I need some advice because I'm a chicken

[LunaValentine]

So a little background: When I was a kid I didn't have really any friends that hung out at my place or anything. So all I had was my cousin. We were always at each other's houses during the weekend and we used to rp all the time. (we'd have phone calls that were 3+ hours long. Which is amazing considering even now my longest phone calls are 30 minutes and that's a strain for me. During the summer we were nearly inseparable....and then when I was a Senior we drifted apart (I don't wanna get into that....I'm very ashamed of how I acted and have already apologized about it). I haven't talked to her regularly for over like 4 years..... I was driving home from work/doing laundry after work and thought about how much I missed her..... But I'm scared to try and reach out. Her dad has long since gotten rid of his land line and I don't know if the cell phone number I have is still hers. Basically I need advice....should I reach out to her? Should I try the number? I don't really have any other way other than either talking to my grandmother and asking her for her number or happenstance. And she has a boyfriend last I knew....she probably wouldn't want to talk to me. I guess I just need advice because I miss roleplaying with her (that was almost all we did aaaaaallllllllll day and all night.

 

[Space Cowboy]

I honestly see nothin' wrong with it. She's your family. She's someone you were very close with. It's worth a shot in the dark, y'know? It never hurts to try. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, after all. Just don't go into it thinkin' you're going to get your RP partner back. Start slow: get your friend/cousin back first.

 

[LunaValentine]

@Seiji I don't even know what to say. That's the thing. We've been apart for so long that I don't know what to say. Should I say "Sorry I've been an asshole and not talked to you?" I don't even know if she roleplays anymore but I have to admit I wish she could come and see my place and hang out.

 

[Space Cowboy]

Heh, it's a funny thing, these sorts of things. We look so much into them, think so hard about it. Blow them grossly out of proportion sometime! When really, it's simple.

Start with: "Hey."

:3

Just talk to 'em, y'know? Say hi, ask how things have been... Then, hell, be honest. Tell 'em you've missed them, and that you're sorry for whatever caused your falling out and not really talking anymore. Honesty is always best. Always. If you really need to tell 'em sorry that you were an asshole, do it. Go with the flow. And again, take it slow.

Of course, who knows what could happen in how she responds, but just be real with your cousin. Let them see you again, experience who you are again. Let things fall back into place. Of course, you've both grown, so things are probably not going to be as whimsically hopeful you might want them to turn out (life isn't a movie), but y'know? It don't hurt to talk. It never hurts to talk.

 

[LunaValentine]

That's the thing @Seiji , I'm a massive chicken and I'd rather sit around feeling lonely and sad rather than bother anyone. I'm literally afraid to try because I don't want to interrupt her routine or anything.....Probably why I never really hung out with anyone in college. I only really do things when I'm invited and I'm terrible at small talk.

 

[Space Cowboy]

I understand. I really do. :( I'm sorry.

It's up to you what you do in the end, but I really do think you should reach out to them. Like I said, they're family. Worse case scenario, you don't get the relationship you had years ago. But... Think about that.

What relationship do you have with her right now?

It can only get better, if you try. Y'know? Even if it's a colder relationship than before, it's still a relationship. So long as that's what you want, that's a victory. Of course, there's the matter of "rather not knowing," which is a thing. Still... I'm a big fan of scratching that curiousity.

 

[LunaValentine]

Actually worst case senario is that I still end up all alone. That I don't get anything out of it other than she's really busy, I shouldn't bother her, she's moved on. That's the worst case. I'd rather have no relationship rather than a cold one. I've got enough long distance friendships that are very sparatic in contact.....

 

[Minibit]

I'm with Seiji

Worst case; nothing changes

Best case; you reconnect

Not much to lose!

Life pulls people apart sometimes; I personally love getting messages from the faces of my past; there's so much to talk about!

 

[Space Cowboy]

That's what I mean though. You're still in the same situation you're in if you don't talk to her. So... Why not try?

Minibit's also right: life sometimes pulls us apart, and we have so much going on that it's not even the "old stuff" that's keeping us apart. It's just... Life! Reconnecting could be fantastic. You just don't know, and you do a disservice to her by predicting what she might say or do. None of us can know.

Again, it's all up to you. But... Well, you know where we stand. :)

 

[LunaValentine]

M-maybe I'll text her instead......

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

I'm not going to go all "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take", because I can relate to how awkward some shots can be (and how some can backfire).

But in this case?
It's family, someone you were insanely close with, and already apologized for whatever the past incident was.
I don't see any reason not to give it a shot, odds are your cousin is also sitting there in a similar boat wishing to regain contact.

 

[Kestrel]

People generally aren't doing you a favour or pity you by hanging out with you. It's because they choose to do it. They hang out with you because that is what they want to do with that time.

Pick up that phone. Give it a shot. Don't think about it too much and just do it. Easier said than done, maybe, but you're the only one holding yourself back. I don't know why and I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but this worst case scenario you're playing out in your head; do you honestly think you cousin is that much of a bitch? I don't buy it. I think it's just something you're telling yourself because you're scared. I'm sorry that I must be blunt about that, but if you let your fear rule you, it'll keep you in a chokehold for the rest of your life. Assuming the worst in people brings out the worst in yourself as well. Don't do that. Don't become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Have hope. Reach out. Want to know your real worst case scenario? It's the one where you still can take pride in trying and fighting your fears. Because even if it doesn't work out, you'll have done something. Conversely, dancing around the issue as you do now will only cause you more self-doubt, guilt and regret.

So do it. Seriously.

 

[LunaValentine]

People generally aren't doing you a favour or pity you by hanging out with you. It's because they choose to do it. They hang out with you because that is what they want to do with that time.

Pick up that phone. Give it a shot. Don't think about it too much and just do it. Easier said than done, maybe, but you're the only one holding yourself back. I don't know why and I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but this worst case scenario you're playing out in your head; do you honestly think you cousin is that much of a bitch? I don't buy it. I think it's just something you're telling yourself because you're scared. I'm sorry that I must be blunt about that, but if you let your fear rule you, it'll keep you in a chokehold for the rest of your life. Assuming the worst in people brings out the worst in yourself as well. Don't do that. Don't become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Have hope. Reach out. Want to know your real worst case scenario? It's the one where you still can take pride in trying and fighting your fears. Because even if it doesn't work out, you'll have done something. Conversely, dancing around the issue as you do now will only cause you more self-doubt, guilt and regret.

So do it. Seriously.

You're absolutely right. No one hangs out with someone because they pity them or anything. I never said otherwise.....but it's a bitter truth when you've always made friends but they never want to hang out. I'll try texting her because I'm in no condition to call anyone with my down mood. I can barely get two words out without my voice cracking....so I'll try. It's been years......but I'll try.

 

[LunaValentine]

We're texting :)

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

We're texting :)

Congrats! :D

 

[Kestrel]

We're texting :)

See, good on ya.