I finally watched the newest Star Wars film...

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Brovo, Apr 22, 2016.

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  1. ... Finally went about doing that thing that everyone else and their mum has done by now. Yeah I'm late to the bandwagon, shush, but I can't afford to watch everything in theaters. I like eating food.

    So, obviously, for any other people somehow slower than me... Darth Vader is Luke's Father (spoiler alert), and I can't control the spoiler content anyone else might post. So, if you read through this, and you care about still going spoiler free...
    #1: Holy shit you must be amazing at dodging spoilers because the Internet made it hard for me to evade it this long.
    #2: Use those amazing powers of yours and beware any posts that follow this one.

    Right? Right. Okay. I don't know if anybody cares about how I feel about this film, but, hey, I want to talk about it anyway.

    • It was a solid film and I enjoyed it. If I had to stick a numeric score on it, it's like... A solid 7/10. Good film. Fun film. Take your family to watch it, but remember there's violence in it, like everything else that Hollywood makes. The plot is nothing to write home about. The characters are well written and each one plays a distinct purpose in the story. The casting director nailed every single person to their role perfectly--whoever it was deserves a massive fucking raise. Especially the actor for Kylo Ren. He's like Anakin Skywalker from the prequels, but you won't want to smash your face in the wall every time his mouth opens, because the dialogue for him and the delivery of that dialogue actually works this time.

      Hilariously, the acting from the new actors is generally better than those of the old actors. Though I am looking forward to more of Mark Hamill.

      For those who care, this is probably the best way to do diversity casting I've seen Hollywood do recently. There was no emphasis whatsoever put on their gender or ethnicity--they are simply there. It's not "the black stormtrooper." It's Finn. And Finn is awesome.

      The action scenes are coherent, fun, and easy to follow. They're fluid and well directed. No surprise there, RedLetterMedia appropriately called that JJ Abrams would be a better director for Star Wars than Star Trek.

      So, why only a 7/10? Why not "oh my god I'm going to shit rainbows and praise this like it's the Dark Souls of movies?" Well. I can't really say that without spoilers. So, you know. Spoilers.
    • The plot is really stupid.

      I'm sorry, it is.

      I don't know who is responsible for this, but the pacing in the plot is massively disjointed. For the first half of the movie, the only reason the characters do anything is largely because the plot forces them to move or die with contrived action sequences.

      Speaking of contrivances...
      • Finn happens to be on the ground to see Poe being captured.
      • Finn--a sanitation guy, as we later learn in the film--has access to the personal prisoner chamber of Kylo Ren. Who the fuck lets any random soldier into the prisoner chamber? Leave alone the one containing a pilot likely already responsible for murdering hundreds of your men?
      • Finn is then able to release Poe by simply stating that Kylo Ren wants him. Nobody questions this. Nobody even goes and verifies these orders for Kylo Ren's personal prisoner. Does everyone just walk into Kylo Ren's room and randomly rearrange all of his stuff when he's not looking too? Is there no such thing as a chain of command in the First Order?
      • Finn and Poe somehow escape together on a tie fighter, and nobody on the hanger deck thought of having an RPG (or similar weapon) available to blow them away. Nobody thought to close the hanger doors or raise a force field over the doors. If they have neither doors nor force fields, then how is there air for the stormtroopers to breath in the hanger?
      • What the fuck do you mean that stormtrooper helmets can filter smoke, but not toxins?... That is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever hea--
      • Finn and Poe escape the ship. I'll assume the force was with them, because the blasters on a tie fighter are capable of disarming a capital ship. I'm not going to question this logic, it's Star Wars.
      • Finn and Poe fall into the atmosphere of (what can only be assumed to be) a planet with gravity akin to that of Earth. It also has to have an atmosphere akin to that of Earth, so that Rey can breath it. Poe gets fake death'd here for the sake of a happy reunion later, but, it makes his story make no sense: "I was flung out of the craft and woke up later that night." How the fuck did he casually survive terminal velocity? At least Finn got a parachute. Why wouldn't Poe mention he had a parachute? How did his jacket fall off his body if he was flung out of the cockpit? Where in the world is Waldo?
      • Finn somehow crash landed near the closest desert town to where Rey also happens to be. This can be excused by the idea that Poe was trying to get back to his droid, but then that implies that during their violent crash landing (because, remember, they were shot down while still in space) he was able to direct the craft spinning wildly out of control only a walking distance away from the town where Rey and his droid were. God damn that's convenient if nothing else.
      • Finn enters the town, drinks some water, and then the plot has two thugs appear to harass Rey for her droid to get his attention. Can be forgiven in that the junk guy wanted the droid for his own personal greed and sent some guys after her, but apparently, his best thugs can be beaten off by an untrained girl with a stick. Does nobody have guns on this planet?
      • Finn and Rey get shot at and carpet bombed and somehow find the Millennium Falcon. It just happens to be right there... Because... It... Um... Because.
      • Han Solo happens to find his old ship at the same time two people are hijacking it, which happens to have a droid that happens to have a piece of a map to Luke Skywalker, in which he happens to know of a chick that happens to have Luke Skywalker's lightsaber, so that Rey can happen upon her force powers via dream sequence. Holy fuck this is so contrived that at one point they actually gave up pretending and the literal explanation for why Luke's Lightsaber is there is "because I found it, there's no time to explain." What the director really means is "we don't know how but it's neat to have it there."
      • They had to have a bigger version of the Death Star that can blow up multiple planets. The explanation for how it works makes no sense either, but, again, Star Wars, don't question the physics, laser swords are the best weapon in that universe.

