Greetings, people of Iwaku. I'm Jorick, your Security Administrator, and I've got to talk about something very serious: money. It takes money to keep Iwaku up and running, and although we receive a lot of donations each month, we find ourselves with embarrassingly empty pockets at the moment. There are all sorts of fees we need to pay this year, particularly license fees for the forum software and add-ons to it (which allow things like clans, post ratings, and other neat features not included in the basic software). This fundraiser is being held to beg ask you all, the folks who use and love Iwaku, to help out with donations if possible. It'll be open for the first two weeks of February (from now up until the 17th), but you're always welcome to donate whenever to help keep the site running. Now that the seriousness is out of the way, time for the silly crap. We all know that just requesting money is no fun, and you might have been wondering what the hell the name of this thread is referring to. I have volunteered to be the victim of the fun side of this fundraiser. We know that few people want to donate without getting anything tangible in return, so we want to offer some fun incentives for donations. Below you'll see the list of nonsense things that will be done based on donations. Our ultimate goal is to aim for $500 in donations, so the list of shenanigans only goes up that high, but if you lot are insane and go hard with the money we shall have to add new things above that level. Click Here To Donate! Mess With Jorick's Face The top 5 donators will get to pick an avatar and user title that I shall be forced to wear for one week. It can be anything that does not violate site rules, so you're welcome to go crazy. I encourage you intrepid trolls to post your ideas in this thread, as was done in the fundraiser teaser thread, because others can help get your idea through to the top. If you don't have an idea for an avatar and user title to force me to wear for a while, you can instead donate in support of someone else's idea. This can be done by way of adding a note to your donation saying whose idea you're supporting, or if you forget to leave such a note you can always say so in this thread instead. Please don't make your donations anonymous if you want them to be counted for prizes and such! I look forward to seeing what sort of abominable messes you all force upon me. Donation Milestone Goals $100: The sixth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face. $200: The seventh highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face. Also, the time of use for each winning avatar/title will be extended to two weeks. $250: A short story will be written though collaboration of the admins to show our appreciation for our lovely donators who help to keep the site running; all fundraiser donators who gave $10 or more will be guaranteed a character role in this story, but can opt out if they wish. Also, all who donated for this fundraiser will receive three months of donator status rather than the usual one month; if you are already a donator, you can instead give 3 months of donator status to a friend! $300: The eighth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face. Also, signature contents can now also be messed with by these top donators. $400: The ninth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face. Also, the time of use for each winning avatar/title/signature will be extended to three weeks. $500: Instead of a short story, Jorick will write a massive story (think novel length) in which fundraiser donators who gave over $10 are guaranteed major parts and all donators of lesser amounts are guaranteed at least a minor part in the story, but anyone can opt out if they wish. A poll shall be conducted to give community some control over major aspects of this story. Also, the tenth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face AND the time of use for each winning avatar/title/signature will be extended to one month. $???: To be decided if $500 donation goal is met. WELL THEN. You guys did it. I'm pretty sure this is now officially the most successful fundraiser in the history of Iwaku, and there's still two weeks to go. You people are nuts. Now I have to write a fucking book, basically, and it's all your fault. You can find a preview of it in this post, to give you an idea of what's to come. Anyway, here are the further milestones! $600: @Astaroth joins the horror! The top donators who mess with Jorick also get to do the same with Astaroth's avatar and user title. Also, the eleventh top donator gets to join in the fun. $700: Did I say just Astaroth's avatar and title? Never mind, you get to mess with his signature too. Also, the twlefth top donator gets to mess with the both of us for a month as well, bringing it to a full year of our suffering (12 people with 1 month each) for your amusement! $750: Y'know all those catboy jokes you see staff members flinging at me? They come from nights where I got drunk and read awful smut for fun and entertainment. I shall bring that horror to the masses by way of recording some drunk readings (likely with some familiar faces from Iwaku's staff joining in to make it more fun than just me drunkenly rambling about hating what I'm reading), and you will all get to listen to the horror and mock me for having read it. Suggestions will be taken from the people of Iwaku to decide on reading candidates. $800: @Kitti joins in the madness too! You guys get to mess with her avatar and user title for a year as well, so the whole admin roster can match or clash with whatever terrible things the top donators select. $900: Now you can also fill Kitti's signature with nonsense for a year! I suggest love poems dedicated to Steve Buscemi. She would adore that. $1000: @Diana joins the year of horror! If you crazy bastards push the donations up to $1000, the top donors get to select her avatar, user title, and signature for a year. That's right, the owner and owlmom of Iwaku will be open for your trolling pleasure if you're a top donator. It'll be great and she definitely won't hate us all for it! $2000: Now this is a special one. I WAS going to only go to $1000, because I could scramble for new things if you guys reached it, but then Diana and Astaroth accidentally challenged the people of Iwaku. If you guys are absolutely ridiculous and hit $2000 then you're going to get a recording of Diana and Astaroth doing a drunk reading together of something terrible and smutty, and they'll take suggestions from you guys to find something suitably horrible. Diana rarely ever gets drunk, and both of them are rather shy about voice chat