I can't think of a good title, but I need help

[Spoilers]

Well, coming forward with this was a huge, step for me. I barely acknowledge when I have problems, much less seek help for them. I've developed as kind of a coping mechanism a strong, individualist streak of wanting to dictate how my life goes. Mostly because of how helpless I feel.

I first started roleplaying as a means of escapism. I didn't have a terrible life, but my father is a violent drunk, and added in bullying at school, and my mom just leaving town when I was 12, leaving me with no defense against my dad, roleplaying was that part of my life I turned to in order to get away from everything.

Lately it's been hard. I mean roleplaying. In the past I'd set up an Ad, and within the first week I'd get several people wanting to be friends. Nowadays I'm lucky if I get one person that responds in a month. Those I do get rarely stay with me.

I'd love to pull the victim card, but the truth is I can't. The truth is, a lot of it is me. When it comes down to it, I think I'm so used to being let down, or left that I push people away. I think there are times when I do things without realizing them, just to drive people away. I don't think I'm mean so much as people find me irritating, or exhausting to put up with. I tend to do things like asking too many questions, stalling the RP, randomly jumping around topics.

The irony is that what I want most is a friend. The last real-life, friend I had at the age of 15 she, and I were planning to write this story together. She left too, moved away, and after that writing was just never the same for me. That's about when I started doing the above stuff, for the most part. The random topics however, I've always done that. I honestly just love talking to my partners, and I tend to want to discuss everything on my mind.

I used to hear that people with depression feel better from getting jobs, and socializing. I tried that. It didn't work. I had two jobs, neither worked out. I liked the first one, but the second one involved working with several people, and handling a lot more customers. I'm not a big, meanie...I'm just very introverted, in real life. I don't deal with people, though I can fake it for a brief period, I can fake being an outgoing, extroverted sort of person.


I have this weird habit of where I'm very live, and let live, but at the same time I'm controlling. I love doing split sides for RP's because I want to dictate exactly how my side goes. However, I want my partner to be treated fairly, so while I am controlling about my side, I'm very relaxed about how my partner does their side, which is why I prefer roleplays where instead of us being in the same world, my side is in a different world. I get what I want, and my partner gets what they want.

I know I'm feeling lost, but I don't know where to look anymore.

Please give advice.

 

[Kagayours]

Firstly, the situation you described about your father sounds very concerning. Do you still live with him? Your age isn't visible on your profile, so I'm not sure whether you've long since moved out or if you're still financially dependent on him or what. If it's the latter, though, I strongly suggest trying to contact someone who might be able to help get you out of that situation. o_o" But since I don't know whether or not this is even currently an issue, I don't want to spend too much time on it unless you confirm that it is.

Either way, though, I would still recommend seeing a therapist about a lot of the stuff you've been dealing with. I know you said you've made yourself feel very individualist as a "coping mechanism", but, you've said it yourself -- you need help. You feel lost. And while I will certainly offer all the advice that I can, it sounds like you're dealing with some pretty heavy stuff, and a therapist or counselor can probably help you more than I can. Moreover, taking on such an individualist mindset as a "coping mechanism" doesn't sound very healthy to me at all. o_o"" No one can make it through life completely alone, it's ok to need help. And I feel that trying to take on all your problems without accepting any help is just going to make everything harder...

Lately it's been hard. I mean roleplaying. In the past I'd set up an Ad, and within the first week I'd get several people wanting to be friends. Nowadays I'm lucky if I get one person that responds in a month. Those I do get rarely stay with me.

The site has lots of resources for how to make attractive ads and how to pull people into your roleplays -- as well as how to get people to stick around and create a lasting RP. I personally could even offer some advice on this, if you'd like.

I'd love to pull the victim card, but the truth is I can't. The truth is, a lot of it is me. When it comes down to it, I think I'm so used to being let down, or left that I push people away. I think there are times when I do things without realizing them, just to drive people away. I don't think I'm mean so much as people find me irritating, or exhausting to put up with. I tend to do things like asking too many questions, stalling the RP, randomly jumping around topics.

