I need advice.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Nova, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. I know this shouldn't be the post to come back too, but it's something I need to get off my chest, and it's been bothering me.

    On Thursday night, my boyfriend and myself had the worst fight ever, it almost ended our relationship, or the fact that I almost ended it and still probably thinking about doing it... We've been dating for five year's, and he remotely hasn't trusted me since, but the other night. I told him I'm transferring to a different store, because in my work center we're transferring to a 4am area, it's something I can't handle because I myself is an overnight person, and the store I'm transferring to, is going to be an over night store. But my heart was telling me to go. So, I filled out the application and everything, and told him by text. We live together by the way, but I was working at this moment. Then he blown up on me, yelling at me through text. I of course, couldn't handle it, at this point I was stressed out, and during my lunch break I text one of my good friend's, and he decided him and myself can hang out after work.

    We went to dinner or breakfast (whatever you call it at this point), my treat for being a good friend, and him being a good friend to me, and I told him everything. he himself told me I was stressed, he could tell, hence no appetite, I couldn't eat anything at all. he could tell. We went back to his place and just hung out for awhile, played magic, watched my co-worker/his room mate play Tales and Vesperia and just talked for a awhile. then the boyfriend started calling, and texting, obsessively, do the point I couldn't take it, and I was told to ignore him, and he would understand. around 11 am my two friend's were tired, and decided to go to bed, at first I was laying on the floor, almost in tear's not know what to do, and he came, my best friend told me I should lay next to him, since he didn't want me on the floor, I did. Even though I knew the trouble's in my relationship with my boyfriend, and went to him, nothing happened. We slept for a good while, I was tossing and turning obliviously things were on my mind, when we woke, we just layed on his bed, and talked, and he wanted my own arm's wrapped around him, so I did, my arm, wrapped around his own, our hand's entwined together, for a moment I felt something was there.

    Him and myself go back, or at least I think we do. We very close, we talk to each other almost about everything, video games, past relationships, sexual experience's, everything, and he told me when I was single we could be fuck buddies, but he told me, can they be passionate. Which was another red flag that he still liked me, or so I thought. I was one of the first people he came out too. He's bisexual, thinking he might be gay, because he has no desire to have a relationship with a female, because he never had one, non sexually based, or long term relationship, but it only had been with men. but he told me, he had liked me once, and he told me this a couple mornings ago when him and I were online chatting. ( and I'm thinking he still does), but he knew he couldn't be with me, because I'm taken, he was told that from a friend. and around November, i confessed I was crushing on him, and he for awhile thought he was a catalyst in my boyfriend's and my relationship, which he isn't. The thing is it almost felt right, when were laying together, talking, cuddling, and I even asked him myself, wasn't it wrong being like this, he himself told me no.

    Now, I didn't go home about 4-5 pm, and when I came home, my boyfriend was trashed he had been drinking since 12:19, or so he told me. He was depressed, thinking about killing him self, through alcohol poisoning, manipulating my feeling's at this point, I was still upset with him, when hewas sobering up, I tried to talk to him about it, but I couldn't. we were just fighting, and I had to get ready, with the process of me getting ready I was still fighting with him, I couldn't handle it, I ignored him, knowing that he didn't trust me anymore. I was ready, about to leave because my friend's were almost there. we were talking, i could tell her was upset, but I didn't care, or at this point I didn't.

    I went to the party, my friend I was with was there, we joked around, drunk, I we had been drinking, out-showed him, , and I did. He started feeding me chicken nuggets. Or he took bites from his and started giving me half. We were asked, why we didn't kiss when the clock struck midnight, for that moment we paused and laughed. We obviously knew it couldn't happen. We played apples to apples or failed at playing it, because everyone at the party was drunk, and too many things were going on at once. Then he decided to take each of the green cards and decode my personality, it had made me blush. and my boyfriend and I were texting at the time, I wished him happy new years, he was still upset and was at a friend's house. he told me everyone knew he was moping around, at the point I didn't cared, then he started texting me, saying sorry for everything he has done, and all the hurt it has brought into our relationship, which was a lot. There he brought me to tear's, I couldn't take it anymore, I was drunk, emotional, and confused.

