I can not handle all of this school shit. I'm less than a month into it and already I'm behind, feeling helpless and unable to catch up again. I can't read fast enough, I can't let go of being a perfectionist, it's just too hard. It doesn't even feel worth it to get done a year early because I have lost all but one friend, I am stuck just eating, sleeping, studying and swimming. It feels like I'm not doing shit with my time, and even subjects I was passionate about have become some of the most hated chores in my day to day life. I have no drive to even try anymore. My swimming is shit now as well because my hips and shoulders are popping like rice crispies, and I just don't know what the fuck to do. I've been doing homework instead of swim, but the one time I told my dad that, he yelled at me for being a 'lazy slacker' who 'can't get my shit together'. It's like I can't fucking win with them, and it makes me so depressed and angry. I'm just so stressed and defeated, I can feel a total meltdown coming. Oh wait, I don't have time for one.