Gender Selection in preferences

[Ananfal]

"Hey, should I post in the IC or should I wait for [player name]? I posted on his/her/their profile asking what the holdup was but he/she/they hasn't replied to me yet."

"Oh, just go ahead and skip he/she/them for now."

You're right that you wouldn't need to know someone's pronouns if you aren't talking about them in third person. But there are plenty of contexts where you would need to address someone in the third person, so... yeah. :/

This is true, and I didn't even think of group roleplays, since my own specialty is 1x1. Thanks for correcting my wrong assumption!

 

[rissa]

Whatever floats Iwaku's boat xD

 

[Greenie]

Whatever floats Iwaku's boat xD

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream

 

[Esmeray]

I don't really understand the complaints about it being gone. People seemed to have liked the convenience of it, but I digress with my opinion. Wouldn't want to upset anyone. If it is so important to you, and you care that much about it then just ask the person you're roleplaying with. Asking them directly engages you with your partner and will make them feel like you care about how they feel, which you should. I'm sure they'd appreciate that you'd took the time to ask.

Really this just boils down to simply being an adult if you ask me.

No offense guys. > . <;

 

[Esmeray]

Also I'm a fan of vanilla but I tend to add chocolate syrup into it, then I mush it up with my spoon and mix it together. Turns it into like this Chocolate shake, but not really a chocolate shake. XD

 

[Baddamobs]

Man, I've been using them/they/[name] ever since I got here, I didn't even really think to check people's profiles, lol.

Trust me, it's easier than you think to just talk around it. Not to mention, if you're in a context where it might be relevant (like a 1x1) most people usually say what gender-pronouns they prefer straight up. All in all, don't think this is a bad change.

 

[Navuso]

asking not only makes sure you get the right pronouns, but also shows the other person that you care enough to ask and not assume.

Aside from the fact that some people feel weird when someone asks them flat out "Hey, what gender are you?"

I know I don't much like that question, but now there's not a quick and easy way to be aware of this.

And if you're talking about them to another person, which is when you would need a pronoun, I would just always use "they" since it's gender-neutral.

Except this is a very awkward way to speak "They is" is improper grammar, but "They are" is plural.

and I actually talk about my RPs and my partners to my parents, so, uh. using the gender neutral "they" all the time gets awkward with them. And, since my mom actually takes an interest in some of my RPs, I wind up talking about those a lot. So, it gets really awkward really quick.

And back to my previous point:
It's just as freaking awkward to ask someone what gender they are or would prefer to be referred to as.

The profile having the option made this easier. And if it's "Person" then I'd just guess even though it makes me highly uncomfortable to do so. But asking is just as uncomfortable, if not more so.

Really, I think the only reason anyone would connect the ice cream options to gender is because of this thread. :/

I can agree with this, buuuuuuuut, considering the fact that there are sexual RPs allowed on the site, the first thing my mind jumped to was "This has got to be a trick for sexual preferences on some level"
And I am positive that I am not the first, nor the last to think this...

ust ask the person you're roleplaying with. Asking them directly engages you with your partner and will make them feel like you care about how they feel, which you should.

I have addressed this, so I figured I'd quote you as well.
I engage with my partners and I'm sure they know that I care based on our chats. That does not make me any more comfortable asking someone what pronouns to use.

And, given how many people on here have social anxiety issues as it is, how many of those people do you think would be unable to ask the question for fear of offending their partner? I know of two of my RP partners that this would definitely apply to. (Where they wouldn't ask someone else the genders)

 

[Clear Skies]

Whelp, now you've got me curious. Off to the preferences I go!

 

[Ananfal]

Aside from the fact that some people feel weird when someone asks them flat out "Hey, what gender are you?"

I know I don't much like that question, but now there's not a quick and easy way to be aware of this.

Well I suppose a slightly politer version of that question could be, "What pronouns do you prefer I use when talking with you?" At least, I've always found that an easier question to answer as opposed to gender, which can be hard for some people to answer definitively.

and I actually talk about my RPs and my partners to my parents, so, uh. using the gender neutral "they" all the time gets awkward with them. And, since my mom actually takes an interest in some of my RPs, I wind up talking about those a lot. So, it gets really awkward really quick.

