I need some well... Encouragement...

[TwystydWhyspyr88]

I am not sure if this should be long, short, whatever. But, I think I am just going to do some ranting and hope maybe someone might be able to give me some encouraging words and brighten my mood.
I am almost 26 years old. For as long as I can remember, I was always picked on for my weight. I was always a bigger kid. Not entirely overweight at that age, but certainly not fit and skinny. And because of it, as the years went on, I went into a deep depression and just ate and ate and ate. So, as you can guess, I only got bigger.
My senior year I had to be at least 230 pounds. Yeah, I know. That isn't too terrible. But I was out of shape, I could barely make it up the stairs at my school, and sometimes my schedule made me go to one class in the basement, and the next was on the fourth floor. So yeah, I had a problem. But, because I was depressed, I didn't do a whole hell of a lot to change it.
It wasn't until I had my first job, got more active in my life and for once, ate a little bit healthier than usual that I noticed something. My clothes were getting to be loose, I was losing weight, and feeling good! I was down to 175 about six months into this job. And stayed there for a year or so.
But, guess what! The vicious cycle began all over. Fell in love, got dumped, got depressed. Gained the weight back and was about 210 pounds. And I have been that weight ever since no matter what I did to lose it. I tried eating even healthier, made a bigger effort into working out, walking, getting active again. Nothing.
Well, I had a daughter last year. I was about 255-265 when I gave birth. BIG girl here! Lol. I had to have a C-Section, and I know the surgery was hard on my body and I am pretty sure some of my nerves got tweaked. I have had terrible back pains ever since. Anyways. The past ten months I finally got fed up with it. I had a daughter now. I needed to get into shape, get healthy, and start feeling good about myself so I would be able to teach my daughter to love herself and respect her body. I can't really do that if I am wallowing in pity and disgusted by my own reflection, right? Well, as I said. Ten months ago, I said screw it. With the help of my boyfriend, we've been tackling this thing one day at a time.
I eat healthy every day, except my "cheater" days, but even then, it isn't even that bad. I drink LOTS of water on a daily basis. And until the weather turned for the worse, I took 20-30 minute walks daily, turned out and worked out for 15 minutes. Guess what.......
Nothing has changed. Not one pound has been lost, not a single inch gone. I can no longer fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, and due to financial situation, can't afford anything. I am embarrassed and quite honestly disgusted with myself. I hate leaving the house to do even the simplest thing of running errands or even going on dates.
Last time I checked, I was about 235 pounds. I am truly at a loss and don't know how to feel. Despite how encouraging my man has been and how sweet he has been in helping. I just, don't know what more to do. I feel like I have done everything possible besides more surgery to change. I just want to be able to look at myself and like the reflection in the mirror. To wear my clothes again and feel like me. It's put a strain on my relationship and because I have been beating myself up over all of this, it's been making it hard for me to even get out of bed lately and take care of my own daughter. Don't worry, I still do, but I don't feel like I enjoy it like I should. I feel like a robot, and I don't want to anymore. I want to just... Enjoy everything. I don't know what anyone can say from here or do, but I figured maybe if someone said something nice, it might help brighten my day because I've been at wits end lately with how I look and feel.

 

[LogicfromLogic]

There is nothing I nor anyone else here that can get you to feeling more confident about yourself.

Because that is something that you'll have to find deep in you. I weighed at least about 60 pounds overweight and got teased for it; horrendously. My family still gives me shit about it, and I'm not going to sit here and tell you that shit like that ain't gonna happen. But what you can do is to put your foot down and say 'Hey, you, staring at me in the mirror! Yeah I know you need to lose some weight, but don't kick yourself further into the mud! You can do this, and you can get through it."

Tell yourself that. Everyday when you wake up, everyday when you go to sleep. Because while I have no idea who you are, I know you have it in you. I've seen some of the things you post and it impresses me (the one about the horses and mules really made me happy to see such passion).

Make that your goal; have a passion for yourself. The body isn't what makes the soul. Walking and just allowing yourself to see your inner beauty, you'll start to realize that you are worth every single step. and while it doesn't seem like you are making progress, let me tell you that you are. In more ways than one. Keep your chin up, things will get better. Just believe in yourself.

