SPECIAL EVENT Fundraiser: Mess With Jorick's Face

Discussion in 'EVENTS' started by Jorick, Feb 1, 2017.

  1. Greetings, people of Iwaku. I'm Jorick, your Security Administrator, and I've got to talk about something very serious: money.

    It takes money to keep Iwaku up and running, and although we receive a lot of donations each month, we find ourselves with embarrassingly empty pockets at the moment. There are all sorts of fees we need to pay this year, particularly license fees for the forum software and add-ons to it (which allow things like clans, post ratings, and other neat features not included in the basic software). This fundraiser is being held to beg ask you all, the folks who use and love Iwaku, to help out with donations if possible. It'll be open for the first two weeks of February (from now up until the 17th), but you're always welcome to donate whenever to help keep the site running. Now that the seriousness is out of the way, time for the silly crap.

    We all know that just requesting money is no fun, and you might have been wondering what the hell the name of this thread is referring to. I have volunteered to be the victim of the fun side of this fundraiser. We know that few people want to donate without getting anything tangible in return, so we want to offer some fun incentives for donations. Below you'll see the list of nonsense things that will be done based on donations. Our ultimate goal is to aim for $500 in donations, so the list of shenanigans only goes up that high, but if you lot are insane and go hard with the money we shall have to add new things above that level.


    Mess With Jorick's Face

    The top 5 donators will get to pick an avatar and user title that I shall be forced to wear for one week. It can be anything that does not violate site rules, so you're welcome to go crazy. I encourage you intrepid trolls to post your ideas in this thread, as was done in the fundraiser teaser thread, because others can help get your idea through to the top. If you don't have an idea for an avatar and user title to force me to wear for a while, you can instead donate in support of someone else's idea. This can be done by way of adding a note to your donation saying whose idea you're supporting, or if you forget to leave such a note you can always say so in this thread instead. Please don't make your donations anonymous if you want them to be counted for prizes and such!

    I look forward to seeing what sort of abominable messes you all force upon me.

    Donation Milestone Goals

    $100:
    The sixth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face.

    $200: The seventh highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face. Also, the time of use for each winning avatar/title will be extended to two weeks.

    $250: A short story will be written though collaboration of the admins to show our appreciation for our lovely donators who help to keep the site running; all fundraiser donators who gave $10 or more will be guaranteed a character role in this story, but can opt out if they wish. Also, all who donated for this fundraiser will receive three months of donator status rather than the usual one month; if you are already a donator, you can instead give 3 months of donator status to a friend!

    $300: The eighth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face. Also, signature contents can now also be messed with by these top donators.

    $400: The ninth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face. Also, the time of use for each winning avatar/title/signature will be extended to three weeks.

    $500: Instead of a short story, Jorick will write a massive story (think novel length) in which fundraiser donators who gave over $10 are guaranteed major parts and all donators of lesser amounts are guaranteed at least a minor part in the story, but anyone can opt out if they wish. A poll shall be conducted to give community some control over major aspects of this story. Also, the tenth highest donator will also get to mess with Jorick's face AND the time of use for each winning avatar/title/signature will be extended to one month.

    $???: To be decided if $500 donation goal is met.

    WELL THEN. You guys did it. I'm pretty sure this is now officially the most successful fundraiser in the history of Iwaku, and there's still two weeks to go. You people are nuts. Now I have to write a fucking book, basically, and it's all your fault. You can find a preview of it in this post, to give you an idea of what's to come.

    Anyway, here are the further milestones!

    $600: @Astaroth joins the horror! The top donators who mess with Jorick also get to do the same with Astaroth's avatar and user title. Also, the eleventh top donator gets to join in the fun.

    $700: Did I say just Astaroth's avatar and title? Never mind, you get to mess with his signature too. Also, the twlefth top donator gets to mess with the both of us for a month as well, bringing it to a full year of our suffering (12 people with 1 month each) for your amusement!

    $750: Y'know all those catboy jokes you see staff members flinging at me? They come from nights where I got drunk and read awful smut for fun and entertainment. I shall bring that horror to the masses by way of recording some drunk readings (likely with some familiar faces from Iwaku's staff joining in to make it more fun than just me drunkenly rambling about hating what I'm reading), and you will all get to listen to the horror and mock me for having read it. Suggestions will be taken from the people of Iwaku to decide on reading candidates.

