I have so many problems.

[Queenslayer]

I'm just gonna jump right in.

Lately, I've been going through a really rough patch, and it's starting to break me down. Everything has been a problem lately. School work, issues with peers, family happenings, just everything. I could go into detail.
Surely the schoolwork has been taken care of, but I still have trouble with certain things.
And the students at my school are still a problem. I'm a pushover, and no one takes me seriously.

Then there's the family issues. I'd rather not go into detail about this one, it happened today and I think it's what triggered my thoughts about all the bad things happening right now.

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm always hiding behind a happy facade. Always smiling, laughing, just being nice. But no one knows that I'm really breaking and that's what sucks. I hate to say it, but not even my best friends can tell the difference.

Maybe it's just because I'm bipolar, the mental condition was inherited from my father.
He committed suicide back in 2011, and I think that's the biggest thing that's been bothering me. I don't think I'll end up like him, though, so you don't have to worry.

I say I'm strong but I just think that strength is either a facade as well, or it's just dulling day by day.

I'm only 14, almost 15. And I've already been through so much shit. I have my whole life ahead of me, but right now, quite frankly, I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I'd really appreciate if someone can lend some advice or just words to cheer me up.
Sorry if this post is scatter-brained, I'm just really not motivated right now, for anything.

 

[Hatsune Candy]

I don't know if anything I could say would help you any, but I'll give it my best go.

One thing I might suggest is that you find some kind of temporary escape. You could pick up a hobby, play some games, read a few books, or even write your own stories. Believe me, I've been through similar issues, a lot of them I struggle with to this day, and I can safely say that using escapes such as these every now and again has certainly made the hardships easier for me to bare. Obviously they won't be solving your problems anytime soon, that's something you've gotta figure out on your own. I don't mean to be blunt, but no amount of advice is gonna do that for you. In the meantime, though, I think it could definitely benefit you to find a distraction of some nature to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed. Just don't take to relying too heavily on these distractions; remember, they are meant to be only temporary.

All that being said, I highly recommend you take everything I say with a grain of salt. I am speaking purely from my own experience in the field, what works for me might not work for you and I am well aware of that, as should you be. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anything, feel free to message me, my inbox is always open.

 

[Muna]

Riko,

I know exactly how you're feeling. I won't go into details of my personal experiences here, but I can tell you that it gets easier. If you being a pushover is causing additional stress, start by being more assertive. It's not easy to start doing if you're not already a bold person, but it is a good skill to have for getting through the day, having to socialize. People try to push you? Stand your ground. Take control.

Hiding behind a smile or a laugh is something I do constantly as well. While it may not be the best thing to do all the time, it does help me through some tough situations without the anxiety of having to explain myself. If you are feeling like you're breaking, I would highly recommend telling someone. Anyone. A close friend at the very least. You can only bottle things up for so long before it explodes. You're still young, going through some tough times. It's important to build yourself confidently <3

If you ever need anything at all, I am only a message away. I hope you are able to find your peace soon.

Muna <3

 

[Temet Nosce]

Get out of the house.

Not like move out, and I'm not trying to be rude. I just think, if you're able to, it would be healthy to try to pick up sports or hobbies to take your mind off whatever you're going through. When all you focus in Life is just the bad parts, of course life is going to seem like one endless ride of shit-flavored shit. When you're able to get free of that environment however, you'll discover that, honestly, life is the best thing you'll ever experience.

Man's greatest achievement in the universe was the creation of boredom. I'm not going to bore you with 'beauty of nature' crap, but the outside world is pretty freaking fantastic. Yeah, Life can be pretty ugly. I could talk on and on about the different girls that have broken my hearth, and about how sometimes people can be pretty freaking shitty. But the good stuff makes Life worthwhile.

You just have to find what makes you feel like you are really 'living' and then stick with it. Music and athletics have kept me sane through high school. If I had a shitty day at the house, those were the things I fell back on to make me feel better. Sometimes I'd still feel shitty after a long rehearsal or practice, but then I would sleep and the next day would be a new day.

I don't think most people are true 'social butterflies' at fifteen, so you'll probably turn out fine. Just find another group of awkward pushovers or something else you have in common, and talk to them. You'd be surprised at the results. Turns out most people feel just as insecure and awkward as you do. If they snub you when you try to approach them, find another group. There are 7 billion choices of people to talk to. I'm sure you'll find someone willing to hang out with you lol

But that's just how I got through high school and family problems. Not saying it's the right way, but it's how I did it. You'll get through it as long as you keep saying that you will.

