Forbidden love

[EllieX]

((Sorry about the sappy name. I sucks at names T^T))

It was a boring Monday morning, with Aeron waking up 2 hours early for no reasons, and he could not go back to sleep. So he decided to start his day early and went to work on time (for once), but he ended up falling asleep at work. He missed his lunch because he had to finish marking the papers and he wasted an hour sleeping, and when he finally came to his class, he realized that he had his keyboard imprinted on his face.

"You know what? Just do self study for today," he told his students. As he sat there at the teacher's desk, watching a bunch of 14 year-olds throwing paper planes at each other, he couldn't help but think about his past. The days when he was carefree and happy seems so far away, and the person who make him smile all the time was even further. Sighing, he looked at the little picture of him, drawn perfectly, tucked in his wallet. Aeron should have asked him to draw himself instead. Maybe he should come and visit this weekend... If they let him in, but he doubted it.

 

[EllieX]

((This is what he looks like. I choose a more dominant looking guy XP I hope it's ok))

 

[Zidlijan]

Damien was sleeping on the couch that day, his parents had been fighting as of late about several many things that simply meant nothing to him, he couldn't do anything about it anyway, and he didn't have the energy to deal with that, as usual.

This time however, he was awoken suddenly by his father who shook him violently and woke him up out of nowhere, making him stand, he left out a soft sigh and a gasp, but he couldn't fight back, out of the blue he was forced to pack up, taken to the train station, and sent to a city a day away from home, scorted by his mother who wouldn't look at him during the entire trip, no matter how much he tried to attract her attention.

The day ended and he was in front of a department he had never seen before in his life, and had been simply abandoned there by his mother who gave him sixty dollars, a piece that felt like paper, and not even a goodbye, he knocked on the door and tried to call out but no one was home yet, he couldn't see or hear so he sat down and hugged his knees, looking down and just staying there quietly.

 

[EllieX]

By the time he returned home, Aeron was pretty much a zombie. He was hungry and tired and he still have homework to mark.

To his surprise, some kid was outside his doorstep. Said kid was tiny, and he was hugging his knees and crying. Aeron could hear him.

"Hey you! What are you doing? Where are your parents?" The boy didn't reply. Sighing, he walked over to him and patted his head. Up close, the kid look really familiar...

Aeron's eyes widen. No it couldn't be... His parents would never leave him here like this. This must be a coincident...

 

[EllieX]

((Can you gimme a pic of Damien?))

 

[Zidlijan]

((First, as a 7 years experienced role player I'm gonna give you advices on how to get a little better and this is with good intentions, not negative.

1. DON'T. control someone else's character, don't predict what's going on with them, what's going to happen to them, don't predict how they are/look/talk/ more like, FEND OFF trying to even the slightest of controls of the other person's characters, I'm not cool with that and most people aren't, and most people much less are as nice as me as to say it in the form of advice to aid you to become better, if there is a character picture, you can use that to describe how the character looks like, nothing more, predicting and controlling is insulting to some people.
2. Try to slow down a little bit, explain your character's routine a bit better, explain why he woke up early, was it cold/heat, was it a dream/nightmare, did he hear the alarm this time, what? Did he have breakfast, what kind? what did he eat? oh he didn't have breakfast? that's very much alright, what did he use for clothing today, what does he work in and why, is the payment good? isn't it? what are his transportations and the way to work like? is it close or far from his house? is there anyone he knows along the way? what are his students doing? why was he so late? didn't he sleep last night?
3. All these questions will help you write better, sometimes I get brainfreeze and I confess that my posting can sometimes be poor, but this helps, asking yourself all these questions and more!
4. The world/universe is huge and vast, try to explain what HIS is like, what it looks and smells like, how he feels about himself, his looks, his habits.
5. Try not to be redundant when writing, it can indeed be a liability and the writing could turn for the worst, my quickest example (and this happened to me yesterday lol) would be like "He jolted scared of the thunder, he looked at the man and shivered, because he was scared of the thunder" remember, redundance kills the magic ( ; n ; MURDERER ZID).
6. ALWAYS, ALWAYS have a dictionary at hand, and if you're tiping on your cellphone, as it clearly happened to me last night (*sobs*) try writing your post in WORD first, that helps me a little bit since this computer only checks spanish (because i'm in méxico ugh).
7. You don't need to write a whole book for a post to be good, you can make it a one liner and with the correct grammar or explanation/point/significance, it can be the best post you've ever written.
8. When you're dealing with brainfreezes, try reading the whole thing from the start, of course I don't do that because I get a headche *sobs*
9. Read books, there's hundreds of millions of books in the world, millions, they can be about studies or they can have the best story you've ever read.
10. The mindstorms are good for you! Don't take them as a negative thing.
11. ALWAYS stay in scene until there is some sort of time leap, like days, weeks, months, years even, but try to explain at least just one line of what's going on and what's changing and when the time leap ends, what is YOUR characters feeling/thinking/looking like)

That's all, I hope you don't take this as a negative thing, you said you were 13, I was about your age when I begun roleplaying and you already show great promise, so here you go, some aid I wasn't given back then!))
//This is what damien looks like: //

The young man didn't even budge, but when he felt the man's prescence he moved away, raising to his feet and moving his head, trying to make a sound, but, unable to hear nor see, as his blank eyes showed, he only could muster a few sounds, and handed the letter, not knowing where to point.
He didn't know what was on that letter or who this man was, he didn't have any certainty of what kind of person was he, and much less what he was thinking of, he couldn't tell if this was a bad person or not, however this did indeed not scare him, he had some bit of confidence that he would not be a bad person, his mother couldn't abandon him with a bad person ... could she?

 

[EllieX]

((._. Kay thanks... And I don't really mind it when people use my characters sometimes so I guess I do the same sometimes too... And I'm on my phone. All the time. Because I don't really have a computer or a laptop))