:/ Have you asked your partners if these are really the reasons why they left, or did you just assume that? It's easy to blame everything on yourself in this kind of state of mind, but, sometimes your perspective can get clouded by that sort of thing, you know? It's quite possible that people didn't notice any of these things in you at all, and they simply lost interest in the idea of the RP.

Roleplays are delicate things. They die off very easily. That doesn't mean that you're "driving partners away" -- it just means it's hard to get them to stay, even if you're being perfectly polite about everything.

The irony is that what I want most is a friend. The last real-life, friend I had at the age of 15 she, and I were planning to write this story together. She left too, moved away, and after that writing was just never the same for me. That's about when I started doing the above stuff, for the most part. The random topics however, I've always done that. I honestly just love talking to my partners, and I tend to want to discuss everything on my mind.

:/ Have you tried spending more time on the social areas of the site and making friends there? Like I said, RP's can die easily, through no fault of your own. And depending on the longevity of roleplays to maintain friendships just sounds like a very... unstable system. o_o" I think you might find it easier to make friends -- even on a roleplaying site like Iwaku -- just by talking to people in non-roleplay-related contexts. You can hang out in General Chat and meet people, or you can even contact some of your old partners and see if you can keep in touch with them. There's no reason why you should have to drop contact with your partners just because the RP died.

I have this weird habit of where I'm very live, and let live, but at the same time I'm controlling. I love doing split sides for RP's because I want to dictate exactly how my side goes. However, I want my partner to be treated fairly, so while I am controlling about my side, I'm very relaxed about how my partner does their side, which is why I prefer roleplays where instead of us being in the same world, my side is in a different world. I get what I want, and my partner gets what they want.

:/ To be honest I don't know much about 1x1 RP's to really help you with this (I'm a group RPer, myself), but you can probably find guides and resources about how to avoid being controlling in a 1x1 context. I can look around a bit for some if you'd like.


Also, to more broadly address the thing about using roleplays as escapism: like I said before, RP's die easily, so if you depend on them for your escapism, then I feel like you'll undoubtedly end up in a lull at least every once in a while where things just... aren't working, not because you did anything wrong but just because of bad luck. I recommend finding perhaps some other methods of escapism -- not to replace roleplaying completely, but just to occupy your mind when your roleplays aren't doing so well. Maybe you could try writing on your own? Or you could search for some escapism in video games or TV shows?

I also agree that it sounds like you could use a friend. And, again, if you feel like the closest things you have to friends are your roleplay partners -- who you only keep in contact with while the RP is running -- then that sounds like a very unstable system to me. You can make friends with people who you haven't roleplayed with, just by poking around GC, or the Iwaku Discord chat. You can also reach out to old partners (or just try to keep up with current partners in the future if/when those particular RP's fizzle out) and try to maintain friendships with them, so that it doesn't have to feel like they're gone from your life just because the RP died.

And, like I said before, I think that finding a therapist or counselor about this could help you immensely. I'll still do what I can, but I think that a professional could do a lot more.

 

[Spoilers]

Firstly, the situation you described about your father sounds very concerning. Do you still live with him? Your age isn't visible on your profile, so I'm not sure whether you've long since moved out or if you're still financially dependent on him or what. If it's the latter, though, I strongly suggest trying to contact someone who might be able to help get you out of that situation. o_o" But since I don't know whether or not this is even currently an issue, I don't want to spend too much time on it unless you confirm that it is.

Either way, though, I would still recommend seeing a therapist about a lot of the stuff you've been dealing with. I know you said you've made yourself feel very individualist as a "coping mechanism", but, you've said it yourself -- you need help. You feel lost. And while I will certainly offer all the advice that I can, it sounds like you're dealing with some pretty heavy stuff, and a therapist or counselor can probably help you more than I can. Moreover, taking on such an individualist mindset as a "coping mechanism" doesn't sound very healthy to me at all. o_o"" No one can make it through life completely alone, it's ok to need help. And I feel that trying to take on all your problems without accepting any help is just going to make everything harder...


