How to impress a girl

[OverCast]

disclaimer: i wrote this guide from my iPhone. Also; this is meant to be funny, not real.


Step one: remember to say swag in every sentence
Step two: when you are around the girl you are trying to impress act like a complete jackass
Step three: ask her out like this: "ayeeeeeeeeee gurlllll wanna be my new ho?"

(Feel free to add steps)

 

[SlamifiedBuddafied]

4: Ya gotta be phat with that swagger and slap her on that bionic booty.

....it was hard to write that line with a straight face.
I somehow feel disgusted with myself for participating in this.

 

[Minibit]

Make sure you only compliment her tits or ass, never her personality, interests, or conversation.

 

[OverCast]

All of these are getting compiled for a full sized book that mocks #swag

 

[Fluffy]

Give her the "SWAG" bling necklace you made for her at summer camp. She'll adore it.

 

[Minibit]

a bit NSFW maybe?

Spoiler

If you give a bitch dinner, she is obligated to sleep with you. Allowing the ho to give you a blowjob can count as dinner.

 

[SlamifiedBuddafied]

Show how massive you ego is while demasculating any other males in the immediate vicinity.
(It has nothing to do with insecurity. No, really, it doesn't)

 

[Seiji]

This entire thread hurts me, however much it's all being said in jest.

...

...

• Nitpick everything about her hair and outfit until she sleeps with you. #yoloswag

...

...

Did I do it right?

/seppuku

 

[LogicfromLogic]

11. Belch loudly when she talks about her past or personal life, and proceed to have a competition with the person sitting at the table next to you.

 

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

12) Talk about yourself ALL the time. Bitches don't have no self-respect, they only care bout having a man in their lives.

 

[Diana]

Ask her if she's a virgin and if she says yes, say "What? For real?" If she says no, call her a slut and fuck her in the car!

 

[Lady B]

As a woman I can proudly announce that everything in this thread is true.

#69: A woman feels the safest if chained to a kitchen stove. Buy her one, then tie it to her leg with a chain.

 

[Artorias]

#70. Let her talk about her feelings and life. Laugh about it and call her a 'Baby Bitch' and push for sex.

 

[Smo]

#71. Tell her yer gonna wreck dat ass til Tuesday.

 

[Asmodeus]

#72 Invite her to join your roleplay forum then smut with other girls on their public profile pages, then when she dramatically calls you out in the Cbox tell her it means nothing, then cry and apologize in your blog while reporting it to the Staff so they all have to get involved too.

 

[Artorias]

#73. Talk shit behind her back to one of her friends so they tell her. When she calls you out, say that bitch it lying and let her ruin her life by not trusting all her friends.

 

[Smo]

#74. Talk to her friends to see where she's hanging out online, go there, register six names just to harass and profess your undying love for her. Then be IP banned 5 times in the process. Bitches love Neck Beards.

 

[Asmodeus]

I wasn't actually talking about you there, Smo.

I was referring to the stereotypical white-knight dick-brain guy and insecure attention-whore girl who come to Iwaku to pretend that their high school bullshit matters.

We've had a lot of them, you see.





But your narcissism is... interesting.




*leaves thread*

 

[Smo]

I wasn't actually talking about you there, Smo.

I was referring to the stereotypical white-knight dick-brain guy and insecure attention-whore girl who come to Iwaku to pretend that their high school bullshit matters.

We've had a lot of them, you see.





But your narcissism is... interesting.




*leaves thread*

.......?

 

[Lady B]

...What the hell just happened?