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Original poster
One of my best friends committed suicide around 2:30 yesterday morning, leaving a note behind. She had an online boyfriend named Nick, and they were just...I don't know. They seemed perfect together. Through a horrible misundertsanding, she thought he was cheating on her. They broke up. Through another horrible misunderstanding, he called her on her phone and verbally assaulted her. She decided to give him another chance. About a week later, they called it quits. She said she was quitting XBox Live.
Yesterday, I got am essage from who I THOUGHT was Lissette. (The girl in question) It was instead a message from her older brother on her gamertag (her account). It stated quite simply that she had killed herself. In her note, she stated she couldn't stand to be without her true love any longer, among more personal things pointed at each of her friends, myself included. She apologized for not saying goodbye before she...went. The boy in question, Nick, must be feeling like shit right now. I was ready to assault him, I swear to god I was. This is uncharacteristic of me. The last time I felt a spurt of blind rage like that, I put someone in a wheelchair with a kick to the spine. And I regret it to this day. However, I managed to stop myself. Lissette was they kind of person...she was...I don't know. she was the gentle angel on everyone's shoulders, always helping out however she could. She protected those she cared about, even at her own expense... She dealt with everyone's problems, and just...And now she's gone. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to thank her for everything she did. I never got to tell her how much she was appreciated, how much we cared about her, NOTHING! None of it. She always looked up to me, you know? I was like her older brother somehow. I don't know how I ended up with that role, but I took it. Her personality shifted...People thought we were related.And before I knew it, she was helping anyone she could, despite the mean words people flung at her! She took the blows and stones, and solved problems, lifted moods! And I never got to tell her how much I appreciated having her there! She even took the words I used to tell her, and adapted them to her life!

"I never want to have people hurt as a result of my actions."

She truly was like my little sister. And now she really is a beautiful little angel, I guess...This is the first time I've ever had to question religion in my entire life. The first time I've ever wondered if there's a Heaven or a Hell. Because I find myself saying I'd gladly deal with Hell if it meant that she was in Heaven. I want there to be a Heaven for her sake, because she deserved nothing less than that! And now, I'm broken. I brought it upon myself to do what she had done. I adopted that stand again. I'm dying on the inside because of this, but I have to wear a strong mask, right? I'm the one people look to to BE happy! I'm the cheery one! The almost constantly cheery person, that's my job! So I adopted it right back, to keep her alive. I'd redouble my efforts to help people... But...everytime I try to be cheery, I just...can't. And then I get sad about all this, and that turns into anger at everything that happened. And...I don't want to be that way. I'm insulting the dead. But I can't seem to put this ghost to rest.
Nothing anyone says is going to make you feel better. c__c Time is the only thing that is going to heal it. YES you're going to be upset, and YES you're going to get mad, emotional, cry, and not be yourself for awhile. That's normal grieving and you shouldn't feel bad about going through it. You'll just have to try and find ways to distract yourself until you can think about things without getting depressed.

Either way, it takes time. :/ I hope you can find those happy things to help ease the owie stuff.
This is one of those moments where you're allowed to let it all out. Keeping them strong emotions bottled up will only hurt you even more.

Just don't don't cripple anyone and it's fine(won't stop ya from roughing him up a bit though).

Sorry for your loss, dude.
I've had mates kill themselves dude, so i can empathise, but like the others said, nothing anyone says will be able to change how you feel, thats something you and only youi can do with time.

but i tell you this my friend, I'm here for you if you need someone to scream at, if you need someone to talk to and whatever else i can do I'll give it my best.

my sympathies dude.
Deary me! I wish I had access to my msn or skype right now! I'm so sorry!

I know this has been offered already by everyone, but I'm joining your support group too. We're all here for you, Miru! If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. Contact me via pm, and if you need more, I'm more than willing to help!

It'll get more managable, I promise.
Okay...I'm attending her funeral tomorrow, and after that, I'm holding a funeral for her on PSU for all the people who knew her. I think it's only fair.
I'm starting to feel less angry and less sad, so I guess it's just time at work.
I appreciate all the help, everyone. ^^;
There's very little I can add to this, I'm afraid, other than to say that you have my sympathies, brah.

Chin up. We're all here for you should you need us.
....OMFG...I'm going to KILL someone. SHE lied. THE WHOLE FUCKING THING WAS A LIE. EVERYONE WAS CRYING when they found out! And you faked your own FUCKING death for the attention?! I thought I fucking knew her! How the hell do you cross that line?! And more importantly, how the hell do you sleep knowing how many hearts you just ripped out? And then, you remove everyone off your friendslist, block communications with them all, block MY number so I can't call you...
If you wanted to fucking disappear, you didn't have to pull this shit!

Now I've got yet another reason to rage...I don't like being ANGRY!

Damn man. . . I don't think I've ever seen anyone go through having someone they treasured so much as a friend put them through a fake suicide. That's one hell of a line to cross with people who care about you.

How did you find out?
The first thing was when I get to the place. Nobody was there. Rather, nobody related to her/nobody who knew her. But I gave it the benefit of the doubt, and decided to call her house when I got home. It said that the number had been disconnected. By this point, there really was no point in attempting to go back, to be quite honest. So, later on, I still decide to do the PSU funeral like I promised. All of a sudden, someone logs in on her gamertag. We invite said person into a party, he/she says it's her cousin, and that he has no mic. One of the people in the party starts yelling because he knows he's full of crap. Then, SUDDENLY he has a mic, and says "I'm her cousin." before he leaves. He got a message from one of our friends, and at this point, her "cousin" says "I'm her brother." She had 2 brothers. One died in the Army, and the other is a damn FOUR YEAR OLD. And then, he insults her by calling her some rather rude names. Because if someone was insulting your dead sister, wouldn't you protect her memory? Well, he just says, "If that's what you think, then sure." Mind you, he isn't talking anymore, this is in text. So, he asks to see Lissette's death certificate, because she has a camera. Her "cousin/brother" says, "They don't give those out anymore, unless you're in the Army or Navy or something." No no no no no no no NOOOOOO. You come into the world with a piece of paper, and you exit with a piece of paper. This guy says he came online for her memorial/funeral...I DIDN'T TELL HIM, except on PSU. And he'd need a password. He says "She left it in her suicide note"...Yeah...Just like her gamertag info, and the way she types...And her friends, etc. So then we piece it together bit by bit...And she removes everyone off of her friendslist, and block communications with everyone. eI can't drive to her house, as I have no car, and it turns out she's blocked my number.

There are lines you just don't cross, and that's one of them.
even more rage.

thats just plain wrong dude.

but if you want my advice, which you may or may not, I'd say stop trying to talk to her, she isnt worth it.

ANYONE that pulls that kind of shit deserves to be ostracised for their lack of common sense and tact.
The Warmaster calls it, and he calls it good.

Anyone willing to put their friends through so much suffering does not deserve friends. She wants to ignore you all? That's fine. Fuck her. People prepared to pull shit like that are not people you want to know or even associate with.

I will now thoroughly rage on your behalf.

Thats about the worst thing I've ever heard, sorry you had to go through that.
In the end, this'll just prove who I am., that's all.
Like I've said before...
"Life is just a masquerade, and the only difference between people is how well the mask fits."
Late in responding but Kitti loves Mikun and if he ever needs to talk, I think he knows my email .
Sorry I couldn't be here at the right time....