The site has lots of resources for how to make attractive ads and how to pull people into your roleplays -- as well as how to get people to stick around and create a lasting RP. I personally could even offer some advice on this, if you'd like.


:/ Have you asked your partners if these are really the reasons why they left, or did you just assume that? It's easy to blame everything on yourself in this kind of state of mind, but, sometimes your perspective can get clouded by that sort of thing, you know? It's quite possible that people didn't notice any of these things in you at all, and they simply lost interest in the idea of the RP.

Roleplays are delicate things. They die off very easily. That doesn't mean that you're "driving partners away" -- it just means it's hard to get them to stay, even if you're being perfectly polite about everything.

:/ Have you tried spending more time on the social areas of the site and making friends there? Like I said, RP's can die easily, through no fault of your own. And depending on the longevity of roleplays to maintain friendships just sounds like a very... unstable system. o_o" I think you might find it easier to make friends -- even on a roleplaying site like Iwaku -- just by talking to people in non-roleplay-related contexts. You can hang out in General Chat and meet people, or you can even contact some of your old partners and see if you can keep in touch with them. There's no reason why you should have to drop contact with your partners just because the RP died.


:/ To be honest I don't know much about 1x1 RP's to really help you with this (I'm a group RPer, myself), but you can probably find guides and resources about how to avoid being controlling in a 1x1 context. I can look around a bit for some if you'd like.


Also, to more broadly address the thing about using roleplays as escapism: like I said before, RP's die easily, so if you depend on them for your escapism, then I feel like you'll undoubtedly end up in a lull at least every once in a while where things just... aren't working, not because you did anything wrong but just because of bad luck. I recommend finding perhaps some other methods of escapism -- not to replace roleplaying completely, but just to occupy your mind when your roleplays aren't doing so well. Maybe you could try writing on your own? Or you could search for some escapism in video games or TV shows?

I also agree that it sounds like you could use a friend. And, again, if you feel like the closest things you have to friends are your roleplay partners -- who you only keep in contact with while the RP is running -- then that sounds like a very unstable system to me. You can make friends with people who you haven't roleplayed with, just by poking around GC, or the Iwaku Discord chat. You can also reach out to old partners (or just try to keep up with current partners in the future if/when those particular RP's fizzle out) and try to maintain friendships with them, so that it doesn't have to feel like they're gone from your life just because the RP died.

And, like I said before, I think that finding a therapist or counselor about this could help you immensely. I'll still do what I can, but I think that a professional could do a lot more.

I will do my best to address the points brought up.

1. It didn't seem important, but I don't live with my dad anymore. My mom came back into my life, and I've been living with her, and her new husband...who I can't stand. He's not a drunk like my dad is, but he's still mean. He's very nice to my mom, it's everyone else he's mean to. My sister repeatedly asks me how in the world I stand living with him. He's very black, and white about things, bossy, arrogant, do everything his way, or not at all type of thinker. He's mean, but in a different way. My real dad is emotional, his mean behavior when drunk is because he would lash out. This guy is more "Everyone is so stupid, except me." kind of mean.

2. I saw a therapist when I was 14, it didn't work out. Just like the counselors at school, he didn't really listen to me. My dad pulled me out of it, since it wasn't going anywhere.

3. I'm starting to realize I can't do everything alone, but I really wish I could.

4. Yes I would like RP advice, I mean for making attractive ad's, and what not. I think as a roleplayer I'm fairly solid, at least I personally think so.

5. I haven't personally asked, but it's easy to infer. I talk too much, and they say something like; "Are we actually going to rp?..."

