How Do I Deal With.. Life?

[Sylvinar Cross]

Ok, so currently my life is going in the wrong direction.

Everything is going sour. I'm losing a lot of my friends because I'm so focused on my schoolwork, my immune system is down the drain and I'm being begged to make decisions that are too much for me.

I repeatedly have an existential crisis (if you don't know what that is see here http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis) about why I exist, why I am allowed to be alive, why I'm on this planet.

I always feel lost, like I have no idea who I am.

My BPD (again see here http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder) has me flying into rages with my aunt, so I am no longer speaking to any of my cousins who are her children, her husband or her.

I also attempted suicide a few months ago, and to be completely honest, I'm ready to try again.

I really don't know why I'm telling the Internet this but, yeah.

So.. Any ideas?

I know the feeling I constantly have an Existential crisis.. as well as the fact I have hardly no immune system at all so I get sick easily.. I've also got an arethmic heart.. which means my heart beats irregularly at times and its extremely painful.. not to mention I have had an ulcer for ever a year, I get chronic sinus migraines and I suffer from manic depression, as well as Insomnia, sleep apnea and an anxiety disorder.. I feel your pain.. I can't even take any medicine for any of my issues because of my ulcer and my nearly non-existant immune system.. it goes straight to my blood system because of the ulcer and then things just get worse because i exhibit all the bad side affects of any medicine i try to take.. I can't even use nasal spray because of nose bleeds...

 

[Ai]

True friends will be your friend regardless of whether you are in a bad place or not and fear not, all is not lost.

You'll find that a lot of the time elder figures fight with younger figures because they care about them, I know that sounds like a pretty cliche response but it's a cliche for a reason. It's very true a lot of the time. So if things aren't going well with you aunt maybe it's worth stepping back from the situation and asking yourself "What's the real problem between us right now?" a lot of arguments come from the lack of communicate or the will of one of the parties to listen.

If the other party (in this case your aunt) will not sit and listen to you maybe it's worth asking her to sit down with you so you can talk things though, if she tries to interupt you. Ask her politely to let you finish, get your feelings on the table and let her reciprocate.

There are three types of mental states in a person
Adult
Child
Critical

The adult will be the more mature side of you that wishes to reconcile. The part of you that has come to this thread seeking advice because you know that keeping things pent up and trying to commit suicide is not the answer to making your life happier and you know what? Well done! That's a pretty tough thing to do. There has been a couple of negative responses in this thread but that's their own issue to deal with and not yours.

The child is the part of you that is more than likely scared, feeling alone and very hurt right now. This state of mind is when you are either very energetic in a very childlike way, like when being in games and being competitive or even the times when you feel like something might have been unfair to you. The child while capable of fun and being full of energy is also more easily scared than that of the adult.

The Critical. This is the part of you that is consistently nagging at you for all the things you have done wrong. More times than not this part of you will often take presidence over the child and bully it. This side of people often goes overboard and is grumpy over all the wrong things. This is where you need the adult to mediate and step in then say 'no hang on, this is not right'

Your aunt will also have these three states, it's very easy to determine which one they are in. In order to communicate effectively both of you need to be in an 'adult' space. If you aunt is in a child space, stand you ground and stay in the adult. It will be very easy to slip into the Child or Critical, but if you can keep into the adult space she will be forced to do so too.

I can't promise that it will be easy, life although difficult sometimes has a lot of beauty in it that only you can let yourself see! and it will be difficult, but worth it.

"We fall down to learn to pick ourselves up again" - Batman's father

Just remember that you don't have nothing. Iwaku is a great community that will be your shoulder to cry on if you need it. There are great people here with constructive and professional advice. We're here for you, so if you need anything never hesitate to ask.
<3
Here's a song from me to you as well :)

 

[Kadaeux]

"We fall down to learn to pick ourselves up again" - Batman's father​

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While I agree with your post, that may not be the best example. We know how it ended for Bat's Dad :p

 

[Ai]

@Kadaeux Hehe I actually think it's very relevant, because despite what bad happened to Bruce Wayne he always picked himself up again and got through it after all the stuff that happened. It's more about the sentiment of the actual statement itself as opposed to the person who said it :)

It's a good bit of advice and a qoute I have always held very close to me and believe that it is relevant for the current situation ^^

@OhKaydhen I cannot express how proud/ happy I am that you've started getting things together, good on you! Keep up the good work. We're here for ya! =D

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