Have you ever lost a friend? (sadness warning)

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Minibit, Feb 3, 2014.

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  1. I recently had to distance myself from my very oldest friend, who for the past 5-3 years has been ridiculously immature and treated other people like crap; even though the friendship was basically already dead, it still hurt a lot to do

    Have you ever lost a friend? What happened?
     
  2. The majority of my core group of local friends are still close. One of them decided to have some drama and leave, but it was mostly directed at one or two other members of the group and they had only been hanging out with us for about a year.

    I did have to distance myself from someone a few months ago who I thought was a close friend until he suddenly got bored of hanging out with me. We were only friends for a couple of months though. It was pretty rough for the first few weeks though since I thought we had gotten close, but I just refuse to waste my time on someone who doesn't consider me to be worth theirs.

    The last one I can think of is one that I still get a bit melancholy thinking about when it pops up. We went to the same church, he was a cool guy. We didn't hang out often, and really mostly just at church functions or when a mutual friend was doing something. He was likable and fun to be around. Then he was found at a "friend's" house, having OD'd.
     
  3. Yes.

    My friend Kyle had suffered from depression for many, many years. For the last few months before October, he wasn't himself. Until he finally shot himself last October 1rst. I'm still grieving over it, and if that didn't make things worse I lost my brother on my birthday two months ago. I'm still kind of confused of what to do, but roleplaying has been my saving grace. It's a great way to cope for me. I'm not really ready to say how I lost him, it's too early for it.

    We had been close to one another but were drifting apart, and I got into an argument with him which turned out to be the last time I'd talk to him.
     
  4. (Trigger warnings for this post; I don't know if you guys do that here but I don't want to upset anyone unnecessarily.)

    I've lost most friends I've ever had. Reasons vary from drifting apart naturally, to drugs and drinking, to being lied to, assaulted, and being told to kill myself when I refused him later. That one's my favourite, I have to say.

    The one that hurts me the most is losing my best friend over the last year, especially since it was mostly my fault. I had a chance to repair it and I screwed it up. I just try to remind myself that she's better off without me, but I miss her dearly.

    Mental illness is a good friendship killer.
     
  5. I am old and I like people, so I have lost friends in lots of ways. T__T From stubborn friend fights, to personal betrayals, to misunderstandings, to suicide, to death, to drifting apart, to losing touch. People have told me to fuck off, and I have told people to fuck off. I'm not going to go in to details about any of them though, cause I am too tired to blabber! >>;

    Um, the worst friend losses have always been the ones that I couldn't fix, or didn't naturally end. Skipping over the obvious death ones, the ones with friend-breakups suck ASS. And it doesn't matter if I was the one that cut them off, or if they cut me off. It hurts and it lingers with you for a long time.

    So I constantly remind myself that not everything can be neatly resolved, and there is still a bazillion more years of life to live and there are still other important people in my life and even more future people I have yet to meet. It's a forced effort to let stuff go and move oooon. You hold on to the good memories and let the bad ones go.
     
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  6. Yes. The one that hurt the most was an old girlfriend. Between the two of us, we had a lot of demons between us. It was an unhealthy relationship, abusive and hateful at times. It ended the night before we went to rehab together, and it was years before she or I had the courage to talk to each other, even just to apologize.

    We're more like acquaintances now, than friends, and that's okay.
     
  7. Two years ago, I finally made real friends, best friends I could talk to about everything, who were people that I hadn't just latched on to and forced myself to hang out with because they were convenient. It was the first time in years and years that I felt really, truly comfortable around people, that I wasn't pretending to be someone for the sake of earning their friendship. It was an easy relationship with people I wanted to see often.

    Last summer, I went from seeing them two to three times a week to suddenly... they bailed on plans with me. Made it hard on me to see them. Then stopped trying to make plans with me, and I had to send an email every couple of weeks to ask if something was wrong. They'd always say no, just busy. But we were all busy before and we all made time for one another. What happened now?

    Finally, after months of not seeing them - hell, they never even saw me after I chopped off my hair - one of them gave me a real answer. An answer that shocked me. If they had told me that this was the problem months earlier, it would not have been an issue, because I would have had warning to change my behavior. It was so petty. Not something that really mattered. And oh gods it hurt that to them this was worth cutting me out, the first people that I had opened up to in so many long years.

    It reinforced the sick belief in my mind that I can't trust people to care about me and so I can't open up to people.

    I spent so many years so lonely and unsure about people, and I thought these people had been The Ones who would convince my brain demons to go away and stay away. I still think it set me back a lot that they cut me out, and I'm not sure who to trust to carry me through these days. (I am drowning and I don't know if I can ask people for help.) I don't want to be the girl who is left behind anymore. I wish I knew how to change that.
     
  8. I've lost a lot more than friends in my 16 years of life, but it doesn't make the pain and emptiness that accompanies losing a friend any less.

    My step-mother and father always nag me about not having enough female friends. In elementary school, I had plenty. I went to a different middle school, however, and I was placed in a fairly small and close knit district. Everyone practically knew each other already and I was the stranger. This automatically placed me in the outcast/nerd group (which I am perfectly okay with). I suppose this is when my first identity-crisis/depression stuff had started. I had one very close friend by the name of… lets go with Meghan. She was one of my only friends, and we were extremely close. At the end of eighth grade, she moved away to Missouri because her parents got a divorce. It sucked.

    Freshman year I met this super awesome Vietnamese girl by the name of… uh… P. I met P in my Human Behavior class and we stayed friends until, well, pretty much two weeks ago. She had to move away because her mother couldn't afford rent. As of right now I pretty much hate my high school. She was the only other person who liked anime/art/awesome stuff besides me. It's kind of crazy how one person can make that much or a difference in your life.

    Still, I have a few friends. They're not as close, and one is kind of crazy (and widely hated amongst the student body ._.) and the others are all guys. I do have a super awesome and pretty feminine boyfriend (maybe he will count as a girl in my parents eyes?) that I enjoy poking fun at :D It's not fun having all your best friends leave you, but thanks to the modern miracle that is the internet, I can keep in touch with them. I just try not to get too down about it.
     
  9. Well, my bff in Kindergarten and I both moved the following year, and I've never seen her again. </3

    Then I got my next bff in second grade. We were really good friends in elementary, friends in middle, and now that we're in high school we have nothing in common, but we're still friendly. No falling out, no fights, we just do different stuff now and see each other a few times a week in school.

    In sixth grade, I got bff #3. We're still bffs. She's a BR last name, I'm a BU, so it just kinda worked out in lines and stuff. This doesn't count because we haven't lost each other.

    Then in seventh grade, #4, who formed a trio with 3. We split sophomore year because she was getting increasingly bipolar, depressed/depressing, and anorexic. Me and 4 were the only fish with senior lunch, and we had five out of eight classes together. By the end of freshman year I was twenty-odd pounds underweight, moody, depressed, and borderline self-abusive. 3 used to cut, a habit she got from 4, but she's better now. In hindsight, I'm glad I split from 4, especially seeing how 3 is still kinda getting dragged down by her, even though 3 isn't very close to her anymore either. 4 technically got a diploma from an online school and is going to online college, all while living with her batshit insane family. She can no longer hold conversation, has been in and out of institutions, cuts, and is generally just a really negative person to be around. I wish things were different, but since I can't change her... well, I like having positive people in my life. I would gladly take her back as a friend if she would go back to freshman year, when she kinda gave up on being a functional person. ;_; I wish there was something I can do for her, but I don't have the energy or the personality type for it. Damn, it hurts just to type this.
    I mean, I feel like I should be doing more. That I shouldn't give up on her just because she's mentally ill. I know she needs help, but I'm just not a very... helpy person, I guess. I don't know how to handle it and looking at what happened when I just tried to be her friend and support her... I can't go back to that. I have a life now, and I want to keep it the way it is.

