Hunter x Hunter: The Truth is There

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Going pale at the finance reports, cringing at the thought of her social media postings, and shivering at the idea of government eyes on her, Recette mumbled plainly, "Oh, that's, uh, nice. And if you could just...ignore anything I ever posted online that'd be great." Recette didn't regret giving up internet for anything outside of work in the least, even if she was a bit more challenged in technology than she'd normally have liked.

"For the record, I like sushi and oatmeal. Well, not together."
 
Muyomi nods with a sense of weight about it. She concludes with a prolonged look at the floor, "Recette, you know..." Muyomi pauses for a moment, seemingly trying to grab at elusive words, "You care a lot about my sister, so I think she has told you about her plans for what happens next. I don't have any concrete proof that it is the case, but my intuition tells me that it should be the case. Can you tell me what you know?"
 
Recette began to blink a bit faster, straightening her back. She admitted, "Well, I guess we really...haven't. We were kind of busy with the Exam, so we never set anything in stone. The biggest thing was to come here and get you. After that...well...I know what I want to do, but that's the thing: Kyoko really didn't have anything of her own in mind, I don't think..." Taking a breath, she insisted, "But if you don't have anywhere you guys want to go, then you should come with me to Frisko! It's a big city, so there's a lot of things to see and do. Even if you don't stay."
 
Muyomi hangs her head solemnly, "I figured it would be like this... I guess it just sort of snuck up on me..." Muyomi moves over to her bed, laying down and facing up towards the ceiling. She has her eyes closed, and she doesn't seem to give any sort of hint that she is still a part of the conversation, until she starts talking again out of nowhere, "Recette, I don't think I want to leave, but I'm scared to tell Kyoko."
 
Recette felt her mind fold inward a bit as she processed this information. "H-ha?" she blurted. Slumping back a bit, her mind raced. "I didn't...I just assumed..."

Crawling over, changing her position from near the desk to in the middle of the floor, Recette sat with her knees against, her chest. Rocking her head back and forth, she began, "Well, I think Kyoko wants to be with you, but I also don't think she really wants to be here." Looking around at the shelves of media, the nice computer, and the game consoles, she couldn't help but wonder, brain struggling to find an answer, "What's really here for you two outside of this room?" There wasn't even a window to check. When was the last time Muyomi even left these confines?
 
"Recette, there isn't anything out there for someone like me. Kyoko needs to be out there. I've grown up watching her, and I know that she can do so much. Recette, Kyoko is just so incredible, that it makes me wonder why she would even bother with having someone like me in her life. I haven't left this room in 13 years... Outside those doors, there is a barren world that has no place for me. Everything that I am, it's on here."

Muyomi points her computer. "This is the safest place in the world for me. It is where I can protect the things I care about. It is where I can have a purpose. As much as I love Kyoko, I can't leap into the abyss."

Muyomi lays on her belly, "In my most selfish thoughts, I sometimes think about just stealing Kyoko away, keeping her all to myself. But, in the process, I'd ruin the very things that I love so much about her. I could never forgive myself if I kept her here, knowing that deep down, she wants to seek out an active life. She wants to live a life of danger and excitement. I want to be able to support her, but I'm afraid: afraid of being inadequate, afraid of losing my place in the world, and most of all, afraid of becoming irrelevant. If I stay here, I can be a powerful ally, but if I go, I'm just a frail girl who needs protection."
 
Going still, Recette stayed stiff for a moment, before unfurling herself. Crawling over to the bed, she laid her chin on the edge, her hands holding on to the sheets as she stared down Muyomi.

"The abyss? A barren world? Muyomi, I came from that 'barren abyss' you know. Or...what do you expect is going to happen if you leave here? I mean, sure, you're probably not going to be with Kyoko every second of every day, but that doesn't mean you have to be stuck here with your parents constantly watching your every move either!"
 
Muyomi shakes her head, clarifying, "I didn't mean that literally, I just was making the point that there isn't anything waiting for us out there. For both Kyoko and myself, we'd be starting from nothing. We aren't citizens of any country. We have no friends, no assets, no resources. All of the infrastructure that we've lived with our entire lives will be gone. It isn't that there is nothing there for you, or that nothing there is worthwhile. Quite the opposite. There are many amazing things out there, but they aren't there for people like me. It is all I can do to protect those things from the shadows. That is why it is like jumping into an abyss. If I go out there, at the very least I'll have to start over from nothing, but there is also the risk that there won't be anything there."

