I honestly don't understand parents

[Esmeray]

Being an observer for my nineteen years of life I have seen people say, act, and do various things that just doesn't make much sense to me. Sure some of things done could be considered normal, after all we are just humans and are not perfect. However, the one thing that seems to have been bothering me the most is the behavior of parents or adults. Most of us probably assume that adults and parents are supposed to be the most mature in the house hold, and yet sometimes there is a complete lack of maturity on different levels. For example some parents lie to their children. Yes I understand that in some cases it is okay to tell a lie for the sake of their own good but when done to much it really just creates this huge wall between you and your child. Thus I don't understand why parents frequently lie to their children. Not only does it make them feel like that they can't trust you, but sets a bad example for them. If I was a parent I would want to ensure that my child values and understands the virtue of honesty. I just don't understand why parents can't be honest with their children, they're not going to hate you for being honest unless you're just rude about it.

Then there are the adults/parents who seem to forgotten their manners. They don't follow house rules when they visit, they dont say please or thank you, they don't ask politely for the things they want, and can just be flat out rude to their children or family. I don't understand why adults and parents do this either. How can you expect a child to mind their manners when you do not do the same? Then they get upset when their children or youths do not respect them, follow directions, or ask nicely. Shouldn't this be a two way street? Isn't there that saying "treat others how you want to be treated." that the very adults themselves try to teach their children? I don't understand why some adults don't follow the aspects they preach and expect others around them to do so. It makes no sense. I mean earlier I was playing League of Legends and my mom sent me a text "You are loud and I don't feel good so stop it". Where they hell is that please? Also I find the not feeling well to be complete and utter bullshit since she spent the entire morning at a spa getting a massage. You come home from that, and expect me to believe that you don't "feel good"? Really? So, naturally I just ignored her message and continued about me way. Of course if she had actually asked nicely I might have done what she wanted. Regardless she never treats me with care when I don't feel well so why should I do the same for her? To be the better person? Ah, I've been the better person for six years now, so I'm about fed up with following that logic. It's a two way street for me. You are nice to me and then I will be nice to you.

Then there are those parents or adults that completely demean and belittle their children or youths. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT!? What parent/adult in their right mind would go out of their way to publicly humiliate a child like that? It completely destroys you're child's self esteem, and then you wonder why your child completely hates your guts and wants to cut all ties with you. It just baffles me why these people do that. It's like they never left highschool.

I just don't understand, and I'm sure when I am a parent myself I still wont understand. Does anyone else have any insight on this? I'm just baffled.

 

[unanun]

Once you start interacting with strangers and acquaintances, sometimes it is better not to say anything, or lie. You will need different filters for different people. And there exists one between parents and children too.

 

[Space Cowboy]

Most people understand the parent/child dynamic as a power struggle more than anything else. It's domineering in nature (or they are taught that it is), and that is why you get certain situations and circumstanaces play out the way they do. A parent/adult isn't expected to say please, or use manners in the slightest, but the child/non-adult is.

 

[Esmeray]

Regardless I don't believe it is the proper way to handle children who easily pick up on the habits a parent or adult does. In which case the parent should also follow what they preach. I can understand in some cases where this wouldn't be the case. I don't believe that just because someone is older or that they are a parent that what they tell the children do not apply to them. It still does no matter what age they are. What you both just said basically implies that just because they are a parent they don't have to behave accordingly. I'm utterly shocked by this and the lack of morality then. I would assume that a parent or adult would try to set a good example.

 

[Dervish]

Good rule of thumb is that anybody, baring medical reasons of course, can become a parent by a single instance of unprotected sex and pop out a kid 9 months later. This doesn't magically imbue them with wisdom or compassion, they're still the same person they were before, just now they're caring for another life... well, at least I HOPE they're caring for another life. The hard truth is some people who are parents simply weren't ready for it, and a lot aren't mature enough to handle the responsibility. Age is just a number; maturity varies wildly. I know some 14 year olds who have their shit together better than some 25 year olds.

 

[chainedfiction]

I am prone to the belief that the reason those parents treat their children like that is because that's how they were raised themselves. The way my dad handles things- it's just like his dad handled things. That's how he was raised. Of course, this doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement. Every parent, especially those parents, just need to understand that.

 

[Dervish]

I am prone to the belief that the reason those parents treat their children like that is because that's how they were raised themselves. The way my dad handles things- it's just like his dad handled things. That's how he was raised. Of course, this doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement. Every parent, especially those parents, just need to understand that.

What goes around comes around, as they say.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

For example some parents lie to their children.

That's basically it in a nutshell.
People see children are these innocent little creatures.
There childhood years being precious, and this makes them want to keep children in that bubble as long as possible before exposing them to the 'cruel adult world'.

The issue is that this doesn't only leave kids ill-equipped for adult life, but it sets an idea that adult life is this poor and boring experience.
Effectively dooming the kid to see the next 40-50 years of their life as some kind of chore.

And I'll say this, being in the ECE (Early Childhood Education) program at college that this mindset does not change with the so called 'professionals'.
If anything it get's further reinforced with curriculum such as "Competition is bad for child development", "Don't teach children to share because they don't understand it", "Super heroes encourage violence" (I kid you not they actually teach this crap in the classroom).

In other words, humanity is in a very "Protect the children from the mean real life so we they be happy with the puppies and rainbows".
Which in the end only harms the child, while giving the parent/teacher a false sense of pride and happiness.

Then they get upset when their children or youths do not respect them, follow directions, or ask nicely. Shouldn't this be a two way street?

It should be, yes.

But the issue is humans are not logical creatures by default. Even the best of us are susceptible to things called bias and double standards.
We unconsciously (and in some cases consciously) filter information to fit the perception we want to have of a certain fact, event, individual etc even if all proof and reason is to the contrary.

And this becomes especially bad with the child-parent dynamic because the parents will feel entitled towards their children.
They own them, that child is there's. It is their child do with as they want to.
This often leads to talking down/poor treatment of the child from their "Providing betters", but then at the same time they will expect the child to show the utmost respect and humility.
Combine that with the easy excuse of "They're just a kid, they don't know manners yet like *I* do" and you get a very bad snowballing effect if the parents are either conscious of this issue, or very loving and caring to their children.

And sometimes such a thing can be triggered just by the age difference alone, or different levels of authority, since teachers will often act this way towards their students as well.

It's like they never left high school.

Some of them may not have. :P
Teenage pregnancies and dropping out as a result is something that tends to happen, especially in areas where poverty is high.

I just don't understand, and I'm sure when I am a parent myself I still wont understand.

Honestly I don't think I can truly understand their rationale either.

When I have kids my planned approach to parenting is very different from how I was raised.
I plan to expose my kids to stuff when they're young, give them a solid understanding of things ahead of time.
I don't want to censor things from them, may it life matters such as sex or drugs, or something like a movie or game being violent.

Hiding it from them only delays exposure and development, it's best to expose them to that stuff when young.
And no, I don't mean stuff like just throwing them in front of game of thrones and walking off.
I mean the kind of exposure where I'm constantly around to help them out, to clarify things to them as needed, provide thought provoking questions etc.

And when I discuss things with them, I discuss with them like any other human being.
I explain it to them, I make my case, I give them the same level respect as others etc.
Obviously I'm still expected to raise them, so I will need to discipline, teach them specific lessons at times etc.
But I'm not going to pull the "I'm right because I'm your father!" card.