Grandma Died

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Temet Nosce, Dec 10, 2014.

  1. I'm not even sad.

    Just angry that the world is such bullshit. That her son is going to torment my mother more than ever now. That she will never know what a lying piece of shit her son was.

    I'm sure that's a reasonable response to a death within the family right?
  2. I'm sorry you've lost your Grandmother, and family death can always bring darker times upon the already gloomy surroundings we wind up in. I don't know anything about you, I just hope you know that at least your mother has you.

    I cannot begin to imagine the frustrations you must feel and the loss of our elders can most certainly rock the boat. :( If you need to blow off some steam please feel free to PM me. My condolences for your loss @Golden Boy If you ever find yourself in a really tough spot or feeling extremely angry, try to take deep, controlled breaths.

    Picking and choosing your battles wisely will help you through helping your mother.

    ~Gently smiles for you~

    I'll be keeping you and your grandmother in my thoughts

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  3. Actually, it is very much a reasonable response to a death. People handle death in different ways, and most people actually don't do the sobbing explosive grieving type thing for anyone outside their very immediate friends and family group. Various models of the psychology of grief would say you're deflecting sadness into anger instead, which is a pretty common coping mechanism. The answer to your probably sarcastic question is actually a yes.

    That aside, sorry for your loss and for having to deal with a shitty person. Neither are pleasant events, but neither will be the end of you. Just don't let those negative emotions build up and fester inside you and you'll be fine in the end.
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  4. I'm so sorry to hear that! Don't worry about your reason, I knew some people who had similar reasons. Regardless of that I hope the best for you! Try not to get down and look for solutions. ^ ^
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  5. I am very sorry for your loss. Anger, like Jorick said, is a very understandable reaction. People always think that you have to be sad when a loved one dies immediately, that anger comes later. Grief doesn't play fair, it'll swing whatever damn emotion it wants to on you and the best way to handle this is let it out, no matter what it may be. Anger, fear, sorrow, numbness...all those feelings can come at you at random and in different times (or if at all).

    It sounds like that son you were talking about has quite a bit of growing to do. While you cannot change how he acts around you, or treats your mother, and you can't really change him (though I know the irritation with this), the best advice that I can give you is when he treats your mother that way, face her and give her as much support as you can. He'll just get the rise out of you if you face him first; I'd suggest talking to your mother first, assuring her that she is a loved person and making sure that she is alright. I know that is a painful thing to do, and all you want to do is deck the person who is hurting your loved one. If you ever need a place to just let loose and blow some steam, we're always here and willing to listen. I'm sorry that you have to put up with this, especially now. That isn't fair to you or your loved ones. I hope things get better for you soon.

    My inbox is always open if you need it.
    #5 LogicfromLogic, Dec 11, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2014
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  6. Thanks guys. I just get tired of looking over my shoulder all the damn time and having to double check all of locks.

    My mother recently managed to kick him from the house, and I'm afraid he's going to use her death as an excuse to try to do something stupid. He's already paid a few 'surprise visits', and I'm just worried it's gonna get worse.

    I don't know what the hell to do since the lawyer said basically, everything he's doing to fuck with us is mostly legal, such as taking shit from the house when I'm at school and my mom is at work, spamming our phone with bullshit type text messages, and spending fuckloads of my mom's savings on his new girlfriend since technically it's a joint account, but the fatass hasn't held a job in over a year.

    And now I don't even want to go to the funeral since I'm sure he's already lied to all of my relatives (after all, he lied to us for 17 years) about the situation and it's going to be another chance for him to act like such a fucking white knight.

    But yeah... I just needed to vent since now even my mom is lecturing me about shit like "Don't let the anger change you" but fuck, like how the fuck am I supposed to NOT be pissed off?

    It's just bullshit.
  7. Anger is a difficult thing to over come especially at you age. Understanding how your hormones work can play a big part in reducing anger. Some ways you can try to cope with anger are;

    ~ Ask Google (lol I do it for everything!) Google is a great tool to finding anything you need, and often a variety of methods to try for yourself and explore on your own.

    ~ Run the Mile

    ~ Stay away from large amounts of salt (it raises your blood pressure significantly!)

    ~ Drink a lot of water

    ~ Workout, exercise, or tire yourself, Do something Physically demanding that is productive and not Harmful amounts just enough to wear you out and help you release some of that energy building up.

    ~ STRETCH! extend those limbs as far as you can get them loosening your muscles, tendons, and joints can release a lot of stress, tension, anxiety and anger.

    ~ In extreme cases and in emergencies, Countdown from 10.

    ~ Tell yourself its temporary and this will pass, this situation is not going to be permanent and if you stay positive you may be able to positively effect its outcome as well. Act as happy as you can that this man is no longer in your home and help create that same atmosphere for mom. :)

    I hope these help you, @Golden Boy
    You can always drop a line here too if your feeling you need to get something off your chest, here is a pretty good place to get your anger down in writing and other people who care can give you a perspective not quite like your own.
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  8. It is normal to be angry, and you have every right to be. Use that to push yourself in life and be a light to your mother. Anger is so often misunderstood as bad; it depends how you use it. Punching people...isn't the best way to use it. Using it to educate or help someone while may be hard but when you look back, you'll be stronger for it.

    Has your mother thought about restraining orders against him? It's called harassment.