"And I don't worry about my parents. They could watch me, but I'm profoundly aware that they don't. They've likely watched you and Kyoko during the Hunter's Exam more than they've watched me my entire life."
 
Shuddering at the idea of being watched, Recette didn't press that, shaking her head. Instead, she pushed herself up, arms on the edge of the bed, looming over Muyomi.

"You don't have nothing. You have talents! I...don't know about all of them, like that...Nen, whatever, but I know there's a place out there for it! And even if there wasn't you have Kyoko, and you have...me."

Stopping herself, she turned around, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. "There's...no real 'place' in the world meant for you. Or Kyoko. Or me. Or my dad. Or anyone. That's silly. You're silly. The world isn't that...clean, or organized. You have to make your place in the world! You have to take what you want!"

"...Okay, maybe I could have put that in a way that doesn't make me sound like a thief."
 
Muyomi lays her hand down on the bed, turning her head to the side to face Recette. "If I leave behind my room, I won't be safe anymore, and neither will the people I protect. Kyoko never had anyone depending on her, so she can leave just fine, but I'm not the same. If I leave my place, there will be no replacement. Kyoko will have to protect me because I'll no longer be able to protect myself. Even though I know with a certainty that Kyoko would take on that responsibility in a heartbeat, it isn't right for me to let her. Kyoko has been robbed of having her own calling for so many years now. She has spent so much time working for the Agesis project that she doesn't know any greater happiness than spending time with me."

Muyomi takes a deep breath, "Even if she could be happy, even if that would make me the happiest girl in the world, I'd not be able to call myself her lover if I didn't care that it was at the expense of her potential being squandered. There is so much more to the world that she doesn't even know about yet, things that could make her way happier than me. I don't want to serve as an obstacle to that. If claiming a place for myself in the world means abandoning innocent defenseless people, giving up the infrastructure I've spent my entire life building, and exposing myself and the people I love to danger, all because of my desire to keep Kyoko in my reach, then how could I live with myself?"

Admitting quietly to herself, "And maybe, I shouldn't be scared to leave. But, I can't tell you, how heavy that door is... Maybe it wasn't heavy at first, but the expectations that lay on the other side barricade me in. Unlike Kyoko, I know what the world thinks about us. I know that I don't belong out there. Being able to support myself as a shut-in means that I don't need to open that door. I can deal with people through my alias, giving them only the information they need to know. I don't have to face the world, and I don't want to..."
 
Craning her head to watch Muyomi, Recette's brow furrowed. Clenching her hands, she growled, "Stop acting like starting from zero is the worst thing ever! Do you know how many times my dad's started from zero? He's declared bankruptcy 16 times!" Slumping back down, she muttered, "If I wasn't with him, he'd have..."

Turning onto her knees, arms propped so she could face Muyomi, she said, "You built more from just this room than my dad ever has. He's tried to sell, build things, destroy things, and nothing has ever worked out for him. And I know you don't want Kyoko to do for you what I did for my dad, but I don't think for a second that you need to. My dad's the best person I've ever known, and I love him, but..."

Reaching her hand down, she continued, "I admire you two, alright? You're both amazing! And if I could figure out how to get what I wanted..." Recette paused, taking out her Hunter License, "...in this crazy world, then I know you could too! Because it's a big world and there are more options than just 'leave' or 'stay'. I'm not going to pretend I know all of them right now, and I can't be sure everything will go well... Actually, I'm pretty sure it won't! I'll probably mess up at some point, like usual. Kyoko might, And you might. But if you're not even going to try..."
 
Muyomi pauses. Not knowing how to respond. She sounds surprised, but also tempted, "Is it really ok to start over from zero, even knowing the consequences? It isn't like your Dad, it would be my choice. I would have to live with the consequences. The people who depend on me would too. Imagine if you were able to build up your business to something extremely successful. Imagine that millions of people became dependent on your product, and that it would put hundreds out of work. Could you give all that up, just to chase after Kyoko?"
 
