How to impress a girl

[Asmodeus]

#75 Post Facebook comments on someone else's wall about how you're bored and horny, then get your family members to click Like.

 

[Smo]

#76. You take dat gurl on a tour of Azeroth, instead of, y'know, a real-life city. Maybe she'll like your level 12 Paladin too.

 

[Eternalfire61]

#76: Treat her to a night of D&D with all of your single friends who are looking for a gamer girl. Then make her play a goblin.

 

[ZsafineGypsy]

#77 Show her your new boxers you got at Wal-Mart by having your pants underneath your balls. Then when she asks why your pants are below your balls, counter-ask "Why are you looking?" forcing her to give you a blowjob.

#78 Show off your gold swag tooth, when she says "How cool!" then punch her in the mouth so she could get one too.

#79 Play a game of ball-tap with your gurl and hit her in her vag. Then shout dramatically and say, "DUDE, She has balls. I felt them!" around your friends.

 

[OverCast]

#80. Refer to aforementioned girl as "my bitch" when speaking to your friends.

 

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

#whateverthebloodyhellwe'reon: Tell her that condoms don't fit you because you're too big.

 

[Fyrra]

# Eleventy: Scoff at male friends' sexual exploits, and tell them that a real man does it like this! And then get down on all fours and give off "pained" grunts, occasionally looking behind you from this position and growling out the words, "Oh, is that all you got?"

 

[OverCast]

@Fyrra @Laggy Lagiacrus
Who needs numbers when you have swag...

 

[Blind Hemingway]

How do I impress myself? I can't seem to be able to get myself to date me.

 

[Vay]

How do I impress myself? I can't seem to be able to get myself to date me.

By making a contract. ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

 

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

How do I impress myself? I can't seem to be able to get myself to date me.

Have you tried sacrificing people to the Dark Lord?

 

[Blind Hemingway]

But I am the Dark Lord. ;w;

 

[Artorias]

#whatever Keep that bitch on track, don't let her veer off and talk about shoes or something. Also, she pays for everything.

 

[Minibit]

If a girl appears to have self-confidence or intelligence, be sure to weed that out immediately. If you can't, humiliate her and move on to a dumber, humbler broad.

 

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

#whogivesadamn: Blame everything on her. Everything. You screw up on a game? She distracted you. Guests don't want to sty for long? It's not you being a dick, she's just a bad housekeeper and a worse cook. Pets died of starvation while she was out of town for a month, and you were just sat around the house doing sod all? I'm sure you can think of something.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

Whatever # it is...Take her out to McDonalds for your anniversary. Nothing's sexier than a Big Mac!

# Whenever you're out with her, make sure to flirt with every girl that looks in your direction, and then tell her you're just being friendly and she's paranoid when she calls you out on it.

# Deny you're with her at all to all your friends. That'll make her want you more.

 

[Minibit]

# Deny you're with her at all to all your friends. That'll make her want you more.

But remember to clarify that you are in fact fucking her; she's just not your girlfriend.

 

[4everDifferent]

#i lost track.... whenever your hungry be sure to snap your fingers and yell, "Bitch, where's my sandwhich!" It makes her feel needed and she's fulfilling her god given calling of kitchen work and serving man.

 

[Lady Sabine]

#realmendon'tneednumbers

When guys use it, it's Twitter. When girls use it, it's Twatter. Make sure she understands the difference.

 

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

#whythebloodyhellareweevenstillusingthese: Women are too stupid to vote. Keep them in the kitchen, because putting stupid women in the room most likely to have accidents is a good idea.