*fondles your soul*

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Ampoule, Sep 1, 2009.

  1. 01/09/2009 2:19 AM - Ampoule : I wonder what it would look like if there were a sea of bald men in a room and they all had disco-ball caps on
    Ampoule : And a random beam of light was shined down in there
    Gibs : It'd probably be the prettiest bunch of bald guys ever...
    Ampoule : As the light became amplified it would appear as though the gates of heaven were opening...
    Ampoule : A choir of angels would descend...arms open wide...
    Gibs : An embrace of warmth would overcome you as St. Peter himself beckoned you to eternal bliss...
    Gibs : Then you remember you're actually in a room full of fat, sweaty bald men with silly hats...
    Ampoule : As you nestled into their sweaty, pudgy embrace...you would slowly begin to realize that you were in fact not nestled into the bosoms of bald men, but rather...you were surrounded by anusii.
    Ampoule : Like a drop in a bucket of water, a ripple would carry out. A near-simultanious quiver of anticipation...
    Ampoule : ...Do you dare take a breath to scream?
    Gibs : The slightest touch causes their folds and flab to jiggle uncontrollably. You do well not to disturb this collective beast.
    Gibs : Realization sets in; Heaven was an illusion. This ... this is fat, bald disco Hell. And somewhere in this buttocksian labyrinth, the devil laughs...
    Ampoule : At first, the sound is so far away, you think it is merely two flies buzzing amidst the Anusian Sea, waiting for the gates of their own Heaven to open...
    Ampoule : But the sound continues to draw closer...it's origins becoming ever clearer. Your heart clenches, those notes twisting into the Hymn of your Salvation.
    Ampoule : In a flash of light that would cause normal eye-bearing creatures to wince, a pair of figures glimmer into view. Each wields their own instrument...They wield them for a different purpose. One to serve as your Savior. The other to serve as your Executioner.
    Ampoule : Their hands moving faster than the eye can see they form a twanging rhythm that is nearly too fast for the heart to bear. This is a duel to the death. A duel of banjos.
    Gibs : A straw hat and a stick of wheat don the angel of mercy, the angel of death had but suspenders. They twang like thunder for your soul.
    Ampoule : As the notes thunder through the asshole prairie, you begin to notice a change...
    Ampoule : The quiver of anticipation you so desperately feared has now become a shudder of pain. A ripple of terror floods through the system of the anus beasts. This realization fills you with an entirely new terror of your own.
    Ampoule : As they begin to writhe against the banjo barrage, you begin to writhe as well. Like a skier trapped in an avalanche, you begin to kick your legs like a swimmer, hoping that the extra motion will bring you closer to the surface.
    Ampoule : For a few moments the harsh glare of the dueling auras begins to fade, only the endless darkness of rectums begins to fill your sight. You push harder, sweating now. With a heave, your efforts are soon rewarded!
    Chaos : Ummmmm...?
    Ampoule : CALLIN' FOR YOU
    Ampoule : AIN'T NO REASON FOR THE RHYME
    Ampoule : READY. TO. ATTACK!!!!!!
    Chaos : o_O
    Ampoule : As the banjos reach a climax you flatten yourself out on your back, crowd surfing the Anusian Sea.
    Gibs : Damnit, Chaos. You interrupted a very delicate operation...
    Chaos : Amp, at this point I think you're just having a monologue....
    Ampoule : You hear a rumble behind you, only to see a true sea of excrement forming a tidal wave behind you. Panic floods your system with adrenaline, a flight-or-fight instinct kicking in.
    Ampoule : >=( Shut up Chaos it isn't like you guys are using the cbox anyway!
    Chaos : Yeah, I'm just going to leave.
    Ampoule : Your limbs begin to move of their own will, survival instinct causing your body to work with primal efficiency.
    Gibs : Looking back, you catch a glimpse of corn glinting off the disco caps, as if taunting you. The foul stench strikes first, reminding you of your fate should you fail now.
    Diana Notacat : *Walked in... Just to turn back around and leave with Chaos!* o____o
    Gibs : (Coincidentally, I happen to be listening to "This Shit Will Fuck You Up" by Combichrist.)
    Ampoule : Like a premature call to the River Styx you begin to paddle feverishly, even as the winking stars of the disco ball helmets begin to be engulfed by darkness.
    Ampoule : (I was just trying to get in the mood to post in a mech RP...)
    Ampoule : The banjos reach another crescendo, a violent ripple through the beasts below tossing you high into the air. Like Simba staring wide-eyed up at a sea of wildebeasts, you gaze helplessly onto your own glistening demise...
    Ampoule : An undeniable urge to live begins to fill you, the heavenly hail of the blessed banjo filling you to the brim
    Ampoule : Your arms pull back, your body taking a solid stance even as you remain in mid-air.
    Ampoule : Your hands are covered by gauntlets of light...but a twinge of doubt twangs. Take on this beast close up and personal? Another thought strikes you. An idea! Your hands touch one another, palms touching before pulling apart, the light stretching like a piece of taffy.
    Ampoule : A weapon forms, its purpose clear. You raise it above your head. Heaven is on your side. In the past, others may have been up shit creek without a paddle - but not You.
    Ampoule : With a mighty heave you swing it down, a giant swath tearing the wave asunder, light cleansing the area like bleach would a bad stain. You hear the devil behind you cry out in agony. A sense of triumph and elation fills you. The blessed beat of the banjo overwhelms the darkness, chasing away even the most miniscule of shadows...The Gate is Open.
    Ampoule : Your body is overtaken by a sense of weightlessness. The light begins to dim as your fight to keep your eyes open. Oblivion arrives just as you realize...your eyes ARE open.
    Ampoule : Brave Warrior, you are Home.
    Ampoule : The End.
    Gibs : This brought a tear to my eye...
     