6. I have not. I'm like when I'm one on one, I can be very talkative. When I'm on a forum, I feel scared. I don't want to post something stupid. In addition I actually do try to keep contact, it's more that my partners drop me, once the RP is no longer available. To an extent I'm afraid of reaching out.

7. I have tried using video games, but I've been met with mixed success. I can't be a PC gamer, I don't like the controls, but I also don't have 300 dollars to buy a new console, so I'm stuck with games I've played already, and any new game I might end up getting I've spoiled for myself, because of the Youtubers I watch being mainly Let's Players. When I do play video games now, I can't enjoy the story anymore. It's like I have to give myself a reason for playing them, such as timing myself, or counting the enemies.

 

[Kagayours]

1. It didn't seem important, but I don't live with my dad anymore. My mom came back into my life, and I've been living with her, and her new husband...who I can't stand. He's not a drunk like my dad is, but he's still mean. He's very nice to my mom, it's everyone else he's mean to. My sister repeatedly asks me how in the world I stand living with him. He's very black, and white about things, bossy, arrogant, do everything his way, or not at all type of thinker. He's mean, but in a different way. My real dad is emotional, his mean behavior when drunk is because he would lash out. This guy is more "Everyone is so stupid, except me." kind of mean.

Alright, I only asked because, if you still did live with him, then I would've suggested that getting out of that situation should be your top priority. o_o" But if you don't live with him anymore then it's not as big of an issue.

2. I saw a therapist when I was 14, it didn't work out. Just like the counselors at school, he didn't really listen to me. My dad pulled me out of it, since it wasn't going anywhere.

It's been a long time since you were 14, and not every therapist is the same. School counselors in particular, I find, have a bad track record with this sort of thing -- but a "real" therapist might be able to do a lot more for you. Besides, your dad's not in the picture anymore, so it's not like he would prevent you from trying again. Also, you're an adult now, so you can probably better articulate your feelings and what you want help with.

5. I haven't personally asked, but it's easy to infer.

But my point was, I think perhaps you're not being fair with yourself, and assuming that you're more responsible for things going south than you really are. And I doubt that every partner has reacted in that exact same way. And if they did, then that's an astounding streak of bad luck -- because I know there are lots of RPers out there who love talking about the RP with their partners, and I'm amazed you haven't had the chance to RP with one of them yet.

6. I have not. I'm like when I'm one on one, I can be very talkative. When I'm on a forum, I feel scared. I don't want to post something stupid. In addition I actually do try to keep contact, it's more that my partners drop me, once the RP is no longer available. To an extent I'm afraid of reaching out.

:/ And I know that that can be scary, but, if you want to make more friends, then really the only advice I can offer is that you have to find some way to make yourself more comfortable socializing with other people... I know it's hard, but, friends don't just drop into your life out of nowhere. You have to go out and meet them.

7. I have tried using video games, but I've been met with mixed success. I can't be a PC gamer, I don't like the controls, but I also don't have 300 dollars to buy a new console, so I'm stuck with games I've played already, and any new game I might end up getting I've spoiled for myself, because of the Youtubers I watch being mainly Let's Players. When I do play video games now, I can't enjoy the story anymore. It's like I have to give myself a reason for playing them, such as timing myself, or counting the enemies.

Ok... what about TV shows/movies? Books? Writing your own stories?

I only listed video games as one of many examples. If that hobby doesn't work out for you then that's fine -- not everyone is super into video games. But my point was that, there's probably some other hobby you might enjoy that can serve as some form of escapism for you.

4. Yes I would like RP advice, I mean for making attractive ad's, and what not. I think as a roleplayer I'm fairly solid, at least I personally think so.

The Creative Content section of the site is good for finding all kinds of roleplay and writing-related guides, so it's a great place to start your search anytime you feel stuck in the future. Looking through there, I found a lesson on RP advertising, as well as a thread about how to make your OOC threads attractive to potential members. The latter is probably intended to be more of a guide for group RP's than 1x1's, but, maybe it would be helpful if you're making a partner search thread that expands on a single idea rather than listing a bunch of ideas? Might be worth a quick look.

