy, and as much as the twins liked to annoy each other she wanted him to do something stupid just as little as their parents did and seemed to realise now wasn't the time. After dinner Oliver tried not to think so much about Wyn, it was hard not to though, not just because he had ran away and Oliver was worried but because he couldn't stop wondering about what had brought him to group.

In the end, he just ended up calling it a day fairly early and went to bed. When he woke up though he didn't feel as unmotivated as normal, which was a nice change and he got out of bed by himself to go get breakfast, not all that early though, his parents and sister were all awake, but all seemed happy to see him out of bed. It wasn't until he was back up in his room again he really started to think about Wyn. Yesterday's worries resurfaced, but rather than to just lay back down in bed and feel bad about it he grabbed his phone and shot Wyn a text, Hey wanna come over? We don't need to talk about stuff, just hang out.
 
Wyn saw the text around noon. He had a feeling that Oliver had texted him, so he avoided his phone for a bit. Looking at the text, Wyn knew that he couldn't just ignore the text and Oliver completely. Plopping down on the couch, Wyn looked at his phone for a few minutes as he decided what to do next. He could agree to meet Oliver at his house and risk talking to his parents...no that wouldn't do. Wyn thought about possibly meeting at his house. They'd have some privacy and Lauren was inquiring about Oliver anyways. The problem with that would be Oliver asking questions and Lauren giving away his lies. There was no good option here and Wyn knew that the only way to protect some of his lies was to talk to Oliver and explain a few things. Despite this, Wyn still didn't feel ready to tell Oliver everything.

Wyn stared back at his phone as he tapped the reply button, Let's meet somewhere without parents. We really should talk. Wyn sent the text and wondered if that was the right decision. There was a lot of things he wasn't sure of and this was reaching the top of his list. Hoping he didn't make a mistake, Wyn closed the phone screen and rested his head on the back of the couch. He stared up at the ceiling for a bit before standing and making himself something to eat.

There wasn't much in the fridge, which wasn't that unusual. Lauren didn't often cook for herself due to her job and Wyn usually followed suit. There was a fruit bowl that Wyn tried to keep filled so he could snake, but it was empty today. Wyn thought about going shopping, but he didn't really feel like it. Wyn heated up some left overs from the past week. Then he took the food back to his room. As he ate he did some homework and a few more puzzles before remembering that he left his phone on the couch. Wyn went to retrieve his phone, but didn't look at it. He knew Oliver replied and he didn't want to know what Oliver said. Meeting Oliver and explaining things made him nervous. Oliver probably wouldn't like the fact that Wyn was lying to him or the fact that Wyn was hiding a ton of stuff. Wyn knew that coming clean would make him feel better, but he was afraid of what Oliver would think of him.
 
Wyn's text came a good while later. He apparently thought they should talk even though Oliver had said they didn't need to. He was right they should, Oliver wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to though. At least about his own stuff, he wanted to know about Wyn's. It made him a total hypocrite but it wasn't like he didn't realise that so he didn't give a shit and just texted him back, Cool, we'll meet somewhere else, I don't really want my parents all up in ou business anyway. Where u wanna meet?

After that, he pocketed his phone so he would feel it when Wyn replied and went to actually do something for fun for the first time in a while. He wasn't really at the level where he'd catch up with all of his homework and zoom through a book to find poems he wanted to translate and thus rewrite yet, but doodling and sketching he could do. So he put on some music and did that for a while. Drawing was something he enjoyed and that he was good at but he wasn't some kind of talented wonder when it came to it. He was probably as good as most people his age who had considered it a hobby for a longer time, the things he made turned out good, though he tended to keep to semi-realism simply because he knew he wasn't really good enough to make realistic stuff look good. He would practice more and get better if he actually wanted to work with it at some point, which he didn't, it was just something he did for fun. Plus it was hard to practice when your boyfriend died and you fell into a mild depression because you didn't take your medication.

After a while of sketching to soft music, soft in the sense that it was on low volume it actually wasn't very soft, he got impatient though. Because Wyn wasn't replying. He sent another text, just a quick, hello? Then he put his phone away for like two seconds then found Wyn's number and called him. It hit him that maybe he just didn't want to talk to him, which made Oliver genuinely sad for some reason, on top of the worried something was going on. Because he didn't want Wyn to not want to hang out with him because they knew more stuff about each other now. So he hoped he'd pick up.
 
As Wyn got to his room, his phone went off. At first it was just a text, so he ignored it and started to eat his left overs, but then it started to ring. Pulling it out quickly, Wyn noticed the caller ID and freaked out a bit. He stared at it for a moment before answering, "Hello." There was so much more he wanted to say like sorry, I was making something to eat and forgot about my phone... or I really don't know what to say...please don't be angry. Instead, Wyn stayed quiet and waited for Oliver to say something. He felt so uncomfortable since he knew Oliver wasn't too happy on the other end. It seemed like the only time Oliver called was when he was worried or frustrated.

"Hey, I'm going to head out to do some errands. What should I pick up from the grocery..." Lauren started as she poked her head into Wyn's room. "Sorrry hun, I didn't realize you were on the phone. Is that Oliver? Why don't you invite him over some time," Lauren suggested with a smile as she continued, "I'm heading out. Is there anything you want from the store?" Her voice was sweet and light as it floated through the air.

Wyn looked at her with a nervous smile as he replied, "some fruit would be nice; oranges, apples, that kind of stuff. Thanks." Lauren nodded and left the room. This time, Wyn closed his door to continue the conversation. He felt the butterflies rage as he prepared himself for Oliver's response.
 