  2. THERE IS LESS DIRTY THINGS YOU COULD BE FONDLING!
     
  3. A BATTLE AGAINST THE FORCES OF DIRTINESS
     
  4. or the forces of excrement
     
  5. EITHER OR.

    I NEED A TITLE FOR THIS MASTERPIECE. CONSTANTLY FONDLING SOULS IS MAKING MY HANDS TIRED!
     
  6. I hate happy endings, makes me feel sorry for the devil. it is as if aff the anii beasts ruptured symaltaioult n an unending cacophany drowning my verry soul in thier odor. And so it is done, I am but a souless servant the the choir, with barely the free will to breath, and doomed to serve for all eternity.

    The devil has me............

    and thats how it ended for me, don't know hor amp got out, maybe the banjo plyers just hate me.
     
  7. That passage just raped my eyes.

    x_x
     
  8. [​IMG]

    You two have kept Chaos up all night. Good going.
     
  9. Am I the only one who couldn't be bothered to read it all?
     
  10. No one should be bothered by reading it. If they are to show any emotion at all, they should be shedding soul-crushing tears of JOY. They should fall to their knees in gratitude for me having shared this timeless epic with them, the lowly mortal that they are.


    You bitches just don't know how to appreciate ANYTHING, do you!? >=(
     
  11. no amp, no we dont.


    ...
     
  12. How dare you insinuate that we, the members of this fine website, have the emotions of mere man...

    now quit fondling my soul before I really get ronery.
     
  13. I LEAVE FOR 2 WEEKS AND HALF AND I MISS OUT ON THIS?!?!?!

    GODDAMNIT! *Throws his Human Excrement Surfboard against the wall* YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ALWAYS DO COOL SHIT WHILE I AM GONE, GAWD! *Stomps off to his room*
     
  14. SHOULDN'TA BEEN A LIL BITCH AND BROKE YOUR COMPUTER THEN
     
  15. I LEAVE INSANITY TO DO ACTUAL MULTIMEDIA ARTIST STUFF AND THIS HAPPENS!?


    ALRIGHT! FUCK YOU GUYS TIME TO HIT THE RESET BUTTON
     
  16. *Leghumps Ampie* <3
     
  17. *shakes off Rory*

    TO EVERYONE WHO DID NOT APPRECIATE THIS THREAD:

    [​IMG]
     
  18. ooh shit is souls

    that's deep, man.


    -_-