Feeding on life (Zombie survival in a high fantasy

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Okay, so:

@Starrnico
1: You left the "Religion:" part in your character's bios blank, am I to assume she doesn't have one?
2: In your history, the 2nd sentence says "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister when he was away on assignments." Judging from the context, I believe you wanted to say "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister, and her aunt to take over when he was away on assignments." Please correct me if I'm wrong.
3: I'll send your perk & extra info package because of your background, over PM today or tomorrow

Other than these, I liked your character a lot and you demonstrated a very good ability of binding a comprehensive story that is logically help together and drives a point about your character across. I'm glad to have you around for the RP :)

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@The Spartan Potato As far as I can see, you still haven't submitted a character, so I can't say anything about accepting you or not :D Please post in this thread when you are ready. But for now:

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@chaosheart13 I'm glad to see you're still here, despite my absence, since you already were the first completely finished character and you also designed your own religion :D You already have your perk & info package so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to wait for a bit 'till I finish everyone else's. In the meanwhile, of course, it goes without saying that:

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@kingdomkeylight Let's see now, your character was almost fully fleshed out, as far as I can remember:

1: "PTSD from the day he deserted his military..." even if such kind of psychological diseases are recognised in the Republic, that's not the case anywhere else in the world. A person from Xian would likely tell you you have created a terrible disbalance between your 64 yin-yan elements (copy-pase from the I Ching, haha) and that's why you have issues. A person from Chikyu, depending on his or her background and persuasion will either tell you you're just too weak, or will tell you you need to discard your hatred and find someone to love and be loved back and that will cure your illness (their weak attempt to make the yin-yang reply of the Xian people tailored to their recent amai culture. Ask @chaosheart13 for more info if interested :D). I'm not saying you can't have that, I'm just saying that in this world mental illnesses are not recognised as phenomena and being recognised in The Republic of Cobol is the exception, not the norm. Your character can be convinced, subjectively, that this is the truth and that the Cobolian viewpoint on his troubled mind is the right one, but, objectively, the other perspectives are just as valid. If you're fine with this, there's no problem.

2: If you want to be a foreigner, you'll have to come up with a name and a short description/history of your nation. Use my examples in the 2nd page to see what needs to be in there. Pictures as optional.

3: I think we've already discusses the issues with your background story and how you came to be in Cobol, so that's okay... all that remains is for me to give you a perk and an info package!

Your story is coherent and makes sense despite a small off episode and I don't mind if you don't wish to bother with the initial years of his life as a story theme. Being a foreigner with a dark past adds additional detail and spice to the RP, so I like that a lot! Also, the whole idea of partnering with Starrnico's character was awesome, I think you two would make a good survival team :D Overall, if you're okay with the items above and you describe your country, you'll be easily accepted :)

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@Mysty Woah, you completed your PC literally overnight :D Let me take a look:

Overall, I like your story and your character. It's nice to finally have someone who is just a normal person without military career or unusual upbringing, someone who just lived a normal life that was shattered by the event of the mass-scale outbreak :) It's really nice overall, but there are a few details that don't exactly add up:

1: You said she speaks "French" and while theoretically there is a country similar to France, that is on another continent and with very loose, if any, diplomatic ties to The Republic of Cobol. If you want your character to speak that language, she'd need to have an explanation about it in her background, as well as, some sort of description of that country. So far, there is none and I don't see the need to bother doing them, because everything about your character fits in perfectly just as it is. So, either remove it, or add the description/explanation as stated above. The explanation cannot be "she studied it at school", because if she would study any foreign language at school it would either be Xianese or Chikyuan, since those are the most prominent languages of the world and of the continent.

2: Weapons. Same as the language - there is absolutely no explanation of where or how she got them. Cobol may be modelled after a typical western democracy, but that doesn't mean it's America - people don't just own guns there, that's why the outbreak started en-masse in that country first: because there was the combination of slow decision-making due to it being democratic and bureaucratic as well as an extremely low number of people who owned guns. If anyone owns a gun they're probably a hunter or a policeman, it's very, very unusual for a person to be able to just buy one. I think you decided to include those, because everyone else has them, but it makes sense for their characters since they're all with millitary-type of background. I can assure you it's absolutely fine for your PC to start off without any weapons, she won't just be thrown into the grinder :) If your explanation is she found those somewhere, that can happen though the course of the RP and, trust me, it will be much more rewarding.

3: Her religion is fine, but she's not a super strong believer, so she won't get to do some super feats at a rare times.

4: Your character must somehow end up in the capital, it doesn't become clear from her history, but it can be extrapulated, so if you're fine with it, I don't need you to change anything.

5: I will give you your perk these days, I need to think of something that fits with the theme of your character, since she's completely new :)

Yeah, overall, great CS, address my minor remarks and you'll be accepted :)

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Alright, everyone, those of you who still need to address something, please do it in this thread, and in the meanwhile I'll get working on your perks!
 
Okay, so:

@Starrnico
1: You left the "Religion:" part in your character's bios blank, am I to assume she doesn't have one?
2: In your history, the 2nd sentence says "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister when he was away on assignments." Judging from the context, I believe you wanted to say "Her mother died the same day she took her first breath, but she had her father to take care of her and his sister, and her aunt to take over when he was away on assignments." Please correct me if I'm wrong.
3: I'll send your perk & extra info package because of your background, over PM today or tomorrow

Other than these, I liked your character a lot and you demonstrated a very good ability of binding a comprehensive story that is logically help together and drives a point about your character across. I'm glad to have you around for the RP :)

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yes, that's what I meant, fixed that part. As for religion, I wasn't sure what to put, so I will just go with she doesn't practice any.
 
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@Aleksandar sorry, I'll have my character up and ready in a hour or so.
Great! In no way do I mean to tell you what character to make, but I'd appreciate if it wasn't a military guy, since we already got quite a lot of them. Nevertheless, I have absolutely no problem modelling the RP after a very-well equipped and trained millitaristic group with just a few civilians, so it's really up to you in the end :)
 
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Great! In no way do I mean to tell you what character to make, but I'd appreciate if it wasn't a military guy, since we already got quite a lot of them. Nevertheless, I have absolutely no problem modelling the RP after a very-well equipped and trained military-trained group with just a few civilians, so it's really up to you in the end :)
Haha! I planed on her being a civilian... With Bipolar. I think it'll make for an interesting character. Also before anyone freaks out on me for playing a Bipolar character like people have in the past, I know how to. I do have the mental illness!
 
Haha! I planed on her being a civilian... With Bipolar. I think it'll make for an interesting character. Also before anyone freaks out on me for playing a Bipolar character like people have in the past, I know how to. I do have the mental illness!
Nice, it's good to have more civilians on board :)

I have no idea what bipolar is and maybe some other people also don't so I'd ask you to please link a wikipedia article to the post for everyone to have a quick explanation if needed. Also, if you plan on playing a character with mental illness, please refer to the feedback I gave to kingdomkeylight in part 1, about this world's attitude to mental illnesses.
 
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Nice, it's good to have more civilians on board :)

I have no idea what bipolar is and maybe some other people also don't so I'd ask you to please link a wikipedia article to the post for everyone to have a quick explanation if needed. Also, if you plan on playing a character with mental illness, please refer to the feedback I gave to kingdomkeylight in part 2, about this world's attitude to mental illnesses.
I have no Issues to the worlds attitude toward them.
 


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  • .:| Name |:.
    Eli Marie Gray

    .:| Age |:.
    Ninteen

    .:| Gender |:.
    Bigender

    .:| Previous occupation |:.
    After Graduating from High School, Eli worked as a waitress
    to try and make some money to help pay off the the collage loans she knew
    she'd be getting.
    //
    Collage student

    .:| Current occupation |:.
    Eli is currently trying to survive.


    .:| Religion |:.
    Eli believe is no religion, however she believes in
    Reincarnation

    .:| Languages Spoken |:.
    Eli Knows Common, and only Common.

  • .:| Defining Characteristics |:.
    Eli can be Irrational and Troublesome

    .:| Personality |:.
    [ Extroverted ]
    Eli is a social person and thrives on Human
    interaction. With out it, Eli turns to talking to
    stuffed toys and things she can imagine talking back
    to her

    [ Irrational ]
    Eli doesn't always have the best intuitions.
    And can easily become aggregated and careless.
    When this happens she makes decisions she comes to
    regret more often times than not

    [ Imaginative ]
    Eli's strong suit is her imagination. Could it ever possibly exist
    or happen? Eli's dreamt it up. Is it impossible
    and impractical? Eli's also thought of it.

    [ Leader Like ]
    Though Eli doesn't sound the most leader like
    Eli loves to be top dog. When decisions need to be made
    for a group and that decision dictates lives or the safety of the group.
    Eli can pull herself together long enough to make
    a semi rational decision

    [ Impulsive ]
    Being semi rational or un-rational Eli
    is impulsive and will do or say whatever comes to
    mind without thinking of the consequences that follow

    .:| Strengths |:.
    [ Being Irrational and Impulsive ]
    Being irrational and impulsive may seem like
    bad traits, but sometimes they work very well together.
    Sometimes her impulsive actions and irrational decisions to do them
    mean the difference from her being eaten and her living another day.

    [ Unsympathetic ]
    Eli has the advantage on killing things
    because she is un sympathetic. Therefore
    the feeling of a dead person on her soul doesn't bare
    as heavy for some people.

    [ Able to cook over a fire ]
    Girl Scouts came into good use for Eli.
    On all their camping trips they learned how to make
    a fire and cook meals over it.

    .:| Weaknesses |:.
    [ Stamina ]
    Even Adrenaline can't boost Eli's
    Stamina. She's near helpless with Runners.

    [ Running or Walking Quietly ]
    Eli walks heal to toe, and runs toe to heal.
    When walking she's incredibly heavy on her
    feet no matter how much practice she has. Also
    running she can't seem to avoid twigs, branches, and piles
    of leaves. This makes avoiding Zombies difficult and Hunting
    even more difficult.

    [ Lack of upper body strength ]
    Unable to support her own body weight with
    her arms this poses a problem with climbing things.

    .:| Talents |:.
    [ Cooking ]
    Like mentioned before Eli knows how
    to cook.

    [ Fighting ]
    Though Eli doesn't look like it
    She can patch a mean punch

    .:| Fears |:.
    [ Heights ]
    This is NOT The fear of falling, it is the fear
    of being too high up in the air.

    [ Being Weak and Helpless ]
    Eli hates feeling weak and helpless because
    she fears that she is. She want's to know that she's
    more than well off and strong enough to face whatever she needs.

    .:| Inabilities |:.
    [ Feeling much sympathy for anyone or anything ]
    Eli can't feel much of anything regarding sympathy it's
    just something she can't do. She's tried and it turned out in sarcastic
    comments and eye rolls

    [ Dealing with Sadness ]
    This may sound weird, but tears are things
    that Eli will always avoid unless she, herself, is mad.
    Eli will try and compare her life to others facing sadness trying
    to say that at least their life doesn't suck as bad as hers.
    Not to mention that just makes them more upset.

    __________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    A seventeen days old rotting carcass moans loudly, before charging rapidly at you. The creature is relentlessly gaining in on you and you can see the maggots in its infected flesh, you can spot chunks of raw meat and internal organs, covered with what was once blood, but is now merely a blackish goo. The creature is already so close you can smell it's rotting organs and the smell alone is enough to make you sick. What do you do?

