How Do I Deal With.. Life?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by KaydhenCanFly, Nov 30, 2014.

  1. Ok, so currently my life is going in the wrong direction.

    Everything is going sour. I'm losing a lot of my friends because I'm so focused on my schoolwork, my immune system is down the drain and I'm being begged to make decisions that are too much for me.

    I repeatedly have an existential crisis (if you don't know what that is see here http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis) about why I exist, why I am allowed to be alive, why I'm on this planet.

    I always feel lost, like I have no idea who I am.

    My BPD (again see here http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder) has me flying into rages with my aunt, so I am no longer speaking to any of my cousins who are her children, her husband or her.

    I also attempted suicide a few months ago, and to be completely honest, I'm ready to try again.

    I really don't know why I'm telling the Internet this but, yeah.

    So.. Any ideas?
     
  2. Well, there's always the super obvious idea. Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist or school counselor or something like that? If not, it would probably be a good idea. If you are, you should absolutely talk to them about these issues. They're educated and trained to try to help people deal with these kinds of troubles: they don't just deal with big issues like BPD and suicidal ideation, they're also pretty well equipped for helping people deal with general stress and such.

    Other than that, maybe talk to a friend? If you're dealing with suicidal thoughts there are all sorts of resources out there like suicide prevention hotlines that you can (and should) reach out to. It feels like a tired old saying, but just talking to someone about your problems can help a lot. Reaching out like this to strangers on the internet is a good first step, but it would be wise to go further than that.
     
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  3. Unfortunately, friends will come and they will go throughout your life. I have lost many friends due to conflicts... and yes, some to death as well. It is heart-breaking for more than just family when a person leaves us. I have to strongly agree with Jorick - find a therapist in your area to talk to. They truly do make a difference. Finding a suicide hot-line for your area is also an excellent option... I do not know where you're located, otherwise I would find a number for you to call. I do not know you, but I truly hope you are well.
     
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  4. URRRRGUH LIIIIIIFE...

    Yeah so, right after about 8 years old I've noticed that people, in our generation at least, tend to wonder why they exist and generally accept death waaay too early, as they believe modern life is too tough for them, which I will it say probably is. Part of the problem is that a good amount of modern day elders for example typically go "what do you mean it's too tough" and say "When I was your age we didn't have this and we didn't have that." A lot won't understand that with technology there are tons of changes that the kids growing up just simply using calculators and library books, are experiencing in school. They're typically getting a lot of work now; having to go through about one to three subjects each class in one day instead of one-four subjects each week and then sometimes have projects atop of that. This is likely what's driving kids nowadays (pardon me, sounding old as junk) not to do their work, not pay attention to hygiene, act up, commit suicide, etc.

    It doesn't really matter who you are, all humans have an idea of who we were, who we are, who we want to be, and inevitably wonder how or when we'll die. Why does that matter you ask? It brings in the "purpose" concept. We all set a high standard for ourselves during childhood and when we realize we may or may not achieve those goals in the time we have, we eventually think about other things we want to do, whether or not that's a part of our own volition completely depends on circumstance, but let's not get into that. Once you have a new idea of who you want to be, or continue your childhood dreams, OR stay unsure of what you want to be, you may feel lost as to how you achieve that of where you'll be in a couple years or even if you'll be alive in that time, and boom: Existential crisis, Meaning of life, Fate's script theory, Creation theory, Religion theory, After-death theory and so on.

    So, how do you deal with life? All in all it depends on you, something may have to give. You may have to give up friendship for complete school focus and you health, you may have to give up complete school focus for your health and friendship, you may have to give up your health for complete school focus and friendship, so on. If none of those ideas meet your fancy, find someone to talk to, like Jorick and Muna said, although it sounds a bit cliche, a therapist could help.
     
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  5. Life, your own, is what you make it. You can be given advice, help but in the end everything that happens from this point on is entirely up to you. We've all, perhaps, questioned our existence in this world. What we were meant to do, how to do it, the steps to take us there. Maybe you are meant to get in a right place, a balance, where you don't feel as you do and can pass your experiences to someone who needs similar help, who knows, just don't do anything rash like attempt suicide again. Once it is done you can't undo it and you don't want to have your family left behind wondering why it happened. As for you losing friends all because you are focused on accomplishing something, they might not have been friends to begin with. A real friend will support you every step of the way.
     
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  6. There is no reason to be alive. The only reason to live is because there is nothing waiting for us after we die.