Oliver felt relieved to her Wyn answer and was about to start to talk when he heard a voice in the background. Respectfully he waited with talking, until who he presumed was Wyn's mom had left. Even if it was just him listing fruits it was kind of nice to hear his voice and hear that he sounded kind of normal. He waited a couple of seconds extra to make sure it was okay to talk, "hey. So I uh, I'm sorry for like spamming you with calls yesterday, I just got... I mean I was already in a bit of a weird mood, I mostly just wanted to make sure you were okay. And my parents did too. They weren't mad at you or anything, just me for not meeting up with them,"

That was the best way to summarize it without going into details, he couldn't really say, hey I'm scared anyone close to me is going to jump off a bridge or something because of me so I panicked. At least not without giving the context of Alex.

"I don't even really want to like talk, I mostly just want to hang out, because I'm in an okay mood and I kind of want to hang out with you I guess," Oliver continued to talk, kind of quickly, "But I also guess we should talk, at least little since we didn't get a chance to, you know, sort things out I guess, yesterday. But the point is that there isn't like any pressure to talk about things we don't want to, so you don't have to feel nervous or something. If you are. Maybe you aren't."

Oliver wasn't always a rambler, but when he found himself in more of a high than a low he could talk for ages, usually not this nervously. He wasn't a nervous person normally but he also wasn't in this situation normally and he was still figuring out what information he could and couldn't share with Wyn still which made him unsure if he did or did not want to talk to him. But none of that mattered if Wyn didn't actually want to hang out.

"So yeah, you wanted to go somewhere without parents? Where to? I don't mind, but maybe something that's still kinda private if we want to talk and shit?"
 
Wyn hesitated for a moment before replying, "Meet me at the Panera on Lewis Street in 15 minutes." Wyn waited for Oliver to confirm their meeting before hanging up. Then he got dressed in his usual attire; jeans, a simple pull-over, and sneakers. His pull-over was a bit over sized and retained heat. It was great for the brisk fall weather and did well to hide his physique. Wyn grabbed his backpack which was stuffed with various essentials including a wallet, keys, cellphone, and a sudoku book. The backpack had some other random stuff like a battery pack, a small notebook, and a first aid kit. This was the backpack that he used for off days when he was in the circus. Every now and then he and some other circus performers would get a day to explore the city they were performing in. Wyn used a separate backpack that was usually packed with essentials for these trips. Now, Wyn used this backpack on the weekends or when he had off from school.

Wyn left a note for Lauren on the bench before he left. He had a 10 minute walk to the Panera and took that time to think. Usually he'd be doing a sudoku puzzle as he walked, but today he had a lot on his mind. Wyn was formulating a plan of attack. He had to consider his lies and which he was willing to let Oliver in on. After the 10 minute walk, Wyn came upon the relatively large cafe. It was located in a strip mall along a main road. Like most weekends, the road was busy and the noise from the street made Wyn flinch. In the past, the sound of fast moving traffic didn't bother him, but the more secluded he became the more little things started to bother him. Placing his hands over his ears, Wyn moved to the entrance of the cafe.

Once inside, the noise was muffled by the thick windows and made Wyn feel better. He ordered a small salad and an iced tea. Then he found a table in the back of the cafe, away from the other tables. Wyn liked this place because it provided enough privacy, but also enough noise to drown out a conversation. Taking a seat in the back, Wyn watched the entrance for Oliver.
 
After confirming their location Oliver was quick out the door, he threw on zip-up hoodie and his usual denim jacket on top to protect from the fall weather and started the walk to the café. He walked with hurried steps to make sure he was there in time, yet when he came inside and looked around he found that Wyn was already there waiting. He figured he maybe lived closer. Or maybe he was just faster. He probably was, honestly, Oliver had gotten sweatier than he liked to admit from the brisk walk.

He waved hello to Wyn as he went to go buy something to snack on while they were there. It was a relief to just see him there, and it made all the worries he had had go away for a moment. He didn't have to worry about Wyn not being okay because he could see him and could talk to him and do something about it.

He got a frappuccino, because immense amounts of caffeine were best combined with immense amounts of sugar in his opinon. And also a brownie, because he liked brownies. Then he went to sit down at Wyn's table, across from him so they'd be able to talk better. The table was in the back which made it more secluded. Oliver doubted anyone they knew would be there anyway though so it didn't matter that much. He supposed he just kind of preferred this because it meant they didn't have to hold back too much, which meant they were only restricted by what they did and did not want to tell each other and not the environment as well. He was warm from the walk so he shrugged up both jackets, which meant revealed arms again. He had never really bothered to hide them from people, they knew he was fucked. He had just always kept them covered around Wyn though, and maybe that was subconscious because Wyn hadn't known much about him. But now he did know more so it didn't feel like a big deal.

"Hey," Oliver said as he sat down. He smiled, a smile that was closer to his normal grin, but still a little apprehensive of the situation at hand, "So.. hm..." Oliver stopped himself, they both knew they were there to talk more about what had happened yesterday, but Oliver wasn't sure how to approach it. He wanted to know why Wyn was in group and all, but he had still gotten some information about that so he wasn't sure how much more he would actually tell him. But he also wanted to know what had happened yesterday when Wyn ran off, so he decided to start there, "We don't have to talk about stuff if you don't want to," he reminded Wyn as he grabbed his spoon and cut of a piece of his brownie with it, "But just like for my own sanity, I think I need to know why you ran away like that... I guess I don't need too many details I just... Fuck, I guess I just need to know that you're okay?"
 
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