      Look, I love this movie. I love that Han Solo dies. I saw it coming, a mile away, because like the rest of the film, it's mirroring the plot of the first one. (Historically, not canonically.) Han Solo is taking the place of Obi Wan. Except, it's done in a way I fucking love. Having Kylo Ren be an emotional wreck who is struggling to try and follow the things he believes even as his inner conscience is screaming at him not to, makes him a villain of more depth and interesting character than even Darth Vader. This film probably has the best villain.

      So, I mean, overall? It's a great film. I'm looking forward to seeing more of them. I love the cast. I love Finn. I love Poe. Poe & Finn = Pinn, the ultimate Star Wars Bromance. Kylo Ren is a compelling villain, even if he is a bit emo teenager edgy. Rey's story of abandonment was touching, and seeing her go from a nobody packrat, to an actual warrior of legend, because she has a good heart?... Well, fuck it, that's Star Wars. That's the heart and soul of Star Wars. They're getting it right, it's just the details that I'm really nitpicking.

      It's in good hands, I just hope I'm not the only one who thinks that the plot was a bit stale and really silly. Hopefully now that they've blown their load ("look, it's the death star, but BIGGERERER!") they can focus on the heart and soul of Star Wars between Finn, Poe, and Rey.

      Hopefully this is the weakest of the films because of how safely they played it and how hard they tried to appeal to fan mentalities through referencing older films. Hopefully the other two films will clearly lay out this trilogy's true identity. With how tortured Kylo Ren is, it already has the opportunity to one up Darth Vader and become the stronger trilogy for it. It's possible. It's there.

      They just need to stop pandering so hard. They already have a winning formula. I look forward to more. :ferret:

    So, anybody wanna talk about Star Wars? Because Disney is quietly making me like them with how well they're handling it.

    I'm also waiting for my lord and savior, Plinkett, to step out from the shadows. May he have mercy.
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  2. Nope. I'm slower than you are. I've watched about 20 minutes of the movie and told my husband he's on his own with it. I was bored to tears and not interested in it at all. I'll stick with the originals.
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  3. To be honest? If you have a slow evening, put it on in the background. It's not a complicated plot, but the later half of the film picks up in pace and is fun to watch.
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  4. Bro Dameron.

    I'll admit I had my fair share of problems watching it the first time (namely because my expectations were a tad too high and I had to remind myself of what Star Wars is). Andy Driver's similarities to Hayden Christensen's Anakin felt better executed and delivered on my second watch. I have to say, though, Snoke letting his apprentice have an unhealthy obsession with someone who overthrew his Sith master feels incredibly short-sighted (here's to hoping the next film isn't First Order Strikes Back). But you know what they say, choose in haste, repent in leisure and all that.

    Also, this is incredibly nit-picky of me, but it's the one thing I can't quite explain away in the sake of enjoyment - Han's junky freighter had security cameras. Starkiller base? Nope. Not one. Would've solved a lot of problems.

    Overall, though, this makes my top three Star Wars films, and I look forward to the future installments with cautious optimism.
  5. Did the same not but 3 days ago. Just to finally finish it.

    You're pretty spot on for all of it. My biggest gripe was the total lack of feeling like time passed between scenes. If memory servers, FTL travel in Star Wars isn't instantaneous, yet ships get across what I can only guess are incredibly close systems in moments.

    I'd say 6/10 at best. Plenty of other gripes and dislikes, but solid on it's own.
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  6. The Sith in general have one of the most idiotic philosophies in sci-fi. I mean, here it is, in all of its stupid glory.

    "Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
    Through passion, I gain strength.
    Through strength, I gain power.
    Through power, I gain victory.
    Through victory, my chains are broken.
    The Force shall free me."

    Their entire philosophy is literally "fuck everyone I do what I want." It's self destructive. Their version of freedom is power in and of itself. All forms of it. So the end game of the Sith is that only one shall rise to have absolute power in the end. It's social darwinism taken to such a hatefuck extreme that it becomes cartoonish... But it makes it very easy to justify their villainy. So, Snoke being short sighted is no surprise, if he's following the Sith code, the only thing he cares about his having more power. If making his apprentice an unstable psychotic is the way to do it, then he'll do it, because in the end, with or without Darth Vader, Kylo will turn on his master one day. Maybe not anytime soon, but one day. At least with the Darth Vader obsession, he's easily manipulated. :ferret:
    Well, also think of scale. Han's freighter is a ship. The Starkiller Base is... A lot bigger. You'd need a lot more cameras. It's a lame excuse, but, there, that's the best I've got. :ferret: Plus the Empire tends to have massive hubris. It's like, their #1 downfall. It's even demonstrated at the start of the film, where everyone is caught off guard that one of their own even considered betraying them, leave alone doing it.
    Those scenes don't specifically say how long it takes in most instances, but, it definitely counts as a plot hole when the X-Wings gap close to the Starkiller Base in all of 15 minutes. Then again, the Starkiller Base is able to shoot star beams faster than the speed of light, and yet, somehow, everyone can see them. So... Again, Star Wars physics: Don't question it, it's not there.
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  7. Droid, please.

    Plot's flimsy and Death Star V.3 was super lazy (but holy shit, star eating planet is badass), but the movie has a lot of heart and everything was done with amazing care and obvious love. I echo the sentiment that I hope this is the worst of the new trilogy and the next two installments really take some plots of their own instead of playing it safe.

    One thing I want to address in your spoiler points that I won't tag because I'm more explaining a concept than the movie plot point is the whole force field/ breathable atmosphere thing on large vessels like Star Destroyers.

    Ships in Star Wars have energy fields that can contain atmosphere while permitting objects like ships to pass through unimpeded, and it's been established since I think Empire Strikes back when you see the Lamda shuttle carrying Vader go in for landing on a Star Destroyer. Canonwise, you see this all the way back in the prequel trilogy on the Trade Federation control ships. It's been around forever, essentially.

    So why not seal a door? My guess is they probably don't have anything like that to aid in rapid deployment, or they never close them because they don't fear a military threat in relative peace time.

    As for why they didn't have anti-vehicle weaponry in the hanger, they probably didn't have time to drag anything out of the armoury and had to use what was at hand, which was whatever was brought on the raid on the Jakku village, which was recently offloaded. Plus, they make a pretty big deal about it being a shock that this single Stormtrooper is showing signs of non-compliance, why would they keep that stuff in an aircraft hanger? That's like a modern aircraft carrier's deck crew having access to Stingers in case of unauthorized take off. It makes little practical sense. You don't expect your own guys to go rogue in a trained and disciplined military.

    EDIT: I also want to make a note that Kylo Ren isn't a Sith and I don't think Snoke is. I don't know what Snoke's deal is, but Ren is a new order that Kylo leads, and the Sith should have died with Vader and Palpatine. This new dark side thing seems to like having numbers and not being a 2 guys at a time club.
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  8. So they can't turn up the power on the force fields or something like that? No engineer has thought of this as a potential issue? Not one? I know in the games, you can smack face first into hanger forcefields and die painfully. (Albeit I realize the games are non-canon compared to the films.) I just find it really silly that they can't just turn up the power or something, you know? It might have even been a more exciting escape sequence if they had to fit through a door that was slowly closing, and let that be the excuse for why they didn't have a massive horde of tie fighters rape them with no lube. Because why didn't further tie fighters pursue them down into the atmosphere as they fell into it? Later on in the film those tie fighters were shown to have VTOL capability, and they can fly stupid fast at pretty much any angle through an atmosphere, so, what's stopping them from just pursuing them down to the crash site and shooting Finn the moment he returns to the site to find Poe?

    Don't answer that, I know the answer is "because plot" but it makes it no less silly. :ferret:
    This is fair. It's probably not every day that someone steals a ship in the hanger. Still, if you can't "harden" the force fields or close a door, what's stopping an enemy craft from diving in and blowing everything apart? Wait... Oh my god, it actually happens.