    $800: @Kitti joins in the madness too! You guys get to mess with her avatar and user title for a year as well, so the whole admin roster can match or clash with whatever terrible things the top donators select.

    $900: Now you can also fill Kitti's signature with nonsense for a year! I suggest love poems dedicated to Steve Buscemi. She would adore that.

    $1000: @Diana joins the year of horror! If you crazy bastards push the donations up to $1000, the top donors get to select her avatar, user title, and signature for a year. That's right, the owner and owlmom of Iwaku will be open for your trolling pleasure if you're a top donator. It'll be great and she definitely won't hate us all for it!

    $2000: Now this is a special one. I WAS going to only go to $1000, because I could scramble for new things if you guys reached it, but then Diana and Astaroth accidentally challenged the people of Iwaku. If you guys are absolutely ridiculous and hit $2000 then you're going to get a recording of Diana and Astaroth doing a drunk reading together of something terrible and smutty, and they'll take suggestions from you guys to find something suitably horrible. Diana rarely ever gets drunk, and both of them are rather shy about voice chat things, so forcing them to uphold their promise and put out such a recording would be just lovely. Also, have this fun image showing their doubt in your collective drive to fuck with us. Do with that what you will. I doubted you guys could make it to $500, so I'm not about to doubt how far you can go now. o_o

    WELL IT LOOKS LIKE YOU RIDICULOUS BASTARDS ARE GONNA BLOW THROUGH THIS TOO, SO HERE ARE ARE MORE MILESTONES BECAUSE THERE'S STILL A WEEK OF THIS SHITSHOW LEFT TO GO!

    $1500: @Pahn offered something to do with changing her name to a terrible pun suggested by people. I have no idea what the specifics are, but that's a thing that'll happen.

    $2500: @HerziQuerzi, the two time winner of the managers' pick award for the MISC writing contest, will write fanfic of the story I am writing for the $500 milestone. Yes, fanfic about a story that is basically fanfic of the Iwaku community. It's a delightful sort of nonsense.

    Also $2500: The Iwaku community will receive a picture of @Mr. Gibs. For those who don't know him, he is @Diana's husband. It will be a "very sexy" picture of him holding an axe whilst wearing a kilt. Also the chatter about it made it sound like it might actually be more of a photo shoot with multiple things, not just one picture? I dunno, you'll get at least the one, maybe more. It'll be great either way, I'm sure. :D

    $3000: You've already got me writing quality material, so why not make me write terrible trashy smutty one-shot fanfics? I'll write AT LEAST a dozen of them, one per month of the year of horrible avatars, and I'll draw from community suggestions to decide what to write. The pairings can be either characters from established media (even if I've never seen it, I'll butcher some characters I don't know, I don't give a shit) or Iwaku members (but only with their explicit permission). Scenarios and weird fetishes can also be suggested for this nonsense. It'll be horrible and gross and I'll hate it, but I'll fucking do it.

    Also $3000: @Kitti will also write some terrible smutty fanfic! However, it'll be special and disgusting glorious. Some of you may remember the sticky thread we had in General Chatting around the time of the recent US presidential election. Some of you may also remember that some of the posts that got out of hand were edited into monstrosities of political slash fic. That was Kitti's work, and if you make this milestone she'll do it properly. She'll put up a poll with pairings of political figures to choose from, and the winner will be written into a proper smutty fanfic.

    Still also $3000: Yeah, I know, 3000 is already heavily stacked, but there's more! @firejay1 offered in jest to give someone a lap dance if we reached this milestone. That was back when we were still iffy about hitting 1000. After the crazy recent donations, she said she would stand by her promise and clarified things about it. See this image and also this one for those details. Time of delivery unknown, but that's fine, we'll be sure she never forgets it so she does it the first chance she gets to make us stop.

    EVEN MORE $3000: Three things is not enough apparently. On top of all the other stuff, @Tarieles will sing the entire score of Phantom of the Opera acapella and record it for your listening pleasure. Also @firejay1 may help out with it as well. See this image for proof and sparse details! Ignore that bit at the end saying 3500, she changed her mind. 8D

    $4000: Some of you may know that I have never willingly posted a picture of my face in public online. It's a mix of paranoia and generally being camera shy. Only one person on Iwaku has seen my face, and that was @Diana for the sake of age verification on Amor. However, if you nerds manage to hit this milestone, I'll shatter the mystique of my smirking Littlefinger avatar and post a selfie. Some of you may be asking if this is really worth four thousand dollars. To that I say fuck you, that's the minimum I'm willing to do it for, deal with it, scrubs.

