House Rules

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

A lot of people have some unspoken rules of their house that everyone who lives there knows, but often have to inform guests of. I'm curious if you guys have any strange house rules that you find yourself telling people when they first visit your house.

Mine are:

If you sit down, expect to have a cat, dog, ferret, or kid climbing on you at some point. You're allowed to push them off gently, but if you scream or insult them you'd better be prepared to be cussed out.

I don't make different meals for anyone, including guests. If you don't want to eat what I cook, then order yourself something.

Absolutely no political or religious talk in the house.

The dogs and cats can sit wherever they like. They live here, you don't. And chances are I like them a hell of a lot more than I like you. (I don't add that part, but it's usually true.)

I am not your mother. I have four kids I pick up after (Five if you include my husband.) I refuse to pick up after a grown adult.

 

[Saito Hajime]

Two things;

1) Do your kids make a habit of climbing on guests?

2) Do guests in your house often scream and yell when your kids do that?

As far as I'm aware, there are no particular house rules for guests in my house, but that's probably because we don't have guests around often if at all.

 

[Space Cowboy]

Take your shoes off.

Don't dig through my shit.

If you turn down my offer of drinks or snacks, and go raiding my fridge, you better have an excuse close to: "I'm actually Aquaman and need water to survive."

 

[Halo]

"Our home is your home."
In other words, you're welcome to take whatever you need from the fridge, stay as long as you like, sleep over, whatever - but equally, we expect you to treat our house with the same respect you would your own. Would you throw food around your own living room? Then don't do it in mine.

The latter half is a necessary addendum when you get 10-12 drunk guys in a room with food and video games. They tend to get overexcited and not behave themselves.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

1) Do your kids make a habit of climbing on guests?

2) Do guests in your house often scream and yell when your kids do that?

Not always. Only when it's family or a really close friend of the family.

They don't usually scream about my kids climbing on them, but I've had a few people scream at my ferret and dog. My younger dog is only 35lbs, but he's a medium sized dog. He's a bit too big to be a lap dog, yet that's exactly what he thinks he is. A few people got pissed because he was too big to try to sit in their laps, and screamed at him for it. Needless to say I defended my dog. (I didn't like them to begin with, but my hubby said I had to be nice. X_x)

 

[Minibit]

My house rules:

• My house, my tunes
• don't criticize the mess. It's not dirty or hazardous in any way, and I'll pick it up when I want the space clear.
• Don't criticize the size. I'm here by myself most of the time and it's fine for one person
• Close the door behind you
• Don't go through my shit searching for something, just ask me where it is.

My mom's (not so unwritten) house rules

• If you bring food/drinks, it better be enough for everyone
• No arguing back against mom or dad
• You make a mess, you clean it up
• Mom doesn't owe an explanation when she asks you to do something
• Smoke outside or next to an open window
• No one eats butter tarts alone, and prior to eating, all diners must clink the tarts together like drinks
• No TV during the day
• No games during the day
• Mom's spot is the farthest left on the couch
• Dad's spot is the farthest right on the other couch
• Do not touch the car.

 

[Koschei]

• Be courteous and keep your freaking voice down (AKA, if you're too loud I'm booting your ass)
• Don't argue, my word is law because I'm the king of my shitty little castle
• Close the door when you enter and immediately remove your boots, unless you plan to clean up after yourself
• Don't raid the fridge and/or pantry without asking/telling me
• Be nice to the pets
• No beer/liqueur/spirits allowed inside without my permission
• Don't go rummaging through stuff, ask me because I know where everything is
• Clean up after yourself, I'm not your mother
• After using something, put it back where you found it, in the state you found it
• You're allowed to crash for a maximum of two nights, unless it's an emergency
• If you end up crashing and/or spending a lot of time over, I expect you to help paying for the food and help with the cleaning (unless it's an extreme emergency)
• Never touch my personal stuff, ever
• When I want to sleep, keep your noise levels down

Then there are a few minor things, like, don't waste electricity and/or water, don't comment on the state of the place, and don't trash the interior.

Many of the rules come from how my little brother and father acted, and the kind of behaviour/lack of respect I can't tolerate any more. The other rules are more like common courtesy, and that people should expect to pull their own weight and act responsibly. Something that was too much to ask for when I grew up.

I'm gonna sound like a hard-ass, but I'd rather people not come over at all. xD

 

[Quiet One]

Wear pants!