    And everyone was leaving, we decided to help clean up the place for our friend, than that we went sledding, my best friend and I held hands on the way there, it felt right, even if I was upset. I had the time of my life going sledding, the four of us were drunk, laughing and just having fun. even if we knew it was a wrong idea going sledding in the first place. After that we dropped off my best friend first, then I went home. And I walked in the door, I was close to tears, here my boyfriend came up the stairs, he had been waiting for me, I was in tear's. I told him everything was going on even when I was drunk.

    But right now, I feel uncertain, I don't want to be with someone who can't trust me, I still feel hurt with all the word's he told me, that hurt me so much, if I leave him, I go back home. I know also there's nothing there anymore too. And my best friend said he'll be by my side when that happens, and wants me to leave him, which apart of me wants too. I just don't know at this point. I am hurt, in both way's. I don't know what to do, or how to feel at this moment.n And if I did, I feel my best friend and I might possibly develop a relationship, and I really don't mind it, it's just the thought my boyfriend, if him and I break up would think I was cheating all along, in which I wasn't.

    Please hear my out, what should I do?
  2. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been heading for a breakup a long time. .___.; It might be time to have a sitdown talk with him about what you want from your relationship or if it's time to move on.

    If you dooo breakup, I wouldn't go out with your friend right away. >> He sounds like a nice guy, but you need time to deal with your current relationship, and having feelings or getting involved with another guy too soon can over-complicate or ruin BOTH relationships.
  3. I agree with Diana.

    It seems like you and your boyfriend have been having quite a bad time, I think, like Diana, that there should be a talk about this.

    Also, I don't think you should worry about that mention to cheating. Nothing I saw in there looked like cheating, just two good friends being able to confide in each other.

    I hope for the best for you!
  4. These two have the right gist of things and if he accuses you of cheating, it would only be out of bitterness and the desire to blame you entirely for the breakdown of the relationship.
    The trust issue and feeling as though he doesn't trust you is an issue that should be addressed even if you choose not to break up. As cliche as it is, trust is one of the pillars supporting a good relationship and if you two feel that you don't have that, then there will be problems.
    I hope everything works out for the best for you and remember that you can always come to us with your problems.
  5. This reminds me of my situation with my ex, even though different things happened. Our relationship was unhealthy, he got abusive, and he was controlling. When I finally had the courage to put my foot down and end things, I felt so free and good about myself. For a couple months, I had my eyes set on a different guy, yes... My ex accused me of being a cheater, got wary of me, and threatened to beat said guy up. (Even though that was impossible. This guy/my boyfriend is muscular and has good defense skills. xD)

    So really, don't let yourselves get miserable!

    Do what YOU feel is right. And do give you and your friend some time. ^__^ If you're happier with this other, that's really fantastic. I hope the best for you all. If you need some help or someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a line~ We at Iwaku care.

    The ladies of Iwaku have called it for the most part.

    I can't tell you to do anything definitive, but I can certainly help point you in the right direction and tell you a few things that'll help set your mind in the right place to make the decisions you need to make on your own.

    When people say communication is key to a relationship, they ain't lying. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and figure out what the hell's going on with you two. You need to tell him you despise how he can't trust you, and you two need to just lay down your cards and show your hands. Being spiteful and angry at one another, avoiding each other to run and talk to your friends, is not how you two will mend whatever it is that's ailing you.

    That is, if you want to mend things at all, and it seems you do.

    So I recommend you have a nice, long sit-down. As a matter of fact, I implore you to do so.

    Once that happens, you can only take things step-by-step. If he refuses to sit and talk to you, or he get's up before things are resolved... Well, there's your answer right there. He's unwilling to make things work, and guess what, babe? It takes two to tango, like they say. It'll be time to move on.

    But if that's the case, don't immediately link up with your best friend. Enjoy his friendship, and the fact he'll be there for you, but do not jeopardize the friendship by leaping into a relationship. Take the time to stretch out and breathe, and enjoy your bachelorette status once again. Take the time to clear your mind and to get a proper grasp on things.

    Then make your decisions.

    If you need anything else, you know where to find us. Good luck, hun. <3
  7. Trust; the fundamental part of any relationship. Seriously.

    Not really got much to add that hasn't already been said, aside from to say sorry that shit's not really working out right now with your boyfriend. Like Seiji, I'd recommend at least talking it out if it's possible. His trust issues are something you want to address; that's something that needs to be fixed if he wants your relationship to get anywhere.

    And yeah, this sub-forum's here for a reason; if you're needing a shoulder, Iwaku's got your back.