As for my own advice on making attractive ads... well, there's a lot I could say. ^^; And to be honest, I don't have a ton of time to write up a quick guide for you at the moment. BUT, send me a PM and maybe I can get around to helping you later tonight. Or you could even post a thread in the Roleplay Help forum to see if someone else can help you in the meantime.

 

[Spoilers]

To clarify I've had some good partners, some great ones in fact, they always end up leaving. My best partner was this girl who was the most open, caring, and patient person I've ever known. She had to leave roleplaying altogether though due to illness in real life.

As for everything else I'll give it a look.

 

[Kagayours]

To clarify I've had some good partners, some great ones in fact, they always end up leaving. My best partner was this girl who was the most open, caring, and patient person I've ever known. She had to leave roleplaying altogether though due to illness in real life.

I think that just emphasizes that you aren't always "driving people away", though. Roleplays die for all sorts of reasons, and this is one of them.

 

[Spoilers]

I think that just emphasizes that you aren't always "driving people away", though. Roleplays die for all sorts of reasons, and this is one of them.

I do think I need to state this. I've been roleplaying for about 10 years, and wanting my own side, that's more of a recent thing. I actually am very happy to discuss, and compromise with my partners. The split thing, about having my side separated, is more because there's just certain OC's I really want to use, and feel like I can't.

 

[Kagayours]

I do think I need to state this. I've been roleplaying for about 10 years, and wanting my own side, that's more of a recent thing. I actually am very happy to discuss, and compromise with my partners. The split thing, about having my side separated, is more because there's just certain OC's I really want to use, and feel like I can't.

o_o" I... really don't know what to say about that. I don't know enough about 1x1 RPing to really understand what you're trying to say, here, or whether the "split thing" is supposed to be a good or bad thing, in your view.

I was only trying to emphasize that RP's die easily, so you shouldn't be so quick to blame yourself when an RP fails.

 

[Spoilers]

o_o" I... really don't know what to say about that. I don't know enough about 1x1 RPing to really understand what you're trying to say, here, or whether the "split thing" is supposed to be a good or bad thing, in your view.

I was only trying to emphasize that RP's die easily, so you shouldn't be so quick to blame yourself when an RP fails.

Hmm it does occur to me, my best friend. When we first met, it was just a simple Death Note RP, it wasn't until we were close friends that I thought of asking her for more wild things...and now I walk into every new RP expecting my partners to be just like she was, and forgetting that she probably would have said No to my ideas if I had asked for them immediately rather than getting to know, and befriend her.

 

[Kagayours]

Hmm it does occur to me, my best friend. When we first met, it was just a simple Death Note RP, it wasn't until we were close friends that I thought of asking her for more wild things...and now I walk into every new RP expecting my partners to be just like she was, and forgetting that she probably would have said No to my ideas if I had asked for them immediately rather than getting to know, and befriend her.

So, you think that's the reason why you're having a hard time finding partners? Your standards are too high?

To be honest, I'm still not sure what you were referring to with the "split" thing and "having your side separated", or feeling like you can't use your OC's -- or what any of that has to do with having your expectations set too high. So, I still feel like I'm missing something, here. But, at the very least, I'm glad you've managed to pin down one reason why you seem to be having a hard time finding partners.

Unfortunately, though, I think the only solutions to this particular problem are to either keep searching until you find a player who meets your high expectations (although that could certainly take a while), or, lower your standards a bit so that you can find more partners. But, I wouldn't want you to be stuck in RP's that aren't going well with partners that you dislike, so... yeah, that's kind of a tricky situation. :/

 

[Spoilers]

So, you think that's the reason why you're having a hard time finding partners? Your standards are too high?