    For the Religious stuff... look properly at their holy books.
    For Catholics the book says that heaven is the place you can be God's bitch and pray to him for all eternity. Sounds very boring. Hell has no real definition.


    You live here and now. I have no other reason to live other than wanting to live now, so do you and every other human actually. Our instinct demands us to continue.


    What are thoughts of suicide? Thoughts of suicide occur when you are unable to cope with the inner pain.
    Who are you? That is the wrong question


    The right question is, who do you want to be? Do you think it is right to kill extremists? Do you think it is okay to kill four out of six extremly sick people to save the other two and where not doing any of this will lead to the death of all six?
    You choose who you are by deciding what you feel and think is right for yourself.
     
    #6 White, Dec 1, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
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  7. [​IMG]

    Ah... Okay...

    #1: Therapists go through a pretty rigorous amount of training to be allowed to do things with you. Atop a certification process, it involves a minimum of five to eight years in post-secondary. It's hard work, not really fitting for someone with a disorder that would stop them from handling stress.

    #2: Um... No. Not everyone has multiple personalities, that's uh... Wow. As for mood swings, yes, this is true, the brain is constantly trying to balance out the chemicals that make you feel various emotional states (such as serotonin) and thus it fluctuates. However, some people genuinely have issues with this process, resulting in abnormal and sometimes unhealthy mood swing cycles. (Ex: Bipolar Disorder's Manic and Depressive swings.) The myth that I'd dispel involving mental disorders is that they're always bad and always debilitating: Sometimes, certain mental disorders are actually helpful, and there are millions who live with disorders just fine because they got all the information (and potentially medication prescriptions) that they needed from... A trained medical professional. Say... A therapist?

    As for telling this person not to worry about their emotional instability and existential crisis because not being normal is apparently a good thing... That's just... Wow. Way to completely dismiss their issues.

    @OhKaydhen Firstly, go visit a therapist. They can help you, immensely, and if they somehow don't, you lost nothing in at least checking them out. Secondly, for an existential crisis, go back to basics: What do you enjoy? What motivates you? What do you love, what makes you laugh, what intrigues you, what draws you in? Is it a video game? Is it art? Is it movies? Find something which amuses you, and start from there. You'd be surprised what sort of things you can learn once you know what you enjoy. Thirdly, if you feel suicidal at any point, call these people, stay alive, keep trudging through. You're a teenager so I assume you have parents? Talk to them. Yes, it'll be difficult, and yes, they'll be shocked and maybe even hurt, but they're your parents. They're your family. In all likelihood, they'll be there to help you in ways nobody here on the Internet could possible do.

    If you feel alone, you can talk to me as well. Send me a PM, or leave a message on my profile page. If you need to talk to me live, I'm available on Steam and Skype.

    Just keep trudging on, find a way, and if you fall down, feel free to come back and ask specific questions. As many as you need.
     
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  8. Well well well, we know who NOT to turn to for advice, and it isn't Therapists.

    Yes. All people have mood swings. Fact of life.

    All people do NOT have multiple personalities and if you think they do you show a sad and critical failure to understand what such a, frankly, debilitating mental disorder is like.

    No. It's a way to categorise a mental illness so a person can seek the proper treatment.





    Seriously. Don't give advice anymore if this is the quality we can expect.
     
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  9. That depends on the person. Some people will start to use this as an excuse if said and used like that. You must NOT say that it is a "mental illness" unless it really makes somebody unable to do something. You really have to say that it is a problem.
    We humans like to use "illness" when we are unable to do something for certain reasons. If we say it is a problem it is exacly that, a problem, something that can be solved.


    That depends a lot on the therapist once more. I am lucky to have found a fine therapist, I do blame him for a fewyears of unnecessary suffering but I understand to why he did so. Risks cannot be allowed in mental situations.

    A friend of mine has a therapist at a hospital that literally does not give her enough attention.
    The same friend is just put on meds by that same therapist despite her having requested to have regular lessons


    Means... often you should not fear to change therapists to find the right one. This requires the concept in one's brain of wanting to help oneself.
     
    #9 White, Dec 4, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
  10. Uhm, no.

    Saying that people must NOT say it's a mental illness is the equivalent of saying can Cancer is just a minor medical issue. A Mental Illness IS a mental illness, it's entirely irrelevant how significant the illness is. If the person can still function they STILL HAVE AN ILLNESS. I can function quite well (except with sniffling, sneezing etc) with a mild cold. But I still have a cold.