You think I'm kidding, but I had a sleepover once. Exactly once. It wasn't great and I kinda stopped being friends with the guy. Anyway, on the same night my stepsister had friends over. He was going to sleep in a spare sleeping bag of mine and play games on his Gamecube and stuff. Anyway, when we decided to go to bed, I see him in nothing but a pair of tidy whiteys! Mortifying!

This is strictly a "other people are in the house and we're both dudes and not gay" rule. If we were in a relationship and alone, there's no problem, since you're not bothering anybody. But if you're coming over as a guest: wear pants!

Also leave your shoes at the door and clean up after your own messes. You're our guest, but we're not your f@#king maids.

 

[Mu]

• Take off your shoes, please.
• Step into any of our rooms and we will be disappointed as fuck.
• Deal with the dog fur.
• Don't complain about the mess.

 

[Quiet One]

• Take off your shoes, please.
• Step into any of our rooms and we will be disappointed as fuck.
• Deal with the dog fur.
• Don't complain about the mess.

Thanks, that reminds me of another one: don't go into a bedroom unless invited.

 

[Cwolf0615]

Main rule?
DON'T PEE IN MY ROOM

That sounds like a pretty simple thing, but I can not tell you how many times I've had to either shove some drunk/stoned guy out of my room who was about to take a piss, or have had some idiot banging on my door about how he has to pee.
THE BATHROOM IS THE DOOR TO THE LEFT, NOT THE RIGHT
Do you not see the giant signs of me and my sister's names taped to the front of the door?
Did you honestly not notice the beds, bookcase, or pile of dolls sitting in the corner?
Did the school projects taped on the wall and shelf full of music boxes not give you a clue?
THIS IS A BEDROOM
NOT A FREAKING BATHROOM

If you're that messed up just go outside, for god's sake.
It's better than you peeing on my stuff. I have cats for that.

And then... you know, the normal stuff, that even people who are sober sometimes forget.
- Take your shoes off
- Don't rifle through my stuff
- If a door to a room is closed, stay out of it
- Hurt my pets and you're dead
- Don't get too close to me - just because you're at my house doesn't mean I don't want my personal space

 

[Jorick]

Eh, mostly just common courtesy things that I consider normal polite behavior things rather than house rules. "Clean up your messes" and "don't go snooping through other people's stuff" is normal etiquette, not a house rule. There are a couple things that do qualify though.

Our house has a vague but strictly enforced set of rules for deciding who gets to use the television and how seating is arranged, and guests basically don't get any consideration because they weren't part of the cold wars, straight up wars, alliances, backstabbing, and peace treaties of years gone by between feuding siblings. It's kind of dying out since we now have multiple televisions that are capable of accessing Netflix and most people also have a PC or laptop that can do the same, but there are still fights over it once in a while. Guests end up just kinda tagging along with whoever they're a guest of, not getting any real say unless the person wants to give them the choice of what to watch/play, so sucks to be them.

If anyone cares to read an explanation of the above

Basically, the ground rules are that each person gets a 1 hour turn controlling the TV and whoever is the TV czar gets to choose where they sit for their turn. Seating for others follows a generally age-based hierarchy. There's no strict order set in stone for who gets a turn next, it's just that each day whoever is first using the TV when someone else decides they want a turn becomes the first person, next one to say they want a go is the next in line, so on until everyone who wants a turn has had a turn, then first person can go again and that order is maintained for that day. However, if someone hasn't had a turn when everyone else has had at least one, they can cut in line right after whoever is currently using the TV because such was the decision handed down one day in Mom Court; if someone skips their turn they're given this same ability to jump in next in line later in the day, and in disputes between multiple cutters in line preference is generally given to whoever has had the least TV time that day. Turns can be traded and bartered, and if these trading efforts lead to someone getting the TV for more than 1 hour at a stretch that's totally legal (which has in the past been the start of many wars, especially when someone gives their turn away for a pittance just to spite someone by making them wait another hour instead of just skipping their turn). If all parties currently wanting to take a turn can agree on an alteration, like everyone gets 2 hour turns instead of 1 hour turns, then that's allowed as well, but if someone new jumps in and isn't cool with that then the default is restored and anyone who got the extra time gets shafted because due to the fairness protocols of Mom Court it was decided that total time on the TV > number of turns taken when deciding if things are fair (this tactic was also used a couple times to screw with someone else, though usually everyone was cool with having longer turns so they could watch a whole movie in one go or get longer time to play a video game). Once we got a family computer it was roped into these rules, and for about a year there was a mess of people being able to be in line for a turn on both things at once before another Mom Court ruling said you had to pick one or the other and you couldn't just go from a turn on one straight to a turn on the other unless nobody else actually wanted to use whatever you were swapping to, not even with the "but I haven't had a turn on the TV/computer at all and they've all had two" justification on your side.