    $5000: There is only one thing (not counting NSFW sort of things) that I am more averse to doing publicly than posting a picture of my face: singing. I hate it so fucking much. I know I'm terrible at it and I just absolutely refuse to sing basically any time it's even mentioned. I was the kid in school singing performances who would just mouth along with the words without actually singing, and that was my peak participation level in anything to do with singing. At this point it's probably some kind of pathological aversion that would require extensive therapy to undo. However, if you absolute monsters can donate this ridiculous sum of money, I will get horrendously drunk (because I'll need to be drunk to get through it, I assure you) and record me doing some kind of fucking karaoke singing. @firejay1 does karaoke nights with some friends sometimes, so I'll probably join in that mess and record at least my parts of it. Just the thought of it makes me want to shrivel up and die, but there it is. I'm not even making a challenge out of this one: don't you fuckers do it. I know it's within the realm of possibility, but fucking don't. Buy something useful instead of throwing money at some roleplaying forum, we already have enough to last us for a long while. Please spare me. ;_;

    Also $5000: @Diana will use some of this utterly ridiculous sum of money to buy a car and then she will paint my name on the side of it. Like my actual real life first name, not Jorick. And then I'm sure there will be pictures, so you shits will all learn my name. At that point I'll be curled up in the fetal position crying in a corner because of the above milestone, so I won't care about this bit of info getting out. Also this is more reason to not reach the $5000 mark: Diana will misappropriate Iwaku funds for her own use! Don't let her steal your Iwaku money for a car, don't get us to $5000. 8D

    More at $5000: And finally, @The Mood is Write is another camera shy nerd, but she has said she'll post a selfie if we reach this donation total. I can't argue with her placing a higher price tag on her selfie, because in her own words she is "cute and busty" and I can't really compete with that. As a bonus, because I'll be wanting to take out my pain and suffering on others, I will also peer pressure the fuck out of all staff and interns to try to get as many of them as possible to provide selfies so we can make some kind of lame and dorky faces of staff album, because why the fuck not.

    AND THAT IS IT. NO MORE FUCKING MILESTONES. IF WE HIT $5000 I REFUSE TO GIVE ANY MORE MILESTONES BECAUSE FUCK YOU ALL YOU MADE ME SING, YOU DON'T DESERVE NICE THINGS AFTER THAT.

     
    #1 Jorick, Feb 1, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2017
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  2. That moment Jorick realizes he waited too long to donate and claim one of the top donor spots for his month of freedom and missed the deadline.

    WILL HE MAKE IT?
     
  3. AT LEAST THE NUMBER IS ROUND NOW
     
  4. 15 minutes left, but we will not falter! We can do it!
     
  5. These are just the top 5, but there are more people.
     
  6. Ah, yes, no idea. Sorry.
     
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  7. Alright, the fundraiser is now over! Here's the list of the top donors. It does not exactly match the visible top donors list on the fundraiser page because someone chose to make use of the ability to donate in another person's name. :D

    1 - @fatalrendezvous with $500.00
    2 - @Pahnera Bread ™ with $324.84
    3 - @HerziQuerzi with $320.01
    4 - @Neobullseye with $307.40
    5 - @CrystalTears with $300.00
    6+7 - @Gryal and @Peregrine with $225.00 (Gryal wanted half of his $450.00 donation to be for Peregrine)
    8 - @Lusterless Nova with $120.00
    9 - @Rook with $100.00
    10 - @Snowball with $51.47
    11 - @Applo with $41.00
    12+13 - A last place tie of @PhantomThief715 and @Iwazuma with $40.00

    Well, that tie is awkward and unfortunate, but we'll figure it out. Maybe you guys get a bonus month, maybe someone will decide they don't wanna do the avatar shenanigans. Once it's figured out, the exact arrangement will be posted in this thread.

    Thanks everyone for your donations, even if you didn't make the top spots. It's been a lot of fun. 8D
     
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  8. Dang. I was that close? Scary. I have evil plans and they nearly didn't get through at all xD

    Hmm. I'll have to talk with le admins and Phantom about this, I would assume. I'm sure @Jorick is glad we didn't care enough to make him sing and show us his mug.

    Offhand, shouldn't I have the Donor status and all that jazz?
     