    Eli frowned looking around in a panic she couldn't run much longer, and climbing the sounding trees were out of the question. Eli knew she'd have to finds a make shift weapon. Running to the right she franticly looked around for a semi sharp branch, hearing the monstrosity behind her she picked up the longest stick. In a last minute decision to break an end making it semi sharp with the jagged pieces she broke it and flung it into the Zombies side nocking it off course. Once the Zombie was down, Eli drove the stick into the zombies neck severing it severely. Dropping the stick she knew that it didn't kill it, but gave her more time to run.
    __________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  • .:| Weapons |:.
    Eli caries a small dagger on her now.
    She gained this when she went to a small festival
    in her third year of high school and bought one at the daggers booth.
    Along with a leather holder for it that could fit in a boot or the side of a belt.

    .:| Supplies |:.
    Eli caries around a school bag
    The following can be found inside

    A change of clothing
    Eli has packed a change of clothing
    for the reason that if anything happened to her
    previous ones they could be replaced

    Canned Food [ 6 Cans ] and Granola Bars [ 14 Bars]
    Whether they be beans, ravioli or fruit
    Eli carries these on her for part of
    her energy supplies.
    Granola Bars are in a separate
    compartment than the beans and
    the rule is must be eaten before the more filling stuff to
    ensure their survival.

    Water bottles [ 2 Bottles]
    The reasons for having the water bottles are obvious
    however as she drinks one she looks for water sources to fill
    the other and constantly switched between the two.

    The Dagger
    As previously mentioned
    Eli owns, and carries a dagger
    on her person.

    Elephant
    $_35.JPG

    This item, the small stuffed
    elephant is considered one of the most
    important items in the bag to her.
    Elephant was a gift given to her by a
    good friend of her mothers along side Eli's
    favorite book series. Eli loves and cherishes this
    stuffed animal and will do anything it takes
    to get It back if she ever parts with it.


  • __________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    Eli grew up in a large, loving mixed Family. The four siblings that she lived with were all friendly with her, the oldest being a step brother that had the same interests as her, his names was James. Her younger sister named Sapphire was nearly her Twined opposite. The younger brother West shared videogame interest with her. Lastly the youngest sister, Rosie, shared her sense of humor. Eli lives with an invisible illness called Bipolar, more specifically Manic Bipolar. Since Eli was eight, she's been seeing a therapist in order to learn more about it and to have more control over her emotions. Though therapy helped her a little theirs still a lot of things Eli needs to learn about controlling her emotions. Eli's life was very plain and indifferent from most teenagers lives aside from the drama that came with high school. Nothing interesting really ever happened to her. No boyfriends no girlfriends or family trips out of state. When the public service announcement came out announcing National Emergency Eli spent the first three days after processing what was happening. The next few days her parents had everyone pack emergency bags packed with essentials Eli snuck in her stuffed Elephant, named Elephant. Eli dares not part with it for this, is one of her most precious items. Along with sneaking Elephant into her bag, Eli grabbed the dagger she had bought for herself at a small festival when she was in her third year of high school and she went with her two best Friends [ Jamie and Izzy ]. Living a few days away from the capitol had it perks, for instance they could all pack lightly. Sticking together they began venturing toward the capitol, Rosie stuck to her mothers side and Sapphire to Eli´s side. The boys acted independent, Together they traveled four days
    [ With breaks! ] and settled in for the night
    -{ Eli will start from the morning they wake up, if that´s okay with you}-
    __________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    Bipolar disorder

    Bipolar disorder, formerly manic depression, is a mental disorder with periods of depression and periods of elevated mood. The elevated mood is significant and is known as mania or hypomania, depending on its severity, or whether symptoms of psychosis are present. During mania an individual behaves or feels abnormally energetic, happy or irritable. Individuals often make poorly thought out decisions with little regard to the consequences. The need for sleep is usually reduced during manic phases. During periods of depression there may be crying, a negative outlook on life, and poor eye contact with others. The risk of suicide among those with the illness is high at greater than 6 percent over 20 years, while self-harm occurs in 30-40 percent. Other mental health issues such as anxiety disorders and substance use disorder are commonly associated.