The phrasing is slightly unclear here - do your parents get awkward with using "they" all the time, or do you get awkward using it around them? I can't really offer a solution to either since I don't know either you or your parents, but one way to avoid confusion when talking about people with a "they" pronoun is to name drop them often. Use their username, or give them a nickname, and refer to them using that often during the conversation. Example: "So they - I'm talking about Kitty here, the one that [insert previous action], yeah they-"

And, given how many people on here have social anxiety issues as it is, how many of those people do you think would be unable to ask the question for fear of offending their partner? I know of two of my RP partners that this would definitely apply to. (Where they wouldn't ask someone else the genders)

I do have social anxiety, although being online alleviates a lot of it for me. (As an example, I am quietly freaking out over writing this post in the back of my head, but that hasn't stopped me from writing it.) I'm aware that others do have it worse for me, and that asking such a question is a valid concern for them. One thing I can see helping here is treating it like a rote or normal activity, e.g. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask everyone this: what pronouns do you use?" or "Hey, by the way, just a quick question: what do you prefer I call you?" I found that phrasing things this way made it easier to say/ask them because the pressure of rejection or confrontation is less. If someone doesn't want to specify their gender or pronouns, they're less likely to get offended by a question phrased simply as a side note or a rote activity than they are if they feel that the question is directly targeting them, or is a very serious question.

Again, this is all based on my own experiences, and I'm not saying that this will work for everyone or that everyone should follow my advice. I'm just trying to make things easier for everyone. Please don't hate me?

 

[Sidhe]

I refuse to select from this plebeian selection of ice cream flavours
Mint chocolate chip or bust

In all seriousness, I'm not entirely sure what to think about this change. As someone who struggles with their gender identity, I totally understand how staring down 'male' and 'female' can be intimidating and depressing, but we also had 'person'. That, and you could just forgo picking a gender altogether. However, when I saw the suggestion for allowing a written field for gender, I got pretty excited! I think that would have been incredible.

Removing it altogether, idk. I mean, due to my name and mannerisms (that and, well, I guess the fact that I used to be openly female here), a lot of people refer to me as 'she'. Do I get mad? No. Would I prefer people be able to look at my profile and immediately go 'oh, they're not a 'she''? Yeah. I would really prefer that. I have in my bio that I prefer they/them or he/him pronouns, but c'mon, how many people actually read that thing? Not many, I bet.

I think, between having the not perfect but perfectly adequate gender field we had before, and not having any at all: I would infinitely prefer the old one.

 

[Moogle-Girl]

Debate about the usefulness of being able to check someone's gender on their profile aside, I just see this as taking a system where you could choose to either self-identify or pick "Person" instead, and changing it to a system where everyone is basically forced into the latter.

That doesn't really make sense to me. :T

 

[Astrometry]

I do not like this profile change tbh, it should have stayed the way it was. You did have a third option of person and that was fine enough. I check people's profiles to see what they prefer to be called and this has nothing to do with levels of maturity but it means that I automatically know something that I would normally already know in person. The fact that I have to low key go out of my way to figure it out now is kind of uncomfortable for me as I will now have to guess or assume more than I want to and offend more people than I would prefer.

Not to mention that now it is more awkward for me to ask when I don't really feel comfortable asking in the first place. I do not also want to be an ambiguous person on the internet, so now I gotta be like "yes, im a female".

Also, that long list of ignored things is really kind of overbearing on the preferences.

 

[Ananfal]

I check people's profiles to see what they prefer to be called and this has nothing to do with levels of maturity but it means that I automatically know something that I would normally already know in person. The fact that I have to low key go out of my way to figure it out now is kind of uncomfortable for me

I'm sorry, I really don't mean to offend, but how would you already know in person someone's preferred pronouns? That runs the risk of falling into gender stereotypes about outward appearances. Also, a selection of Male, Female, and Person don't automatically translate into pronouns. There are males and females that prefer they/them pronouns over he or she. Knowing their gender doesn't always mean knowing their pronouns.

As for the extra effort - it's true that now you do have to put in a little effort to figure out something that before was readily available. However, that doesn't mean that it's a problem. Oftentimes, a little effort put into something makes it better, in my experience. In any case, I always preferred asking over assuming regardless of what their profiles said.

 

[Astrometry]

I'm sorry, I really don't mean to offend, but how would you already know in person someone's preferred pronouns? That runs the risk of falling into gender stereotypes about outward appearances. Also, a selection of Male, Female, and Person don't automatically translate into pronouns. There are males and females that prefer they/them pronouns over he or she. Knowing their gender doesn't always mean knowing their pronouns.

As for the extra effort - it's true that now you do have to put in a little effort to figure out something that before was readily available. However, that doesn't mean that it's a problem. Oftentimes, a little effort put into something makes it better, in my experience. In any case, I always preferred asking over assuming regardless of what their profiles said.

That is a problem for me. Most people had is as a way for their own pronouns or to identity as what they wanted. I have my own social anxiety and asking people for that kind of personal information isn't something I am okay with because they aren't my friends or know me personally.

I don't know you and it feels inorganic to me which makes me just avoidant. Which is unfortunate because I usually check out people way before I decide to RP with them.

