Fight School [OOC/Signup]

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All right, not sure if this is okay, but here goes nothing:

Name: Gerald Berry

I.D. Number: 00004444

Rank: D1

Year: 1st​ year

Nationality: English

Age: 16

Sex/Gender: Male

Appearance: About as spooky as they come, Gerald is a somewhat short, young man who prefers wearing brightly coloured hoodies, gloves and long trousers no matter the weather. His glance is always cast downwards so as to hide his face from those who would wish to take a look at it. Underneath his clothes is healthy body that had been distorted by countless, ugly scars. His face is scarred as well, but it is realtively intact with a boyish look, brown eyes and nut brown hair.

Fighting Style: Aikido. While he is a brown-belt, he is exceptionally skilled at redirecting his opponent's attacks and his rank is somewhat deceptive because of his chosen martial art's defensive nature along with his reluctance to hurt his opponents.

Powers: The Machine's Influence: The horrible experiments that have been performed on Gerald left their mark on him, resulting in very subtle influences to the nature of his surroundings. Strange, but harmless things seem to accompany him on occasions, with one of the best examples being his assigned ID number. It is not known if this power could be trained or controlled and he does not wish to find out given his history with it.

Personality: A quiet, damaged young man, Gerald wishes to avoid causing trouble or grabbing people's attention as much as possible. He is very averse to conflicts and would rather do disgraceful, humiliating acts than to cause friction or stand up for himself, however, even he has his limits. It is only when he encounters these limits that he grows a spine, but even then, he tries to look for the peaceful solution if he can. Violence is an absolute last resort for him. Fortunately, his quiet, bookish nature lends itself to studying really well.

For anyone who looks at Gerald, his reluctance to attend New Peaks Academy is immediately evident. He is probably as out of place as it gets in a school that is centred around tournaments and would rather return home to a more normal environment. It does not help that New Peaks Academy is filled with people whom he does not know and is reluctant to approach, which makes him uncomfortable at best. He is a lost soul trying to search for a way out of here, but he is terrified of failing… After all the First Rule of Fight School is "Don't Fail Fight School".

Background: Born to a wealthy family in England, Gerald's childhood might not have been idyllic, but it certainly was quite fortunate. While his parents were often too busy with their business to pay attention to their child, he was lucky enough to get a warm, benevolent caretaker who knew what she was doing with the child. As such, while he might have been a little isolated from the outside world because of his status, his early years were quite happy, if a little filled with temper tantrums because he always wanted to see his parents.

He was a wild child who needed to be kept an eye on nearly twenty-four-seven lest he do something that would endanger himself, so when he started displaying an interest in martial arts at the age of seven, his parents took the opportunity to sign him up for Aikido classes with a private tutor. They hoped that its philosophical approach along with its focus on self-defence would help Gerald master himself, not to mention that they thought it would be useful for their son to learn how to defend himself.

At first, the lessons did not really stick with him and he often tried to skip class, but after about a year of refusing to do anything useful, something finally clicked in his brain. He started taking his lessons seriously and learned the ways of Aikido through the next couple of years, slowly becoming aware of himself. This lead to him mellowing out as he realised that the energies he had could have been better spent elsewhere… Mostly on Aikido practice that he could use to tire himself. While his improvement was not unusually quick, he showed exceptional talent for using the tools of the martial art.

But his peaceful life came crashing down when he turned twelve. An unknown group had set their sights on him and attacked him on the streets. Though his bodyguards fought valiantly, they were slaughtered and Gerald was kidnapped, then shipped off to an experimental facility. It is best not to speak of what happened there, only that when he was freed after spending months in there, he was an utterly broken person. His will to live was almost non-existent and his explorative, energetic spirit was gone.

It took several years of rehabilitation from the most skilled psychologists and doctors that his parents could find to somewhat restore him to his former self, an impossible task given the trauma that he had suffered. He became quiet, afraid of people and not even his re-introduction to Aikido could restore him… So when he turned sixteen, his parents presented him with a dilemma in a well-meaning, but misguided attempt to help him: Either he would be thrown out of the house or he would have to attend New Peaks Academy. Terrified of the prospect of having to live without the aid of his parents, Gerald took the latter option and enrolled.
 
