Help For A Boyfriend

[Cotton]

My boyfriend has recently confided in me that he feels depressed. He says he works or does things to keep him busy, because otherwise, without something to do, he falls into a state of depression and unhappiness. I've run into this before. My best friend often talked to me about how she felt depressed. I suggested she get help, but she always denied that she needed it. That was until she attempted to commit suicide. She's now regularly seeing a psychiatrist, and taking medication for her disease.
I don't want to go down that road again. I told this story of my friend to my boyfriend, but all he did was say he would never try to kill himself and promised he wouldn't. What is the best way to go about making sure that a person goes to the help they need? I don't want to fail a second time. I'm a logical person, and I know logic doesn't work in these situations.

 

[junebug]

Ummm, hm, this is interesting to think about. I was depressed and I saw a therapist. The only thing I feel can really help is making sure your boyfriend goes to see his doctor. Maybe you could go with him and give him lots of support so he doesn't feel (as) scared or lonely as he might be if he went alone? Give him lots of support and lots of encouragement. Let him know that he can do it. Really, just continue to support him, be positive, maybe schedule the appointment for him, or something like that.

If he wants to back down from seeing a therapist, please don't leave him in the dust. Maybe ask him to try therapy at least once? I mean, really, all I feel you can do is to just continue pushing him to see a doctor. I apologize if this doesn't seem very helpful, but logic is the best way to go in this situation (sorry if I kind of put you down or anything) and if he's depressed, it's extremely essential that he goes to a doctor, whether he's suicidal or not. You just have to make sure he goes and see them, whether he likes it or not. :(

Let him know that you're genuinely concerned about his health, you know? He will thank you in the end.

 

[Cotton]

It doesn't put me down at all. Thank you. I assumed that logic wasn't the way to go since it failed me before. I'll see if I can convince him to go, if I go in with him to make him feel more comfortable. Maybe it's something I already knew, but it helps to hear someone else say it. It just frustrates me that he's able to share these feeling with me / his friends, but not someone who can genuinely help.

 

[junebug]

It doesn't put me down at all. Thank you. I assumed that logic wasn't the way to go since it failed me before. I'll see if I can convince him to go, if I go in with him to make him feel more comfortable. Maybe it's something I already knew, but it helps to hear someone else say it. It just frustrates me that he's able to share these feeling with me / his friends, but not someone who can genuinely help.

Yeah. :( When I was depressed, a nice, warm embrace always helped too. Just a shoulder to cry on, just someone to listen, even if they didn't know what I was going through. If you haven't already, make sure you do your homework on researching depression as well. It helps a lot if you understand a little more about what exactly is going on, the symptoms, ways to deal with stress, etc. ^^

Also, please, please, please let him know that he's not alone in his fight. When we're depressed, we feel trapped inside and extremely isolated from society because depression is an extremely hard thing to come out with and you can't just look at someone and know they have depression. There are tons of people out there fighting the same battle as him and he deserves to be by your side. <3

 

[howl]

different depressed people need different things. i'd start by asking him specific ways he thinks you can help him now- although you should also be careful to look after your own health too ^^

i'm someone who's bad at comforting people and tend to give out practical solutions so i can kinda relate to preferring to go about things in a more "logical" way.

i think suggesting him to go to a doctor (possibly with you for moral support if he wants) to get a referral for a therapist would be the best option- while you can research coping skills for depression online, sometimes you need medication or a professional to help. sometimes people don't want to go to therapy because they don't think they need it or are "bad enough compared to the people who really need it" but that's an incorrect notion. telling him that everyone can benefit from good therapy and that there's no like... threshold for how bad you gotta be to see a therapist, and that it's not bad if he needs it either/it doesn't make him weak. I don't know him or what he'll say, so I'm just trying to provide common scenarios I hear about so you might be prepared more. ^^ It might be worth it to research and find more about therapy before bringing it up with him too- I have no idea how much you know and prior knowledge could be good for convincing.

then again i realized this thread is kinda old and you might've tried already. :0 either way good luck with all this!