 

[Ananfal]

That is a problem for me. Most people had is as a way for their own pronouns or to identity as what they wanted. I have my own social anxiety and asking people for that kind of personal information isn't something I am okay with because they aren't my friends or know my personally.

I don't know you and it feel inorganic to me which makes me just avoidant. Which is unfortunate because I usually check out people way before I decide to RP with them.

I've talked about this in a few of my previous posts (I feel like I'm talking too much in this thread, but I feel strongly about this?) but there are a few ways to make asking people for their pronouns easier to handle and fit much smoother into normal conversation.

I don't know about you exactly because you mention checking someone out before RPing with them, but I find that starting a conversation and feeling out another person is a good thing rather than just coming out with the question right away. Slip it in as a side note or an after thought on a message that talks about something else as a way of defusing some of the tension that comes about with such a question.

There's also the complete opposite approach, where you come right out with the question in one of your very first posts, use it as an introduction tactic: "Hey, my name is [insert], I use [insert] pronouns. What about you?"

 

[Astrometry]

I've talked about this in a few of my previous posts (I feel like I'm talking too much in this thread, but I feel strongly about this?) but there are a few ways to make asking people for their pronouns easier to handle and fit much smoother into normal conversation.

I don't know about you exactly because you mention checking someone out before RPing with them, but I find that starting a conversation and feeling out another person is a good thing rather than just coming out with the question right away. Slip it in as a side note or an after thought on a message that talks about something else as a way of defusing some of the tension that comes about with such a question.

There's also the complete opposite approach, where you come right out with the question in one of your very first posts, use it as an introduction tactic: "Hey, my name is [insert], I use [insert] pronouns. What about you?"

Yeah, lol. I'm not comfortable doing that, that's awkward as hell for me. I don't consider meeting someone by discussing our pronouns in the first conversation to be tension relieving at all. You can feel very strongly about your stance in gender politics, but I did not want my RP to be flooded with asking people about their sexualities, gender and pronouns upon first meeting. That's not genuine to me and I'll probably stick to researching until I can figure it out and if I can't, welps I might just avoid it all together.

I'm not here for gender politics, I'm here for roleplay. I'm not comfortable with this change and your suggestions do not make me feel any better about it. The idea that I have to do all this effort for someone who might not even be my friend in the end. Extra effort is taken for me to even meet people IRL and it is only slightly better online. I imagine my iwaku experience being filled with "no, I'm not X" or "You've offended me because you said X". :\ When all I want to do is RP and have a good time.

I'm sincerely glad that you find this to be a passion of yours and you are comfortable in this environment, but I am not.

 

[An Otaku]

In my limited experience, I usually just blunder through conversations until I or someone else uses the wrong pronoun and gets corrected. I'd be a liar if I said I never checked for other folks gender, though. For some reason I can't explain, it did make it slightly easier to know who I'm talking with but I mean.... I'm weird? I don't know if it really matters? Am I a horrible person?

These are all questions I can't answer, mostly. But um. Yeah. I'm mostly disappointed Chocolate-Vanilla isn't an option and that I have to choose one or the other.

 

[Astrometry]

In my limited experience, I usually just blunder through conversations until I or someone else uses the wrong pronoun and gets corrected. I'd be a liar if I said I never checked for other folks gender, though. For some reason I can't explain, it did make it slightly easier to know who I'm talking with but I mean.... I'm weird? I don't know if it really matters? Am I a horrible person?

These are all questions I can't answer, mostly. But um. Yeah. I'm mostly disappointed Chocolate-Vanilla isn't an option and that I have to choose one or the other.

No, you aren't a bad person.

 

[Banana-senpai]

Thanks for thinking about everyone. No really, it's very thoughtful of you guys. I don't see this much staff involvement everywhere so it's very nice. :)

Personally, I'm fine with either. I don't often have the need to use pronouns and I don't mind being referred to with any. I do agree with some though, I think giving people the choice of displaying gender/pronouns instead of nothing at all might be more ideal. Of course, there's no pleasing everyone but I think the write-in box is a great idea so people who want their gender/pronouns known can put something there and people who prefer "Person" like before can maybe write "Person" again or "please use they/them". (damn it why does English have to constantly make things complicated OTL)

Still, I'm just grateful this site continues to listen to its users. Wish you guys all the best.

(tbh I just can't decide on ONE ice cream flavor that's all)

 

[Sidhe]

Just thought I'd mention that you'd be hard pressed to find a trans or NB individual who would get upset if you asked them for their pronouns. Like, seriously. I know I, at least, would be happy that someone asked instead of assuming. I'm sure most cis people wouldn't care either, given the absence of the gender option on the profile. But I understand it is an awkward question to ask. Just thought I'd give some insight to perhaps assuage some fears.

But I still think that it's much better to have a field for gender instead of nothing at all.