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Well I'm thinking something like what one of the teachers have it part of their ki but instead of making a smoke effect it generates a bright flash of light that can blind someone for a short amount of time and as i said only has a 10 feet radius and can only be used every once in awhile. drawbacks would be blinding the user for about a 3 second period. the blinding effect would last 10 seconds.
so, like an enhanced solar flare? And Beta's right, every second counts, so I agree with him, an instant flash, maybe dazzling their opponent, and then it goes away.

I think there should also be a 'tell' when he's about to use it.
 
@Lstorm. I like the character. That is always a plus. I don't normally dig when a character has no picture for an appearance, as I am a very visual thinker... but I can look past that thanks to how unique the CS is overall.

The Machine's Influence: I'll need you to at least PM me with the general outline as to what it can and cannot do. If you want to keep it mysterious and unknown to the other players, I can allow that. But as GM, I need to know more about the ability.

His personality would certainly make him a bit of an outlier, but a PERFECT addition to the Hijos faction, as they focus more on academics than they do fighting. I suggest he join them during the upcoming timeskip.

Similar to the power, I will need a bit more info in regard to what happened when he was kidnapped and WHY he was kidnapped. We don't metagame, and those who DO metagame here are harshly penalized... so there's no worries of people using character backstory against you.

Other than what I have mentioned, the CS looks fine. Drop me a message when you're able and we can get Gerald approved.
 
I think I can share both without compromising much of the character, so here goes:

THE MACHINE'S INFLUENCE CANNOT:
- Harm another human being either directly or indirectly.
- Alter the composition of objects. In other words, a steel pipe will always stay a steel pipe even if it is affected by the Machine's Influence.
- Influence other people's conscious decisions.
- Cause instantenous change or change that is directly beneficial to Gerald. For example, it is not able to make an attack miss or give him a perfect score on a test.
- Reach beyond Gerald's personal space.

THE MACHINE'S INFLUENCE CAN:
- Induce unlikely events, such as Gerald's ID number.
- Induce small, but conspicious changes in objects. For example, it is able to gradually change a pen's colour from blue to hot pink.
- Cause small inconveniences to other people close to Gerald, himself included. A good example would be them bumping into him and dropping a book or their food. This does not apply if it would give Gerald an advantage as mentioned previously.
- Make itself known and draw people's attention. This means that the changes it induces will be regularly noticed and Gerald has an odd air about him.

As for the kidnapping thing, he was kidnapped by an illegal human experimentation / science group because they were lead to believe that he was one of the few people whose data could help them finish their research. The experiments consisted of two parts: inserting or removing devices from Gerald and testing what effect they had on his physiology. Though torture was not involved, the surgeries performed on him were invasive and the tests were not concerned with his well-being.

If you want me to change something, let me know.
 
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Is there any particular reason WHY this group of criminal minds felt Gerald was more suitable for testing than any other child?

Also, if you have Skype, we have a Fight School Skype Group that you can join.

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Alrighty. I will wait for Storm to post, then hammer out the GM Post/Timeskip.
 
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Oi. Not gonna let me review, Beta?

Jk. You covered my sole concerns, actually.

Gotta say, Gerald's an interesting type, but it's nice to read a solid CS.

Can't wait to see how he works out.
 
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Please define "Once in a while".


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Ever been in a fight? Three seconds and Ten seconds are both a pretty long time in combat. For example. A random untrained person can rain down like ten to twelve punches in three seconds. Or two to three kicks in the same span. If someone somehow evaded it, you'd be screwed. But I will cover why it CAN'T be evaded next.

And if I am reading this right, the burst of light itself would linger for ten seconds... effectively blinding the opponent for that duration by causing them to look away. In TEN seconds, someone could pop off three times as many strikes.

If you want a sudden burst of light, I can allow that. However, it wouldn't linger. Not until your character becomes more powerful.
once in a while... once or twice in a battle? and the effect would last 3 seconds for the foe and 1 or 1 1/2 for the user giving suitable amount of time to dodge for the opponent.
 
New NPC incoming!

Layla Stritch
young-nurse.jpg
One of the few staff members of New Peaks not to have graduated from the school herself. After having discovered at a young age that merely her touch could help with healing even the most injured, Layla was immediately placed into nurse training at a young age. She showed fantastic affinity for the subject, entering the University of Washington at the young age of 16 and easily passing all her medical courses. Upon graduation, she went out in search of work, finding that an offshore fighting school was in search of talented nurses for their constantly injured fighters. She decided to give them a try, and wowed her recruiters with her unique power. Now, she serves as the head of the New Peaks medical ward, serving her students as best she can.