  9. I'll be contacting donors regarding their prizes, so just sit tight on that. It'll be after update day.

    Also, the donor status will be applied soonish, maybe today or maybe not until update day. It'll be active for 3 months starting from the day it's given, thanks to one of the early milestones.
     
  10. Works for me! I was glad to give back to a site that provides me with much love. <3 So this is just gravy on top of everything. :P
     
  11. I'd like to thank everyone for their very generous, very RIDICULOUS donations during this fundraiser! <3 Usually when Iwaku doesn't have enough money in it's donation coffers, I pay for everything myself. Unfortunately 2016 was a really bad year for the owl-household financially, and I had to do a lot of crazy shenanigans to get bills paid. (And there was still a snafu here and there where vital utilities got shut off for a couple hours. =_=) Everything is square now, but I had nothing left to do site updates. O_O

    We only needed the 500 bucks to take care of license renewals and pay Iwaku's bill for a couple months. But not only have you guys surpassed that, Iwaku is good for a YEAR AND MORE! I am really really happy that Iwaku is the kind of community that puts so much time and energy in to being wonderful people and taking care of it's internet home. <3 You're a community that inspires love and loyalty, and I really hope 2017 is the best year yet for Iwaku.


    I love you little shits. ;__; Even if I am gonna die from a hangover and look really stupid with creepy avatars all year.
     
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  12. I've said it a lot but I'm really blown away by how willing people were to help contribute to Iwaku. When we started planning the fundraiser, we were uncertain but hopeful about getting anywhere close to our $500 goal. And then you obliterated the goal and we were so amazed and happy and giddy and you kept on crushing it and we wanted to give you all internet hugs and find some possible reward for it all.

    I hope that you guys have fun with choosing the avatars and stuff for us and know that even though we're grumbling about your zany choices, we're still insanely appreciative.

    Also now I have to write that weird thing I promised but didn't think you'd actually make. I should have learned my lesson before about thinking it wouldn't come to pass. You guys are the best. <3
     
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  13. <3 y'all help make this house a home. It's worth giving what we can to keep it running. Wish I had more to give :-)
     
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  14. I'M GREEN!!!! D:<

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. We could simply work as a team. I mean two minds could come up with the craziest of things.
     
  16. If I may join in on that by giving you an idea, how about you look for something with a specific theme? You have 4 people, which you could split between the two of you. 2 males, 2 females, or 1 of each.
     
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  17. true. I mean I don't really care to much.
     
  18. Nah, it's fine, we're gonna add a 13th month onto the shenanigans so both of you get a full turn. :D

    I'll be contacting folks regarding their prizes, and making a thread for getting suggestions for various things I'm going to be doing for these fundraiser milestones, after update day.
     
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  19. I love you guys, and I'm glad the timing worked out in a way that really helped me make the biggest impact I could.

    No regrets. <3
     
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  20. Alright folks, here's your official list of milestone rewards achieved and how they're going to play out, so you guys can hold us all accountable for them! :D

    Three Months of Donator Status for All Donors

    This has already been applied and should last through the middle of May.

    Messing With Admins and Diana

    The following lovely people each get to select an avatar, user title, and signature for myself, @Astaroth, @Kitti, and @Diana that we must wear for a month. Yes, months are unequal so people will have a different amount of days to force us to use their chosen nonsense, but this is the easiest way to do it, so you'll just have to deal with it. The plan is for us to all swap to our new avatars and such on the first of each month, so feel free to yell at us if one of us is slow. :D

    @fatalrendezvous - March 2017
    @Pahnera Bread ™ - April 2017
    @HerziQuerzi - May 2017
    @Neobullseye - June 2017
    @CrystalTears - July 2017
    @Gryal - August 2017
    @Peregrine - September 2017
    @Lusterless Nova - October 2017
    @Rook - November 2017
    @Snowball - December 2017
    @Applo - January 2018
    @PhantomThief715 - February 2018
    @Iwazuma - March 2018

    I will be contacting all of you via PM soon to coordinate this mess!

    Jorick Writes a Book-Sized Story for Iwaku

    I can promise 75,000+ words total, but the sky's the limit really. It may end up being more like 2 or 3 novels worth of writing by the time it's done, I dunno yet, and no idea how long it will take. The plan is to release it serial style, chapter by chapter, until it's done. My goal is to do at least one chapter every two weeks, starting with first chapter release date planned for the first of March. If that's slow, or if more than 14 days pass without a new chapter put out after the first one comes out, feel free to harass me to stop slacking! With the release of the first chapter there will be a thread created here in the Events area to link to the story (which will be housed in the Showcasing area in a locked thread) and any discussion surrounding it, and I'll suggest now that you watch the thread if you want to keep up with it because I'll announce each new chapter with a new post.