To be honest, I'm still not sure what you were referring to with the "split" thing and "having your side separated", or feeling like you can't use your OC's -- or what any of that has to do with having your expectations set too high. So, I still feel like I'm missing something, here. But, at the very least, I'm glad you've managed to pin down one reason why you seem to be having a hard time finding partners.

Unfortunately, though, I think the only solutions to this particular problem are to either keep searching until you find a player who meets your high expectations (although that could certainly take a while), or, lower your standards a bit so that you can find more partners. But, I wouldn't want you to be stuck in RP's that aren't going well with partners that you dislike, so... yeah, that's kind of a tricky situation. :/

Well I'll try to clarify.

Most RP's have 1 setting where everyone has their characters, just like all of us humans, share the same Earth.

What I'm looking to do is have it where the sides are different. Such as I would play in the Outlaw Star universe, and you would play in the Trigun universe, but each of us would contribute to the other, just my OC would not exist in Trigun, and yours would not exist in Outlaw Star.

Also yes. I think I'm picky, because I got spoiled, by my partner...I kind of liked her as more than just a partner, so I took her leaving really poorly.

 

[Kagayours]

What I'm looking to do is have it where the sides are different. Such as I would play in the Outlaw Star universe, and you would play in the Trigun universe, but each of us would contribute to the other, just my OC would not exist in Trigun, and yours would not exist in Outlaw Star.

So, you're saying you want... a crossover RP?

Or are you saying you're looking for a non-fandom multiverse RP, where your character and your partner's character are from different universes?

If it's the former, well, those aren't too uncommon. o_o You can probably find someone who'd be willing to RP that with you. If it's the latter... well, it's not quite as popular an idea as a fandom crossover RP, but it still doesn't sound super unconventional. It probably shouldn't be too hard for you to find some interested partners.

...Assuming I'm understanding you correctly, and I'm still not very confident that I am. :/

Also yes. I think I'm picky, because I got spoiled, by my partner...I kind of liked her as more than just a partner, so I took her leaving really poorly.

:/ Yeah, it sucks to lose contact with any sort of friend, so I can understand why you'd be upset by that.

But, now I'm curious... are you saying that this previous partner spoiled you in terms of actual RP-related things? Like, did she offer you everything you wanted in terms of post length/style? Speed? And generally having her ideas clique really well with yours? Or are you saying that she spoiled you in the sense that you're now expecting everyone you RP with to fulfill the same friendship role as she did, and to act just as friendly to you as she did?

 

[Spoilers]

So, you're saying you want... a crossover RP?

Or are you saying you're looking for a non-fandom multiverse RP, where your character and your partner's character are from different universes?

If it's the former, well, those aren't too uncommon. o_o You can probably find someone who'd be willing to RP that with you. If it's the latter... well, it's not quite as popular an idea as a fandom crossover RP, but it still doesn't sound super unconventional. It probably shouldn't be too hard for you to find some interested partners.

...Assuming I'm understanding you correctly, and I'm still not very confident that I am. :/


:/ Yeah, it sucks to lose contact with any sort of friend, so I can understand why you'd be upset by that.

But, now I'm curious... are you saying that this previous partner spoiled you in terms of actual RP-related things? Like, did she offer you everything you wanted in terms of post length/style? Speed? And generally having her ideas clique really well with yours? Or are you saying that she spoiled you in the sense that you're now expecting everyone you RP with to fulfill the same friendship role as she did, and to act just as friendly to you as she did?

Both. She, and I just clicked together. Also I do want someone to be a friend like she is.

 

[Spoilers]

So, you're saying you want... a crossover RP?

Or are you saying you're looking for a non-fandom multiverse RP, where your character and your partner's character are from different universes?

If it's the former, well, those aren't too uncommon. o_o You can probably find someone who'd be willing to RP that with you. If it's the latter... well, it's not quite as popular an idea as a fandom crossover RP, but it still doesn't sound super unconventional. It probably shouldn't be too hard for you to find some interested partners.

