Tra continued to hold her, but as she spoke a subtle tension entered his strong frame. His thumb idly brushed the back of her hand, trying to lend her strength through his touch. She'd been through so much, too much. Tra found he felt indebted to those who had raised her and protected her.
She knew a great deal, enough that if he had doubted her studies before, he believed her wholly now. And there was no reason not to believe her about Namir. It made sense.
"If that happened, if Namir were to gain such a relic, he could indeed have used it to perform his miracle. It would have been enough to give him carte blanche to reorganize the church." Tra took a breath, thinking for a few seconds and then voicing his concerns. "The last few high overclerics were slowly losing their influence over their followers. For Namir to show such a miracle boosted the Church's hold, gave people hope. It was a hope they desperately needed. I barely remember the old high overcleric. He was a frail old man, and couldn't keep the attention of a crowd. He was a good management sort, I know that. He was noted in history books as being able to find worth in the most worthless situations."
"Overcleric Tinnisen... from what I was told during my education and what my sister remembers, he was once a very well loved man, skilled at speaking and well versed in the Church's lore, wiling to help those in need even if he had to get down in the dirt and do so himself. But as he aged, his sway faded. I remember the day that Namir took the Staff of office. It was broadcast everywhere. Everyone was so glad to have the young miracle worker take the place of the wasting old man. They had all but forgotten his good deeds and devout nature, remembering only the failings of recent years. And Namir was a charmer, and skilled at making himself look squeaky clean while his opponents in political matters never failed to have some horrid rumor circulate. Of course, Namir defended them. My sister, Kari, always suspected it was a show, that Namir was really just trying to secure his hold and remove his enemies from office.
"By that time, I was in training. Like so many young clerics, I was a staunch supporter of the miracle worker, as so many still called him. There were rumors that he was a new prophet, and we were all told to watch for any more miracles or signs. By the time I was trained and instated as a surgeon priest, my sister and I were no longer speaking. She was so convinced of Namir's duplicity and I was blindly faithful, still filled with youthful hope. After all, on the surface, things seemed much better. Even we priests were being told of the great improvements. Those who were being ministered to had the best care in the worlds. We were told that some refused our aid, but that we could do nothing but try to keep helping."
"A few years after my full initiation to surgeon priest status, I realized the truth. We were on a mission trip, caring for those who were too poor to make pilgrimages to the large planet cities for aid. I was about to treat a young woman when my hand was stayed. I was told that she had not accepted the true word of the church. Thus, she would not be treated. Confused, I looked at her and asked if there was veracity in my partner's words. She spat angrily at the ground, cursed, and said I was refusing to treat her because of her political affiliation and beliefs. Of course, she said, she believed in Gohdem's gifts. She had been devout since childhood. But she refused to become another cut out soul. She wanted to love and live life how she saw fit.
"I was confused. I stated that there was nothing wrong with her choices and tried to treat her again, but my partner called our superior and I was sent away. The woman was not given help, in fact, she was sent from the town when word of her affiliations reached the ears of the local elders. I waited so long in that tent, expecting a reprimand. I was instead told to never mention the event to anyone and to spend a week in fasting prayer til I reached the truth."
"Instead of finding truth, I grew more and more confused. I suddenly wanted to speak with my sister. She could surely make sense of this all. But when I returned to the city and attempted to find her in the Church registry, she was not listed. I asked about her only to be told not to pursue the matter any further. But I couldn't let go of the need to speak with her, and I was worried. I searched, sneaking into the church's database when I should have been praying and ministering. I finally found a file, mostly empty but for a set of planetary coordinates."
"They were for a cathedral city on Ember Prime. It was a city supposedly for those of elevated status. It took time, but I managed to secure passage there on a freighter and took some time off, claiming I needed a personal pilgrimage. When I arrived, I couldn't find Kari. She was nowhere to be seen, so again I started to search for records. I was caught, and was so overcome with guilt that I barely realized I was simply being sent away and given penance to do. It didn't take much to realize that they were going light on me to make me think there was nothing important to find."
"Two nights later, one of the Librarians who had been in the room when I'd been caught found me. He told me of a group who could give me information about anyone in return for medical care. I hated myself, but I went. They lived outside the city, by several miles. They were a collection of minor criminals and debtors. Some of them were only criminals under the new morality laws Namir had set in place. I felt horrible. I had judged these people before I met them, considered them horrid sinners who did not deserve treatment, and had only been willing to help to find Kari. I stayed for two weeks, the realization that all deserve treatment and care slowly coming to me. I knew I could never go back. I could never let myself be told who I could treat, who I could give succor to."
"A week into my stay, they told me of Kari, that she was not on the planet at all, but instead being held for trials of heresy by Namir. I wanted to leave that night, but my own self bound penance made me finish my service to those who needed my aid. By the time I returned to the city and demanded an audience with the High Cleric of Ember, I had roused suspicion. I was taken before the High Overcleric himself. To my horror, I was pronounced a traitor, a heretic. I was defrocked, my... my shame etched on my hands for all to see, my license to practice medicine taken from me. I remember it felt like the room was ripping apart and turning into a whirlwind around me. I had failed my sister, myself, and those I could have helped. I remember crying, falling to my knees and begging lenience. Namir gave me what I begged for. Instead of killing or imprisoning me, he exiled me from all Cathedral cities. He sent me away. When I returned to find those I had helped, only a few remained. They had heard, through their sources, of my plight. They gave me a stack of papers, some cred sticks, and told me to meet a man named Alshon."
"Alshon brought me to the captain, who said he needed a medic. I took on the job, despite my distaste for piracy. But I got along well enough with the pirates. The Stellar Flare is a good ship. The people here are devout. Yes, we have to take to survive. We also give a home to those who need it. It isn't right. One day, we hope to be free of the need to do what we do. But you must understand, I am here because I can help others. They do not care about my credentials, only that I can give them the help and love that they need." By now, his eyes were pleading. He seemed desperate to have her approval, or perhaps forgiveness. "I am sorry for saying so much, but if we are to trust one another, to work to stop Namir, you needed to know who I am. I will understand..." if you hate me. The words didn't have to be spoken, they hung on the air like dust motes. He still held her hand, squeezing softly. No matter what she thought of him, he would help her.
