How would YOU have done the "Twilight" story?

._. I would've just wiped everything off and started with a clean slate, to be honest. But if I had to work with that . . . I would've probably toned down the super-cliche romance and made the conflict about the vampires killing the humans more important.
 
More violence. Like seriously, I had to fucking sit through the entire first book, with shitloads of cringe-worthy romance and finger-quotes "drama", only to have the Mary-Sue bitch pass out just before Sparkle-Boy and Stereotype-Villain start tearing each other apart.

Seriously, that was the moment I really, REALLY wanted to murder Bella with a fucking hammer, and I'd just suffered through the entire book.

The series would have immediately become bearable if it was less about shitty teenage romance and more about ultraviolent immortal peeps ripping chunks out each other.

But that's just me.
 
Keep in mind, a Mormon came up with this series due to a dream she had.

....

Seriously, I STILL don't get how this became popular... the book is C+ AT BEST.... I'd rather put it at D or F.
 
Let's move that to a different thread, shall we, this is about how we'd make it better.

Hands down downplay the romance, but turn up some bromances in there (Not the homo kind, two dudes who just kick ass together.) - say Jacob and Edwardo (He's hispanic now!) figure out that the only way to do anything and be in a goodish plot is to team up and kill that evil vampire chick, but instead Jacob goes psycho and rapes her. Bella is an emo kid, like in the real thing, but actually acts like a real emo kid, the kind you can pity. After witnessing the rape she turns all badass and un-emo and kills Jacob with an antique silver butter knife. And that's all just in the first book.

Book II: Play up the animosity between the werewolves and the vampires -due to the fact that a vampire's sextoy killed their leader - and have a brutal fucking battle that lasts at least 12 chapters, of and on. In an attempt to turn the tide, Edwardo and Allicia (another name change, woot) conduct a ceremony where they infect Bella with their desease. Only it goes terribly wrong and she turns into some shebitch from hell and starts raising hordes of the undead.

Book III: Durring the aftermath of the Vamp/Werewolf war, they band together and attempt to stop Bella's cool new shebitch zombie powers. In the end, only the humans prevail through true ingenuity and a really big Gatling gun.
 
Why not a rail gun?
 
Let's move that to a different thread, shall we, this is about how we'd make it better.

lets not. we were asked for how we would make it better, our opinions are a part of that. dislike them agree with them i care not which, but they will be posted.
 
Gather together all my mystical werewolf brothers to invade the Brain Palace.

Where we will all die. Again.

Bastards!

One thing people forget is that it's just a middle-aged woman's wetdream that she wrote down and dragged out into a book series whose purpose is to add fuel to the bonfire of things tweenie girls fantasize about. When you look at all the other stuff in it though, symbolism/suggestions/whatever it's really, really weird...plus that ending...GROSS MAN, GROSS. But still--

Make girls wet = PROFIT

I would have focused more on this supposed war between werewolf and vampire. I'd also say make Bella more likeable but if she were my version of female character she'd have sawed apart Edward's neck with a rusty knife and held his head in the air while screaming victory. The van that would have almost killed her/what originally brought them close together, would be on fire in the background.
 
I would make it much more entertaining possibly have Blade (or someone of the sort) drop in on the show and start killin fools. I mean some action or something XD
 
I would make it much more entertaining possibly have Blade (or someone of the sort) drop in on the show and start killin fools. I mean some action or something XD
THIS! MOTHERFUCKING THIS!

"hello, my name is: FUCK YOU"
 
Hmm how would I have done the Twilight story. Well I guess first of all I'd forget all this nonsense about appealing to highschool girls and glitter, and morning vampires. I believe the Aqua Teens made a full display as to how rediculous a vampire in the sun is. If you want further details on that mockery then check out the Aqua Teens episode 3 Vampire Bus.

So with that tossed away we can focus on mythology and then apply that to a modern day setting. Turn the highschool aged people into people more in their twenties. Probably keep the vampire a hero of sorts and make them do something cool like thwart business tycoons who make shady deals with the super natural.

And that, I guess, is how I polish a turd.
 
Set the book on fire an wrote a story less gay.
 
Remove all the clear Mormon under tones in it because all those vampires were more or less something like out of the Book of Mormon or something. Oh and replace Bella with one of Alarice's chickas because I hear weirdos say Bella's a role model for womenz. She's almost as useless as half the chicks in animus. Then change the Indians into somethin' other than fucking werewolves that aren't really werewolves... In fact ditch the werewolves with something more interesting like werebears... And killer lumberjacks. Since it's in the Northwoods there should be murderous lumberjacks with axes and shit...
 
Seeing as I can't burn the books, I would re-write it into a zombie novel.

Screw Vampires.
 
eew necrophilia much, I don't have a problem with vampires so much as 1. oregon is not a man enough state for the Damned, 2. even the most masculine character in Twilight had a negative testosterone count AND IT WAS A CHICK! 3, should have been a gangland romance, with ppl dying and shit, life being short, even for an immortal.