Heartbeat In My Head

[♣CrimsonParadiso♣]

Sin

The keys were her friends now; her fingers knew just how to play them. Ever since her two year stay at sick minds as she and everyone there called it. She was her old self again. For those previous three years she got to be someone else. She doesn't know who this person is, the one who finds comfort in the keys of her piano. She was still learning herself again.
Her parents told her that sea pines (sick minds) could help her. Help her to do what though, become lost once again. There was nothing stopping her from walking away. She was old enough now, part of her didn't want to walk away again, and this is the part of her who knows who she is. The angel and demon upon her shoulders have blended, creating a monster no one has conquered yet. A rationalizing black hearted creature that not even she knows what to do with.
And so at her keys she plays, soothing the beast that fights for control.
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"I'm gonna be late!" She flew down the stairs almost falling when she came to the bottom. She slid into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of toast as it popped out of the toaster. "Calm down Sin. You're overacting. You're not going to be late" Her mother told her, she turned around with a glass of orange juice. Sin shook her head no and grabbed a set of keys off the counter "I am not. Can I borrow the car? Thanks mom" Her mom only shook her head as she watched her daughter race out of the house.

She looked down at the speedometer again. It read '45' almost fifteen over the speed limit. When she looked up the light had turned green that she was coming up on 'thank god' she thought to herself. She did a mirror check as she was going through the intersection; she glanced quickly out her window and saw a red truck coming at her.

The truck made contact with her side of the car. As the car slid across the intersection she was thrown into the steering wheel, her seat belt reacted and pulled her back against her seat, then the car slammed into an unknown object causing her to be slammed into her window. At the opposite end of the intersection the car sat and Sin lay up against her door. Blood slowly dripped from an opening in her skull. The crimson lines raced down the window soaking her shirt on her left shoulder. Sin could hear screaming, she couldn't' tell who was screaming. She couldn't see anything. She felt exhausted for some reason.

The darkness felt like hours to her, and then she opened her eyes. Just slits was all she could manage. Blinding white lights forced her to close her eyes again. Someone coughs, then cold hands find one of her arms. The cold sensation quickly disappears followed by a burning feeling. She opens her eyes again, this time the white light doesn't hurt as much. Through slatted eyes she tries to find the source of the burning. Her eyes fall upon a black gloved hand upon one of hers. "What happened?" her voice cracked, it's soft and not easily heard. "You will live" a deep voice tells her, then the sensation is gone and her eyes open wider. She looks around for the source of the voice but there's no one there. Her eyes focus more and she realizes that she's laying in a white room. The words sterile and cold run through her mind over and over. "Hospital" she says quietly to herself. She tries to remember what happened that would put her in a hospital.

"It's good to see you awake" a warm voice fills the silence in the room and Sin looks over to see her mother walking into her room. Sin can't really think of anything to say, all her brain can process is that something happened and that she wanted to find out what "Mom?" She asks in a quiet tone as her mother sits down beside her bed. "Yes sweetie?" Her mother set a cup of orange juice on a table nearby and looks at her daughter "What…happened?" She asks with a very confused look on her face "A miracle that's what. We never thought that you were going to wake up. The doctor's said that you might be in a coma for the rest of your life…" Her mother's eyes started to well up with tears. Sin felt a twinge of pain in her heart; she had scared her mother somehow and put herself in the hospital. Sin tried to move her hand, she wanted to place it on her mother's shoulder to show her that everything was going to be alright but as she sat there trying to get her arm to move it just wasn't doing what she wanted. Now Sin started to panic "Mom!" Her voice hit a high note, startling her mother. "What?!" "I ca-can't move m-my arm" Her mother released a breath of air and put her hand to her chest "Oh thank god. I thought something else went wrong. Sweetie the doctor's said that there might be some nerve damage from the accident. So you might have difficulty moving your arms and legs. They say that with some physical therapy you'll be able to relearn how to work your muscles" Sin's brows nit together at her mother's first words but listened to her explanation "accident? What accident?" Her mother looked at her with sadness in her eyes but they had just a hint of lightness, like a weight had been lifted "A couple of weeks ago you had been rushing to school and a red truck ran a red light hitting you" A light bulb went on in Sin's head. She remembered that but she thought it was just a dream "Oh" Sin simply said, she was feeling tired and just wanted to go to sleep. She didn't want to think about what was going to happen now, plus on top of worrying about how her parents were going to pay for her hospital bills. Sin lies back on the bed and put her head on the pillows to stare up at the ceiling. "You rest. I'm sure the doctor will come in and explain things to you in a little bit and I will be right here for you through everything. You father sends his regards and he's sorry that he couldn't be here right now but he says that he will come as soon as he can get out of work" Sin rolled her head to look at her mother, of course her father wasn't there. He was barely at home when things were going just fine but she knew that her father meant well plus the money that he made was what gave them what they had to this day. "Tell him to not worry about coming in. I know that we need the money and I will see him when I'm able to go home" Her mother nodded her head with more tears welling up in her eyes. She knew that her daughter was strong but right now was the time to let others take care of her instead of her taking care of her parents. Her mother sighed and turned her attention to the TV as Sin closed her eyes.