 

[Moon Rocks]

To be honest, I can relate to you in quite a few ways, but I do believe I can offer some advice.

If you wish not to be a pushover, you need to try being more bold. I understand it's hard to do, but once you start it will just get easier over time. Respect yourself, love yourself. This will help you a lot. If you want your peers to respect you, you must first show some self respect. Make it known that you aren't weak, considering all you have been through you must be strong. It isn't a facade, for many people would break after losing something so important at such a young age. I have my experience with death as well, and those types of wounds never really heal. I can still make myself cry now when I think of those people, and just how far away they are, but please know if you ever feel like giving in, you would be placing your pain on other people. Certainly, you wouldn't want that?

Lastly, I think you should find a support. A person whom you trust so deeply, you can share anything with them. I have been trying to find such a person in my life, and that too is a difficult thing to do, but I know getting things out makes it all a lot easier.

Overall, just know that there are people who care about you, and that you will never be alone in the world. It's a powerful thing to know that there are people behind you, whether it's many or few, you still have something. Do your best for those people, if you can't find the strength to do it for yourself.

 

[Lea]

One word of advice kiddo...relax. Shiz happens and as much as anybody wants to help, sometimes they just can't. However, in moments like these, the star player which is you in this scenario cannot break, other wise everything else will as well. In times like this one, you must learn to tame your mentality or find something that will. I recommend getting headphones(If not already) and finding tranquil songs to soothe your mind. Others like to go with the heavy metal type tracks but...I guess that works too I suppose.

Being a young teen like yourself is like being the middle stage of a Pokémon/ Digimon. They're skilled but they aren't maxed out yet. Of course by having BPD, you'll have these major mood changes for the remainder of your life but that doesn't mean that the effects of BPD can't be reduced with willpower. Yeah, willpower might sound like nothing outside of petty talk but they can get you through absolutely anything...except for umm physical related stuff so don't play Batman thinking that you're gonna kick ass, only to end up like Kick - Ass XD Also, make jokes, laugh to the simplest of things, smile, watch funny videos and look at funny meme pictures when you're feeling down. Sure these problems won't go away with a simple laugh or giggle but they sure will distract the negativity out of you.

Btw, I know I talk like I can't even relate to what you're going through judging from my upbeat attitude and all but I can unfortunately(Not gonna spill the beans but I'm HP and I don't mean the laptop). - Dries tears on fake paper money so that the real ones won't lose their value - I hope my advice has helped and if you need some positive thoughts, then I'm basically overflowing with them just randomly send me a negative vent message and I'll be like ol Captain Planet and turn it into a tree XD

 

[Askele]

I know what you're going through, bud, I was more or less in your place last year. And yeah, it was a nightmare.

Unfortunately, none of us can choose our upbringing. You do what you can until you're 18 or at least stable enough financially to move out and get a place of your own. What's important is that you don't wallow in whatever's going on. Like the others have said, take on a hobby, something to distract you. It's not good to think too much about the past or anything bad that's going on right now. You need something to help you relax and clear your mind so that you have the energy to deal with your problems when you face them.

It's tempting to over-think but it actually doesn't help at all. You need to find a way to chill and for once in a while just stop doing whatever you're doing to fix things. I'm sure there's loads of things out there you can do, Riko. Some of the things I do amongst drawing, painting and writing, is I go out for a walk, to the cafe and take a book with me or read an article about something I'm interested in (for me, I love reading about psychology). You can also make vent art or write your thoughts of a piece of paper and burn it or tear it apart.

If you like symbolism, meditate and visualise your favourite animal eating away your sadness (this can be visualised as a black substance). If you spend time away from your problems, you might feel a little more energised. These are all things you can do on your own but of course, I'm sure it's already been mentioned, you should find someone to confide it and make sure they are absolutely trustworthy.

As for feeling like a pushover, I think if you start doing things for yourself, you'll gradually feel better. It's not about changing what other people think about you, it's more to do with doing things that give you confidence, experience and knowledge. Opinions and actions, etc the rest will follow.

Don't worry, you can do this. Just remember, friends are important but you also need to be your own best friend.

 

[Glaciercold]

Get out of the house.

Not like move out, and I'm not trying to be rude.

Actually, moving out temporarily might actually help. If you got someone around willing to take you in (friends, family members etc.), then go and spend some time with them. Though some people prefer not to live with someone other than your immediate family members, it is not as bad as it sounds. Honestly, changing up the environment and interacting with different social groups can do wonders sometimes.