...Assuming I'm understanding you correctly, and I'm still not very confident that I am. :/


:/ Yeah, it sucks to lose contact with any sort of friend, so I can understand why you'd be upset by that.

But, now I'm curious... are you saying that this previous partner spoiled you in terms of actual RP-related things? Like, did she offer you everything you wanted in terms of post length/style? Speed? And generally having her ideas clique really well with yours? Or are you saying that she spoiled you in the sense that you're now expecting everyone you RP with to fulfill the same friendship role as she did, and to act just as friendly to you as she did?

Let me try to explain further.

In the past, I had this roleplayer I'm positive had borderline personality disorder, and I never let it get to me.

Nowadays because of how nice this girl was to me I get irritated at things I simply perceive as "rudeness".

 

[Kagayours]

Both. She, and I just clicked together. Also I do want someone to be a friend like she is.

Well then, in that case -- yeah, those are some high expectations for RP partners... In terms of just "clicking together", a partner like that can be really hard to find, so you might need to search for a long time until you find someone who fulfills that same need. :/ And as for the friendship thing... yeah, it would be great if you could make friends with your RP partners, but I feel like you have to let that sort of thing develop a bit more naturally. Maybe just try to get an RP going first, then you'll have the chance to bond with them over the RP, so you can see where that goes? You mentioned other partners getting impatient when you tried to chat with them instead of starting the RP, and, if someone starts interacting with you specifically for the purposes of getting an RP started, then I guess I can see why that would make them a bit impatient. I guess you'll just have to start by getting some RP's going, and then you can try to bond with your partners.

Or, like I said, you can try searching for friends in non-RP-related contexts, which would probably bypass that particular problem. Also, if you're already friends with someone, then I think it would be easier to start a 1x1 with them, and already be on friendly terms by the start of it.

 

[Kagayours]

Let me try to explain further.

In the past, I had this roleplayer I'm positive had borderline personality disorder, and I never let it get to me.

Nowadays because of how nice this girl was to me I get irritated at things I simply perceive as "rudeness".

Ok, I'm still a bit confused, but, let me know if I'm getting warmer: Are you saying that, because this girl was so nice to you, she gave you high expectations in terms of... niceness? And now you expect all your partners to be perfectly behaved, and you get irritated by even the smallest offenses if they aren't?

 

[Spoilers]

Ok, I'm still a bit confused, but, let me know if I'm getting warmer: Are you saying that, because this girl was so nice to you, she gave you high expectations in terms of... niceness? And now you expect all your partners to be perfectly behaved, and you get irritated by even the smallest offenses if they aren't?

Yes.

Past Me = You could cuss me out, and I'd be not fine, but I would come back the next day, to see if things were cool.

Present Me = If my partner starts doing that vague, one-liner, "I'm angry, but I won't say it." crap I get mad.

 

[Spoilers]

Ok, I'm still a bit confused, but, let me know if I'm getting warmer: Are you saying that, because this girl was so nice to you, she gave you high expectations in terms of... niceness? And now you expect all your partners to be perfectly behaved, and you get irritated by even the smallest offenses if they aren't?

You remind me a lot of her. I don't mean that in a creepy way. I'm just saying you do remind me of her.

 

[Kagayours]

Yes.

Past Me = You could cuss me out, and I'd be not fine, but I would come back the next day, to see if things were cool.

Present Me = If my partner starts doing that vague, one-liner, "I'm angry, but I won't say it." crap I get mad.

Ok... well, I really don't think it's that much of a bad thing to want partners to be polite and to not do the things that annoy you. I'm not sure this is a shift that can be entirely blamed on one person as much as just... having higher standards because you've been through more in life, and realize you deserve more respect?

That's probably a bad way of phrasing it, though.

You remind me a lot of her. I don't mean that in a creepy way. I'm just saying you do remind me of her.

Well, unfortunately, I'm not a 1x1 RPer, so I can't fill that void completely -- but, my inbox is open if you ever just want to talk.