    Trying to go "its a problem" instead of "its an illness" is insulting and degrading of people who have mental illnesses by dismissing their illness as a 'problem'. If anything calling it a problem is SIGNIFICANTLY more incorrect than 'illness'.

    So significant that you're defining the person as a problem instead of sick, which is what they are. We don't "like to use illness when we are unable to do something for certain reasons" we like to use illness when there is something medically wrong with us.
     
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  11. Um, well... No, not really. They all require the same degrees and certifications. I mean, yeah, you get the occasional dipshit therapist, but there's nothing legally binding you to any one particular medical or psychiatric professional. So if you get a therapist who's doing a poor job, you can easily move onto the next therapist, and statistically speaking, it's extremely unlikely to get a bad therapist twice in a row.
    Statistically within ordinary boundaries, actually, as the number of successful cases involving therapists is significantly greater than failures, but I digress...
    ... Um. Unnecessary? Are you sure that's the right word, because you also state that you understand why he took added precautions that apparently caused you suffering. So it's more like... Necessary, actually. I mean... I guess the word you were looking for was unfortunate.

    Plus, if he was doing it to ensure your long term health (whatever it was that caused you short term suffering), in the medical system, that's a win. I'm glad you've found a fine therapist though. :bsmile:
    Has she asked to be transferred to a different therapist/manually sought out a different one? Is there a particular reason the therapist isn't giving her more attention (maybe he's swamped?) So on and so forth. It's rarely as simple as black and white, there's usually a lot of smaller factors going on that feeds into a problem like this.
    Yes, you should. If the current therapist you have isn't helping you, find a new one. Psychology isn't an easy subject. Glad we agree on this though.

    Keep in mind though that the response I wrote was directed at Prisk, due to the whole "therapists are more insane than their patients" comment. They blatantly, really can't be unless they develop a disorder post-education, which happens only rarely and is often discovered quickly by coworkers due to the whole "literally everyone around you is trained to see if you've got some problems" quotient.
     
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  12. Haha, yeah. And for the unnecessary vs understanding why...

    It is more of a thing that I would call emotion vs logic.

    Emotions say it was unnecessary while my head says "wait, it was because that and that"

    You didn't get the point.

    Nowhere did I write that it is less serious.
    I merely said that it is important to depower the prison that the word illness inhabits.


    You are aware that therapists go through multiple semester to learn that words carry power?
    This is one such case.



    /edited
     
    #12 White, Dec 4, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
  13. I got the point. The problem is your point is WRONG.

    Calling it a Problem is FAR worse than calling it an illness. And trying to swap words because of, let's be blunt, political correctness, not mental health, is significantly more insulting and I say that as someone who used to suffer from debilitating mental illness and is still struggling with the remnants of those issues.

    Words carry power.

    And the word "problem" is significantly more insulting than illness and degrades the seriousness of the issue. That sort of attitude is the sort that has lead to people trying to "beat" the "problem" out of their children (or even spouse I suppose) instead of realising it's a medical condition that requires serious help.




    EDIT:


    Oh I almost forgot. The word "Problem" implies it is the persons FAULT that they're that way. The word illness does not.
     
    #13 Kadaeux, Dec 4, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2014
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  14. Always go with logic if it determines there was no malicious intent. I've never seen a society become worse off by becoming more rational. Still, all good, we're in the clear now. May his noodle appendages bless you. :flyingspaghetti:
     
  15. I could have sworn this discussion was about helping OhKaydhen....
     
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  16. So, thanks to most of you (O_O See dis? Dis be my awkward face.) for your advice. You really have helped ^_^ I've now got a therapist, am beginning to meditate again and have decided AGAINST suicide. Thank you again to everyone (whogaveadviceandnot'advice') :bananaman::grouphug::huge:
     
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  17. That's great. Remember, if you need anything, whether it is to vent or need an ear to listen you have people here and where you are who care. You're never alone.
     
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  18. Congratulations! You're now on the road to recovery. If you need anything else at all, you know where to find us!

    Hope you get to be as happy as this ferret, and best of luck with life!
     
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  19. Good on you! *Orders some minions to find Kayd and give her a hug.* That's the first step to help, trust me i've been down a road much like it.
     
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  20. Recommend prioritizing what problems you have in life, and concentrate on solving the highest priorities.

    Find what makes you happy, and keep that in your life... and in your mind.

    Talk to people about anything, you can make connections to people around the city, around the world, and suddenly you feel you are not alone :angel: