Hailfire's colourful mind

[Mako Torriblaidd]

I should be:
I should be crying,
I should be screaming.
Oh, my God, why am I
Wishing I stopped breathing?
My very existence aches,
My immortal soul shakes.
Oh, my God, why am I
Trembling like the earth quakes?
My eyes have sen so much,
My heart needing to clutch.
Oh, my God,why do I
Need another's love so much?
All I can ask you,
Is that you see me through...
Oh, my God, please...

The happy face you see:
My heart is breakin'
My soul is shaken
Sanity has been taken
Love now forsaken

All I can do is hide
My time I just bide
I need a trusting guide
Before all has died

Lord all I ask
Is to shatter my mask
And take away my flask
Is it such a difficult task?

If you can't, let me die
For all these days I cry
I think I'd rather fry
Instead of crying why

Lord you must not know
How far I'll go
To let blood flow
Ending what I hate so

I know you wouldn't
Make me do as I couldn't
Leaving me what I shouldn't
I know you wouldn't

So tell me how
I can live as a cow
By the sweat of brow
No life in now

Lord grant me grace
To keep the pace
To finish the race
And leave this place

Change my fate
End my hate
It has grown late
And I cannot wait

Don't allow me to run
To the barrel of a gun
Give me the sun
Grant me some fun

Lord give me relief
Albeit too brief
A moment lacking grief
Strengthen my belief

Send me a sign
Stop this pulling tine
I won't be fine
With a mind like mine


The happy face you see
is by no means me
This is all I can be
With a mind like the sea

You who are reading this
You may see me in bliss
Every smirk is death's kiss
This is what you miss
--
The strong man you see.

​

 

[Mako Torriblaidd]

The gates
My body dies in the day,
My mind lives in the night,
The world I know is gridlocked in plight.
The scars that mark and destroy,
Are one of the few methods of keeping me well.
Oh Lord, it has been so long since I fell!
I want to wake up!
I want to be away from this walking nightmare.
To explain it all and leave my mind bare,
Every time I open myself up,
Evil takes deeper hold,
Such daemons tend to be very bold.
Suffocation has been my constant retreat;
Not the deadly kind,
No, this is the type that numbs the mind.
Removal of the self from the normal system,
Reliance upon the personal self.
Placing my sanity away on a shelf.
Pulling myself along,
Attempting every moment to find a place I belong.
Alas I just watch and wait,
Praying for a moment's more peace before the enemy reaches the gate.​

 

[Mako Torriblaidd]

If I could rip this heart out
If I could stop the ache
To stop this self-doubt
To not have to be a fake
Instead I put on a smile
Just for a little while
Though all of it eventually will crumble
Turning into chunks of stone
Causing me to trip and stumble
Breaking my each and every bone
There was a time
Long, long ago
When I was just perfectly fine
When I had a grip on my ego
But now I just fight
For a small moment of peace
Every single damned night
Praying for the pain to cease
​