Hours later Sin opened her eyes again to soft voice talking. She looked over to where her mother was sitting before she fell asleep but she wasn't there. She then turned her attention to the foot of her bed and saw her mother talking with someone in a long white coat. Her mother looked in her direction and a soft smile crossed her lips "Good evening Sin. How are you feeling?" The doctor's voice found its way to her ears. "I've been better" She said in a very monotone way and the doctor couldn't help but smile as her mother chastised her. "It's ok Mrs. Steele. I was expecting something like that" he then turned his attention back to Sin and lifted up the blankets near her right foot. He pulled out a pen from his shirt pocket and ran it along the bottom of her right foot "Can you feel that?" He asked her as he looked up at Sin. She focused on the pen waiting for the tingling sensation but it never can. She could feel pressure in some points of her foot but that was it. Sin shook her head no and her mother's face lost a bit of its coloring. The doctor's face didn't look any better than her mother's. "What does that mean Dr. Burns?" "It means that Sin has a lots of physical therapy in her future and might be spending more time in a wheelchair then I thought" One of her mother's hands went to her mouth trying to cover up her surprise and her sadness. Sin only stared at both of them 'Wheelchair…more physical therapy' she thought to herself. Why had this happened to her? She was a good student, always kept her room cleaned and did as she was told. So what was she being punished for? Sin sighed heavily and looked at the doctor "When can I start the therapy and when will I be able to go back to school?" The doctor looked at her and pondered her questions; he was trying to think of how to tell her the bad news.

Those where simple enough questions weren't they…so why was the doctor taking so long to answer her. Sin got discouraged each second he took just staring at her "Just give it to me straight Dr. Burns, I'm a big girl I can take the bad news" That seemed to help, Sin could see his mind clink back into place and change his stance on sugar coating his words. "Well for now we are going to have the therapist come to you until you can get your arms to move and then after that we will start working on your legs but as far as that goes your legs are going to take some time. There is a bit of bad news though…" Sin rolled her eyes, there was always more bad news on top of bad news she already knew that. "There's a possibility that you will not be able to walk ever again. There's a lot of damage done to your spinal cord from the accident" Her face white washed, that was really bad news that she wasn't expecting. Not being able to walk would ruin a lot for her…that means no more running track, dancing, plays at school. No more walking was going to make her life that much harder. "Alright, well that means that I will have to work twice as hard to get myself walking again now wont I" she said in a matter-of-factly tone and she could see the small surprise in the doctor's face by her response. "Could we start today on the therapy?" Sin asked; she wanted to get this shit started, that way she could get back to school. "A…I'll have to check on that. You just rest for now and I will be back in a few to check on you" Sin didn't like his response but she couldn't really demand things right now so she just sat there and nodded her head. Once the doctor left her mother walked over to her side of the bed and Sin knew that her mother had some things to say to her. "Sin dear you shouldn't be so eager to push yourself so hard. You might damage yourself more" Sin looked away from her mother. After all these years of her mother knowing how she was she still questioned how Sin did things. "Mother, you should know me by now. This is how I do things. I have dreams and if I can't walk then those dreams are gone" "There's more to life than running and dancing and all that other stuff" Sin turned her head sharply to gawk at her mother. "That's all that matters to me. If I can't run then I can't get a good athletic scholarship and if I can't dance then I can't ever get into Julliard and not being able to walk means that I can't act either" Sin was mad now, she couldn't believe that her mother would say that to her. She knew how much dancing, acting and running meant to her. "You should go home and get some rest. I'm sure that you haven't slept since my accident" and that was Sin's code for 'I don't want you here right now' though she was sure that her mother wasn't going to pick up on that and most likely make an excuse to stay.

Her mother had stayed regardless of what Sin had said; she just turned on the TV which gave Sin some thinking time and time to ponder over what to do. Sin was on the verge of falling asleep when Dr. Burns walked into her room. Sin popped her head up with a hopeful expression. He walked to the foot of her bed and picked up her chart, he looked over that for a minute and then replaced it. Dr. Burns looked at Sin "Dr. Stevens said that she could fit you in at 4 o'clock today" Finally Sin got an answer that she like "Thank you Dr. Burns" Sin looked over to her mother "Mom can you go get me something to drink. I'm really thirsty" Her mother nodded her head and left the room. The doctor looked confused because he saw Sin's cup of water sitting next to her bed "I just needed her to leave the room" then he got it. "I need you to tell my mother that I doing better and it would be ok for her to go home and get some rest. I just don't like her being here and seeing me like this" "I think I can try but your mother cares for you deeply and probably won't leave until you look like you are doing better" "Thanks" Sin said in a sort of sarcastic tone.

Aqaum​

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