There are probably some more arcane bits I'm forgetting, but whatever. Essentially this snarl of rules was the end result of a single mother trying to keep peace amongst her children by keeping everything fair. For most of my life we only had a single television to fight over, and the addition of the family computer just made things more complicated and contentious, so with 5 kids in the house that meant these rules were definitely necessary. I credit that whole mess with teaching me that fairness doesn't mean everyone is happy, fairness means everyone is equal.

The other one pertains even less directly to the guests themselves. If you're going to have a guest over, give warning to whoever is home so they can make adequate preparations. Maybe they wanna make sure their door is closed before the person walks through the house. Maybe they were being a lazy shit and procrastinating about leaving a mess somewhere and want to hurry and clean that up before someone non-family sees it. Maybe they need the warning to put on pants and stuff so they don't wander out into the living room wearing only underwear when some random person is present. Don't judge, lounging around the house in underwear > wearing clothes. :P

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

After reading Jorick's, I should probably add one that I forgot.

Call before you show up! It gives me time to put pants on....

 

[dreamshell]

This mostly applies to some less-than-pleasant relatives;

• Close doors leading to the outside world (there's wasps and bears and raccoons out there) and/or the shitty part of the house we keep all our extra junk in and use to temporarily store trash bags.
• Pick up after yourself; this means food, beverages, clothes, wet towels, etc. (this one is woefully under-enforced).
• Don't suddenly announce your plans for an extended stay hours before you appear/loudly show up sometime after midnight when most of the house is asleep (also under-enforced).
• Don't drive up here in your shitbox car that immediately breaks down and leaves you stranded with us for an extra week.
• Don't get into a huge argument in the house, or at least be quiet about it.
• Don't start changing your baby's diaper in the middle of the living room when people are conversing and eating. Seriously, take that someplace else.
• MAKE SURE TO FLUSH, YOU FUCKING SAVAGES! Enough to get eeeeverything. And wipe the rim/bowl.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

• All classes get Perception as a Class skill
• Fighter also gains Diplomacy as a class skill and 4 + INT mod skill points per level.

And then there's...
Oh, you mean RL House rules (weird normies). :P

Anyways, for those kind of house rules there's remarkably few compared to most people here.
There's the house rules where people follow certain restrictions like most house rules:

• Take shoes off at the front door.
• If you want to eat something ask if you can go in the fridge for it first.
• If we're leaving the house and the dog notices, someone has to give him a treat.
• Likewise last person leaving my room closes my bedroom door, so my Dog doesn't wander in and tip the garbage bin over.
• If while playing D&D you have a history of breaking the fold up chairs, you have to use a more sturdy chair in D&D.
• Likewise, don't touch my Mom's anitque furniture... ever. Yes they're furniture, it doesn't mean it actually works though (Mom has an obsession of buying unusable stuff that looks pretty).

Then there's the list I'm expecting most people to jaw drop at:

• If you're a close friend of mine, knocking is not a requirement.
• Likewise Calling before showing up isn't required either.
• Especially if it's for something planned like D&D where you're already expected.
• If you don't call though, knock on my bedroom door first at least (scheduled plans being an exception) so I can put on some pants if I'm not currently wearing any.

And normal house rules among most others that our house completely ignores:

• Don't argue with authority (well granted, this normally what the household ignores). Guests tend to just stay out of a fight, but then speak their mind the second the one they disagree with is out of sight.
• Don't complain about the smoke. Seriously, everyone but me is a smoker in this house. To not be bothered by the smoke the others leave is next to impossible.
• Specific seating. A chair is a chair, first come first serve. Kicking fights for seats are also a common occurrence.
• TV and Game time has no limit... Technology is available, use it.

 

[Ms.Wrong]

main rule: No jumping around expensive looking shit! Stop eating all the food! and pick yo damn socks off the floor