    How did these people figure out how to get into space?!?
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  9. Wanna say this, cause it bugs me.

    I counted twelve Not-X-Wings (Were they? I dunno.. Nothing felt iconic this time.) that attacked Starkiller base. Twelve. Death Star 1 took a few Squadrons, far more than that? Death Star 2 it took an entire fleet? And yes, I know, they brought an Imperial fleet too.

    Also Finn's total lack of.. Discipline? For a group as tightly knit, orderly, and drilled as the First Order he cracks like burnt wax paper in all of a heart beat. For someone literally raised to be a soldier (or was he a janitor too? Trained to be a janitor from childhood?) he's totally lacking in any soldier qualities.

    Edit: Are these valid gripes or am I being nitpicky? I really wanted to like the movie despite the genre damaged by retcon and personal matters.
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  10. I liked it alright. It had some pretty great effects (except for that giant beast on Jakku-- I know they're trying for practical effects again, but that was the worst thing I've ever seen), nice directing and acting, and excellent fanservice (especially with the reappearance of Anakin's lightsaber. He built that thing to last, that's for sure).

    Characters are okay. I don't get the obsession with Poe because he's hardly even in it.

    It's still got nothing on ESB and ROTS.
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  11. Yeah, I agree. I had fun with it. I've seen a lot of people say Harrison Ford didn't want to be in it and that it shows in his acting, but I also like the headcanon that Han has just seen so much shit that he's just done with the universe. One trip into Carbonite is one trip too many.
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  12. I almost felt like complaining that Chewie wasn't the one to mourn with Leia, but then I realized: Chewie's really seen shit. Just from the original trilogy alone he's been sold into slavery, watched hundreds get gunned down or blown to pieces between ground and space battles, watched his best friend get frozen solid and then nearly eaten by a space vagina sand pit monster thing, et cetera. He's danced with death so many times that he should rightfully probably have some form of PTSD by now.

    So, yeah, actually, Han being as cold as he is makes sense. You even see a hint of Han being caring and what not around Leia, he wasn't a brick the entire film, but it does make sense why a piece of him would be missing after everything he's gone through.

    His acting was still pretty "meh" doe. All the old actors were, except Mark Hamill, but only because we haven't gotten to see much of him yet.
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  13. I couldn't begin to tell you how it all works, mostly because I don't really want to scour the depths of Wookipedia and fall into despair, but I think shields and those atmosphere containment fields are different. I do know that they can redirect shield strength to different points on ships (you also see this in TFA when they're escaping Han's shitty old freighter in the Falcon), so as for why they didn't do that for an escaping TIE fighter? I dunno. I just figure the First Order keeps the doors open because they get bored sometimes and like chucking shit out the hangers for lulz or they set up lawn chairs and bask in the glow of some distant stars in full armour, because star bathing is the fucking future.

    I also couldn't explain why the hell they didn't prep more TIE patrols to go track down Finn and Poe's crashed ship, or even one of those drop ships, but this is probably why the First Order is small and pitiful compared to the Empire. They left the angry ginger in charge and Jojen Reed overlooking the hanger operations. They were doomed to failure.
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  14. If Episode 7 was released without the New Hope existing, or if Episode 7 was released as some sort of fan film I'd be a lot more fine with it. I could rant for a long time about my issues with Episode 7 (some of which I'm unavoidably going to get into below), but in a nutshell my problem is that seems to just be a Re-re-mastered edition of a New Hope.

    +Should be noted the fact Disney retconned most of the expanded universe, which is responsible for creations like Kotor? That made the bar Episode 7 needed to reach higher, because now it not only just had to be a good Star Wars Movie, but one worthy of replacing the best of what the expanded universe had to offer. So keep this standards/expectations of mine in mind.

    It's copied almost scene for scene, character for character, expect a lot of the pacing got screwed over in the name of effects and fight sequences. It really just felt like someone got a shit ton of funding, and then threw it at a fan film rather than that someone was actually making a new addition to the Star Wars canon universe.

    So to tackle this one element at a time (to prevent me from rambling incoherently).