things, so forcing them to uphold their promise and put out such a recording would be just lovely. Also, have this fun image showing their doubt in your collective drive to fuck with us. Do with that what you will. I doubted you guys could make it to $500, so I'm not about to doubt how far you can go now. o_o WELL IT LOOKS LIKE YOU RIDICULOUS BASTARDS ARE GONNA BLOW THROUGH THIS TOO, SO HERE ARE ARE MORE MILESTONES BECAUSE THERE'S STILL A WEEK OF THIS SHITSHOW LEFT TO GO! $1500: @Pahn offered something to do with changing her name to a terrible pun suggested by people. I have no idea what the specifics are, but that's a thing that'll happen. $2500: @HerziQuerzi, the two time winner of the managers' pick award for the MISC writing contest, will write fanfic of the story I am writing for the $500 milestone. Yes, fanfic about a story that is basically fanfic of the Iwaku community. It's a delightful sort of nonsense. Also $2500: The Iwaku community will receive a picture of @Mr. Gibs. For those who don't know him, he is @Diana's husband. It will be a "very sexy" picture of him holding an axe whilst wearing a kilt. Also the chatter about it made it sound like it might actually be more of a photo shoot with multiple things, not just one picture? I dunno, you'll get at least the one, maybe more. It'll be great either way, I'm sure. :D $3000: You've already got me writing quality material, so why not make me write terrible trashy smutty one-shot fanfics? I'll write AT LEAST a dozen of them, one per month of the year of horrible avatars, and I'll draw from community suggestions to decide what to write. The pairings can be either characters from established media (even if I've never seen it, I'll butcher some characters I don't know, I don't give a shit) or Iwaku members (but only with their explicit permission). Scenarios and weird fetishes can also be suggested for this nonsense. It'll be horrible and gross and I'll hate it, but I'll fucking do it. Also $3000: @Kitti will also write some terrible smutty fanfic! However, it'll be special and disgusting glorious. Some of you may remember the sticky thread we had in General Chatting around the time of the recent US presidential election. Some of you may also remember that some of the posts that got out of hand were edited into monstrosities of political slash fic. That was Kitti's work, and if you make this milestone she'll do it properly. She'll put up a poll with pairings of political figures to choose from, and the winner will be written into a proper smutty fanfic. Still also $3000: Yeah, I know, 3000 is already heavily stacked, but there's more! @firejay1 offered in jest to give someone a lap dance if we reached this milestone. That was back when we were still iffy about hitting 1000. After the crazy recent donations, she said she would stand by her promise and clarified things about it. See this image and also this one for those details. Time of delivery unknown, but that's fine, we'll be sure she never forgets it so she does it the first chance she gets to make us stop. EVEN MORE $3000: Three things is not enough apparently. On top of all the other stuff, @Tarieles will sing the entire score of Phantom of the Opera acapella and record it for your listening pleasure. Also @firejay1 may help out with it as well. See this image for proof and sparse details! Ignore that bit at the end saying 3500, she changed her mind. 8D $4000: Some of you may know that I have never willingly posted a picture of my face in public online. It's a mix of paranoia and generally being camera shy. Only one person on Iwaku has seen my face, and that was @Diana for the sake of age verification on Amor. However, if you nerds manage to hit this milestone, I'll shatter the mystique of my smirking Littlefinger avatar and post a selfie. Some of you may be asking if this is really worth four thousand dollars. To that I say fuck you, that's the minimum I'm willing to do it for, deal with it, scrubs. $5000: There is only one thing (not counting NSFW sort of things) that I am more averse to doing publicly than posting a picture of my face: singing. I hate it so fucking much. I know I'm terrible at it and I just absolutely refuse to sing basically any time it's even mentioned. I was the kid in school singing performances who would just mouth along with the words without actually singing, and that was my peak participation level in anything to do with singing. At this point it's probably some kind of pathological aversion that would require extensive therapy to undo. However, if you absolute monsters can donate this ridiculous sum of money, I will get horrendously drunk (because I'll need to be drunk to get through it, I assure you) and record me doing some kind of fucking karaoke singing. @firejay1 does karaoke nights with some friends sometimes, so I'll probably join in that mess and record at least my parts of it. Just the thought of it makes me want to shrivel up and die, but there it is. I'm not even making a challenge out of this one: don't you fuckers do it. I know it's within the realm of possibility, but fucking don't. Buy something useful instead of throwing money at some roleplaying forum, we already have enough to last us for a long while. Please spare me. ;_; Also $5000: @Diana will use some of this utterly ridiculous sum of money to buy a car and then she will paint my name on the side of it. Like my actual real life first name, not Jorick. And then I'm sure there will be pictures, so you shits will all learn my name. At that point I'll be curled up in the fetal position crying in a corner because of the above milestone, so I won't care about this bit of info getting out. Also this is more reason to not reach the $5000 mark: Diana will misappropriate Iwaku funds for her own use! Don't let her steal your Iwaku money for a car, don't get us to $5000. 8D More at $5000: And finally, @The Mood is Write is another camera shy nerd, but she has said she'll post a selfie if we reach this donation total. I can't argue with her placing a higher price tag on her selfie, because in her own words she is "cute and busty" and I can't really compete with that. As a bonus, because I'll be wanting to take out my pain and suffering on others, I will also peer pressure the fuck out of all staff and interns to try to get as many of them as possible to provide selfies so we can make some kind of lame and dorky faces of staff album, because why the fuck not. AND THAT IS IT. NO MORE FUCKING MILESTONES. IF WE HIT $5000 I REFUSE TO GIVE ANY MORE MILESTONES BECAUSE FUCK YOU ALL YOU MADE ME SING, YOU DON'T DESERVE NICE THINGS AFTER THAT. Oh God I'm Regretting This Already But Donate Anyway!