    And then later 3 introduced me to 5, and we're all still friends. So that's that. ^^ I have a new trio now and we all bring each other up as people instead of dragging each other down.
    -insert saccharine "it gets better" message here-
     
  10. A friend of mine died to cancer.

    I don't want to get into that any further though...
     
  11. My first best friend that I ever had was when I was about ten years old. Our moms were best friends, and so when they would hang out, so would we. It was awesome, and we became very close. They lived on a farm, so I was always excited to go visit and have so much space to play and be ten year olds. One day, he was out in the field with his dad. Riding with him on the tractor.

    He fell off.

    That was the end of my first real friendship. The worst part is that my mom didn't even tell me until his funeral had already come and gone. I've never gotten over it, and from what I heard, neither has his father.
     
  12. In all honesty, I haven't lost any human friends as of yet. Oh sure, I've parted paths with a few and haven't seen them since, but that wasn't so bad.

    There's been a few online relationships that have ended poorly over the years, but the sting of those has already worn off.

    Last year, though, I lost someone who I considered my closest friend, Ozzy. He was a cat that had been with me for a good 17 years. He was more of a happy accident, than anything. People who had taken him from our neighbors, at the time, found out they couldn't keep the kitten and were bringing him back. Our neighbors, however, were not home. So I took him from them with the intention of returning him to our neighbors once they got home.

    That never happened though. The moment I took that little devil into my arms we connected. He was one of the few constants in my life over the years. Almost every night he slept curled up at the back of my head. Hell, some nights I couldn't fall asleep till he was curled up there, it was silly lol. He was a healthy bastard too, no real issues until a couple years ago. He got hit by feline diabetes, but we had it pretty well under control after a close call.

    Then, last spring, his health took a fall. So I took him to the vet's. They found a lump in his intestinal track, which who knows how long it had been there. It could have been the cause of his feline diabetes. He was in bad shape... and an operation would have been extremely iffy due to his age and his health... So I had to make one of the hardest decisions ever, in my life. I stayed with him till the end... Watched the life leave his eyes as he exhaled his final breath... All I could do was watch helplessly. All these years and there was not a damned thing I could do other than put him to sleep... I know it ended his suffering, but that didn't make it any easier.

    Some people think it's silly to get that attached to a pet. Those people are utterly clueless. Ozzy was a huge part of my fairly meaningless life, and there is still an empty hole where he once was.
     
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  13. For the past 7 to 8 years I lost a lot of friends in life. I miss a ton of them but some things are better left in the past. I still care of them and wish them the best. I have PMDD and before it was diagnosed I would get paranoid every cycle and lose it. Break friendships for no reason, yell, ect. It was all on my end because of PMDD. Ever since learning about it, and taking better care of myself I've been able to save some friendships. Though some, I'll always miss.
     
  14. Unfortunately, I am the type of person who is easily taken advantage of, and because of that and my realization of that fact, I've lost a couple really good friends.
    My best friend since middleschool was always having issues, mental and physical. In order to help her and be there for her, I got myself a job to buy things to cheer her up. This, of course was in highschool, when i was able to legally get a job, but I still would use my dog sitting money to buy her clothes and stuff when we were underage.

    I was always the one who came running when she was having a problem. She would run away from her house and come to mine, just to feel safe and to be coddled. I would drop everything for her, even when we were both busy with college. Really, I could complain about this all day long, but the short to the story is: I took care of her, and when I hit rock bottom- she dissapeared.

    I moved out of my parents house to live with (who at the time was) my boyfriend of 6 years. She started hanging out with some other girls from her college. I called her at least three times a week to see how she was and see if she wanted to come see the house or spend time with me at all; I was lucky to get a call back at all.

    Finally, I got engaged, called her up to tell her and didn't get a call back for a week and a half. She didn't seem happy for me at all and then pretty much dropped me from the face of the earth. There is so much more to the story that has to do with her lying to me about how "busy" she was and condradicting herself on FACEBOOK of all things.

    I thought she was going to be my best friend for life, but she was only my friend for as long as it was conveniant for her.

    Unfortunate, because i'm pretty fucking awesome. Her loss <3
     
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