    Ok, so here we got a Storm Trooper who turns on the New Order. That's fine, a remnant of a Galactic Order known for tyranny? I can imagine some people turning tail and running. But if it's something you've been supposedly raised to dedicate yourself to? It'd be a bit more tricky than how the movie showed. First off for some reason as a Janitor (why was he kidnapped and trained for life to do this btw?) he was both in the ground team and could easily break Poe out. But onto the planet for now, what exactly happens? First he see's one comrade die, and has to witness civilians get slaughtered. Ok, that's actually a good reason for people to turn and run... In normal sane circumstances. However he was kidnapped and raised for the sole purpose of serving the New Order. By all accounts he should have been long ago indoctrinated, or at the very least have so much fear that getting the courage to leave takes some time. But instead we get an instant escape, and not only that but one where he does the one thing that would make him wanted? Why? I get it was the best immediate option, but wouldn't it be wiser to wait a little bit longer and desert on a future mission? Or rescue a much lower ranking pilot?

    Regardless the second he's escaping there he doesn't even seem that phased by what made him leave, instead he just seems excited about being in combat. Ok, as a Janitor running for his life makes sense. But as a raised to fight storm trooper I'm surprised both that he's that impressed by combat and that he formed enough personality to even be capable of such a reaction in the first place (not claiming he shouldn't have personality btw. But the sudden appearance of it given his backstory just doesn't add up). Then we reach him crash landing, this is perhaps the only development we ever see from him leaving the Empire. Now beforehand it should be noted:

    Attack the Block Spoilers
    That the actor for Finn, John Boyega also played in a movie called "Attack the Block". In this movie he played a gangster who started off rather nasty, killing animals for essentially sport and revenge. Turns out though he killed an Alien Queen, this leads to the rest of the movie of him running around from the rest of the aliens and overtime him learning how he's been hurting people, the act he did that put him in this situation and how he grows from that.

    So clearly he's done such a role before and knows how to act changing sides and philosophies. We don't see any of that in this movie, instead what we get is him basically going "I gotta run away from the New Order" and doing everything he can to leave. But the second the New Order attacks he decided to help the rebels, end of story. We see no indications of him formerly being Imperial any more other than others occasionally yelling "TRAITOR!". We don't even see any hesitation from him with blowing up the new Death Star. Granted, it is a terrible weapon under terrible hands so I don't blame him for helping, but that doesn't mean you can't feel conflicted about it considering people you grew up with your entire life, people likely in the same situation you were are still there!? Are we really supposed to buy that he's the 'one' good soul in that entire army and everyone else should simply die without even batting an eye?


    Ok, and here we have Luke Solo, or Han Skywalker. Rey's one of the main reasons I feel like Episode 7 feels more like a fan film, because she feels like someone wanting to insert themselves as the main character, couldn't decide on what to be good at, so they just took everything, I'll start on Luke. First off we see pretty similar parallels between her, Luke and Anakin. Grew up on desert planet, worked with salvage, had skill with piloting, ran off to became a Jedi. Simple enough, can't fault them for ripping off Episode 4 if the Prequels did the same thing. Her similarities to Luke isn't my problem precisely, it's both it's combination with Han's stuff (which I'll get to later) and how her background is the worst out of the three to justify it.

    {td=center|256x50}Skill with Salvage{/td}
    {td=center|256x50}Piloting Training{/td}
    {td=center|257x50}Becomes a Jedi/Uses the Force{/td}
    {td=center|255x345}Luke Skywalker{/td}
    {td=center|256x345} Grew up as a Farmer that had constant use for droids. Could be said that he had his share of knowledge in maintaining the equipment and droids.{/td}
    Always aspired to be a pilot, has friends who do the same and went to learn, and has access to at least a landspeeder.

    Safe to assume he practised with what vehicles he could in the meantime and had friends show him tricks and tips.

    Should also be noted in the Death Star fight he never steals the show as the Ace Pilot. He simply joins in on the attack as another pilot, the only big thing he does is fire the shot to destroy the Death Star which I'll get to in the next bit.{/td}
    Throughout Episode 4 Luke showed almost zero skill with a lightsaber. All we see is him trying to deflect a training drone, firing at a slow enough rate it's safe to say it's on easy mode. He shows some skill deflecting while blinded with the force, but nothing too spectacular.

    At the Death Star he lucks out with Han Solo coming in to cover him. This gives him the ability to fully focus on one shot, where he focuses fully on an individual task, with Ben Kenobi's ghost there aiding him directly.

    Still impressive, but plausible given fantasy logic.

    Also note he never shows any proficient prowess in lightsabers at all until Episode 5 where he fights Vader. And this is after he made his way to Dagobah and was personally trained by Yoda, former Grandmaster of the Jedi Order.{/td}
    {td=center|255x240}Anakin Skywalker{/td}
    {td=center|256x240}Grew up as a Slave who was made to work with machinery, droid's etc as an assistant of sorts. He works with stuff directly every day as his line of work. Even as a kid if it's all he knows, and he's the only slave being looked over it's safe to say he's been given enough time, experience and attention to have a solid understanding on this stuff, especially when exposed at an early age.{/td}
    Working with Pods constantly gives him a firm understand on how it works. And although his Master is cruel, he's not heartless.

