How to Fart in Public

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Hahaha! Oh my god I bet you were so ashamed of your actions! That's hilarious!
 
I just fart. After that, it's someone else problem.
 
I might be the weirdest woman on here, but idungiveafuck. I fart and walk away, and if it smells and I'm in the store, then I will urge my family to move to the next aisle.
 
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I just let 'er rip. I high five myself for reaching high decibel levels.
 
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I sometimes like to fart quietly around people and say "Mmm, do you smell popcorn?"

OR

For those of you with cars and power windows/locks: 1. Slowly lock and close all windows and doors while driving. 2. Just as slowly, raise the heat in the car. 3. Fart and wait.




Works every time.
 
You know what I do?

I fart and blame it on a child.

Or I do it in a crowded theatre which some rat bastard keeps either talking or kicking my chair. Gets them to move and I get a free section to myself.
 
How to stealth fart.

Squeeze the bowels

Release the gas slowly

Drop the bomb as you step forward to make it look like the wet squeaky sound is your shoe rubbing on the tile
 
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I always fart in a crowd and nobody ever suspects me because I'm a petite, blue eyed girl with Rapunzel's hair who can look like an embodiment of innocence. (Or stupidity. You have no idea how much shit I can get away with when I bat my eyelashes a bit and pretend I'm completely clueless.) Long live the stereotypes! Of course, it's a different story when the people present actually know me and my gross habits, but I don't really care either way :D
 
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Razilin said:
How to stealth fart.

Squeeze the bowels

Release the gas slowly

Drop the bomb as you step forward to make it look like the wet squeaky sound is your shoe rubbing on the tile
Click to expand...
Pfft. You are but a padawan if you can't do it completely silently.
 
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I have a knack for knowing whether or not an upcoming fart is going to be silent or audible, with rather high accuracy. This allows me to decide how I'll release that baby. If it's silent, I release it into the world and if I'm shopping with somebody, I give them ample warning that the current aisle will be uninhabitable in the next ten seconds. If it's audible and people are around I go near the most suspecting person, drop the bomb and follow up with a look of disgust towards that person. Other people around follow suit and I'm off the hook, and can bask in the relief of getting that thing out of my system. Bonus if it's really rancid.
 
I'm told by my dad that boys just let it go, big or not, but girls are silent and deadly in their gases. I love him...
 
After reading this, I feel like someone should make a joke event one day based around best farts. Who knows. You might make history by putting farts into the record books. (If they aren't already there, cough cough.)
 
I have no shame for the natural processes of my digestive system. I just let it rip and deal with the consequences. The only times I'll hold back is when I'm in confined spaces with others, like elevators and cars, because gassing people without allowing them an easy exit route seems like a violation of the Geneva Conventions.
 
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Jorick said:
I have no shame for the natural processes of my digestive system. I just let it rip and deal with the consequences. The only times I'll hold back is when I'm in confined spaces with others, like elevators and cars, because gassing people without allowing them an easy exit route seems like a violation of the Geneva Conventions.
Click to expand...

That's the spirit. No shame with a leveled respect. I salute you sir.
 
I am a gassy person because I have a sensitive digestive system, acid reflux, and anxiety. So I'm always farting and burping in public. x__x While I do get super embarrassed for it, my beloved @The Butterfly has been doing a great job of teaching me how to not give a fuck. Just got to remember we all are gross with gross bodily functions, so no one's better than you are.
 
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I always do it really quietly idk why. I just release it gently into the wild and ignore any side effects.
The trick is to make it look like it isn't you who let it rip.
 
Why just today I let them out low and deadly at the store. 8D People always think it is Gibs.
 
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