Personality: Layla is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. She has a shy air about her, though she has no issues with talking to strangers. She takes personal enjoyment in seeing students heal and recover, which makes her job truly satisfying to her. Though she received little formal training, watching the students and teachers closely over the years here at New Peaks has taught her many things about martial arts, enough to earn her a purple belt in Tae Kwon Do. However, she despises fighting herself despite enjoying watching it, and will avoid it at all costs if possible.

Power: Clinical Hands
Layla can channel her energy into her hands, causing them to glow with a faint blue aura. When touching another person, her energy seeks out injuries and illnesses in the body, and stimulates the appropriate cells to speed up their recovery process. Healing is not instantaneous, but will take considerably less time; a broken bone may take only a few days to heal under her power, as opposed to weeks otherwise. This sped up healing continues until the injury or sickness in question is defeated, even if she is not touching the person. Once the healing process is complete, the body's cells return to a normal state.
 
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@ViceandVersa
This character... I don't really know how to put this nicely, so I'll just start off by saying it.

No.

Now to WHY I say no.

1. Destry is an American Western name, and an uncommon one at that. A Japanese boy, born and raised in Japan, wouldn't have that as a name.

2. "D" is not a rank. And please use "1st" or "First"

3. This is an American-run High School setting, so a student of 17 years old is far too old to be a 1st Year student. 14 or 15, sure. OCCASIONALLY a 16 year old. But 17 is too old.

4. His fighting style can do WHAT?! Clog arteries? Jam BONES? Loosen YOUR muscles? No, no, and no. This RP is semi-realistic. The first of those could EASILY kill someone, the other two could permanently cripple someone. If you MUST make up a style, make it realistic and nonfatal. Otherwise, limit yourself to martial arts that actually exist.

5. His power. ... He lost his magic "long ago"? When he's only 17? I don't even know how that makes sense. I am ok with a healing type of ability, even with a long prep time. But the last line implies you think ANY sort of real fight can take ten minutes or longer. Fights are almost always over within the first minute unless they are professional ring sports like boxing or MMA... and even THOSE sometimes and in under a minute.

6. Now we get to the backstory. *cracks knuckles*

There are no wizards. As I state in the rules (which you clearly did NOT read. I will get to how I know that in a bit), there are no spells that can incinerate people, throw lightning, restore the dead, etc.

So... his brother comes back, Destry magically is able to hold off a "swordmaster" somehow, despite being in training... and EVERYONE DIES except them. ... how is this supposed to be believable? I get that in an epic badass battle between powerful beings there would be SOME collateral damage, but in a fight between two angry teens with low-tier abilities? Not unless the two actively TRIED to murder everyone else first.

So then because of the blatant MURDER of his entire family that he HAD to have taken part in, he does the right thing and slits his throat... only to be REVIVED by a DARK spirit that was causing their curse... by killing the older twin? How. The hell. Does that. Make sense? Why would it matter WHICH sibling died? If one kills themselves, then why would it drain the life of the other to revive the one who offed themselves? The lack of reasoning just makes my head spin, its so nonsensical.

So because the spirit did that (or because Destry killed himself), the curse was ended? If it was the cursed spirit giving him his magic, and it could drain the life of one sibling to heal the other... why wouldn't it drain SOME of the elder twin's life to keep Destry alive but in poor health? Seriously... are you just trying to fit every cliche into this character that you possibly can, regardless of how brain-rotting it makes things?

Then... because honor and battle and reasons only Destry knows... he STEALS FROM THE DEAD by taking the belongings of his dead siblings, flees the scene of a mass murder (which police WOULD investigate), and somehow (with no money or scholarship) goes to the highly expensive and exclusive "battle school" (Fight School... New Peaks Academy Fight School) to regain his lost honor? He'd be arrested upon arrival and deported back to Japan, where he would then be imprisoned or executed.

7. Now for how I know you didn't read the rules. Simple. For one, you made a character that VIOLATES the rules in a few ways. For two, you didn't include a very specific phrase anywhere on your character sheet.

8. I don't know if English is your first language or not, but if it is... for the love of the Gods, use a spellchecker. Even if it ISN'T, use a spellchecker. There are more typos and errors in your character sheet than there are posts in this thread. Even if your character made sense, I would deny it based solely on your poor grammar and spelling. Why? Simple. If you can't use proper grammar or spelling in a CS for my RP, you can't use proper grammar or spelling in any In-Character post you might make in my RP.

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If you decided to not read the whole review, then here's a simple version.

No, your character is not approved for Fight School. Have a nice day.

Apparently ViceandVersa decided to delete their character rather than attempt to make edits.
 
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Alright folks, Beta's relegated contest duty to yours truly again! Sorry it's a day late; because of this, I will be extending the deadline one extra day.

HEEEEEEERE WE GO!

What's that one thing your character can do that nobody else can? That thing they only do alone in the shower or as a parlour trick?

That's right, what's your character's STRANGE TALENT?

Note: It CANNOT be related to your character's power, but CAN be backstory-related if need be.

As usual, best/most unique/funniest overall wins a prize TBD later.

Deadline: Saturday, June 20, 9:30 PM.

Best of luck to ye!
 
Name: Hyun-Shik (rooted in cleverness)
I.D. Number: 14622245
Rank: D1st
Year: 1st year
Nationality: Korean
Age: 15
Sex/Gender: Male
Appearance:
large.jpg


Fighting Style: (Hapkido) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hapkido
is a highly eclecticKorean martial art. It is a form of self-defense that employs joint locks, grappling and throwing techniques of other martial arts, as well as kicks, punches, and other striking attacks.
Hapkido contains both long- and close-range fighting techniques, utilizing jumping kicks and percussive hand strikes at longer ranges and pressure point strikes, joint locks, or throws at closer fighting distances. Hapkido emphasizes circular motion, redirection of force, and control of the opponent. Practitioners seek to gain advantage through footwork and body positioning to incorporate the use of leverage, avoiding the use of strength against strength. (Black Belt 1 stripe,higest belt is black belt 12 stripes.)

Powers: Just what was given to him threw religion, he prays to his gods using a shrine he has set up in his room for good luck, this rejuvenates and prepairs him for battle battle. Other then it giving him a warrior mindset, it is useless.

Personality: Hyun is strong willed and smart. It shows in his daily life and work. He is not the silent type but he dosent easily stick out in a large crowd either. If you make conversation with him, he was always talk politely and use pre-fixes such as Madam, Sir, Sensei, Chan and more. It is hard on him to hold long conversations as english is new to him. He is a traditional boy as well, he keeps his dorm clean and takes his shoues of at the door, he owns a sleeping mat instead of bed, and cleanliness is a big thing to him. He enjoys drinking hot teas and sudoku in his spare time.

Bio: Despite all the rest of the people around him being pore, Hyun grew up in a wealthy and protected family. His father was a retired vetrin and his mother was a respected priestess. His daily life was very routine. Wake up chores, make breakfest, do school, Hapkido training, make lunch, finish school, after school activites. Come home and help mom with whatever needed to be done, make dinner then head to Bed. This was pretty much his every day cycle.

His father had heard about this battle school of sorts, well Hyun was 10. His dad began to study it, shortly after doing so. Hyun was forced to work on his Hapkido in all his spare time including weekends. He never argued, if this was what his father wanted he would do it. He worked himself almost raw some days, in order to please his father. His mother didnt like all the fighting, when she could she would pray with Hyun for his protection. Hyuns mother taught him about prayer the gods and natural medican.

When Hyun turned 13 he had his eyes set on becoming a doctor. his father hated and shunned the idea, he wanted his son to go to this school and become a Hapkido and Mma champion,he wanted a strong son not a doctor. Hyuns mom tried to support him but Hyun gave up on his dream. On his 15th birthday. His dad handed him a packet in it was a class schedule dorm key. His parents had paid for him to go to New Peaks Academy.

Hyun was sent off a weak later. He has attened the school since the begining of this school year.

"First Rule of Fight School, don't fail Fight School"

(I hope this one works please tell me if there is anything i need to fix, if its typos ill spell check that soon)
 
Alright, my turn.

First of all: Why have you not spellchecked it already? Instead of waiting for us to tell you, you should be spellchecking your writing as you go, and taking notes on how to spell the words, because many people can and will be annoyed by poor spelling, Beta and myself included. It's distracting and you shouldn't have to wait for someone to be annoyed to do it.