    Anakin's slavery or is more like a full time job, he's given free time to pursue hobbies, such as racing. Now, winning a swoop race against professionals because of the force?

    And then being able to pilot his way into a Hangar and blow it up from the inside?

    That is silly and worthy of criticism, but it makes more sense then what we got for Rey.{/td}
    {td=center|257x240}Spends a full 10 years being trained in the Jedi Order before we seem him in action with a lightsaber.{/td}
    {td=center|255x300}Rey ???{/td}
    Abandoned as a child to effectively be a slave that sells salvage to survive. There seems to be no indication that she makes much use of this salvage, just that she sells it.

    Granted, she spends the majority of her life doing this. So even without anyone directly looking over her like with Anakin it can explain some level of skill and knowledge. So this part isn't nearly as bad at the later two bits.

    However, to be able to then understand how the Millennium Falcon works even better than Han Solo? What?{/td}
    No indication that she has ever flown before, at all. And unlike Luke she's not simply accompanying a fleet, and unlike Anakin she's not even in an open course where the race has some sense of rules and structures.

    Her first real experience flying is avoiding professionally trained Fighter Pilots (whose ships should be more agile than the Falcon) within insanely tiny corridors. By all senses of basic logic she should have died right then and there.

    No amount of force sensitivity lets you succeed that hard of a task when you have zero grasp of it.{/td}
    We got two main cases of Rey doing this here. Fighting Kylo Ren, and Mind Resisting Kylo Ren/Controlling the Trooper.

    Mind Battle first, you've got a girl brand new with the force VS someone whose been trained by Luke Skywalker, and the current equivalent of Dark Lord of the Sith? Kylo Ren is pretty damn powerful, and has history to back it up. Meanwhile Rey has, nothing. There is no feasible way she should have had even a chance of beating him.

    I've heard some people defend that Kylo Ren opened his mind to Rey, and that by looking through that she tapped into the Force and won. But if force mastery was that easy it would not be a life long discipline.

    And force persuasion? Not nearly as impressive as beating Kylo Ren, but someone who just learned about the force days, if not hours ago would not pull over completely controlling someone like that.

    Then lastly the saber fight. Now, granted Kylo Ren was wounded by Chewbacca's bowcaster. However, a wounded master of the force and lightsaber VS someone whose never used a saber before, and barely understands the force? Come on, the winner is obvious. Especially when you remember the Sith love using pain to their advantage, so the wound isn't even that big of a drawback.{/td}
    And then you got Han Solo. Like mentioned in the table she outsmarts Han on the Millenium Falcon, which even given her history doesn't make sense since she would have barely operated anything and that this is Han Solo personal ship that he would know inside and out. And then as a movie finale she gains both the Falcon as her own possession and Chewie as her partner because... reasons. This woman literally has everything thrown to her on a silver platter to make her look like the ultimate bad-ass, but instead just comes off as a Mary Sue.

    With that part out of the way, let's get into Rey herself, as a character. One of the first things we see for her character (other than the delusion that a family who ditched her for most of her life will come back for her. I'll let this pass though, cause humanity has a long history of being delusional when it provides a source of comfort) is when she refuses to sell the Droid. Ok, she has a good heart, but practically speaking why in the world did she do that? Star Wars has no real records of droids being on equal groups as humans, everyone see's them as property to buy and sell. She was being offered 120 times her pay for that day, and knew full well she'd likely lose it by force if she didn't sell it. So bleeding heart without much of a head on her shoulders, at least this makes her easy to call the good guy.

    Next when Finn comes to the Planet, and the Empire starts attacking. There's a specific scene where Finn in a rush to get the both to safety grabs her hand to help her get up and she yells "Let go of my hand!". Ok, that's pretty clever, nice one there... Ok movie, we heard her already. Oh ok, I see she needs to keep saying this multiple times now... OK MOVIE WE GET IT! SHE'S AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN! This one is honestly a more minor complaint, but in combination of the others it just seems to reek of a "Look at this perfect female character!" Bantha Poodoo.

