- Invitation Status
- Looking for partners
- Posting Speed
- 1-3 posts per week
- Writing Levels
- Advanced
- Preferred Character Gender
- Male
- Female
- No Preferences
Okay, so:
@Starrnico
1: You left the "Religion:" part in your character's bios blank, am I to assume she doesn't have one?
2: In your history, the 2nd sentence says "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister when he was away on assignments." Judging from the context, I believe you wanted to say "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister, and her aunt to take over when he was away on assignments." Please correct me if I'm wrong.
3: I'll send your perk & extra info package because of your background, over PM today or tomorrow
Other than these, I liked your character a lot and you demonstrated a very good ability of binding a comprehensive story that is logically help together and drives a point about your character across. I'm glad to have you around for the RP :)
@The Spartan Potato As far as I can see, you still haven't submitted a character, so I can't say anything about accepting you or not :D Please post in this thread when you are ready. But for now:
@chaosheart13 I'm glad to see you're still here, despite my absence, since you already were the first completely finished character and you also designed your own religion :D You already have your perk & info package so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to wait for a bit 'till I finish everyone else's. In the meanwhile, of course, it goes without saying that:
@kingdomkeylight Let's see now, your character was almost fully fleshed out, as far as I can remember:
1: "PTSD from the day he deserted his military..." even if such kind of psychological diseases are recognised in the Republic, that's not the case anywhere else in the world. A person from Xian would likely tell you you have created a terrible disbalance between your 64 yin-yan elements (copy-pase from the I Ching, haha) and that's why you have issues. A person from Chikyu, depending on his or her background and persuasion will either tell you you're just too weak, or will tell you you need to discard your hatred and find someone to love and be loved back and that will cure your illness (their weak attempt to make the yin-yang reply of the Xian people tailored to their recent amai culture. Ask @chaosheart13 for more info if interested :D). I'm not saying you can't have that, I'm just saying that in this world mental illnesses are not recognised as phenomena and being recognised in The Republic of Cobol is the exception, not the norm. Your character can be convinced, subjectively, that this is the truth and that the Cobolian viewpoint on his troubled mind is the right one, but, objectively, the other perspectives are just as valid. If you're fine with this, there's no problem.
2: If you want to be a foreigner, you'll have to come up with a name and a short description/history of your nation. Use my examples in the 2nd page to see what needs to be in there. Pictures as optional.
3: I think we've already discusses the issues with your background story and how you came to be in Cobol, so that's okay... all that remains is for me to give you a perk and an info package!
Your story is coherent and makes sense despite a small off episode and I don't mind if you don't wish to bother with the initial years of his life as a story theme. Being a foreigner with a dark past adds additional detail and spice to the RP, so I like that a lot! Also, the whole idea of partnering with Starrnico's character was awesome, I think you two would make a good survival team :D Overall, if you're okay with the items above and you describe your country, you'll be easily accepted :)
@Mysty Woah, you completed your PC literally overnight :D Let me take a look:
Overall, I like your story and your character. It's nice to finally have someone who is just a normal person without military career or unusual upbringing, someone who just lived a normal life that was shattered by the event of the mass-scale outbreak :) It's really nice overall, but there are a few details that don't exactly add up:
1: You said she speaks "French" and while theoretically there is a country similar to France, that is on another continent and with very loose, if any, diplomatic ties to The Republic of Cobol. If you want your character to speak that language, she'd need to have an explanation about it in her background, as well as, some sort of description of that country. So far, there is none and I don't see the need to bother doing them, because everything about your character fits in perfectly just as it is. So, either remove it, or add the description/explanation as stated above. The explanation cannot be "she studied it at school", because if she would study any foreign language at school it would either be Xianese or Chikyuan, since those are the most prominent languages of the world and of the continent.
2: Weapons. Same as the language - there is absolutely no explanation of where or how she got them. Cobol may be modelled after a typical western democracy, but that doesn't mean it's America - people don't just own guns there, that's why the outbreak started en-masse in that country first: because there was the combination of slow decision-making due to it being democratic and bureaucratic as well as an extremely low number of people who owned guns. If anyone owns a gun they're probably a hunter or a policeman, it's very, very unusual for a person to be able to just buy one. I think you decided to include those, because everyone else has them, but it makes sense for their characters since they're all with millitary-type of background. I can assure you it's absolutely fine for your PC to start off without any weapons, she won't just be thrown into the grinder :) If your explanation is she found those somewhere, that can happen though the course of the RP and, trust me, it will be much more rewarding.
3: Her religion is fine, but she's not a super strong believer, so she won't get to do some super feats at a rare times.
4: Your character must somehow end up in the capital, it doesn't become clear from her history, but it can be extrapulated, so if you're fine with it, I don't need you to change anything.
5: I will give you your perk these days, I need to think of something that fits with the theme of your character, since she's completely new :)
Yeah, overall, great CS, address my minor remarks and you'll be accepted :)
Alright, everyone, those of you who still need to address something, please do it in this thread, and in the meanwhile I'll get working on your perks!
