I feel like two different people

[AirQuest]

I feel like I have two personalities when I meet people to RP with. I'm probably too sensitive, and I don't know how to help that.

When I'm at my best I'm laid-back, friendly to a point of just doing whatever my partner wants, there are very few things I'll actually draw a line over. I can be a bit scatter brained at times, I like sharing whatever random thought is in my head. The point is when I feel like my partner likes, and wants to be friends with me, I'm very friendly in return.

The problem is when people don't react well to me, I go into like this panic mode, where I'm certain they hate me, and I'm doing everything to try, and change their mind, and it feels like the harder I try to win them over, the more they misinterpret me, or get offended or whatever, and I feel even worse about it.

I'm also really quick to take every minor, misunderstanding as hatred. It's like; "If they got mad over this misunderstanding, it's going to happen again." and then I really want to ditch them, but I'm really sensitive, and would feel really horrible, so I think in a subconscious way I kind of push them away first, even though I hate losing people.

I think to a certain extent, when I go into whiny-panic mode, I do it because I rarely get apologies. I care a lot about other people, so when I've upset someone, I apologize, whole-heartedly. The problem is most people reply to my apology with something like "it's fine" ...And my brain goes; "Clearly it's not fine. They freaking hate you. If it was fine, their response would have been like; "Hey don't beat yourself up, it was just a misunderstanding, I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have overreacted like I did."

I feel lost, how do you people deal with this?

 

[Kagayours]

It sounds to me like you're just getting really... socially anxious.

I also don't see any sign of "two personalities" in you or anything like that. You sound like you want to please people. When things go well, you continue to do what makes your partner happy. When things don't go well, you get stressed out about it, and avoid saying anything that would offend your partner in the slightest because you don't want to make things worse.

Have I got any of that right?

Anyway... I'm not entirely sure how to help you. I myself struggle with some social anxiety things that seem to come-and-go. I'll go through periods of relative confidence followed by, well... more anxiety, where I'm afraid to speak my mind or engage in interactions that might end poorly. :X

I guess all I can really say is... when people say "it's fine", it usually is fine. And, in general, just... try to be more open about what you do or don't want to do with your partners. And... try to relax a bit more?

I'm sorry, I know that probably really isn't helpful. I think, in order to become more comfortable in these kinds of situations, building self-confidence is very helpful. But then, building self-confidence is also a much more complicated task...

 

[Quetzal]

Sounds like social anxiety to me as well. I had similar problems. Which I'm still trying to work through. I can be an amiable person. Then I become an irrational passive aggressive and push away someone I was starting to consider a friend. I suspect that happened because I hadn't interacted with anyone in a day to day discourse in so long. That I forgot what is a reasonable expectation of another person's time.

In my experience with social anxiety. You have to spend time becoming accustomed to interaction. Learning social queues is tough, especially online, where you only have what they typed to go by. I don't know if it will help you. But try interacting with people IRL. Even if it's just buying something at a store. They're usually polite or impassive. It's a good baseline for what's the middle ground.

I think I'm rambling. And I probably shouldn't give other people advice given how sometimes I struggle with interaction. >_>