 

[Hope]

I can pass on my insight.. which is more philosophical, but it made me feel better b about myself.

Sankhya Philosophy states that there are two "selves."

There is the "self" with a lowercase "s" that refers to our lower self. It is ego based. The desires of this self are unsustainable. Desires of things that pleasure the senses. This self is our body.

Then there is the other "Self" with a Capitol "S". This self refers to our higher self, our spiritual self. Desires of the higher self are sustainable and are things such as peace, meditation, yoga, worship (if you have a belief system.), etc...

Now that you know about the selves I can tell you about svastha. In sanskrit, svastha means health. Sva means self (which self? That's debatable.) And stha means established. What is my point? My point is that maybe you should step away from the physical so much and focus on the inside. Do things that make you love yourself. Try abhyanga, a self oil massage. This is used in ayurveda to promote self love. You can also try breathing exercises and meditation to calm the mind. If you control the breath, you control the mind. If you control the mind you control the body.

In short, work on loving yourself for who you are no matter your physical self and when you can do that, I believe the rest will follow.

 

[Zeph]

I'm agreeing with the two above. I have not felt as bad you have, but I've seen what people do, and, well you know.
Anyways. You don't need to be beautiful to teach a child how to love him/herself. I learned that myself. I was bullied for being Asian. I learned to shrug it off. I focused on the good things about me. You should do the same. You're your daughter's mother, and she's your daughter. You need to teach her and yourself that IT DOESN'T MATTER. A body is a bag of flesh and organs! Why people judge this, I will never know. The world was made with douchebags. We're still in the process of starting to adapt to these people. How to get a head start?



YOU DON'T CARE. As I said. The body is a bunch of flesh and organs. It's only for holding your insides in. Tell your daughter these exact words. She'll need it.

 

[firebuttokcs]

All I can do is chime in. I've suffered from several eating disorders throughout my life and am still battling with them. There are days that I can't go near a mirror, otherwise I know I'll purge and not eat again for days. On good days, I still don't want to risk it. The only thing that I've found that helps is to listen to those close to you. Listen to their positivity and try to do everything you can. It sounds like you have a good routine going right now, and that's important. I can't just tell you to stop beating yourself up over this. That doesn't work. You already know that you don't want to do it, but you can't stop yourself. What I can tell you is to just keep working on it. Slowly ramp up your exercise routine. Get the dopamine flowing in your head. Exercise helps you physically and mentally, and in a better mood, you won't be as hard on yourself. Depression can be a bitch. Don't isolate yourself from others. Make sure that you have human contact daily. Make sure that you exercise every day. Make sure that you maintain everything that you're doing. If you get into a good routine, things will get better.

Now, just remember that you are a wonderful person, regardless of how you think you look or feel. No matter what you think of your body, *you* are a good person, and that's important.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this, and if you ever need somebody to vent/talk to, I'm available. Just message me.

I wish you the best of luck with everything. It can be difficult, but it sounds like you have the willingness to work. Just keep going. Things will work out. You will feel better. Remember that you are making progress. You are working on it. Show your daughter that, no matter what, if you have the motivation and drive to do something, it'll happen. Hard work pays off.

(I hope this helped.)

 

[Fijoli]

Do not be disheartened.

Change comes at heavy prices.

You just need to keep doing these walks...go for longer walks. Drink alot of water....

Do not drink soda, cut down on coffee, don't eat alot of salt...sacrifice is hard, you are a mother, you know better than anyone about sacrifice. Really push yourself into portion control or just cut everything you consume in half. Take the vitamins you need so that your body can utalize the effort you put into loosing weight and feeling good.


You got this Emybear!. You created a whole new life....the things you can accomplish are endless! You can do this. You can loose weight, you will feel good, and you will do it all for yourself, for your daughter, for your family.

you will succeed as long as you never give up.

Look in that mirror today and start loving who you are and one step, one day at a time you will begin to feel more like yourself, KEEP AT IT. Believe in yourself and the rest will come.

I believe in you Emybear, even though I don't know you very well, I believe in you and know that you will feel good about yourself.

Fijo<3

 

[TwystydWhyspyr88]

Thank you guys. This made a good start to my morning already ^.^
And yes, I know there are few words that anyone can say to me here to help my confidence.
LogicfromLogic, thank you for the words! It makes me happy that someone else sees my passion in the things I do and doesn't get all butt hurt about it.
Hope, I think I understand what you mean with the two selves of a person. And I will certainly try loving myself more.
Zeon, I certainly will give it my best to find good things about me.
Fire buttokcs, I'll be rooting for ya in your battle and hope it gets better along the way for you. And thank you as well.
Fijoli, yes. I have sacrificed a lot on this journey. It has gotten to a point I can't even finish a soda when I am out at dinner anymore, lol. Coffee though... Eh, that's gonna be one I will have to keep :p But, thank you. I do appreciate the words, I will do my best to start believing

Again, thank you for the words, all of you. Even if I may never know any of you all that well, it's also nice to know that complete strangers will still pause for a moment and offer any advice or kind words. That right there is an uplifting thing in itself. ^.^

 

[Diana]

Don't eat diet or "sugar free" ANYTHING. Those are worse for you than the full sugar stuff, especially if they are using artificial sweeteners. (Using honey? GOOD! Using Aspartame? BAAAAD.) If you're not losing any weight (and it's not a disorder, you might want to check in to a doctor about it now!) then you are probably still consuming too much sugar. It's in everything. You have to be careful of breads, pastas, grains and alcohol too, cause that turns directly in to bad sugars also. O_O

Eat meats, eat vegetables! As much as you like, because those are good whole foods! You don't want to cut how much you're eating but what you're eating. If you cut off your food supply, your body thinks you're starving and doesn't metabolize your food properly. Don't eat stuff out of boxes, cause they add in extra sugars and ingredients. That includes stuff like Weight Watches and Healthy Choice. If you're eating real foods, you don't have to watch points or calories.


I was a skinny teen but thought I was fat because of the way my mum and grandmother talked about their own weight and pointed out my flaws. >< Then as an adult, I gained a lot of weight because I got HAPPY. >< We had money and I was in charge of groceries, so I stuffed us full of everything delicious on the planet. I was 125 pounds and went all the way up to 270. o__o Just by cutting out my soda intake and prepackaged meals I dropped to my present weight of 215! And I am still being bad and go out for cheeseburgers every other week and refusing to exercise. >>;; Sugars make a huuuuge difference.

I have had feel-pretty issues for a long time. ;_; The important thing to remember is that you CAN STILL BE PRETTY even at 200 pounds, and anyone that says otherwise is a douchebag. You have to do things daily, or weekly that help you feel pretty. I like to file and paint my nails once a week, and take a bubble bath. And when I have the money to buy clothes, I only buy things that fit properly and make me feel beautiful. Play with makeup, wear perfume! Using fancy bath salts or face masks!

You have to treat yourself well!

 

[TwystydWhyspyr88]

Thanks, lady. And yes, I agree. I do watch my soda intake. I drink at least 5 bottles of water a day, and I can't even get through one soda anymore. My issue is getting rid of coffee. It's sort of a life line for me especially on days my little one doesn't sleep well, lol. But I only have maybe two cups of it in the morning on days I do, so I guess that's good, right?
And I have seen a doctor recently. My thyroid test came back just fine. Honestly, at this point, it may be genetics and the fact I am at risk for diabetes. I don't know, but I watch everything I eat and drink. I haven't been out to eat in months because we cook food at home more often. I only ever go out to eat if I am with my grandma which is so few and far between, hehe. But, sadly, financially we are unable to buy up tons of good foods, but we get what we can when we can. I'm switching over to making everything home made- coffee creamer, cake mixes, bread, pasta sauces, etc. So, hopefully this will help along the way.
Good news. I finally got a gym membership again! So, maybe doing more than just walking around the block and crunches will do me good. And yes, treating myself well would be wonderful if I had the time. I put makeup on when I can, but I don't get to dress up as much as I'd like. I have two corsets just sitting in my closet I haven't even worn yet :( And we can't afford for me to go buy more clothes. So, I'm just sewing bits and pieces together right now to make something at least fit and cover me the right way for now. But, thank you, all of you. I am trying to get back on track, and staying positive through this whole process. Hope it works out!