@Starrnico
1: You left the "Religion:" part in your character's bios blank, am I to assume she doesn't have one?
2: In your history, the 2nd sentence says "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister when he was away on assignments." Judging from the context, I believe you wanted to say "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister, and her aunt to take over when he was away on assignments." Please correct me if I'm wrong.
3: I'll send your perk & extra info package because of your background, over PM today or tomorrow
Other than these, I liked your character a lot and you demonstrated a very good ability of binding a comprehensive story that is logically help together and drives a point about your character across. I'm glad to have you around for the RP :)
@The Spartan Potato As far as I can see, you still haven't submitted a character, so I can't say anything about accepting you or not :D Please post in this thread when you are ready. But for now:
@chaosheart13 I'm glad to see you're still here, despite my absence, since you already were the first completely finished character and you also designed your own religion :D You already have your perk & info package so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to wait for a bit 'till I finish everyone else's. In the meanwhile, of course, it goes without saying that:
@kingdomkeylight Let's see now, your character was almost fully fleshed out, as far as I can remember:
1: "PTSD from the day he deserted his military..." even if such kind of psychological diseases are recognised in the Republic, that's not the case anywhere else in the world. A person from Xian would likely tell you you have created a terrible disbalance between your 64 yin-yan elements (copy-pase from the I Ching, haha) and that's why you have issues. A person from Chikyu, depending on his or her background and persuasion will either tell you you're just too weak, or will tell you you need to discard your hatred and find someone to love and be loved back and that will cure your illness (their weak attempt to make the yin-yang reply of the Xian people tailored to their recent amai culture. Ask @chaosheart13 for more info if interested :D). I'm not saying you can't have that, I'm just saying that in this world mental illnesses are not recognised as phenomena and being recognised in The Republic of Cobol is the exception, not the norm. Your character can be convinced, subjectively, that this is the truth and that the Cobolian viewpoint on his troubled mind is the right one, but, objectively, the other perspectives are just as valid. If you're fine with this, there's no problem.
2: If you want to be a foreigner, you'll have to come up with a name and a short description/history of your nation. Use my examples in the 2nd page to see what needs to be in there. Pictures as optional.
3: I think we've already discusses the issues with your background story and how you came to be in Cobol, so that's okay... all that remains is for me to give you a perk and an info package!
Your story is coherent and makes sense despite a small off episode and I don't mind if you don't wish to bother with the initial years of his life as a story theme. Being a foreigner with a dark past adds additional detail and spice to the RP, so I like that a lot! Also, the whole idea of partnering with Starrnico's character was awesome, I think you two would make a good survival team :D Overall, if you're okay with the items above and you describe your country, you'll be easily accepted :)
@Mysty Woah, you completed your PC literally overnight :D Let me take a look:
Overall, I like your story and your character. It's nice to finally have someone who is just a normal person without military career or unusual upbringing, someone who just lived a normal life that was shattered by the event of the mass-scale outbreak :) It's really nice overall, but there are a few details that don't exactly add up:
1: You said she speaks "French" and while theoretically there is a country similar to France, that is on another continent and with very loose, if any, diplomatic ties to The Republic of Cobol. If you want your character to speak that language, she'd need to have an explanation about it in her background, as well as, some sort of description of that country. So far, there is none and I don't see the need to bother doing them, because everything about your character fits in perfectly just as it is. So, either remove it, or add the description/explanation as stated above. The explanation cannot be "she studied it at school", because if she would study any foreign language at school it would either be Xianese or Chikyuan, since those are the most prominent languages of the world and of the continent.
2: Weapons. Same as the language - there is absolutely no explanation of where or how she got them. Cobol may be modelled after a typical western democracy, but that doesn't mean it's America - people don't just own guns there, that's why the outbreak started en-masse in that country first: because there was the combination of slow decision-making due to it being democratic and bureaucratic as well as an extremely low number of people who owned guns. If anyone owns a gun they're probably a hunter or a policeman, it's very, very unusual for a person to be able to just buy one. I think you decided to include those, because everyone else has them, but it makes sense for their characters since they're all with millitary-type of background. I can assure you it's absolutely fine for your PC to start off without any weapons, she won't just be thrown into the grinder :) If your explanation is she found those somewhere, that can happen though the course of the RP and, trust me, it will be much more rewarding.
3: Her religion is fine, but she's not a super strong believer, so she won't get to do some super feats at a rare times.
4: Your character must somehow end up in the capital, it doesn't become clear from her history, but it can be extrapulated, so if you're fine with it, I don't need you to change anything.
5: I will give you your perk these days, I need to think of something that fits with the theme of your character, since she's completely new :)
Yeah, overall, great CS, address my minor remarks and you'll be accepted :)
Alright, everyone, those of you who still need to address something, please do it in this thread, and in the meanwhile I'll get working on your perks!