I'm not one for posting my feelings, or even discussing them really at all. However tonight things have really pushed me over the edge with my mum. There's been a lot of bad and negative things which I wouldn't wish upon anybody happen to me since I was 9, and that's not what I'm focusing on, because that happening has lead me to be who I am today. However, it has affected the relationships I have with people including my mum. I live with my mum, and my parents are seperated. I'm not exactly in shape, and I'm quite unhealthy when it comes to dieting. I was on a diet which started in September I weighed 207lbs. I got all the way down to 187lbs in a few months, and it was hard work. However, I started to put on weight again over winter. Everybody told me, "Oh it's natural, it happens." So I brushed it off and assumed it was okay that I'd gone back to my un-measured diet and just started eating uncontrollably. I stopped going to 'slimming world' (my diet group) and told my Mum I'd do it at home. It went down the drain quickly, and I just didn't bother doing anything at all. So I put my weight back on. My Mum however, doesn't help.. She buys me meals with rich sauces, made me a desert last week, Eton Mess. She bought me a curry yesterday, and fish fried in batter with oily chips today... I don't see how it's helping. Mum likes to drink, and it worries me how much she drinks but she does it and whatever I say would only just cause arguments. However tonight we fought again, because she asked if I was coming back to Slimming World and I said "no." She called me fat, said I had a lardy-arse, said that she wouldn't be able to get me out of the house, and I put everything I see in my mouth. I'm not gunna lie, I cried pretty damn hard. She's done it before, put me down for my appearance, called me nasty names, even cursing at me in the most cruel of ways. Because of my past, I've been able to take the abuse but tonight really did make me feel like the tiniest spec on this Earth. It's hard to intake, because I'll be moving out in September. Because of the way my mother treats me, I'm considering never speaking to her again. There are the moments when I do love her to bits, but they're nothing next to how she makes me feel at times. I don't want advice, or sympathy.. I just wanted to let it out in some form.. I don't even know who to speak to anymore. I tell people and they don't understand what my background is so they give advice which I can't really take because of the circumstances. I think the reason this has really pushed me over the edge is because, with little explanation, my Dad did something the same in he put me down, and put his woman before me in the past - so we no longer speak. Mum is the only person I've got now, and not even she shows that she wants me. Thanks for reading, or just whatever.