"Yes."

Recette said it without hesitation. Then she backed up a bit, shaking her head. "I mean...it doesn't work like that!"

Letting out a sigh, she explained, "Because a business is an organization. Bureaucracy. I could step down and even if my successor can't do my job: it's not something I could have been doing alone in the first place. But yeah, I'd walk away from that for Kyoko! Or my dad! I'd be trying to get back to it eventually though, because it's what I want! Even if I have to start over somewhere else!"

"And I get that you're not exactly running a business. Sure, you said you're irreplaceable, but...I don't get it. Like, you've never gotten sick or anything? I don't buy it. How does this thing you're doing even work?"
 
Muyomi explains, "Basically, I'm a freelancer. I take jobs as I find them. I approach people, organizations, and nations that need my type of help. The exact nature of these requests varies, but essentially I am the type of person who handles jobs that nobody else can. Usually, I do this free of charge since the few requests I get from hunters more than pay enough for me to maintain my digital infrastructure and fund my hobby." Mentioning softly, "I've helped all sorts of people get through a crisis. I spend most of my time working on small cases, just waiting to sniff out something big. I made two friends just as good as me. I don't think they'll talk to me anymore if I go dark."
 
Recette's eyes fluttered for a bit. After a moment, she scratched her head, before muttering, "I guess I don't really get it then. That doesn't have anything to do with Agesis, right? Or this island in particular? So you can do it from anywhere, right?"

"I mean, what do you think is going to happen when you leave? You and Kyoko are just going to become joined at the hip because you need protection? From...anti...Muyomi...people. There are things we can do for that. I know...people. Okay, I just met them, but..."

"Muyomi..." Recette said, taking a breath, before saying with a bit of befuddlement, "You already made a place for yourself in the world as far as I can tell, I just don't see why it has to be here and only here..."
 
Muyomi pauses, letting out her next words slowly and carefully, "To be honest, there are a number of practical issues to moving locations, some of which would go right over your head. But, even though I could eventually overcome those, I can't overcome my own feelings. Recette, I haven't left this room since I was seven years old. At first it was just out of frustration, but eventually it grew into a feeling of safety. Where outside I couldn't live up to my responsibilities and didn't fit in, here I felt powerful and safe. There are times that I want to go out, but I find myself unable to open the door. I didn't understand why I felt so paralysed, so I did some research into the matter. It turns out, people who shut themselves in for long periods of time lose their social skills and develop a dependency for their controlled environment. That is when I realized what it meant. The door gets heavier. Those responsibilities you've avoided, those relationships you've ignored, the comfort of staying where you are, all grow more and more intense, until finally, you can't open the door."

Muyomi sighs, "I know you probably can't relate. But, I felt better when you told me I could give up everything I think I know, and just start from zero." Muyomi giggles, "If I could just pretend like this was the beginning, maybe..." Muyomi's expression changes on a dime, tears start to flow, "Maybe." Muyomi grasps her pillow, grasping ahold of it with her entire body like an octopus consuming its prey. "Maybe."
 
Keeping her breath steady, Recette shook her head, before stating, "I don't think that's true."

Pushing off from the bed, Recette stood properly, saying, "I don't think you're like that. Or at least, not all the way. You still have social skills! You're talking to me, aren't you?"

Clenching her fists at the air, looking skyward as if shaking her fists at the island's overseer, Recette turned about heading straight for the door, casting it open, looking into the dimming evening.
 
Muyomi lets out a simple, playful, "Baka," before laying back down normally. Turning to face her computer monitor, she looks to see the time. Thinking to herself, "Kyoko shouldn't be that much longer."
 
"I-I was..." Recette began, muttering to the empty breeze, before awkwardly closing the door.

Letting out another sigh, she stretched for a moment, before turning back to Muyomi's bed, sitting back down on the edge.

"What are you going to tell Kyoko?"
 
Muyomi shrugs, "I never really know until the moment comes. You can prepare yourself to say something for quite some time, but in my experience, it always comes out different in the end. But, you probably just mean to ask what I've decided." Muyomi looks Recette directly in the eyes, "I was thinking that I'll give your plan a try. But, you know. I thought you'd be happy if I stayed here. You surprised me."
 
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