One of my best friends committed suicide around 2:30 yesterday morning, leaving a note behind. She had an online boyfriend named Nick, and they were just...I don't know. They seemed perfect together. Through a horrible misundertsanding, she thought he was cheating on her. They broke up. Through another horrible misunderstanding, he called her on her phone and verbally assaulted her. She decided to give him another chance. About a week later, they called it quits. She said she was quitting XBox Live. .... .... .... Yesterday, I got am essage from who I THOUGHT was Lissette. (The girl in question) It was instead a message from her older brother on her gamertag (her account). It stated quite simply that she had killed herself. In her note, she stated she couldn't stand to be without her true love any longer, among more personal things pointed at each of her friends, myself included. She apologized for not saying goodbye before she...went. The boy in question, Nick, must be feeling like shit right now. I was ready to assault him, I swear to god I was. This is uncharacteristic of me. The last time I felt a spurt of blind rage like that, I put someone in a wheelchair with a kick to the spine. And I regret it to this day. However, I managed to stop myself. Lissette was they kind of person...she was...I don't know. she was the gentle angel on everyone's shoulders, always helping out however she could. She protected those she cared about, even at her own expense... She dealt with everyone's problems, and just...And now she's gone. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to thank her for everything she did. I never got to tell her how much she was appreciated, how much we cared about her, NOTHING! None of it. She always looked up to me, you know? I was like her older brother somehow. I don't know how I ended up with that role, but I took it. Her personality shifted...People thought we were related.And before I knew it, she was helping anyone she could, despite the mean words people flung at her! She took the blows and stones, and solved problems, lifted moods! And I never got to tell her how much I appreciated having her there! She even took the words I used to tell her, and adapted them to her life! "I never want to have people hurt as a result of my actions." She truly was like my little sister. And now she really is a beautiful little angel, I guess...This is the first time I've ever had to question religion in my entire life. The first time I've ever wondered if there's a Heaven or a Hell. Because I find myself saying I'd gladly deal with Hell if it meant that she was in Heaven. I want there to be a Heaven for her sake, because she deserved nothing less than that! And now, I'm broken. I brought it upon myself to do what she had done. I adopted that stand again. I'm dying on the inside because of this, but I have to wear a strong mask, right? I'm the one people look to to BE happy! I'm the cheery one! The almost constantly cheery person, that's my job! So I adopted it right back, to keep her alive. I'd redouble my efforts to help people... But...everytime I try to be cheery, I just...can't. And then I get sad about all this, and that turns into anger at everything that happened. And...I don't want to be that way. I'm insulting the dead. But I can't seem to put this ghost to rest.