    __________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    .:| Location |:.
    Eli Lives outside the Capitol in a town just
    four days from the Capitol on foot
    without any brakes, with breaks it'll take anywhere
    from six to eight days.


    .:| Relationship with family |:.
    She has a wonderful relationship with everyone in her family
    aside her step father. She and Her stepfather have never gotten along.
    Though she's tried Eli just has a strong distaste for him.

    .:| Relationship with extended family and the family's circle of friends |:.
    She's closer to her mothers side of the family and friends, though she doesn't mind her step fathers
    she'll take Her mothers side any day

    .:| Relationship with your own friends/co-workers etc. |:.
    Eli is friendly with most people, really no issues with anyone.

    .:| Attitude to life |:.
    Carefree

    .:| Position in life and society |:.
    Eli is in the Lower middle class of society and lives with in
    a small community so she know everyone. Eli thinks that this is an
    ideal place to be in society.

    .:| Important event(s) in forming your PC into what they are |:.
    [ Finding out Eli had Bipolar ]
    When Eli and her family found out that she had Bipolar at age seven nobody knew how to
    handle it. They didn't know how to cure an illness that resided in the brain.
    For that year it was frantic researching on what to do and how to help.

    .:| I see the destruction of the old world as |:.
    Opportunity


 
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Sorry it took longer than expected I needed to make sure the Coding was correct
 
@Aleksandar I removed her knowing French, and removed the rifle from the equipment. I also provided explanations for her owning the gun and knife (stole the gun from a corpse, most likely a fallen cop, and had found the knife in an old shop). As for her ending up in the capitol, Wren is traveling nowhere in particular, she's just running and trying to survive, and eventually finds her way to the capitol if that's a good explanation? I think I covered everything. ;o
 
@kingdomkeylight Let's see now, your character was almost fully fleshed out, as far as I can remember:

1: "PTSD from the day he deserted his military..." even if such kind of psychological diseases are recognised in the Republic, that's not the case anywhere else in the world. A person from Xian would likely tell you you have created a terrible disbalance between your 64 yin-yan elements (copy-pase from the I Ching, haha) and that's why you have issues. A person from Chikyu, depending on his or her background and persuasion will either tell you you're just too weak, or will tell you you need to discard your hatred and find someone to love and be loved back and that will cure your illness (their weak attempt to make the yin-yang reply of the Xian people tailored to their recent amai culture. Ask @chaosheart13 for more info if interested :D). I'm not saying you can't have that, I'm just saying that in this world mental illnesses are not recognised as phenomena and being recognised in The Republic of Cobol is the exception, not the norm. Your character can be convinced, subjectively, that this is the truth and that the Cobolian viewpoint on his troubled mind is the right one, but, objectively, the other perspectives are just as valid. If you're fine with this, there's no problem.

2: If you want to be a foreigner, you'll have to come up with a name and a short description/history of your nation. Use my examples in the 2nd page to see what needs to be in there. Pictures as optional.

3: I think we've already discusses the issues with your background story and how you came to be in Cobol, so that's okay... all that remains is for me to give you a perk and an info package!

Your story is coherent and makes sense despite a small off episode and I don't mind if you don't wish to bother with the initial years of his life as a story theme. Being a foreigner with a dark past adds additional detail and spice to the RP, so I like that a lot! Also, the whole idea of partnering with Starrnico's character was awesome, I think you two would make a good survival team :D Overall, if you're okay with the items above and you describe your country, you'll be easily accepted :)
Alright I'll just remove the PTSD o3o... How about we save 2 for plot?(Obviously really doesn't want to do number 2). 3. How about I just have him entering Cobol at the start... that way I don't have to really change anything o3o.
 
