"A friendly fictitious community where the sun continuously shines, the moon is larger than life, and fandom wars cause riots in the streets while we all pretend to surf Tumblr.
"Welcome to Fandom Square."
Night Vale sat back from the mic and flourished his fingers above his head as the eerily beautiful theme for his podcast drifted over the air. It was honestly his favorite part. A perfect opening sequence can really seal the deal for any fandom. Having a boring intro in the age of instant gratification just wouldn't do, because we can't all be hipsters. He took a deep breath, smoothed back his perfect two-toned hair, and straightened out the stray papers on the desk in front of him, most of which were either torn, burnt, or bloodstained and covered in menacingly cryptic letters.
"Let's start off with Community News.
"Five Nights at Freddy's has announced that she is having a birthday party, in spite of the fact that the game 'Five Nights at Freddy's' is not even one year old according to its release date and the fact that she has already had several birthday parties before now. Still, we shouldn't let such an insignificant detail prevent us from sharing the joy of the occasion. The party is to be held at the pizzeria and will certainly be a terrifying spectacle of blood and gore. What can I say, that's the price we all must pay for such great pizza. I do believe I will attend, it's sure to be a lot of fun!"
Night Vale smiled happily at the thought, he hadn't been to a party in some time and it would be good to get out and socialize. He hadn't really spent much time getting to know FNAF and this would be the perfect opportunity for an interview. The added bonus of eating pizza made it all the more worthwhile.
"And now, Traffic:
"There was a minor disruption in the streets today due to a discourse between Game of Thrones and Dragon Age. Apparently there were fire breathing dragons involved. I am not sure if these dragons are affiliates or if they are being held against their will. Sherlock apparently broke up the fight but still, we ought to frown on such uncivil behavior.
"Currently, Game of Thrones is facing off with Supernatural. He sure likes to stir up trouble. Listeners, I would advise you to steer clear of the area until these two work out their differences.
"Really, why can't we all just be friends?"
He then cut to a pre-recorded public service announcement about shipping regulations, leaning back in his hovering executive chair and taking a sip from a coffee mug that had the words, "REMEMBER, IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY NOTHING, AND DRINK TO FORGET" printed in friendly letters on its side. As little, hand-shaped tendrils of steam floated up from the blackest coffee you had ever seen, Night Vale's gaze turned to a framed picture on his desk featuring a fan's rendition of Cecil and Carlos that tugged at his heartstrings. Listening to the shipping regulations made him a little sad. No one ever shipped him with other fandoms. Only the popular fantoms got shipped, like Sherlock and Doctor Who, and they often with Supernatural, whom Night Vale didn't believe in anyway so he wasn't sure why it bothered him. In the end he supposed it didn't matter, since his fandom's OTP was always Cecil and Carlos and he could count on that never changing because it was already perfect.
A harsh cawing pulled him out of the daze as a messenger raven appeared out of nowhere and flapped to his desk. He quickly switched the live mic on again to report this even to the town.
"Listeners, I have just received an important correspondence via messenger raven. He delivered the message to my desk then followed by spontaneously combusting and has now been reduced to a small pile of gray ash. I'm sure he's fine. Let's see what the message says...
"It seems that Doctor Who has taken Sherlock and Dragon Age to a World War II Museum. I just love history, don't you? Though I do frown upon the revision of our classic textbooks. Can you believe they went so far as to claim Abraham Lincoln was not a vampire slayer? No wonder kids are bored with history these days, they leave out all the good parts.
"Anyway, it's great to see an older fandom introducing the young ones to these important aspects of history. I think we can all agree that Doctor Who sets a wonderful example for this generation.
"Now, a word from our sponsor."
As the ad for mysterious voices in the pantry began to play, Night Vale took a moment to consider what he might wear to FNAF's party. He wanted to appear classy yet casual, while of course maintaining his unique sense of style. The fur pants might be a bit much but he was pretty sure that his necklace of human teeth would be enough to dress up his usual purple vest and tie. Yes that would be the perfect touch. His phone chirped and he picked it up to check on fandom updates. Apparently there was a lot of activity going on with Homestuck, he should try to arrange an interview later, no doubt everyone would love to hear from the fandom himself. That wasn't going to happen sitting around in the studio. He rose and stretched, pushing back the floating chair and stepping outside into the sunshine where his third eye had to squint dramatically in order to accommodate the lack of a sheltering brow. The microphone had detached from its placeholder and hovered diligently over the radio host's right shoulder so that he could continue the show uninterrupted whilst searching out Homestuck, wherever he may be.