I am getting tired of his crap I am not sure what to do....

Z

ZeAwesomeOne

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I am so tired of this crap….


So I am at a family vacation. It's been enjoyable. Got to see a really good play, see my family and what not. But my father is being a total ass and I am not sure what to do about it.

A couple of weeks ago we had a big argument. The man has always been a selfish one and has to get his way no matter what. After a stupid incident with my sister, he wanted us to come over for dinner to talk to him about what happened. I agreed to this. The day of, I am told that my sister's boyfriend is coming with us. I said if he goes I don't (this is because he is reason we were fighting in the first place and I wasn't going to go over there and tell me story just to be ganged up on by them). This lead to an argument that continued on over text messages. There has always been one thing that made me always hate my father. When I was younger he told me that I stupid fate and that I should go kill myself because I was never going to amount to anything. No one should hear that specially from your father. This drove to may first attempted suicide and to shoot my confidence like no other. Because of this new argument we were having, I decided to bring up that I was hurt by this. I thought that maybe he would see that all this crap was just hurting me more and that he would at least try to see my side of the story. After telling him the context of the time he said this (it was over the fact I couldn't go on family vacation because I had school commitments, he said he had every right to be mad about it because I choose school over family. I was in flag line and I needed to go to band cam or I would be kicked out. I worked hard for it and I made a promise to be there before her told me when the vacation was. He had no right to say those things to me no matter the reason And for a man that has abandoned event for reasons like he had a date with his girlfriend, and expected me to understand, I have had enough. So this argument made my come to the conclusion that he was never going to try to find it my way for once and that it was time to cut my losses. I disowned him.

So now we are here at my aunt's birthday party. (his sister) We have yet to say hello to each other since we first saw each other. (he was my ride for the 4 hour trip here) He avoiding me at all cost. It's making this trip very awkward and I hate it. I wish there someway to talk to him and not have him expect it to be an apology. Because I am not apologizing. I am not the one at fault here, he is. He is the one who owes me an apology.

I am just tired of this crap…
 
If I had some way to help I would. But for now, I shall offer you a hug. You're dad is a dick and needs to get over himself. *offers the offered hug*
 
Now, don't expect me to be an expert at things like this (far from it >.<) but, there's the possibility there's things that may explain his behavior going on "behind the scenes" or better put; in his head. I'd say he cares about you to some extent; otherwise he wouldn't have given a crap if you didn't go on that family vacation, however the only way I really know of to find out these things would be if he experienced something that makes quite an impact on his way of thinking/his life in general that reveals all that's been going on inside (whatever it may be). Another thing I'm suspecting is that the silence is indeed doing something (it may actually be the best course of action, but beware of the worst case scenarios) whether it be good or bad, it's up to you if you wanna see it's effects on him to the end.
 
You should not have to apologize to him. He has done you wrong and you have every right to be upset about it. My suggestion is to keep it on the down-low, so you don't provoke any other life-scarring incidents. He could be a lot like my father, and not even realize what he does is hurting the people around him. And he won't listen to your reasoning, so don't linger on that. Literally the only thing you can do in endure it until you become of age. Then... you'll be free, with enough bad experiences to make you a stronger, better, and more understanding individual.

Turn the wrongs done to you into strength
 
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Thank you, LunaValentine, I could use that *takes that hug*

@york: I know that his father was abusive, but then again so was he, mostly emotional to me but physically with my mother. He has been trying to shape up lately. His girlfriend left him for long time after he got into a drunk driving accident. He's been sober for almost two years now and going to counseling. His girlfriend is back with him, so that is not it. It seems like his life is doing good considering what it was, so I have no idea what would be wrong.

@heliacalRebirth: well the good things is that I am free of him. My parents have been divorced since I was 7 and now I am 21, it's just that always wanted a decent relationship with him for the sake of my family, hence why I am here at this family party even though I am fighting with him.
 
@ZeAwesomeOne Perhaps it's his past actions lingering around to cause some more harm? (This is just speculation btw) Though who knows, maybe things will resolve themselves depending on how things go of course, but perhaps with a little help and the right words at the right moments, the relationship you have with you and your father might still be salvageable...
 
I read somewhere that there's not such thing as a perfect family, just different levels of dysfunction. Hopefully you can have your own family to compensate for the one you are losing because of him. Maybe if you talked to the other members of your family they will understand and take you under their wing, because you should not let him take others away from you as well.
 
Ze,

I am sorry that you are going through this rough time, and what you have to do to make this easier on you is not going to be an easy thing to do, in the least.

sometimes you have to accept an apology that will never be given, I know the way your father acts sounds, to me, very unfatherly, but your father isn't going to live your life or make the important choices in your life for you, you must take solace in yourself and always remember that other people, especially our parents, we can't control.

Try your best not to focus on these things, Zone in on yourself and don't apologize to him, Forgive him for being a disappointment to you. Forgive him for saying things to you that a parent should not say to their child. Be strong and take a positive action to better yourself and forget about what he does and says and make sure that you don't wind up saying and doing the same as him.

Forgiving him may feel backwards at first, but you will feel better once you convince yourself 100% that your father is out of your control and only he can say he is sorry now, but if you give him your true forgiveness first, you will free yourself of resentment and judgement over him. If he wants to judge you then let him, you will not make those mistakes. You can be stronger than him and show him the right way to be through action and less words.

It seems talking makes things worse, so just say, "dad, your the only dad I get, and I forgive you, I won't walk through my life letting "anyones" actions hurt me, and I am strong. I love you and I forgive you"

Don't throw things he has done in his face, don't let him see any of the pain he has caused you. You keep that Intelligent chin up and smile and take control of yourself. Take control of the situation and ignore all the things that you can't control so that you can make your life happy for you, and let it go, rid yourself of these feelings.

Trust me, Forgiveness if hard to do, but it will make you feel free when you tell yourself that you were stronger than the entire situation, and that you forgave him anyway.

The moment you are in is temporary and the way you feel right now will not last forever. :)

I hope that I could help and I will be sending you as much strength I can.

Fijo <3
 
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So I tried your approach, Fijo, but when I asked my sister to go get him for me, he refused to come because he was on the dock fishing and said that if I wanted to talk to him I had to go to come to him. I know this goes against what you said but that is one reason I was pissed off at him in the first place. He wants me to give up and go and apologize to him first when I have done no wrong. The one time ask him to come to me so we can work out a problem, he says no and has to have it his way. He is not willing to give anything even if it means to mend our relationship.
 
I am sorry you are having a hard time Ze,
All I can offer is to focus on you now. You don't have to apologize or even verbally forgive him, Tell yourself that you forgive him and Love yourself enough to move on from the situation entirely. Life is too short to let these thing come between you and your family.

Again, it's just temporary, sometimes we have to swallow our pride when it comes to our parents.

But, it's time to focus on Ze <3 Good Luck, love.

Fijo
 
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