@Aleksandar I removed her knowing French, and removed the rifle from the equipment. I also provided explanations for her owning the gun and knife (stole the gun from a corpse, most likely a fallen cop, and had found the knife in an old shop). As for her ending up in the capitol, Wren is traveling nowhere in particular, she's just running and trying to survive, and eventually finds her way to the capitol if that's a good explanation? I think I covered everything. ;o
@Mysty looks good for everything, apart from the last bit - the zombie outbreak has been quite recent, only about 10 days since it was announced that there is a state of emergency nation-wide, so there wouldn't really be enough time for her to travel all the way up to the capital, since around it is mostly farmland and the train/road system isn't really operational for her to reach it. Sooo, if you want to keep this background, maybe we can say she just arrived at the capitol, or is somewhere in the outskirts, when the roleplay starts?

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Alright I'll just remove the PTSD o3o... How about we save 2 for plot?(Obviously really doesn't want to do number 2). 3. How about I just have him entering Cobol at the start... that way I don't have to really change anything o3o.
@kingdomkeylight

1) is fine and I'm okay with making 2) an IC development, makes it more fun! But beware you can't escape making explanations for it, since other PCs are going to be asking you about it ;)

3) is fine, no need to change anything, I just said we've already covered it, as a mental note to myself, nothing more :D You can still live close to @Starrnico's character, I think it will be a great starting pairing, you guys will take out everything in your way!

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@The Spartan Potato - Sorry dude, I need to have a some more time to check your CS, and this will likely happen later today. Great coding, BTW, could you teach me how to make those windows? It would really make giving you guys OOC and IC info so much better!


Everyone, as soon as I get more time today/tomorrow, I will be giving you your perks and starting the IC, please have just a little bit more patience :)
 
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@The Spartan Potato - Sorry dude, I need to have a some more time to check your CS, and this will likely happen later today. Great coding, BTW, could you teach me how to make those windows? It would really make giving you guys OOC and IC info so much better!
It´s fine! I know the history looks wonky and I can fix it I´m just not very good at writing them Anyway, I can help with the coding!
 
It´s fine! I know the history looks wonky and I can fix it I´m just not very good at writing them Anyway, I can help with the coding!
Alright, @The Spartan Potato, I have reviewed your character thoroughly and she looks pretty solid overall. Everything falls into place, drives a good point across about who Eli is and why she is that way. The story doesn't feel wonky at all, it just feels ordinary, but the vast majority of people are ordinary, so it makes sense that the fantasy characters also share that characteristic, at least a small part of them. We can't all be special snowflakes, even if every character involved in this RP will become one eventually (They know! Shut it down, he said too much! Break the transmission!) However, there are some points in her story which just don't fit with where the RP's start setting. So, here we go:

1: As far as I understand she doesn't live in or near the capitol, so it would be kinda hard for her to magically appear in just 10 days near or in the capitol. This can be reprimanded in two ways (three, to be precise, but I don't like the 3rd one, which doesn't mean you can't pick it, or make your own idea altogether!):

1) You make her home town to be in the rural areas closer to the capitol and her to have run towards the said capitol ever since packing her bag.

2) Make an agreement with @Mysty, if she's up for it, of course, that your characters are from the same little town, or towns very near each other (since both of your stories take place in small towns), and you either meet in the said town or outside of it, going towards the capitol together. If you're both up for it, you would be able to start closer to your hometowns and actually closer to the capitol, which is much closer to what you guys originally planned for your characters, than changing their location rapidly. You would still need to make your way up there, to meet the others, but you can have all the time you guys want to traverse the farmlands, small town outskirts and socialise in the meanwhile :) Talk to each other kids, make friends, that's why it's called collective storytelling and we're not writing 5 different novels :D

3) Make her family live in the capitol, if you're really antisocial and hate original ideas :D

2: And this is also the biggest issue I have with your story - from what I gather, Eli will travel together with her family. Now, this is actually possible, but do you realise you would need to constantly manage, what, six NPCs? Are you seriously willing to do that? In my opinion, a far better option would be, that she separated from her family on the way, after they ran from their home town, and proceeded alone, hoping to meet them in the capitol (because I think you like your character having a living family and the other option is to chop their heads off :D).

