Help, I think I'm dead. Again.

[Hydronine]

I've been depressed, I've been a drunkard, and I've felt dead before...

But now I feel like I'm being suffocated...

Not by my college....

But by the people.

I'm stuck with people who treat me like invalid.

"Oh, she's from Texas, act more interested in her, take care of her, baby her."

I'm getting depressed. I miss the way people usually treat me..... I miss going to stores, dressed u as a goth, or an emo to get a rise out of people....

Now I sit here, the night before classes, re-drilling my summer reading into my head, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that I'm an outsider here.

Everyone I try to talk to, that I want to talk to, are always busy, and don't have time to hang out on the phone for a bit.

Anyone who I don't want to talk to, on the other hand, practically are mobbing me with calls.

My dad's suffocating me from a distance by making me feel like shit for leaving home, making him feel lonely...

My mom is better about it, but her questions make me feel like I'm trying to grasp at pearls with my fingertips, trying to answer them.

My brother is doubtful that I can survive on my own.....with people... Like this.

I feel like the Professors are the only reason why I'm here, the other people are just distractions. I mean, they are, right? I want to get a degree, an education. Not friends.

I guess that's why a second high-heel was thrown at me today....

Well, at least the blood stopped only after a couple minutes.

Just sucks that it hit the back of my head.

What's the point of my positive attitude when it pisses people off?

What's the point of taking medication for ADD when the whole damned day is a distraction?

I'm so goddamned far-gone that I don't even want to drink....

It's like not being thirsty when you're close to dying from dehydration....

Maybe that's a bad way to put it, seeing as how drinking alcohol really isn't all that good for you.... but ....It....

Well, I feel so shitty....

Yeah, yeah, TK is now, E-M-O.

Fuck it....

I'm soberly drunk, I'm emo-ly normal....

I can't sleep at night.

I haven't eaten much in the last two days....

I feel like the real Julez has packed her bags and left for a vacation until the end of college....

I don't feel the same.... I feel like I'm lying through my teeth when I say I'm fine....

Goddammit.

 

[Anglkate]

you got ANOTHER shoe thrown at you?? jesus if my car hadn't broken down today I'd come down and knock some sense into people -_-...

*hugs*

I'm sorry to hear that this is all happening! wish there was something i could do hun :( if you need to talk i'm online though!

 

[Ampoule]

Is that room-mate a roomie in a dorm or are you guys living in like an apartment or something? Because that's assault =| If it's a dorm, tell the person in charge and they'll move her. Even if it seems like she's only picking on you right now, it won't be long before she starts taking it out on everyone there and you'll all end up being miserable with her there. If she's been acting so bipolar, maybe she needs to be on medication or something. Or she's supposed to be, and isn't taking them. Kind of hard to think someone would just hate someone else like that for no reason. But there are people like that I suppose...

I feel like the Professors are the only reason why I'm here, the other people are just distractions. I mean, they are, right? I want to get a degree, an education. Not friends.

This, in a way, is true. People go to college for different reasons. Some of them go purely to socialize. That's why they never finish school. Not everyone can automatically make a connection with strangers and by being so surrounded by strangers, you're bound to feel isolated. You're not surrounded by the people that know you best now, so that's why you have to choose what's important for YOU now. YOU have to take care of YOU. Drinking again is seriously the last thing you need to do. It won't make you feel better. It'll only make things worse.

Things could start to get better though once classes get into full swing. By that point everyone will be so distracted with their own work they won't have time to fiddle around with anyone else. Don't let them drag you down, man. It's awesome that you can have a positive additude when others don't! It really is.

I emphatize with you, TK. Can't say that I've gone through your exact situation, but I think a lot of us here can identify with your feelings. I haven't known you all that long, but it's obvious that a LOT of people on Iwaku like you and care about you. If it really bothers you to keep your feelings bottled up inside, remember that this space is always here for you.

I really hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[Hydronine]

I'm a little better now... I think my Religion Professor is a mind-reader....

I'm very touch-oriented... All I need to feel better is really, a heart-felt hug, you know?

I was talking to him after a lecture and we shook hands and I emphasized my respect for him for his immense knowledge. I'm not a asskisser, the man really is amazing.

But I was still feeling down, my morning before that had been hectic and crappy...

He looked at me, seriously, then said that he was a preacher, and he had four daughters, and he knew when someone needed a hug.

How many profs do you know that hug their students?

I had no idea that happened.

I feel a little better now. and me and my roommate aren't having so many problems now...

She's happily content to do the homework that she needs to do.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, she did throw another shoe at me today, as a joke.

ARGH! WHAT KINDA OF JOKE IS THAT?!

*KNOCK KNOCK*

WHO'S THERE?!

*BOOT TO THE FACE*

.........

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

 

[Anglkate]

oO you have an odd roommate my dear

 

[Rastul]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. In the end though, you are on your own out there. Be strong, stand up straight, and even if it hurts on the inside, don't let them see it. If you show vulnerability and expose yourself to them, you become transparent and easy to read. Blacken your facade, show them nothing, confuse them. And in the end, just ignore them. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Oh gawd, I give terrible advice. In any case, please get better; you'll be fine.

 

[Warmaster Death]

why dont you throw a battle axe at her, then say "it was just a joke" when shit goes horribly wrong?

in all serousness though, i reckon some teachers (and professors) have a sixth sense for helping students who they beleive actually respect them, i know alot of my teachers helped me in school.

 

[Hydronine]

......

Tea is a wonderful thing..........

Me and my crazy roommate talked over tea a few moments ago....now we're getting along.

 

[Warmaster Death]

good to hear mate.

 

[Hydronine]

T.T

*Walks back in with a shoe mark on the side of her face*

.....AGAIN!

 

[Cosmic Orion]

o_o

Seriously Trance.

Get one of those RA people.

Or else buy some kleets.

 

[Ampoule]

D: Ew man, maybe it's some kind of FETISH~

 

[Hydronine]

............
i slapped her.

.....So now we respect each other?

 

[Cosmic Orion]

I don't pretend to know how girls work.

Especially shoe throwers.

The most I've seen is teenage guys that throw milk.

BUT I SUPPORT YOUR SHOW OF FORCE. <3

 

[Ampoule]

Until it turns into a slapfest =|

;_; Neverending circle of violence. Can't we all just get along?

 

[Hydronine]

.........

Let the Tea-slap fest begin......

 

[Hydronine]

I hate having to come back to this thread and admitting that there's another problem.

But I hate not being able to talk about it more...

Catie's back in Texas. She left her husband. And she thinks she's a lesbian now.

And she thinks we're still chummy....

I really just want to tell her off, but I'm still so afraid of her. She's ruined my life so much, and she's twisted me in so many different ways...

Just being in the same state with her makes me sick to my stomach.

Because of her, I'm half the person I thought I would become. And that other half of me is stuck in the past, thinking of ways to kill myself.

I won't let that control my life, but I'm distressed. And she knows where I live....