    And on that bit, a lot of tiny critiques seem to add up to give this impression. The way she escapes captivity so easily, the way Leia is fully willing to embrace her after Han's death before Chewbacca. And they're given with practically no explanation other than "The force" or "Maybe she's a Skywalker!", but the latter doesn't even hold up at all considering it's fan theory. A movie should give you at least a decent idea as to why a character does blank, or at the very least make it clear this is meant to be a mystery, not simply casually do it and expect it to make sense.

    Kylo Ren

    Kylo Ren in all honesty I feel a little conflicted by. Unlike Rey his history makes sense and actually explains the feats he's capable of. His personality and behaviour although whiney and obnoxious does lead to some development, and set's things up for the next two movies rather well, and he also has some mystery in his history that leaves one asking questions. And not in the "What the hell explains this!" sense, but genuine and exciting curiosity. But at the same time, I'd have to say Kylo Ren is a classic case of over acting.

    Firstly to address the biggest complaint people have of him, he shows his face, a lot. This is more something I blame the Director directly for, because this isn't actually something that hurts Kylo Ren as a character really, but it does kill the build up as to who is behind that mask rather quickly when he takes it off so willy nilly. Now, I'm not expecting a three episode build up like with Vader, we do have the whole "Han Solo's son" deal to consider, but at least waiting till later in the movie would have been nice.

    Secondly, his Tantrums share the same problems as Fisk's from Daredevil. They're too spontaneous, too out of blue, and completely unbelievable to be coming from someone in such a high position of authority. Even with the Sith's code of emotion being considered. Like, cutting up an entire computer terminal (likely very expensive) just cause of some bad news? That has to cause issues with ship efficiency, when you throw a tantrum at an escape prisoner (rather than you know, setting the ship to red alert and looking for them?) and when soldiers see it they aren't even phased, they just casually walk away (which was admittedly rather funny)? That implies this is a very common occurrence, how the hell is someone like that having so much authority, regardless of their power?

    At least they seem to somewhat address this by how much lack of respect the Imperial Officer gives to him, but the issue is they're vague enough on that disrespect it's hard to tell if that's even because of his behaviour or because of Empire VS Dark Jedi rivalry. I'm thinking it's mainly his behaviour, but there seemed to be hints it also involved the latter at least somewhat. Granted, the latter is once again something that helps build up to a good episode and 9 should they choose to make their own unique movie and not simply re-make an older one.

    Then lastly, his lightsaber. This is just completely impractical, I know this is the Star Wars verse where swords > guns. But at least Star Wars has lightsabers connect to one's force abilities, deflect blasters and cut through just about anything. It's silly, but there are pro's to it that normal swords don't have. The crossguard? Nothing of the sort. It's like Sargon of Akkad mentioned, take two sticks and cross them with each other. Have the crossguard painted red and swing it around. All the places on your arm that are red is where you'd have your hand chopped off. Well, it would have if not for...

    The Lightsabers Punchiness

    This was one the first things I noticed when I saw the Lightsaber fights... The Lightsabers were not dangerous. People got hit with it multiple times, they got burned, they yelled in pain, but nothing serious ever happened. All the lethality of the weapon was lost, probably because it wasn't Finn would have been killed long before Rey got the saber, then resulting in Rey getting killed, movie over. But then maybe in that case they shouldn't have had complete amateurs fight an effective Sith Lord!?

    Han Solo & Chewbacca

    ... What? You're expecting me to get angry and type a raging rant about his performance? Quite the opposite here. Harrison Ford fucking carried this movie, he was one of few redeeming factors in this film for me. Where although there were certainly other good things in the movie, they are usually carried with a couple of things that aren't so good. Han Solo though was a solid performance, and was the only character (other than Poe, I'll get to him in a bit too) I was genuinely rooting for during the course of the movie. Though to be fair, this is at least partially influenced by caring about him in the original trilogy, so if I were rating Episode 7 by itself? He'd still be by favourite character but he'd basically be 'ok', he kept the plot alive and moving. But since it's a sequel I think it's fair to let my enjoyment of younger Han to carry over here since Episode 7 doesn't do anything to contradict younger Han.

    And then we got Chewie, a character whose species is limited to growls without subtitles. So, not much to really rip into here. Chewie is only being mentioned for one specific reason, Han Solo's death scene. Wookies have a history of getting insanely angry. Chewbacca specifically being known for ripping peoples arms off for losing at a board game. So losing his best friend in front of his very own eyes? He should have done a lot more than shoot Kylo Ren once and then run off. He should have gone into Berserk mode and hunted Kylo Ren down, probably interrupting the lightsaber fight, take Kylo Ren by surprise! That would provide a better explanation for him being caught off guard and why he then lost to Rey.

