I am not sure if this should be long, short, whatever. But, I think I am just going to do some ranting and hope maybe someone might be able to give me some encouraging words and brighten my mood. I am almost 26 years old. For as long as I can remember, I was always picked on for my weight. I was always a bigger kid. Not entirely overweight at that age, but certainly not fit and skinny. And because of it, as the years went on, I went into a deep depression and just ate and ate and ate. So, as you can guess, I only got bigger. My senior year I had to be at least 230 pounds. Yeah, I know. That isn't too terrible. But I was out of shape, I could barely make it up the stairs at my school, and sometimes my schedule made me go to one class in the basement, and the next was on the fourth floor. So yeah, I had a problem. But, because I was depressed, I didn't do a whole hell of a lot to change it. It wasn't until I had my first job, got more active in my life and for once, ate a little bit healthier than usual that I noticed something. My clothes were getting to be loose, I was losing weight, and feeling good! I was down to 175 about six months into this job. And stayed there for a year or so. But, guess what! The vicious cycle began all over. Fell in love, got dumped, got depressed. Gained the weight back and was about 210 pounds. And I have been that weight ever since no matter what I did to lose it. I tried eating even healthier, made a bigger effort into working out, walking, getting active again. Nothing. Well, I had a daughter last year. I was about 255-265 when I gave birth. BIG girl here! Lol. I had to have a C-Section, and I know the surgery was hard on my body and I am pretty sure some of my nerves got tweaked. I have had terrible back pains ever since. Anyways. The past ten months I finally got fed up with it. I had a daughter now. I needed to get into shape, get healthy, and start feeling good about myself so I would be able to teach my daughter to love herself and respect her body. I can't really do that if I am wallowing in pity and disgusted by my own reflection, right? Well, as I said. Ten months ago, I said screw it. With the help of my boyfriend, we've been tackling this thing one day at a time. I eat healthy every day, except my "cheater" days, but even then, it isn't even that bad. I drink LOTS of water on a daily basis. And until the weather turned for the worse, I took 20-30 minute walks daily, turned out and worked out for 15 minutes. Guess what....... Nothing has changed. Not one pound has been lost, not a single inch gone. I can no longer fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, and due to financial situation, can't afford anything. I am embarrassed and quite honestly disgusted with myself. I hate leaving the house to do even the simplest thing of running errands or even going on dates. Last time I checked, I was about 235 pounds. I am truly at a loss and don't know how to feel. Despite how encouraging my man has been and how sweet he has been in helping. I just, don't know what more to do. I feel like I have done everything possible besides more surgery to change. I just want to be able to look at myself and like the reflection in the mirror. To wear my clothes again and feel like me. It's put a strain on my relationship and because I have been beating myself up over all of this, it's been making it hard for me to even get out of bed lately and take care of my own daughter. Don't worry, I still do, but I don't feel like I enjoy it like I should. I feel like a robot, and I don't want to anymore. I want to just... Enjoy everything. I don't know what anyone can say from here or do, but I figured maybe if someone said something nice, it might help brighten my day because I've been at wits end lately with how I look and feel.