Alright, onto the sheet itself.

The fighting description is borderline obnoxious. Not only did you hyperlink us, you then copypasted FROM the site you hyperlinked, which is annoying as all get-out. We can read, there's no need to spoonfeed us. Not to mention...we know what throws, punches, kick, etc. are. There's really no need to overinform us like you have.

The power is NOT a power. Praying and meditating and then feeling good about the fact that you prayed and meditated is not a power at all, that's being religiously spiritual, something the most commonplace people do daily. There is absolutely no reason for you to include this-just put 'none'.

Onto the backstory.

Okay, first thing first, it's really short. Yes, it meets the 3 paragraph requirement, but these paragraphs are short and not rather helpful in getting to know Hyun much at all.

One thing Beta mentioned to me: With a veteran father and priestess mother, where is the income flowing in? Religious professions are either volunteer or VERY low-paying in most cases, and veterans generally do not make money beyond Social Security or veteran's benefits.

Which leads me into my next point. It's all...REALLY scatterbrained. You introduce details all over the entire thing, but never elaborate on them or tie them into the actual story progression. So his father is a veteran and his mother is a priestess. So what? Since you never once make that relevant to Hyun whatsoever, they might as well have been a stripper and a drug dealer. In fact, the whole first paragraph can be completely omitted because it is full of useless, negligible information.

Once you strip down all the unnecessary, useless gilding, this is the backstory you're left with. "Hyun wanted to be a doctor. Dad said no and dad won. So here he is." Does that sound like a good story? That sounds like a single sentence, which is incredibly basic and underdeveloped. Add some storyboard details instead of drowning us in unnecessary bits about his life! Once you start doing that and TELLING yourself to do that, you'll find your characters will evolve and look better not just to you, but to others as well.

From what I've noticed from your personality and backstory....Hyun has a lot of Japanese mannerisms as well, despite being Korean. Please make sure you match your nationality with your customs.

Lastly: Beta informed me you excuse your poor spelling by saying you are a mobile RPer. This is no excuse, as Beta himself was a mobile RPer for quite some time and rarely made mistakes, and CERTAINLY not as many in a single POST as you have. This is unacceptable behavior-instead of making excuses for why it's bad, FIX it.

With all these things considered, I still cannot accept you into Fight School. Please take my notes into consideration before making another character sheet, because if it does not show considerable improvement over the last two, I will be forced to bar you from making any more after that. But I still urge you to try; just please take all my, and Beta's from the first sheet's, notes before you submit any more.
 
I mean, he already HAS a theme song.
 
The votes are in, folks! The results (after ignoring the votes of non-participating members) are...

Yes w/ margin of victory: 3
Yes w/ no margin or victory: 4
No dice, please: 1

And so, any players wanting to have a fight must now roll dice here in the OOC. The system will be as follows.

Start by rolling a ten-sided die for Rank-E. For every Letter-Rank you have, you get one more ten-sided die... or 1d10 to add ten. D = +10, C = +20, B = +30, and so on. For each NUMBER-rank, you subtract that number from the amount you roll. Example: C2 = Roll 30, then subtract 2.

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Basically.
Say you have the weakest character possible, E3.
You'd post that ----- was challenging -------. Then after you post, click "More Options".
Click "Throw Dice"
Enter "10" as the number of sides, as you would be E-Rank and only get 10.

Then say you happen to roll a 6. You would then subtract 3 from it, as you are E3 rank.

Your letter determines the number you roll.

E = 10
D = 20
C = 30
and so on.

NUMBER determines how much you subtract from the resulting roll.

1 = -1
2 = -2
3 = -3

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Using Vincento and Shotaro as an example, we will now test this.

Ok. I fucked that up the first time. The SECOND time, I got that 58. Minus 2 for his 2-ranking after his S-Letter, we get 56.

Next is Vincento.

Wow. Another REALLY good roll. Enough, in fact that had Shotaro rolled poorly, Vincento would have won. Still, with a total of 26 after Vincento's -2, he loses this one.

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All this aside, I don't want the person with the lower result to just half-ass it for the fight they get into. I WILL give rewards to people who can make a fight entertaining regardless of if they win or lose.
 
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Players can feel free to test this new system out for a little bit without declaring an actual fight, to get a feel for it.

Also, I posted in the IC. Get cracking on those post-timeskip posts, everyone!
 
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