    Poe Dameron

    Poe carried the first 10 minutes of the movie, I really don't have any complaints about him. He helped start off the movie on a fun and engaging start, but then we lose him. He breaks out of jail, somehow flies way off from the crash site effectively keeping him out of the movie until Death Star time, where we got one brief scene showing him flying in the squadron. He really just felt like a good character who didn't get near enough screen time, hopefully they address this in future films.

    The Death Star

    The destruction of the Republic, somehow by showing more they got less impact than Alderaan. With Alderann we never saw anyone there, our only impact was Leia's reaction. However, they had built up to that with the whole deal in the past being finding the death star plans. So you knew the Empire has some big weapon at least, in this movie? The Death Star came out of the blue, and within mere moments destroys several planets we're told nothing about rather than "The Republic is there", the Republic by the way we don't see anything about. So even if we saw the faces of the people on the planet killed? No investment, I cared nothing for those people. I cared for Leia in a New Hope though, cause that movie took time to make me care. Plus that Death Star, which is far bigger than others, how the hell was that kept secret from the Republic who supposedly run a good portion of the Galaxy now, and have eyes and ears in the rest?

    • The trailers tease us with a Luke voice over but a lack of seeing Luke. Leads to mad fan theories about where he is, only for us to only get a single shot of him, without a line at the end? Not really a complaint of the movie here, but the deception of the trailer is annoying.
    • Leia hugging Rey instead of Chewie. I mean, I get Chewies seen a lot. But he was still a life long friend of Hans and a long time friend of Leia's. While Rey? Knew Han briefly, and didn't even meet Leia until after Han was dead.
    • When they force the Imperial Officer to shut down the shields, why does she not just call in reinforcements? Seriously, they got a great actor for this role, a bad ass looking character and they toss it away.
    • The Raid Cast being wasted as cannon fodder rather than a spectacular fight sequence
    • R2-D2 being conveniently asleep for the entire movie right up until the end. And being a droid he doesn't even get "The Force" as an excuse there.
    • 3CPO having no relevance at all rather than interrupting a potentially touching scene simply to show off his red arm, which is there for no reason... Like seriously what the hell?
    • The flat out damn convenient start scenario of just happening to crash next to the droid, just happening to have the plans, just happening to find the falcon, just happening to find Han right then. Even the force as an explanation is a stretch.
    • This scene is the best :3
    I won't bother making complaints on the Science, because there are some movies who just don't care about accuracy and that's completely fine. Star Wars is one of those movies, I reserve scientific complaints to those who claim to be scientifically accurate or when a movie blatantly ignores science to do something impossible and then fail provide to a good (if any) in-universe explanation for it.

    But overall, I guess you can tell I'm not a big fan of this movie. There's some good things about it I like, but overall it just feels like a slap in the face to both the expanded universe it's replacing, and to the movies by simply pretending to be them rather than making their own story. Where while the Prequels were bad, they at least did something unique, had some sense of pacing, and had both high and low extreme's. Where when we get shit like Jar Jar, we also got stuff like Darth Maul. Episode 7? It has some stuff to really rant about if writing, development or simply logic is a concern, but as simply being a movie to entertain you, it's meh.

    Considering a New Hope exists I have to give it a 5/10, though the rating would be a 7/10 if a New Hope didn't exist and Episode 7 was it's own original creation. And before someone tries to say that remakes shouldn't be judged by the original, that's fine, if the remake is honest about being a remake. Like Godzilla, or Karate Kid. But Episode 7? It wasn't honest, it tried to pass itself as it's own movie and because of that it takes a penalty. And note this isn't factoring in that it's meant to replace much better writing from the extended universe, because although that will do a lot of damage to the Franchise as a whole (at least for fans who go beyond simple movie watching) I don't think it's fair to let behind the scenes choices like that influence a movies rating.

    Now, I know some people will try to claim the extended universe had a lot of crap, it did. But it also replaced a lot of good. I know some people will claim that Disney is bringing some of it back, like Thrawn. Which is great, and I give Disney some credit for that. But, a good amount of the good stuff (mainly old republic, which would hold almost zero relvance to the time era of Episode 7) isn't coming back, so... it's still something I'm going to give Disney shit about.

    Is this rant filled with bias? Definitely, I won't deny it for a second. I tried to stay Objective, but at the same time I'm not a professional critic. I don't get paid to review stuff, so I consider this more of an opinion piece than anything else.
    #14 Gwazi Magnum, Apr 25, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2016
    • Love Love x 2
    • Nice execution! Nice execution! x 1
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