L
Lame
Guest
Original poster
The sun peered over the horizon, painting the sky in brilliant hues as it brought on a new day. It pierced through the curtains of Joseph’s bedroom window but brought him no joy. It simply signified he was a day closer to murdering his own creation. He’d hardly slept a wink but instead lay there staring at the blank roof, torturing himself with question after question. What could I have done differently? What can I do? Is there any point?
Joseph looked somewhat how he felt. He had constant bags under his eyes and his eyes, once a bright, intelligent green, seemed dulled and glassy. He seemed undeniably older than he actually was. He didn’t stand out in any particular regard. He was of an average height and had an average build, though he was perhaps a bit too skinny due to oft neglected meals. His hair was still thick and brown, though it was peppered with silver here and there. Other men who were less fortunate at retaining their hair cursed him. He kept himself well shaven except on weekends when he didn’t have to bother.
An alarm suddenly blared on his bedside table. “Time to get up,” he mumbled to himself, as he sat up and silenced the alarm clock. He’d often talk to himself while at home to make up for the silence, try to make the place seem just a little bit less empty. He still lived in the same place he and his wife had bought before they divorced. It had been years since she’d moved back across the country yet he still felt the void she’d left behind. It was like a ghost followed him around the house, whispering into his ear what he once had and then foolishly lost.
He went about his usual morning routine, it was all a bit of an uninteresting blur until he got to work. At work there was the added thrill of having to dodge conversations with co-workers but most of them didn’t bother anymore. They’d taken the hint that he didn’t want to suffer listening to how they’d recently ‘invested’ in a boat and how much of a bitch their mother-in-law was this weekend. Wasn’t there a point where they’d get too old for such menial chatter? Joseph often felt like an outsider around fellow humans these days. Their mannerisms all seemed so absurd.
Thankfully, he made it to his office without being disturbed but he could only stay a moment before he had go back out through the gauntlet. The mornings were a treacherous time out there since there was a steady trickle of other staff coming in. Of course, he wouldn’t let his work suffer simply because of his antisocial tendencies. Once he’d grabbed his file he headed back out and threaded his way through the facility to where his ‘magnum opus’ lay.
The closer he got, the greater the guilty knot grew in his stomach. He’d been trying to think of the child as an experiment again lately since his expiry date was coming up. It made Joseph realise how much he used him as a surrogate child in place of his own. He tried to rationalise the relationship as a bad one, it was like he was merely plugging up the hole in his heart rather than trying to repair it but perhaps that was the best he could ever hope to do? To merely cover the loss up? It certainly didn’t feel like there was any possible way to fix himself at this point, he’d let the wound fester for too long and now it had become a scar that could not be removed.
He paused in front of the door to the child’s room and tried to prepare himself. He wondered if the child had managed to somehow see through his act and realised something was wrong. He was still young, though, so surely not. At least, that’s what Joseph hoped. He didn’t want to have to lie to the kid on top of everything else. He mustered himself together and opened the door (after unlocking it, of course).
“Good morning,” he said, as he entered the room with a soft, slightly forced smile. The room’s walls and floor were a bare white like the rest of the facility. Unlike the others, however, this room was decorated like a child’s bedroom. A cot lay in the corner of the room, bolted to the ground. Elsewhere in the room there also lay several toys, some paper and coloured pencils. As per requested, there was no food within the room this morning. “There’s a few things I need to check before you can have breakfast, okay?”
[ Am I doing the whole colouring speech thing right? It looks nicer, right? ]
Joseph looked somewhat how he felt. He had constant bags under his eyes and his eyes, once a bright, intelligent green, seemed dulled and glassy. He seemed undeniably older than he actually was. He didn’t stand out in any particular regard. He was of an average height and had an average build, though he was perhaps a bit too skinny due to oft neglected meals. His hair was still thick and brown, though it was peppered with silver here and there. Other men who were less fortunate at retaining their hair cursed him. He kept himself well shaven except on weekends when he didn’t have to bother.
An alarm suddenly blared on his bedside table. “Time to get up,” he mumbled to himself, as he sat up and silenced the alarm clock. He’d often talk to himself while at home to make up for the silence, try to make the place seem just a little bit less empty. He still lived in the same place he and his wife had bought before they divorced. It had been years since she’d moved back across the country yet he still felt the void she’d left behind. It was like a ghost followed him around the house, whispering into his ear what he once had and then foolishly lost.
He went about his usual morning routine, it was all a bit of an uninteresting blur until he got to work. At work there was the added thrill of having to dodge conversations with co-workers but most of them didn’t bother anymore. They’d taken the hint that he didn’t want to suffer listening to how they’d recently ‘invested’ in a boat and how much of a bitch their mother-in-law was this weekend. Wasn’t there a point where they’d get too old for such menial chatter? Joseph often felt like an outsider around fellow humans these days. Their mannerisms all seemed so absurd.
Thankfully, he made it to his office without being disturbed but he could only stay a moment before he had go back out through the gauntlet. The mornings were a treacherous time out there since there was a steady trickle of other staff coming in. Of course, he wouldn’t let his work suffer simply because of his antisocial tendencies. Once he’d grabbed his file he headed back out and threaded his way through the facility to where his ‘magnum opus’ lay.
The closer he got, the greater the guilty knot grew in his stomach. He’d been trying to think of the child as an experiment again lately since his expiry date was coming up. It made Joseph realise how much he used him as a surrogate child in place of his own. He tried to rationalise the relationship as a bad one, it was like he was merely plugging up the hole in his heart rather than trying to repair it but perhaps that was the best he could ever hope to do? To merely cover the loss up? It certainly didn’t feel like there was any possible way to fix himself at this point, he’d let the wound fester for too long and now it had become a scar that could not be removed.
He paused in front of the door to the child’s room and tried to prepare himself. He wondered if the child had managed to somehow see through his act and realised something was wrong. He was still young, though, so surely not. At least, that’s what Joseph hoped. He didn’t want to have to lie to the kid on top of everything else. He mustered himself together and opened the door (after unlocking it, of course).
“Good morning,” he said, as he entered the room with a soft, slightly forced smile. The room’s walls and floor were a bare white like the rest of the facility. Unlike the others, however, this room was decorated like a child’s bedroom. A cot lay in the corner of the room, bolted to the ground. Elsewhere in the room there also lay several toys, some paper and coloured pencils. As per requested, there was no food within the room this morning. “There’s a few things I need to check before you can have breakfast, okay?”
[ Am I doing the whole colouring speech thing right? It looks nicer, right? ]