3: This "King Richard"... this is a different universe and the historical figures are also different, you can't just pick one from our timeline and stamp it over there. King Richard is fine, but you'll need to provide some background information on him and his deeds, as well as why and how, he came to be celebrated in the Republic of Cobol.

Please don't despair if this looks like too much feedback, it's not at all that much and you did a really good job! As for the codes, just PM me how to do those many boxes, I want to create a sticky 1st page post that serves like a wikia for everyone!

Oh, I almost forgot, I will need a bit more time to make up a perk that is tailored to your character, just like the case with @Mysty's, since they are all new to the RP. I hope you can excuse the delay :)
 
@chaosheart13 I don't know how closely you watch this thread, but just in case you see me shipping characters in groups together, please don't be afraid about having to start with one of them, or start alone - if we end up having 2 groups, which is actually quite a good starting point now that I think about it, you will have a choice: begin with one of player managed character duos, or work with a character I will be managing :) While I do not plan on actively playing a character in this RP, I will be managing several interesting ones, to drive your guys' story(ies) forward, therefore by no means will your RP prospects be harmed, if you choose to start your RP in a group with one of those characters that I manage, in fact, you may be in for a treat, if I do say so myself :D
 
@Aleksandar

Hm, I think it would be interesting to have my character work with one of your npcs. Can't wait to see how it'll be a treat!
 
Alright, @The Spartan Potato, I have reviewed your character thoroughly and she looks pretty solid overall. Everything falls into place, drives a good point across about who Eli is and why she is that way. The story doesn't feel wonky at all, it just feels ordinary, but the vast majority of people are ordinary, so it makes sense that the fantasy characters also share that characteristic, at least a small part of them. We can't all be special snowflakes, even if every character involved in this RP will become one eventually (They know! Shut it down, he said too much! Break the transmission!) However, there are some points in her story which just don't fit with where the RP's start setting. So, here we go:

1: As far as I understand she doesn't live in or near the capitol, so it would be kinda hard for her to magically appear in just 10 days near or in the capitol. This can be reprimanded in two ways (three, to be precise, but I don't like the 3rd one, which doesn't mean you can't pick it, or make your own idea altogether!):

1) You make her home town to be in the rural areas closer to the capitol and her to have run towards the said capitol ever since packing her bag.

2) Make an agreement with @Mysty, if she's up for it, of course, that your characters are from the same little town, or towns very near each other (since both of your stories take place in small towns), and you either meet in the said town or outside of it, going towards the capitol together. If you're both up for it, you would be able to start closer to your hometowns and actually closer to the capitol, which is much closer to what you guys originally planned for your characters, than changing their location rapidly. You would still need to make your way up there, to meet the others, but you can have all the time you guys want to traverse the farmlands, small town outskirts and socialise in the meanwhile :) Talk to each other kids, make friends, that's why it's called collective storytelling and we're not writing 5 different novels :D

3) Make her family live in the capitol, if you're really antisocial and hate original ideas :D

2: And this is also the biggest issue I have with your story - from what I gather, Eli will travel together with her family. Now, this is actually possible, but do you realise you would need to constantly manage, what, six NPCs? Are you seriously willing to do that? In my opinion, a far better option would be, that she separated from her family on the way, after they ran from their home town, and proceeded alone, hoping to meet them in the capitol (because I think you like your character having a living family and the other option is to chop their heads off :D).

3: This "King Richard"... this is a different universe and the historical figures are also different, you can't just pick one from our timeline and stamp it over there. King Richard is fine, but you'll need to provide some background information on him and his deeds, as well as why and how, he came to be celebrated in the Republic of Cobol.

