I need advice on a personal matter

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Xander95, Jan 12, 2015.

  1. Okay, for those of you that don't already know, I'm bi. Now, the problem I am having is there is a guy at my job corps that I like but I know he isn't into me the way I am into him. He is also bi but he isn't into me. I have already asked another guy here but I am wanting advice from other people to see what you guys say. And please be serious about this because I don't want to be mocked or anything.
  2. Accept the rejection and move on.
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  3. Kestrel nailed it. If someone isn't into you, c'est la vie, turn your sights elsewhere. Remaining focused on someone you know isn't interested in you is just a waste of time and energy.
  4. I guess you guys are right. Ah well...many more people out there.
  5. https://www.iwakuroleplay.com/xfa-blog-entry/what-do-you-look-for-in-a-mate.7256/


    Dude. Dudebro. Brodude. Dudebrobrodudebrodudedudebro. Being obsessed with finding a partner is the fastest path to depression, especially when you've got problems obtaining relationships. I know this isn't entirely related to this specific thread, and you already seem to have accepted that a compatible orientation does not mean the person has to share your interest, and this is good, but some of the things you've posted raise some red flags that will quickly make people lose interest.

    The "What do you look for in a mate" post says you tend to look for women with issues, specifically so you can try to fix them. A post on this board has you reaching out to other people with their own problems so you can fulfill a big-brother instinct, possibly with the same underlying motive. On the surface it's kind of respectable, but in my experience people with problems tend to have a victim complex, which opens them up to accepting blame for problems when something isn't their fault, which leads to them being susceptible to abuse. I'm not saying you're like that, but...

    "They have to be one of those kind and gentle yet strong women" "don't want a woman who will hide behind their man" "I want a woman who would stand by their man and fight through life."

    Never mind the opposing traits that are very, very difficult for a person to balance even when somebody doesn't have mental issues because those traits are in direct opposition to one another: you're showing specific interest in females, while crushing on a guy. Nothing makes a guy uncomfortable with a male/male relationship like a guy whose primary interest is women. Picture it: the person you're with likes the genitals that you do not have. You have to sleep with this thought in your head, every night, wondering if they're fantasizing about something you cannot provide. Even if both of you are bisexual, being completely indifferent to a hypothetical love-interest's sex is a rarity. Some people prefer their own but will settle for the other, some people prefer the other but have specific circumstances under which they will find their own sex attractive, and they can accept those specific circumstances but other than that they prefer what they normally prefer. And then there's other guys that're just "bi" in their own words but they're really only open to het and transsexuals.

    And then there's the blog post about praying for a supernatural being to end your life. This is the biggest red flag ever, because it's the ultimate guilt-trip. It's like saying "help me or I will seek death and it will be entirely your fault," which is extremely manipulative and underhanded, and never results in healthy relationships because disagreements will always be discussed with that possible outcome looming over the horizon.

    There could be a hundred different reasons somebody might say no, but complaining about being friendzoned makes people who want to be friends feel unappreciated, like the only reason you want to be friends with them is because you want to take them to bed, and you will be angry at them for exercising their right to say no. Nobody is under any obligation to date anyone, but the first step to gaining the interest of others is maintaining a positive appearance, followed shortly by not accentuating your negative attributes, and being able to stand up on your own feet. It also helps if you don't seem like a person who dumps their emotional baggage on others, because people have a lot of baggage of their own to deal with and when the first thing they know about somebody is the extent of their issues, they won't want to get too close.

    Good luck with everything. Try not to end up like the guy this thread is about.
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  6. Being a Psychologist myself I cannot help, after reading literally everything linked, but to agree completely with @Fyrra. I understand that none of this is what you want to see but you just cannot ask for someone to look past your faults and yet you refuse to look past theirs. That is just another red flag as it seems from what you have said that you want your partner to look upon you as perfection. Yet you are allowed to look upon them as if they are broken dolls waiting for you to attach some strings and puppet away.

    Now please don't take this as an attack because it is not meant that way.
  7. As harsh as it may seem, these guys are right. You need to accept the rejection and move on with your life. You're going to get rejected, it's a part of life, but there are plenty of people out there. Now I'm not saying try out everyone, but there are just way more people than just one attractive guy. I wish you the best of luck, and don't worry about being in a relationship right now. You don't have to be in one to live a happy life. ^,^