I don't expect any advice to help me. I don't expect a reply at all. I don't even expect any of you to give half a rat's ass. You can if you want, but you don't have to. I just need to get this out. Here I sit, at my computer, a restless night with a full moon in the sky. Before I got back on, I was laying in my bed tonight, staring at the ceiling, everything running through my head. And then I realized, it made me want to cry. But I couldn't. I couldn't cry. It may seem like petty, stupid issues I don't need to be bitching about, but they're stressing the fuck out of me. I have lived with my mom for the whole of my life, no matter what house. I'm an only child. My dad is a tattoo artist, so he's never around. Haven't seen him face-to-face in god knows how long. So it's mostly just been me and my mom. We had to move in with my Grandmother for a time, couldn't afford our own place, she was kind enough to lend us a hand and let us stay there. Mom went to college to become a Pharmacy Technician so she could get a better job. Finally gets out of college, fills out countless job aps, no one hires her. Grandparents think she isn't doing enough. Eventually, shit goes down, and we get kicked out. Luckily, we have some friends we can stay with until we get back on our feet. Mom's friend, her friends husband, her friends dad, and eight kids, ranging from 18 yr. old to 8 month old, more or less 2-4 years in between each. And now I go from being only child to one of nine. And the kids drive me up the fucking wall. Some times It's all I can do not to beat their heads in with a stool. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it's true. On top of that, I'm doing schooling online, will be going to actual school when it starts up again, the family car is a piece of shit, My girlfriend recently moved out of her mom's house and is rooming with some old friend of hers, I'm sort of worried she might be cheating on me, my dad is dying, my mom is going insane, I hear voices in my head, and because of that I can't even show my true emotions, because one of them ridicules me, pointing out my weaknesses. Physically weak, unattractive, emotionally weak, a frequent maker of stupid mistakes, gullible, etc., etc., the list goes on. Adding onto all that, in my honest opinion, I should have either been born during the times when the great poets were appreciated and people cared more about how a person felt than how they looked. Either that, or a girl. At least then I could be all emotional like I often am and not be ridiculed by everyone, including myself, save a few people who actually give a damn. But I wasn't, I'm not, and I can't. So now I'm not only literally unable to cry, I'm constantly pissed off, my mentality is running amuck and I swear if I wasn't able to come here to escape my life my assuming someone else's identity, I'd either be in prison or a mental ward. Thank you, Iwaku, for everything.