Please don't despair if this looks like too much feedback, it's not at all that much and you did a really good job! As for the codes, just PM me how to do those many boxes, I want to create a sticky 1st page post that serves like a wikia for everyone!

Oh, I almost forgot, I will need a bit more time to make up a perk that is tailored to your character, just like the case with @Mysty's, since they are all new to the RP. I hope you can excuse the delay :)
I love all this feedback, and I will change the King Richards fair part, I'll change my location and have the trip to the capitol being a few days. However I'll message you this next part because I don't want the others to know where I'm headed in the Roleplay.
 
Alright, @The Spartan Potato, I have reviewed your character thoroughly and she looks pretty solid overall. Everything falls into place, drives a good point across about who Eli is and why she is that way. The story doesn't feel wonky at all, it just feels ordinary, but the vast majority of people are ordinary, so it makes sense that the fantasy characters also share that characteristic, at least a small part of them. We can't all be special snowflakes, even if every character involved in this RP will become one eventually (They know! Shut it down, he said too much! Break the transmission!) However, there are some points in her story which just don't fit with where the RP's start setting. So, here we go:

1: As far as I understand she doesn't live in or near the capitol, so it would be kinda hard for her to magically appear in just 10 days near or in the capitol. This can be reprimanded in two ways (three, to be precise, but I don't like the 3rd one, which doesn't mean you can't pick it, or make your own idea altogether!):

1) You make her home town to be in the rural areas closer to the capitol and her to have run towards the said capitol ever since packing her bag.

2) Make an agreement with @Mysty, if she's up for it, of course, that your characters are from the same little town, or towns very near each other (since both of your stories take place in small towns), and you either meet in the said town or outside of it, going towards the capitol together. If you're both up for it, you would be able to start closer to your hometowns and actually closer to the capitol, which is much closer to what you guys originally planned for your characters, than changing their location rapidly. You would still need to make your way up there, to meet the others, but you can have all the time you guys want to traverse the farmlands, small town outskirts and socialise in the meanwhile :) Talk to each other kids, make friends, that's why it's called collective storytelling and we're not writing 5 different novels :D

3) Make her family live in the capitol, if you're really antisocial and hate original ideas :D

2: And this is also the biggest issue I have with your story - from what I gather, Eli will travel together with her family. Now, this is actually possible, but do you realise you would need to constantly manage, what, six NPCs? Are you seriously willing to do that? In my opinion, a far better option would be, that she separated from her family on the way, after they ran from their home town, and proceeded alone, hoping to meet them in the capitol (because I think you like your character having a living family and the other option is to chop their heads off :D).

3: This "King Richard"... this is a different universe and the historical figures are also different, you can't just pick one from our timeline and stamp it over there. King Richard is fine, but you'll need to provide some background information on him and his deeds, as well as why and how, he came to be celebrated in the Republic of Cobol.

Please don't despair if this looks like too much feedback, it's not at all that much and you did a really good job! As for the codes, just PM me how to do those many boxes, I want to create a sticky 1st page post that serves like a wikia for everyone!

Oh, I almost forgot, I will need a bit more time to make up a perk that is tailored to your character, just like the case with @Mysty's, since they are all new to the RP. I hope you can excuse the delay :)
Talking your advice into mind, @Aleksander, I decided to just say that she bought it at a small festive, only really that has changed for her weapon. However the reason for that is because I really liked my original reason and Small festival seemed like the best way to go.

As for Location, I added a location and how my family is already working on their way their. They´ve yet to be split up (If anyone ever leaves the capitol, all of the Family I will play lives, so if you ever want an interaction with them go a head. If you want your character to shoot at them killing them, ask me, it´ll probably be a yes. Their´s 5 - 6 NPC´s) However that´s when Rosie and Eli will arrive at the Capitol.

Third. I did not see any map or region explanations. If you do not have through explanations of the Geography and things like that, I would be willing to help! I am just a little lost to how the land works that is why I am offering/asking.
 
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