I feel trapped

[Hatsune Candy]

I'm quickly approaching a point in my life where I feel forced to choose which path I should go down and for whatever reason I just can't decide. Some of it has to do with anxiety and fear of making the wrong decision. A lot of it has to do with a general unwillingness to even try, for various reasons that I am only vaguely aware of. I haven't done anything remotely productive in the past few months and I feel like I'm just wasting my life away for no good reason. I want to make something of myself, but I am incapable of deciding what that something ought to be.

For most of my life I wanted to be a writer, but I long since gave up that idea because I don't think I have what it takes. Then I turned my attention to programming and game design, but I quickly gave that up too because I thought I wasn't capable. Most recently I wanted to do something in field of Astronomy, Physics, or somewhere in between; but I'm starting to have doubts about that too. Basically, for any path I have any interest in going down, I don't feel like I have the capacity to succeed. This entire conflict has left me unmotivated and feeling worthless and empty.

I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Poe Dameron]

Just a suggestion of course, but...

Ask yourself what you want to accomplish in life, what kind of life do you want to live once you've finished school and started on your professional career?

Do you want to earn a lot of money, or is location more important? Do you want to put a lot of time into your work (and be fairly compensated for the effort) or would you rather work less hours and enjoy life more? Do you want to live where you are now, or stretch your wings and take that flight into the unknown? Find a career that supports the life you want to have in a few years, a decade, or even the rest of your life. It might be more meaningful to you than focusing on the work and the schooling required to get into it, because you'd have a goal to work towards.

It worked out well for me, when I asked myself this question I was already out of college and a couple of years working as an engineer. I wanted work less hours, and to get away from where I was, see the world and possibly live and work in other countries, so I sought out a career that had those options.