    Also, there will soon be a thread going up in General Chatting to get some community input on some major factors of the story to help decide on its final shape, and that thread will also be the place for anyone who wants to be part of the story but did not donate to make their request. I'll also soon be sending a PM to everyone who donated $10 or more to get some info from them regarding their guaranteed major character role (or for them to opt out of it if they so choose), and those folks needn't respond to the thread to request a spot obviously.

    Jorick Records Drunk Smut Reading

    I'm going to get 2 or 3 people to join me for this mess. I'll get drunk, the others may get drunk, smut will be read, it'll be recorded, and then it'll be posted somewhere (probably YouTube) for you all to enjoy and mock. A thread will go up in General Chatting some time after a specific date is set to ask the community for suggestions for smut to read, so keep an eye out for that. It may not be for a month or more depending on how quickly I can get a new mic; my current one is crap and I need a new one, and I shall be acquiring it as soon as I have some money laying around for it and booze. If this isn't done or firmly scheduled by April, start harassing me to get on it!

    Astaroth and Diana Record Drunk Smut Reading

    Currently the tentative plan is for this to be done with Astaroth, Diana, Kitti, and myself present for the recorded call. This may change, depends on scheduling and such. Astaroth and Diana will definitely be getting drunk for this, one or both of the others may join them, we'll see how it goes. No specific date is yet set, but fuck it, start harassing them if this isn't done or firmly scheduled by April.

    Pahn Name Changes

    @Pahnera Bread ™ agreed to change her name if the $1500 milestone was hit. More specifically, she's decided on doing six different usernames: one per month, starting in March. They have to be puns on the name Pahn and not break site rules. She will be posting a thread soon in General Chatting to take suggestions.

    HerziQuerzi Writes Fanfic of My Story

    We hit $2500, and @HerziQuerzi agreed to write fanfic of my story if we hit that mark. There's no set date or deadline for this aside from maybe some time soon after the story is complete, but he might always do it earlier to get it out of the way. Who knows!

    A Very Special and "Very Sexy" Picture of Mr. Gibs

    Also for hitting $2500, Mr. Gibs has agreed to have a photo taken of him wielding an axe and wearing a kilt. There is no specific date for this one either, but expect it to be very obvious when it happens. I'll probably make a site-wide notice to be sure everyone sees it in all its glory.

    Jorick Writes Trashy Smutty Fanfic

    Thanks to you absolute monsters crushing the $3000 milestone, I'm also writing 12 one-shot smut fanfics alongside the actually good story. I plan to do one per month starting with March, and I'm being lenient with myself and giving myself until the end of each month to do it. Keep an eye out for a thread in General Chatting near the start of each month from March through next February where I'll ask for suggestions for pairings and such and pick whichever one makes me gag the most or the least, whichever one I'm feeling at the time. A thread will be created in the Showcasing area to hold these monstrosities. Feel free to yell at me the middle of a month comes up and I don't have a suggestions thread up, or if we get to the end of a month and the fanfic isn't posted!

    Kitti Writes Political Slashfic

    @Kitti volunteered to reprise her 2016 US Presidential Election thread role as political slashfic writer in chief if we hit $3000 raised. She was smart and only volunteered to create one unholy abomination of fanfic. Keep an eye out for her thread that'll include a poll of potential pairings for the community to vote on what sort of abomination she must write. Let's give her until the end of February to get that poll up, and until the end of March to harass her if the fanfic isn't completed. I didn't ask her for these deadlines, I'm imposing them unilaterally. :D

    firejay1 Gives A Lap Dance

    We hit $3000, so @firejay1 is slated to give some member of Iwaku a lap dance. At some point. No due date on this one, see the first post of this thread for details on it. Just know that if we get confirmation that it happened, the news will spread like wildfire.

    Tarieles Sings Phantom of the Opera

    Again, see details in first post of this thread regarding @Tarieles singing the entire score of Phantom of the Opera. This is going to be a bit of an undertaking, so let's say no harassing for the final product until the end of April!


    That's it, all the milestone prizes. I hope you feel like you're gonna get your money's worth out of this mess of nonsense. 8D
     
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  21. Good luck with all that's planned! ^_^